As promised- new doctor and birthday weekend.

Nene Thomas art statue

I'll begin with the new doctor. For one, he's from England and really nice. Two, he doesn't want me to cast any spells on him to make him lose his accent because that's all he has going for him, he says, and he really doesn't want a Texas accent. This was because I was wearing my Slytherin cardigan to my first visit with him. Three, he doesn't want it to get out that he's a bit of a nerd because he has a reputation to keep. We get along pretty well and so far, he's actually listening to me and working to help me get to where I want to be. 

The very first thing he wanted to do was run all of my labs, including allergies. Everything looks good except triglycerides (a sort of easy fix although my Dad says he and my Grandma both deal with that and like them, my cholesterol is low). I am very allergic to a native grass around here, go figure. I love nature but nature doesn't love me. More tree and weed types showed up on the test as being "insignificant" but honestly if they are showing up they must have some element that irritates me. My peanut allergy showed up the same and he said I could try a little, see how I do and then maybe try a little more. Well. I tried peanut butter cup hoping I would be fine because I love peanut butter. I even turned on a movie so I wouldn't be paying attention, but I still got crazy itchy and worse, I had a horrible time sleeping that night. 

There were some things I already knew I was allergic to on the test as well, but a couple of new things showed up, of course as supposedly being insignificant but just how much or how little are they if they are showing up? How bad would they be if I were eating a lot of boxed and packaged processed foods instead of making a lot of stuff myself? A friend suggested I request going to an allergist for the scratch test and I am wondering if that really isn't a bad idea. 

Also, my doctor is taking me off a medication for the fibro because it makes people gain weight. My depression medication is one that is also prescribed for fibro and it apparently doesn't have the weight gain side effect, so he wants to up my milligrams on that. Then he's prescribed a weight loss drug that is supposed to boost what happens when you exercise but only for three months. Trouble is my insurance doesn't cover it and it is expensive even with the store discount. So, I've got to figure out what to do in that regard. Amanda is also thinking about getting us a planet fitness membership because they have massage chairs and hydrotherapy beds and she's hoping those will help me.

On to the birthday weekend. 

It was nice and quiet for the most part. Amanda and I were going to have a writing day but she decided that we were getting Starbucks, some food, and then we went to Wonders of the World and their bead shop. We bought some gemstones: rose quartz, pyrite, and a rainbow fluorite egg. I picked up two small packages of some incense I wanted to try by Nippon Kodo. And Amanda got me the statue pictured above. It was half off and beautiful and she kind of got to the counter when I wasn't looking. I didn't know about it until the sales clerk asked me which wings I liked better because they had another in the back that had a little more color to them.  

After talking to my Mom for a little bit in the parking lot we went to dinner. While on our way to the restaurant we noticed a lot of police cars zooming in the same direction. Sure enough, the very restaurant we were going to was cordoned off by the police and a SWAT time was there. Since there is a bar attached to the place, I didn't think too much of it and we didn't want to be looky loos and honestly, it's jst best to get the hell out of the way, so we went to another restaurant.  As it turned out there was a man in the parking lot with a machete basically trying to get the cops to shoot him. But they talked him "down" enough to get him to drop the weapon and they arrested him and I suppose got him some help.

On my actual birthday we had dinner a quiet dinner at home with Amanda's parents and cake. 

I've been very spoiled this year. Of my presents, the house got a new kitchen stove, I got a few more pieces to a collection of dishes I am collecting, I got a beautiful letter done in calligraphy, fox and raccoon plushies, an electric blanket the cats confiscated, new silverware, soot sprite cake pops made by a friend, a pretty little metal plaque, tons of wonderful birthday wishes, a book, and some stationary.

In the more present news, I am just about better. I still have a tiny cough and occasionally have to blow my nose, but feel much better. I'm cold today, but not as cold. Amanda decided to try going to work today, but since I was still half asleep when she left, I wasn't able to really see her. 

Wal-Mart Creeper, it's deliciously cold, the ick has arrived, and my therapist is amazeballs!

Art by Nene Thomas

Because of my therapist advocating for me by leaving a rather terse and testy message for my soon to be ex-doctor, I finally have my depression medication again. My doctor left a lame excuse on my voice mail saying that the pharmacy had sent her a message stating that I wasn't taking my meds properly-which is utter bullshit- and that's what some of the "mixup" was. 

We had our first snow here this morning. I missed it because it was at 6 am and I was still sleeping. It also melted away before I got up. Still, it was nice and cold today and its wonderfully cold right now. We have a log burning in the fireplace, and the space heater running. Amanda is making me a cup of Gypsy Cold Care tea because I'm coming down with something and haven't been feeling very well the last day or so. 

We went to the store tonight to buy some wood for the fire place and to grab something for dinner because I didn't feel up to cooking. We ended up with more than we went for but at the same time, we were just having fun perusing the store, and we found a few treats. However, while we were taking our time and enjoying ourselves, there was an older man following us. He started in the grocery section and we kept running into him all along the way. We were both polite and didn't really mind talking to him, but there was something about him that kind of set off warning bells in my head. I still remained polite because I also got the sense that most people don't pay this guy any attention least of all women, and that he might be awkward and lonely. 

Amanda and I kind of tried to shake him by going into the women's clothing section, which didn't work because he just walked back and forth in front of the check out looking at stuff. So we said screw it and headed for check out where he, of course, followed us. Well, I had an issue with a card and had to deal with that, so we cancelled our order, moved out of the way, while I dealt with my card. He checked out and while I was on the phone, he asked Amanda if she was single. She said no, that she was taken and when he asked about me, she said the same. Being that we aren't that far from Idaho, she didn't tell him that we are together- to which I told her later, when she was filling me in on this, that was probably for the best so he wouldn't get his feelings hurt thinking it was just some lame excuse. He apparently told her that he wasn't trying to be weird, he just has a thing for big beautiful women, which is really sweet. However, he stopped at McDonald's (yes, our Wal-mart has a McDonald's in it) and while we were getting our groceries out of our cart, he gobbled down his hamburger and began to follow us out. A bit weirded out we too hurried to get to our car, put our groceries in, and then we sat in the car with it on so it just looked like we were defogging the windows enough to drive. He got to his truck and was there a for a few minutes and finally left. But, because Amanda and I were a little unsettled, I went the opposite way and took a longer route to get home, just to be safe. 

I realized today that when ever I begin to feel sick, I want soup- usually vegetable beef with barely- and potato salad. If I didn't have butternut squash to use up within the next day or so, I would make homemade chicken noodle soup in the crock pot.

Lastly, in the spirit of colder temperatures, it is finally time to sit my butt down and make some quilts. Amanda and I are going to take some time and pick out which fabrics from what I have, and which pattern we want to use. She's going to put to work in helping me cut out the block or pieces, and we will go from there. This first one will be a nice spooky one. I also want to get as thick and squishy of batting as I can afford so it is nice and warm. 

Books: The Sleep Killers, the Enemies of Cats

Last night I was up until 6 am reading, finishing this book. Granted I was also doing a written role play with Skoora, but I was reading while waiting for posts. Of course, I'd been reading this book all of last week, mostly in the bathroom and occasionally in bed, but the last couple of days I was happily moving toward the end.

The only thing I don't like about this book, happens toward the end but I'm not going to spoil it. Speaking of spoilers, if anyone checks out this series, DO NOT go to the Author's website else you might accidentally see a spoiler like I did. Unless you like that kind of thing. Well, okay, one more thing, I'm not a fan of 1st person point of view, but with so many damned books out there in 1st person... sigh.

I loved everything else about this book. The characters were believable, the dialogue felt natural, and after reading the book before this one, Halfway to the Grave was like a continuous breeze of fresh air. Really, the writing was really good. I think I purred.

My cat, Yoda, is not happy with me. I was yelled at more than once to get my ass in bed so he could curl up on my pillow and get his night time pets. He finally gave up on me somewhere between five and six am and went to his little space beneath the bathroom sink. Much to his chagrin, I picked up another book! My cat is going to kill me! Galen, the other cat couldn't give a shit.

So far this one is good too. I've only read the first chapter and it's only because I am waiting for my library to get the next in the previous book's series in. Really, I shouldn't be reading either of them. I should be reading my text books... but school doesn't start for a week... Or actually, I should be writing... Damn it!

Aside from all of the book fun, I got a call from my doctor's office today. The pharmaceutical company that makes one of my meds stopped their, oh I don't know what to call it, I suppose we can call it the "free med deal for low income patients" program with my doctor's office. I'm not really complaining, I was able to get one of my medicines for free for several months and that was a blessing. My doctor called in my prescription to another pharmacy, not the one I usually go to, because it does discounted meds. That will help out a lot.

Now, I have to be responsible and go read all the rubrics and what not for my classes. After that, I'll probably stick my nose back in a book and subsequently get chewed out by a fluffy feline.

Good grief!

My sweet Yoda-Chan

It is safe to say that it's been a really hard week. I've had some new things come up, received some really depressing news, and thought over some of the things that have happened recently.

First up, we finally were able to get Yoda-Chan to the vet. We had to take out a loan to do so but as it turned out the loan wasn't even going to begin to cover the bill. So we had to apply for a Care Credit card. We were declined and had to have Skoora's mother apply. She was approved and because she applied for us she managed to finagle more money out of Skoora. That's a topic for a later time and as angry as I am about it, I don't really get to complain since if she hadn't we wouldn't have been able to pay the bill for my cat.

The diagnosis for my sweet old baby is that he's diabetic. Thankfully, we got him in early enough and the diabetic can be managed with an extremely strict diet and insulin. We were even lucky enough that the vet gave us a bottle of insulin that someone had donated. We are putting the other cats on Yoda's feeding scheduled much to their chagrin but they can get over it.

Speaking of medicine, after a long time of negotiating which meds I could get when due to finances, I was finally able to get all of them! I don't take that many but we have been so broke. So I took them this morning and after we picked Yoda up from the vet, I took a nap. I slept longer than I wanted to and haven't really accomplished much. I did manage to get dinner cooked a few minutes ago. Other than that I've been searching for crochet patterns so I can make some Christmas Gifts. Well, that and some paper crafts. Oh and I'm drinking Cranberry Pomegranate juice in the hopes that I can fix a potential bladder infection. I don't know if it's going to work because of the pomegranate, but I thought it was worth a shot. When I was checking the sugar on the juice bottles, I was surprised to see how many grams are in one serving size. One glass of juice is the equivalent of a whole meal.

Some of the bad news I received, on the same day that I learned that Yoda is diabetic, was that my cousin's diabetes is now affecting her kidneys. So far she doesn't need dialysis but if she doesn't get her act together she will. It was really hard to hear, we are only seven months apart in age, she's like a sister and for someone who doesn't have any living siblings (Mom had trouble carrying babies to term and even I was a month early), that's a big deal. Anyway, my cousin can only do so much, at least food wise, because she's even more financially strapped than we are. Food stamps aren't an option for her. But that's not the only problem, her mother, my aunt, has gone off the deep end and is a monster. But again, that's a topic for another post. In the end, my cousin will either have a heart attack, or stop taking her insulin, or just out right commit suicide.

Another piece of bad news I've received this week was that I have borderline personality disorder. I don't want to talk about who or how I received this news, and will only say that it wasn't from my therapist. I felt kind of blindsided actually. No one has ever told me. I've only ever known the social phobia, anxiety, and severe depression, which I've been trying to manage through therapy and medication for the last ten years. No, I haven't been completely successful, especially in the last couple of years since I've had chronic pain, but I've done my best. I'm certainly bouncing back and forth between accepting it and denying it.

My family plays a big part in that process. Grandma, though I love her dearly, likes to sweep all the ugly stuff under the rug for no one to see. My Dad's sister, looks down on my parents, on me, on my Mom's side of the family, she and her husband have been vicious to my parents and caused fights at Grandma's house. They don't like us for a variety of reasons, one of which is different political views (by the way my parent never talk about politics at Grandma's house out of respect for her). My Dad's sister's family sees themselves as the perfect middle class american family with no problems what so ever. Trust me they aren't perfect. Hell, my Aunt can't understand how I can sit for several hours and read a book instead of going shopping. Reading is more fun than shopping, it makes me happy, shopping depresses me and people get to close to me. It's not that hard to figure out.

So at the end of the day, I'm not sure what to think or how to feel. Either way, I know I've been avoiding it most of the time.

On the subject of Guild Wars, I'm just not happy with playing anymore. I enjoy playing with my Dad and playing by myself, that much I know for sure. But some 'in game' drama has really turned me off. I've had several instances where I have been annoyed with the alliance leader, Paul. Not long ago he asked one of his guild mates to leave and we took her into our guild so she could still be part of the alliance. She was only with us for a week and left with no notice to me or my Dad and is somehow back in Paul's guild. At first I just didn't care. Dad was sick and I'd had company over for several days and it would have been rude of me to get on and play with guests in the house. I told her that. But after thinking about it and seeing how a lot of other people have been playing, I wonder if maybe Paul sent her over to spy on us. There's nothing to spy on though. We don't gossip, we don't talk shit on others, and if we are on, we are on and if we are off, we are off. I haven't asked Paul if that was what was going on or not.

Then Paul decided that he was going to disband the alliance. Not only did he not tell me this, and there is no reason for him not to have since I am my guild's leader and he and I are friends on facebook, but he tried to recruit my Dad from my guild. Oh he said my Dad could come with his other account so he could use his main account with me, but still. That's really shitty. But what really pisses me off is that for all of his schpeals about loyalty and honor and my guild and his guild sticking together forever, I think if I hadn't been on, he wouldn't have invited my guild to go with his to a new alliance. I don't think he really wanted me around at all. I'm not a hard core player. I don't get on every night and weekend to play. And frankly I shouldn't have too. I have other things going on and when he was alliance leader, most of what we did was faction farm. Also, I didn't like the way he'd taunt some of the other players in the game, players he didn't like.

But I do like the new alliance for the most part. A lot of people are really nice and and this is where the blog ends for me tonight. Skoora's parents just came home and will want dinner and on top of that, they won't stop talking. *sigh*

Books in the mail and Holiday cards in progress...

Witchy books!

I had intended to post a blog yesterday but I skipped it in order to keep Skoora's Mom company. She's come down with Shingles. My own mother had Shingles for a long time and it was so awful. Luckily, we caught it early and she was able to get into the doctor and get an anti-viral medicine that we hope will stop it before it gets worse.

In trying to keep her busy and her mind off of some family matters and the Shingles, we worked on Holiday cards. Well, she made some tags for Christmas presents and I cut the liners for envelopes. I cut over 50 yesterday and have probably about the same number to do today. But I am going to play Guild Wars with my Dad first since I will be going to Hastings with Skoora when she gets off work. Needless to say I am going to have to take a break between getting the Christmas cards completed and starting on my Halloween/Samhain cards. I have birthday and anniversary cards to make too but thankfully I don't have to make too many of those. come to think of it, I need to hurry up and make two for my Mom and my Aunt. They are twins and their birthday is right around the corner! EEEP!

Above are the new books I've purchased recently. I have an old copy of "To Ride a Silver Broomstick," out in the garage but we can't seem t find it so I bought another copy from Hastings. I'm rather excited to read them and take notes. A friend of mine is expecting to get a book in the mail too and I can't wait to thumb through it with her.

Aside from books, card making, and cooking, I've been feeling a little more tired than usual. I'm still fighting some lethargy here and there and it seems to come and go in spots throughout the day. But I really think the birth control my doctor gave to me regulate me (that's doing nothing at all by the by, haven't stopped bleeding and it's seems to be getting worse) is making me sleepy. At this point I think I am going to have to do the high powered one where I have to take most of it in seven days. I will pretty much asleep for most of that week but if it stops the bleeding and gets me regular again, I will be more than happy.      

Therapists, boundaries, books, and food.

Is the way to be! Well, perhaps for me, for a little while. I've had trouble with my weight for the last decade. I have chronic pain and a mild wheat allergy. I always thought that the wheat allergy wasn't all that important since I don't really eat a lot of bread and mostly stay away from bread like treats. I haven't had a full blown allergic reaction or anything like that and I can still eat wheat, but my girlfriend and I have decided to taper it out of our diets. Reasons: the wheat allergy, gluten doesn't help inflammation, and weight. But oh boy does it make going to the super market a drawn out experience. Some of the things that have gluten in them are astounding. It's a good thing that I like cooking things from scratch. and supposedly King Arthur has a gluten free flour.

My therapist doesn't think I should go gluten free. She doesn't seem to think that it will do any good and spent the bulk of our session discussing food and eating habits with me. One, I don't think she realizes that I eat less than anyone else in the house at meal times and eat healthier. But as usual she did most of the talking and mostly about food. She also couldn't understand why I was there yesterday. when I tried to explain to her what was going on she just kind of glossed over it. At this point, I think it's time to part ways. She is a nice, well-intended person, but I have left her office feeling worse than when I went in the last couple of times that I have seen her. If I wanted to feel horrible about myself, I'd go spend some time with some of my family. They'll make me feel like shit for free. However, I do agree with her on setting firm boundaries, it's just taken me almost two years to finally get a little of my old confidence back to put my foot down.

I'm making a schedule board for Skoora and I and there will be times listed where neither of us will be available or in a position to be bothered. Her parents are just going to have to accept that. We also have some events coming up this fall that need to be visibly listed so everyone knows what's going on. Really, the indecisiveness and lack routine have been really bad for me. I don't need to have a routine set in concrete, I am flexible and can put something off for later if need be. Skoora and I just need time together but also to ourselves. We both write, me, not nearly as much as I would like and she has homework. We just can't entertain peopl 24/7. Also, we both need time just to read and I just don't think it's fair for me to have alter my sleep routine just to have some quiet time.  

I've got a couple new books in the mail and there are a few more coming. We picked up a couple more on Norse mythology from the library yesterday and I can't wait to read them but I need to wait until I've read some of the ones that need to go back soon. I kind of overloaded myself with books again.

Speaking of Norse mythology, I suppose I should mention why I am reading it. Other than just for curiosity and research for stories, I am reading it because I am a neo-pagan. But because I kind of want to keep things a little separate, I was thinking of doing a blog dedicated to just my spiritual/religious journey. That way if someone wanted to read about that, they could go to that blog and bypass all my ranting and whining here. Yes, I rant and whine, I admit it, I am human after all. I just haven't completely decided if I want to make the blog as of yet.

At the moment, I'm hiding in the dark, in my room, with the cats and a migraine. I've had to let my hair down out of the pony tail I had it in. I also had to close my door because Mama Cathy had a candle going in her bathroom and it was making me so sick. Of course that means that I don't get any of the air conditioning in here, but it's better than puking. I did go blow the candle out and have since taken some migraine medicine. I feel a little better but not much. I shouldn't even be sitting at the computer but I just didn't want to lay in bed for a headache when I have to lay in bed for chronic pain on other days.

Nerves are shot, the ones I can feel

I am waiting to hear how my Grandma's surgery went. She broke her leg and for an 84 year old woman with Osteoporosis that's not a good thing but in all reality it could have been much worse.

I'm still having trouble writing. E-mails, blogs, and stories. I'm just really having a hard time with it. Amanda and I decided that we would ween me off the Welbutrin. I just have to call the She-beast, somehow, and tell her that this medicine is making me sick and a zombie.

There's some other stuff going on but I don't really want to talk about it right now. 

Well buckets of poo!

I forgot to take my medicine yesterday and today... That's not good and what's worse, my eyes are still really blurry. I am not amused.

On the upside, I managed to make a few Autumn cards for my family and have them ready to send out. I still need to make Samhain and Halloween cards but I want to wait on those to see if a friend still wants to do a craft day in September. I also did some fall decorating around the house but sadly only half of the leaves I put up have remained on the walls. The rest lay scattered upon the floor like some pretty tree came and took a dump in the hall.

Tomorrow, I need to work on getting some writing done and start sculpting my girlfriend's birthday present.

List for tomorrow:
1. Go to the store
2. Work on fanfiction article
3. Work on novel
4. Make bbq beef and homemade mac & cheese
5. Sculpt
6. Watch my shows on SYFY
7. Do Pain study stuff.