If I was a Jedi, I might just turn Sith for one person.

Remember how I said I didn't think I had it in me to hate someone? Today, I am not so sure that is true. I would like to think that I am a better human being than that. I would like to think that I didn't care enough anymore to feel anything about my Aunt Laura. I've completely cut her off. I refuse to speak to her. When I went to help and visit my parents, I hid from her because I did not want to deal with let alone see her. And yet, she's managed to seriously hurt me from afar once again, and this time I'm taking it so badly, I've been asking the Gods and universe why the hell it can't do us all a karmic solid and end her. She's screaming that she's dying, well, she's been saying so off and on for years, so why isn't she dead yet?! 

This morning I called my Mom to talk and was mildly fussing about nothing too important and she suddenly interrupted. She told me she couldn't handle any drama anymore. She didn't want to hear about anything going on with my friends anymore and only about stuff going on with me and Amanda because we are what is important. She told me that she's basically so emotionally spent that every time my Aunt's number pops up on caller id, she goes into a full panic attack. If my aunt tries to come over now, my Mom hides in the bathroom. My Dad is apparently starting to have nightmares because of my Aunt. My Aunt will not stop hounding and badgering and bitching and screaming and running people into the ground if she doesn't get what she wants, when she wants. On top of all of that she's seems to think my Mom is a fucking parts and organ dispensary and back on the "I need new kidneys" crap. 

I could go on and on about my aunt, certainly all of my friends have heard me bitch about her at least three times, but I can't even put into words how truly abusive, awful, spiteful, and vicious my Aunt is.  I have watched and listened to her scream all day at someone and you can't just run away, because she follows. You can't put her in her place because she will take it out on everyone you care about. 

So what does this mean for me? This means that my parents can no longer be a sounding board, a safety zone, or even a comfort zone where I can vent my frustrations and talk trough or about anything with them and get it out and get my head wrapped around it. I can't ask for their advice anymore. I'm actually afraid to call my parents now because I am worried that anything I say will make things worse or stress them out and they already have so much on their plates and both suffer from severe depression. So, in a way, if feels like I am being shut out of my own home and that's not something I ever thought I would feel. Perhaps that's a bit too dramatic, but its what it feels like right now. 

I wish my parents would just leave everything behind and move up here. My Dad would have a wider job market to search and apply. They could have health insurance. They could live with me until they are back on their feet, Amanda doesn't even mind, she wants them to come up so badly too. But my Dad doesn't want to leave Grandma and Grandpa. I get it. He wants to be there for them. They are 88 years old and won't be in the world forever and he wants to spend as much time as he can with them. I can't and really won't argue with that. Except to say, the offer is always on the table and when Grandma and Grandpa are gone, I will drag them up here kicking and screaming if I have too.     

On the matter of Fred Phelps Sr. A well hated man, black mark on my home state.

Yesterday I learned that Fred Phelps is dead. On Facebook I wrote: "Oh it's that kind of a day. On the upside, Fred Phelps is gone from the world. I don't think I am going to celebrate that no matter how disgusting I thought he was. I just don't care enough to feel anything." Later I learned that his family isn't a going to hold a funeral. Wait what? You're kidding me? Okay, I'm a bit peeved, but I will get to that in a moment.

Now, I am from Kansas, Wichita to be exact so I've actually seen the Phelps family and their cohorts, in Wichita, protesting with their ugly signs of hate. I think my Dad has even run into Fred Phelps' daughter (the lawyer), and if he hasn't I've at least heard him talking about her. In order to better understand the Phelps, I even watched a documentary on their family that Skoora found on the Internet. And there have been so many news articles about them plastered all over the web. Needless to say, I know who they are and what they are about.

The Phelps family delights in horrible events, in war, and they shit on the very country they seem to enjoy living in and the freedoms and rights this country grants them. Don't even get me started on what they say and do to the military. They "Thank God" for cancer and IEDs (improvised explosive device). They scream that everyone is going to hell because we don't believe the way they do, because some of us have different sexual orientations, different religious and political views, and different lifestyles. In the interview I saw, they seemed to have delighted in digging up the interviewers background and told him repeatedly that he was going to hell because he didn't live like they did. They picket funerals. Why picket a funeral, the person is dead, all you are doing is causing the family and friends of the deceased pain and that what's more, they seem to get off on it. Causing others pain makes them happy. That's not the true mark of a Christian.

As a Pagan and as a young woman in a 6 year lesbian relationship, you'd think that I might find them threatening. Well, I don't. The Phelps have made me very angry in the past, furious even. What they say and do disgusts me. Sometimes, when I see them mentioned, or I see one of their signs via a news article I get upset, but I try to just let it go. If I let them affect me, they win. Why should we let them win? Why should we let them have any sort of satisfaction what so ever? They don't deserve it.

Now as for them not giving Fred Phelps Sr. a funeral, that's just plain cowardice. What? Are they afraid that the very people they've hurt and alienated might show up to give them a taste of their own medicine? It would certainly serve them right! However, you know what I've seen from most of my friends (Christian, LGBTQ, Pagan and so forth), you know us 'evil-going-to-hell-folks'? Nothing of the sort. A lot of people feel sad for the family that they have to go through the loss of losing someone they cared about. A lot of people are reminding their friends to pray to the Phelps family, to extend sympathies and love to these walking monsters.

That's wonderful! Good for you for taking the high road. Hell, some people might be trying to "kill" the Phelps' brand of hatred with kindness and that's good I suppose, but why extend the effort at all? They don't care. They hate you remember? You're nothing and you're going to hell in their opinion. For my own part, I just don't care. I say we do nothing. I say we don't send them love, prayers, sympathy, or even best wishes. I say we ignore them. Become indifferent to them. Sure, it won't stop the problem, but if we stop letting them bother us, then their words and ugly hate signs don't mean anything.