Still getting caught up, Roy Mustang, Keeping track of food makes you feel like a pig, at least it's tasty!

Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist because I neeeeeeed him, or rather to look at him. He is eye candy for my strained, tried, sandpapery eyes. That and he always cheers me up and after some things I saw tonight, I really need that. Don't worry, nothing tragic- unless you call seeing some bitch you used to know actually making a profit off of something she just decided to sit down and do one day. Something that you have been developing and putting in long hours of your life hone your skills and actually be good at. Ehm, no, I'm not bitter at all. But let me clarify why I am so bitter and the aforementioned reason is really just the poisoned icing of the matter.

If she and I were still friends, I wouldn't be angry over her success. I would be proud of her and cheering her on. But we aren't still friends and I don't think anyone who has done the kinds of horrible shit she's done to other people should get to live a happy life with everything she's ever wanted and still shit on the people she's hurt the most. Seeing her vanity/self published works get such great reviews over on amazon tonight was infuriating and hell. I know I shouldn't allow her to still get under my skin, but really after everything she did to Amanda's parents, the things she said about them that were so far from the truth it wasn't even funny, all the pain and suffering, and mess Amanda and I had to help clean up and are kind of being punished for even now. It is not fair. And I know life isn't fair but if life isn't fair then by the gods, I think that bitch should drown in her own vomit or choke on glass! 

Needless to say I was so pissed and upset I ate a cupcake and then one more snack than I was supposed to and then chased it with a bottle of water, as if that makes it better. I've started keeping track of my food intake and trying to limit how much I eat as well as changing how I eat in general so I can lose weight. I know things are stacked against my in a lot of respects but I believe I can do it and I have a wonderful friend helping me out and between her and Amanda supporting me and vice versa, I think we can all get to where we want to be. Of course, I haven't had the best two food days and looking back... yeah I need some work and to cut some of the convenience stuff out. It's just far too easy to put a pizza in the oven when your back is killing you and you're tired and still have a shit ton of homework to do.  

Slowly but surely I am finally getting caught up on my homework from that week of being sick and having such a hellish time in math. I've managed to complete two modules in Context of writing and only have one thing left to finish in the last module. I had a great tutoring appointment with the math people and have finally finished the horrible chapter I was having problems with and while I had to take the test three time, I got it! I do have to do two more modules and the test but once all of that is done, I can take a day or so to just breathe.  

We are having a little bit of trouble with our mail carrier. She seems to be too lazy to walk packages to our door and knock. In fact she was too lazy to bring a note about how she was holding 4 parcels and didn't know if I actually lived here, never mind that she has delivered packages and mail to me at this residence for the last three years. I am not the only one who has had trouble with this in town. Apparently there is a new law stating that all the parcels from the Veteran's Hospital need to be signed for. Of course I learned that while standing in line to get stamps and pick up my packages from an angry, disabled Veteran who didn't get his package of medication. He was not happy. Of course our particular mail carrier hadn't come back to the post office yet so we had to pick up my packages this morning, where I heard that yet another person was in for the same reason I was. Another carrier failed to leave a package like they were supposed too. Now I get that they are swamped and I sympathize. But that is no way to run a business. They need to hire more people on during the holidays, even temporary workers, because otherwise, if this shit keeps up, people are going to take their business elsewhere. One of my friends said she was bypassing USPS and going to ship a package to us through FedEx. I don't blame her. I am considering them as well to ship one to my parents.  Although, my parent's mail carrier is very good.

But anyway, I am going to bed for now. I didn't sleep very well last night and have been up since 8 am this morning. 

Therapists, boundaries, books, and food.

Is the way to be! Well, perhaps for me, for a little while. I've had trouble with my weight for the last decade. I have chronic pain and a mild wheat allergy. I always thought that the wheat allergy wasn't all that important since I don't really eat a lot of bread and mostly stay away from bread like treats. I haven't had a full blown allergic reaction or anything like that and I can still eat wheat, but my girlfriend and I have decided to taper it out of our diets. Reasons: the wheat allergy, gluten doesn't help inflammation, and weight. But oh boy does it make going to the super market a drawn out experience. Some of the things that have gluten in them are astounding. It's a good thing that I like cooking things from scratch. and supposedly King Arthur has a gluten free flour.

My therapist doesn't think I should go gluten free. She doesn't seem to think that it will do any good and spent the bulk of our session discussing food and eating habits with me. One, I don't think she realizes that I eat less than anyone else in the house at meal times and eat healthier. But as usual she did most of the talking and mostly about food. She also couldn't understand why I was there yesterday. when I tried to explain to her what was going on she just kind of glossed over it. At this point, I think it's time to part ways. She is a nice, well-intended person, but I have left her office feeling worse than when I went in the last couple of times that I have seen her. If I wanted to feel horrible about myself, I'd go spend some time with some of my family. They'll make me feel like shit for free. However, I do agree with her on setting firm boundaries, it's just taken me almost two years to finally get a little of my old confidence back to put my foot down.

I'm making a schedule board for Skoora and I and there will be times listed where neither of us will be available or in a position to be bothered. Her parents are just going to have to accept that. We also have some events coming up this fall that need to be visibly listed so everyone knows what's going on. Really, the indecisiveness and lack routine have been really bad for me. I don't need to have a routine set in concrete, I am flexible and can put something off for later if need be. Skoora and I just need time together but also to ourselves. We both write, me, not nearly as much as I would like and she has homework. We just can't entertain peopl 24/7. Also, we both need time just to read and I just don't think it's fair for me to have alter my sleep routine just to have some quiet time.  

I've got a couple new books in the mail and there are a few more coming. We picked up a couple more on Norse mythology from the library yesterday and I can't wait to read them but I need to wait until I've read some of the ones that need to go back soon. I kind of overloaded myself with books again.

Speaking of Norse mythology, I suppose I should mention why I am reading it. Other than just for curiosity and research for stories, I am reading it because I am a neo-pagan. But because I kind of want to keep things a little separate, I was thinking of doing a blog dedicated to just my spiritual/religious journey. That way if someone wanted to read about that, they could go to that blog and bypass all my ranting and whining here. Yes, I rant and whine, I admit it, I am human after all. I just haven't completely decided if I want to make the blog as of yet.

At the moment, I'm hiding in the dark, in my room, with the cats and a migraine. I've had to let my hair down out of the pony tail I had it in. I also had to close my door because Mama Cathy had a candle going in her bathroom and it was making me so sick. Of course that means that I don't get any of the air conditioning in here, but it's better than puking. I did go blow the candle out and have since taken some migraine medicine. I feel a little better but not much. I shouldn't even be sitting at the computer but I just didn't want to lay in bed for a headache when I have to lay in bed for chronic pain on other days.