Missing Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa on their wedding day. 

In January this year my Grandma passed. Things were rough when Grandpa passed a few years ago, but I bounced back fairly quickly. Maybe it was because he had Alzheimer's and we'd already been grieving the parts of him that it took. But Grandma's passing was so surreal. On one hand there was relief, she was in pain anymore, she was ready to move on and join Grandpa, and I realized I didn't have to hide big, important parts of my life anymore. Frankly, I don't give a shit what the rest of my family thinks of me. The one's who matter don't mind and those that mind, don't matter. 

On the other hand, I think I was in shock for a little bit. She passed and then I was on a plane to fly down for her funeral. I stayed at my parent's house for a month. 

Today, I watched the funeral video from Grandpa's funeral and there were some pictures of their house. My Dad grew up in that house and so did I. I remember how it smells, where nearly everything is, what the doors sound like when you open them, what the furnace sounds like... I close my eyes and I hear Grandma clinking in the kitchen on Saturday morning, the house smelling of  cooking sausage and  baking biscuits. I can hear Grandpa coming in from getting the paper and them talking about getting me up for the day. We're going to work in the garden today and Grandma will make salmon croquets and we'll have her home canned tomato juice, her homemade bread. 

I miss my grandparents and the stability they provided. I miss talking to them, annoying them, playing tricks on Grandpa in good fun. I miss Grandpa shooting me with his cane in Olive Garden, showing me how to use his video camera, and chewing me out because of my shitty grammar. I miss sewing and cooking with Grandma, of her reading me stories before bed and yes, I asked her to do it even when I was in college. She thought I should be reading to her, but nah. I miss when Grandma would rub my face when a migraine would set in. 

I miss their hugs.   

Chaos, panic, and I'm starting to catch up, really...

Hi, no, I'm not dead. 

I never really got a lot done for my Mom. I tried. Mostly, I think me just being there helped and she and I had a lot of fun watching TV shows and movies. I even took her to see The Martian. Which, by the way, I really liked.

I think I mentioned that my Dad's ankles are badly bruised from just walking at his job. He said that he thinks he basically walks about 15 miles every day that he works around that store. He works at one of the big Wal-Mart's. So, he was in a lot of pain. But, he showed me EVE online and I got to see his ships and listen to him talk about the game. I think he might want me to play it, but I can't afford it and at the moment, it's far too involved and complex for me to ever get any writing or homework done. I think he misses our old Guild Wars gaming sessions as much as I do. 

I spent some time with my cousin Shi-Chan. I really missed her and she's lost a lot of weight and has kind of grown a back bone. I said to her one day, "I left and you became all bad ass, I love it!" She just laughed. 

I spent some time with my Grandparents. Grandpa's Alzheimer's disease is getting worse, but we all knew it would. Grandma might kill him for all the cussing, farting, and burping. I even told him so and he laughed. But I got to hear some stories about his life that I have never heard before and while I didn't get to talk to Grandma too too much, I did get hugs and her cooking. They have an albino squirrel who comes to visit their bird feeders and I got to see it. I love it!

Eventually, I had to come home. Which I did. The day I came home, I learned from my next door neighbor that I was moving to Spokane and into a friend's basement. You can imagine my shock and surprise. One, I didn't hear about it from Amanda and two, even though I really like these friends, I had just gotten home. On top of that Amanda's Mom informed me that we're going to pack up Amanda's and my bedroom, put most of our stuff in the garage, and move our bed out into the dining room. WOW! I started to panic! I had homework to do, I hadn't even unpacked. 

So, two days later while I was trying to process all of this and we were at the UU Church getting ready for our Samhain celebration/potluck/ritual, and I got a phone call from my Mom to tell me that not only was my Dad in the hospital but might lose he leg, I had a tiny break down/ panic attack. I mean full on sweating, couldn't breathe, couldn't calm down. I somehow managed to grab my purse and book it to the bathroom where Amanda found me, and once she got me calmed down a little, we went outside. That day was really hard and I didn't even worry about socializing I just did what I needed and talked to as few people as possible, carrying on like nothing was wrong. 

So, why was Dad in the hospital? Because while I was visiting, he trip or did something to scrape his leg on the wheel barrel while hauling wood from his truck to Grandma's back yard and somewhere along the way, despite doctoring his wound, he picked up staph infection and the flesh turned necrotic. Right now, it still looks bad and he hasn't been given the "you are going to be okay you can go back to work" vote from the doctors, but he is home and out of the hospital. He goes to a specialized wound care clinic every couple of days.

But, the very next day from the "your Dad is in the hospital" call, I talked to my Grandma and she told me she was in the grocery store and turned around just so and heard a crack and had terrible pain in her side. She thought she broke a rib. Give that this woman is in her late 80s, has scoliosis and osteoporosis on time of that, I certainly didn't doubt it. Thankfully, when she went to the doctor her xrays came back negative for a broken bone, but she did pull something and maybe her back popped at the same time. 

Now even worse, Amanda's poor Dad has managed to get himself into a bind. He is diabetic and he has very thin skin, especially on his legs and somehow he scraped them up and has the same issue as my Dad but not nearly as bad. 

And on top of all of this mess I've been trying to catch up with a few things, decide what to pack, what I would need, look for apartments with Amanda on her days off, and do homework. Needless to say, I have been exhausted. I have had a couple of panic attacks. I have been really worried. 

The good news. We are going to be going back and forth between our friend's house and our house, just because we can't bring Narcisa with us to our friend's house. One of our friends is very allergic to cats and Narcisa needs lots of love and cuddles. So we are kind of doing a week here and week at home. That kind of gives me a little more time to get things sorted and packed, spend time with the neighbors, Narcisa, and do homework. 

Also, We have found a couple of apartments that look promising, we just need to find one that has an opening. We saw a beautiful apartment complex out in Mead, that's a town North of Spokane that Spokane kind of bleeds into. Anyway, it was built by the Germans and Scandinavians for the 1974 World's Fair. It's beautiful and they are updating and remodeling the insides. There are so many trees! But it's kind of far and I don't know how many of our friends will really come and see us if we live that far north. We are going to keep looking and see if some of the places we have already looked have opening's available in the next month or so. 

I have more news, but I really think it is better suited for another blog post...       

Quick Kitty-shitty picture update

I don't know what is up with the camera on my phone and I haven't really had time to truly check out all the functions. But that's neither here nor there other than it takes some crappy pictures at the moment. 

I'm at my desk again today for this week's homework. My back hurts as always but today my neck has decided to join the party and my head makes three so I will be seeing out some medicine here in a few minutes. Narcisa has also joined me. She likes to curl up on my desk and watch me fuss over my homework. She also enjoys distracting me with her general cuteness but also with stealing various items, chewing on my notebook or planner, or other various objects, mainly my computer cord. Today she's decided to take a nap behind the laptop. Of course she's all tuckered out from her car ride to see where Amanda works and meet Amanda's boss and co-worker. She even spent a whole three minutes alone in the car while I deposited a Christmas check from my Grandparents in the bank. The ATM is outside at my bank so I kept an eye on her. She purred when I came back to the car. She rides pretty well too. She likes to curl up on the floor or on a seat. 

Grandma and Grandpa sent more than money for Christmas. Grandma embroidered some tea towels for me! They have animals and birds but the best part is that they smell like her house. I kind of want to curl up with them and pretend I am there. But I will have to do that later and I don't want to do that to too many of them else I will lose that nice smell. That and I am keeping them for when Amanda and I move out of her parent's house. 

Well, off to homework land I go. yuck!