A lot has happened in the near month since I have last posted. I have been caught up in a whirlwind of life and things to do and events and getting ready for the upcoming holidays.
My back has been an issue as always. I've had ups and downs with it and some days have been better than others. I've done my best to push through the pain and stay positive. There has been a lot of emotional stress not only with myself but in things outside my own personal struggles. My Grandmother broke her leg and she and my Grandpa have recently left the nursing home they were staying in while Grandma was recovering. They are home now and trying to get things back to normal with the help of my parents. Grandma recently celebrated her 85th birthday. For my part, being so far away, I can only talk to them over the phone and thanks to my Dad, I've been able to video chat with them over the computer. He sets it up for them and it's very nice to not only hear them but see them.
My Christmas present from my parents this year was an eye exam and a new pair of glasses. Hooray for being able to see without squinting! At first I wasn't sure if I liked the frames I picked out but now I really do think I like them. I simply had to get used to them. And with that I feel exceptionally spoiled. Skoora's parents gave me the money to order two pairs of jeans. They are on back order and won't be in until February but that suits me just fine. The two pairs I have can hold out until then especially since I wear my clothes until they give out completely. Also, I have friends who are spoiling me by sending/ giving gifts. Sometimes I feel out of place knowing I am getting things. It seems so strange in a way I can't really explain. I am so used to trying to make others happy or make sure everyone else has gifts during the Christmas season that I don't really stop to think that others are trying to do the same for me. Then again, and don't think that I am or have been ungrateful or that there will ever be a time where I am not grateful or very appreciative of what others do for me, but I have never really taken gifts or compliments very well. It's like I don't know what to do with myself or something. I am always so thrilled, excited, and tickled but feel like I need to do more to repay all the nice things that I sometimes forget to say thank you or stumble all over myself saying it too much. Or maybe I just express myself awkwardly.
That said, I think I startled Skoora a little when we took two ornaments off the giving tree at Wal-mart. The little girl we choose really likes Monster High. Skoora and I had picked up Monster High dolls on Black Friday for each other and since we really don't have a lot of money ourselves, I unwrapped mine and put it in the gift bag for the girl. I don't think that's really all that extraordinary considering that I know Skoora is getting me another of the Monster High dolls that I like. It kind of reminded me of when I was little and I gave the Ewok toy my parents had gotten me to the Goodwill so someone else could play with it. It's not exactly the same thing and really a 28 year old probably shouldn't be playing with dolls anyway, it's not a necessity or even practical but it is a fun thing.
I don't know maybe I am just worried about collecting too many thing that I don't have places for at the moment, things I may have to put in the garage until Skoora and I have a place of our own. I dream about a place of more permanency, literally. I want it so much and even have ideas of how I want each room to look, themes and furniture. I've made plans for plans and some how that seems a little excessive.
I'm not sure I am making much sense. It is after 5 in the morning and I can't sleep but I am really tired. With all of that, I have been feeling kind of odd lately. I don't know whether it is the depression playing around with me or what exactly but I've been feeling kind of off about Christmas. Of course there is a lot I am dealing with as far as the holiday season goes. We have been going going going since when I can't really remember. Skoora's Mom is going to Kansas and she left me in charge of Christmas but can't seem to make up her mind about how we should handle which presents to open and when. We have every weekend filled with something. We've been scrambling around trying to get all the presents complied, made, and ordered and wrapped to be sent. I've been wrapping presents here and there. I finally finished the quilt for my Grandparents and had to have help toward the end. And I am trying to scratch out some alone time with Skoora before she leaves for her first residency at the beginning of January. There has been lots of worry on my end with all of it and I have been so tired. I've felt more drained and worn out than ever before. The back pain doesn't help but I've done all I can do to make that tolerable.
The good news is that I have probably annoyed half the librarians in the area with the amount of books I've placed holds on. I'm doing a ton of research on the Victorian period and have even tried playing with hair styles.
Okay I think that's enough for now. It's 6 am and I am finally sleepy enough to try and sleep so I think I will.
