Excursions in Family Drama

There was once a time when my Dad asked me why I didn't write about our family. He was of the opinion that we have enough fodder for me to write a soap opera. My reply was that I write to escape all that shit. It was true then and it is still true today, except, once again I need to vent. 

Pretty much everyone knows that my mother's twin is my 'psycho aunt'. Cousin Shi-Can and I used to joke that her mother was the Wicked Witch of the West and sometimes that my mom was the Wicked Witch of the East (sans the house falling on her). Fitting since we were born and raised in Kansas. Anyway, Aunt Laura has been know to been known to be an abusive, vicious, vindictive, melodramatic person. She's lied, stolen, worn people wet tissue-paper thin, and so on. But, despite all the crap we've put up with over the years, she's still part of the family and she does have some good moments. I know part of why she is the way she is part mental issues, the abuses she suffered as growing up, and the physical maladies she's living with now. No, that doesn't give her an excuse to be bitch, but it does give some insight into the bigger picture- when you can remember that as she's tearing into one of your cousins or your Mom.

Back to her "good moments". My Aunt Laura can be, at times, kind, loving, and somewhat generous. She's helped each of her kids financially when she is able. Despite all of the shortcomings, she does love all three of her children and wants the best for them. She loves my parents, me, and even her in-laws. Its easier to see all of this not being in such close proximity to her. 

Well, I called my Mom the other day to vent and cry over a recent problem. Mom let me vent and we talked about options and so on. Then, it was her turn to vent and since she's been pretty much the one to really take care her twin and deal with her over the years, she has tons of frustration. (Dad and I keep telling her not to answer the phone or open the door, but they are twins and Aunt Laura NEVER takes 'no' for an answer.) 

The recent influx of family drama centers around my Aunt and my cousins. Her eldest, the alcoholic since 16 and once again druggie, needed a place to live along with his equally as substance abusing new girlfriend- who I might add is older than our Moms- not that I have an issue with age-gap love, but in this instance, is it really love or opportunistic sex mixed with illegal substances until something better comes along? To each his own, I guess. Anyway, since Aunt Laura came into some money she helped said cousin and his girl friend get an apartment. 

I haven't heard how she's helped Shi-chan, but I'm hazarding a guess that its with bills. She's the middle child.

But the youngest takes the cake. She is the baby, the pretty one- I think she looks like a fucking rat, but maybe that's because I know her personality, no insult to rats- and she gets everything she wants. If no one gives it to her, or she can't win it with her looks, or use her kid as leverage, she takes what she wants and that is exactly what she did, AGAIN, recently.  To make a semi short story shorter, my aunt was bullied my her late husband's parents to out the youngest kid's name on the car title of the car my Aunt bought. That is a horrendously terrible idea! At the time of the call with my mother, my Aunt had only driven her car a total of 4 times. She also had my Aunt's debit card. Now why anyone would, in their right mind, give that girl free access to their bank account is beyond me, but maybe my Aunt was trying to help. Oh boy did she help! My cousin with drew 800$ from the account and got an apartment for herself. But, it gets worse, she didn't ask, and certainly didn't tell her mother  until she was physically moving her things out of my Aunt's house. And then she wouldn't return the debit card. Aunt Laura told my Mom and my Mom went over to help her get her car and debit card back. For her efforts, Cousin Shi-chan, the middle of my aunt's children, got particularly vicious and said something nasty and wholly untrue to my Mom, landing her smack dab on the top of my shit list.

*long heavy sigh* Thankfully, in the few days since then, the youngest cousin returned the car, empty of gas of course, and returned the debit card. It had 4 dollars left on it and my Aunt hasn't paid bills yet this month. Yes, it is on my Aunt for letting her use these things. But she's essentially dying and perhaps trying to make up for her mistakes. Still that doesn't give my cousins the right to take advantage of her. What they should be doing is spending time with her and I don't know, helping my Mom take care of her when she gets bad. Unfortunately, they are all too self centered and opportunistic to do that and eventually, she's going to die and they will have missed out on time. I mean the woman thinks a friend of Shi-chan's deserves AIDS because he is gay, which is completely unacceptable and horrible and I will always be disappointed, hurt, and angry over that opinion, but she is my Aunt, I do remember good moments, despite that and a whole string of other crap, if I were in Kansas, I would be rolling my sleeves up and helping my Mom to take care of her. I wouldn't need to be asked. I would do it for my Mom. 

As I wrote that last sentence, I realize that if my Mom or Dad needed help or were dying, my cousins wouldn't lift a finger unless they knew they could get something out of it. Unless there were pills or items to steal. Or unless they were getting paid. Or maybe I knew it all along. 

Lastly, there is something diabolical in the way my youngest cousin has her elder sister wrapped around her finger. Shi-chan, as always, defends and protects her sister, despite all the horrible things said and done. The lies, theft, or down right abuse her younger sister has done to her, she will always be on her side. I get sisterly devotion, but for fuck's sake, I haven't done any of that crap to her, nor has my mom, and yet, every time we are upset with her sister or get into it with her sister, she chooses her over everyone else. It's sickening. 

Happy things, maddening things, and well, lots of things!

My Downton Abbey came in the mail today.

Isn't pretty! I know Downton Abbey isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I love it and seasons 1-4 have come into my possession! Okay, I got it in the mail today after ordering it from Amazon on a fantastic deal! I paid 30 something for this set. I posted as much on facebook and my friend Emma demanded I send her a link, which I did. The price has gone up to 40 something, but that's still a really good deal.

I have been very busy as of late. Like I said before, I'd gotten sick. Playing catch up with my homework has pretty much consumed most of my time. I have since learned that the Math lab program is a pain in the ass of dastardly proportions and that I am basically doing the calculus of statistics. I've put in so much time working on the Statistics homework alone. I finally had to set it aside because my context of writing class was suffering. And it wasn't that I didn't know how to do the math homework. I was doing it just fine, it was just taking me 2-3 hours to do one problem and I got booted from the system the 1st time I did it. So when I logged back and found that my answers hadn't saved and I had to do it all over again with a completely new set of data, I kind of freaked. But I did it, only I forgot to put in a negative sign on the answer and had to do it all over again. Finally, I gave up on that problem but things just escalated from there and after three days of endless statistical hell, I just said screw it. I have an appointment with the tutoring center in the morning because apparently there's a software that does this stuff for you, you know so you aren't doing it step by step by hand. I will see how that goes and if this problem doesn't get resolved, I have vowed to fail the class. I simply cannot devote any more fruitless time to it and let the other class suffer. I will simply have to find a different math class to take. 

I really haven't done much else aside from homework and a few errands. I just haven't been feeling very well. We have done a little shopping, granted most of that has been online from Amazon. It was cheaper to get my textbooks for the next term from them and there were a couple of things I haven't been able to find locally. I actually do like to shop locally. 

The night before Thanksgiving Amanda and I were out running a few errands. I needed some winter candles for my altar and we decided to buy Christmas/Yule cards because I just don't think I will have time between now and when they need to be sent out to make them like I usually do. Which is actually a shame because I do enjoy making cards and playing with my embossing gun, paper, and stamps and ribbon. Anyway we found two long tapper candles that are pine scented, two small pillar candles that are cinnamon scented, and an apple cider tall pillar candle. We also found some beautiful non-religious Christmas cards that will work for all of our friends and family. Amanda is working on a little Yule/Christmas poem/letter and I've got all the envelopes addressed with the return address. We are printing out everyone else's address and gluing it on the envelop. 

Unfortunately, that trip to the store was marred by the fact that my Aunt Laura called me. She's my Mom's identical twin. Anyway I got the lecture about calling her more often. I got preached at and she really needs to stop that because A) I know she knows I am pagan because she likes the pagan things I post on facebook, B) She is the biggest hypocrite I have ever met and so many ways, and C) I am happy with the spiritual path I a walk. It is mine, not hers! On top of that this woman lied to me again! She was talking about how she has bone cancer and is going to have surgery and blah blah blah. She insisted on talking to Amanda after that and told her something different. Then she got pissed at Amanda when Amanda accidentally let it slip that we are moving to Spokane instead of back to Kansas. Needless to say that was not a pleasant conversation for us. We hadn't wanted to talk to her but we figured that we ought too, so my Cousin Shi-Chan wouldn't bear the brunt of my Aunt's vicious wrath. Seriously, this is no exaggeration.

I spoke with my Mom after that and my Mom clarified that Aunt Laura doesn't have bone cancer, something just looks odd on an x-ray and she will have to have some tests done. Well, my Mom must have said something to Aunt Laura because I got a heated message on my voice mail from my aunt demanding that I call her back because she NEEDS to talk to me. Until I hear from my Mom that it is in fact bone cancer, I refuse to believe my Aunt. She's screamed bone cancer and all sorts of things before so much that haven't be real or true that when she does come down with something no one knows if she is telling the truth and she is such a rotten person, no one really cares. I know that sounds insensitive, but this woman makes it her life's purpose to terrorize everyone around her. Just this morning when I spoke to my Dad, he was telling me that Aunt Laura had come over to scream at my Mom with a list of demands. She wanted soda, cigarettes, and various pills. As if my parents are the corner drug store. First of all, my parents don't have medicine to give out and they sure as hell wouldn't give it to her. Second, she was screaming so loud and fighting with my Mom that my Dad could hear it over his headphones up in his office. Now, Shi-chan said that her Mom was in a decent mood today but we all know that is because she wants Shi-chan to pay half the bills at the 1st of the month. As soon as Shi-chan does, Aunt Laura will just go back to being a monstrous tyrant. 

Whew and that's all I will say about that.   

Thanksgiving was spent in pain. We went to Amanda's Aunt Lola's for the afternoon. She rented out the clubhouse where she lives, which was awesome! But the metal folding chairs were too low to the ground and me, being a long-legged person, had kind of hard time with that. Plus they really hurt my back. I did switch to another type of chair in the club house for a little bit, but I barely fit in it and it kind of hurt my back in other ways. Aside from the physical pain, I had a lot of fun. I watched part of Frozen with Aunt Lola's granddaughters. We played 99 and I learned how to play card bingo, speed, and Mao (sp?). 

Later Thanksgiving night we decided to go visit a friend. But first, because we thought she was taking a nap, we stopped by Hasting's to get a coffee and look around. We found a few Christmas/Yule presents there, which was cool and it wasn't very busy. After we went there we went to visit our friend and watched a few episodes of RWBY with her. It was really good and I want to finish the show. 

I have also learned that not only is a friend having trouble with her husband (he told her he wanted a divorce on her birthday and this is after she found out he was cheating on her) but that she may have lupus. She and I haven't always been friends, there was a huge mess when she left my cousin Tony- as she was right to do but I didn't really know why she did at the time and on top of that, it was the way in which she did. That aside, we have since become friends, she is a wonderful mother, and has been a great friend to my cousin Shi-Chan. More than that, despite the fact that she and Tony had an ugly fall out, she still brings their kids over to see the rest of the family, which she really doesn't have to do. She never had a problem with the rest of us just Tony. Anyway, I am really scared for her and pretty much want to smack the shit out of her husband because he just doesn't care. He still wants a divorce and has said something awful to her son, something that pretty much made me cry a little for him. He is quite honestly the kindest, sweetest little boy I have ever met, well mannered, and so loving and that man just ripped his heart out. It is disgusting and my friend doesn't really know what to do. She will probably go ahead with the divorce, what else can she do, and then try to figure out where to move her kids and herself. Either she'll stay in the town she is in or she will move back to Wichita. As much as we all don't want to kids to have to change schools in the middle of the year, it might be easier on them if they are closer to family that can help their mother and who love them to pieces. 

Last night Amanda and I cuddled in bed and watched Snowpiercer after I finished some homework. It was pretty good. We then watched a few episodes of American Dad before deciding we needed toast and Coco. We got a little sucked into a movie on the Hallmark channel her mother was watching. It had cats in it. 

Today I have managed to get a little more of my homework done, but really I am just overwhelmed and in need of a couple of days without homework period. I just need to crochet and watch movies or read something for fun, something that's not a text book, and I need to get some sewing started... except I can't do that until Cathy gets her stuff out of the dining room, or at least gives me some room to sew. 

But for now, I am going to get back to homework before laying down for bed. I have to make sure I am up at a normal, decent time, so I can be ready for my tutoring appointment. Since I've been sick, my sleeping schedule has been a mess. I've been getting up around 2 pm and that's not okay. I will feel better when I get back to a normal routine and rhythm. Seriously, I almost cried over the anime I used to watch but haven't in a long time. That's just silly.  

The last couple of days: good things and bad things

The last couple of days have not been easy. My hormones have been in flux due to the menorrhagia. All my other chronic pain compacted it and apparently my shin splints have decided to flare up again as well. It's strange, I thought I was finally over that little problem.

While trying to contain and cope with all of that my patience level dropped, my tolerance level dropped, and I've been snappish in situations that I would normally never ever take an issue with. I also haven't handled distraction well or noise I can't control on my own. Over the weekend I've had several more panic attacks. I thought that if I just read one of the books that are close to being due at the library that I would calm the hell down.

It worked for a little bit and I really am enjoying the Vampire Academy novels. The pacing is good, the characters are interesting, and once I pick up a book, I can't really seem to put it down. Shadow Kiss is the 3rd in the Vampire Academy series and it was really good but it made me sob. Something happens to my favorite character. I won't say who or what because I don't dare spoil it for those who haven't read it. Needless to say I've been bothered and upset over it for the last two days. I cant decide if I need to take a break from finishing the rest of the series or run to the library and grab the last three and just read for the next couple of days. An awesome side note, there is going to be a Vampire Academy movie coming out in 2014 and it look really good! Oh and by the way, this story is a hundred times better than Twilight!

Another reason I am wondering if I should take a short break in reading the rest of that series is because I have been writing. As in I have been working on one of my novels again and not just working and tweaking things here and there. I mean actually doing a rewrite, spent most of the day yesterday and got over 10 (single spaced) pages written, kind of writing. I haven't really been able to do that in a long time. It feels so good and I am actually excited with what's coming out on the pages.

There has been some family drama back home. My cousin Tony is as drunk as ever and crashed his bicycle over the weekend. He managed to get one of the handle bars in his lower stomach and had to have surgery. My only hope is that he will finally be put in jail. There is more to all of this, things he's done in the past, he tried to kill both his sisters, and he refuses to quit drinking. His mother couldn't be out done and had to have some attention herself and in doing so humiliated her daughter and physically hurt my father who was trying to get her into her house. It's pretty bad. My Mom is furious. My Dad's back and knees are hurt pretty bad and he was sp pissed he wanted to just slap the shit out of my Aunt. Everyone feels bad for my aunt's daughters who have to live with her at the moment.

I have decided that when I move home Tony, if he isn't in jail, isn't allowed inside my house if he isn't sober and seeking counseling for anger and addition. My aunt is not allowed at my house if she is going to harass me, either of my parents if they are there, or my cousins. I will not put up with her coming over and screaming at people or running them into the ground. I want my home to be a place of calm, of escape, of no violence, verbal, emotional, or mental abuse. If family and friends can't follow those rules, then they aren't welcome.

Another good thing, my Grandma Evelyn sent me a cat toy for my cats. They love it! And you know your Grandma loves you when she sends presents for your cats to cheer you up. I swear, I got so lucky having the Grandparents I have and even the parents I have. Even with all the issues Mom and I had when I was a late teen. And despite all the crap family members I have, I've got some really great ones! That includes friends, after awhile some of my friends have become family too.