Things are finally happening!!!

Today, this is me!

This morning I took Amanda to her job interview, which she said she felt really good about. Afterward, we stopped by McDonald's so I could go to the bathroom and so we could get something cheap to eat. Then we went to Cathrine's so I could get two pairs of jeans (on a credit card of course) and then went to Lane Bryant to use her birthday cash to get her a skirt, shirt, and a duster- which we will share. From there I took her to work and came home to start my homework. Not but a few hours later, she called her parents to tell them that she got the job! She'd actually been called half and hour to two hours after the interview and they want her to start on the 9th of October! I am so freaking excited for her! Excited for us both too! We will finally be able to finish paying stuff off and get a place of our own! It will take a couple of months to get things squared away, but FINALLY! Things are looking up and moving along. I feel like the limbo we've been stuck in for the last couple of years is almost over. 

Aside from all of that, I'm feeling a little better in some respects. I don't know if it's just the change in season and the seemingly lightening of my depression and anxiety or what, but I will take it. I actually want to do things that I've had the want to do but lacked the drive and energy. Even yesterday, even though it was a bad day period and pain wise, I wanted to do stuff. I ended up pushing most of my homework off because I was in a lot of pain but the drive was still there. 

I did get some sad news from my parents. I think I mentioned it before, that my Dad's job is kind of iffy again and that my Mom has cataracts. I am hoping that my Dad's job issue can work itself out for the better. For my Mom, I don't know what to do. Kansas opted out of health care and my Dad's work insurance doesn't seem to really cover much as far as eye health goes. My Mom needs new glasses and surgery. The glasses might be doable if they can get enough saved up for them and she will need transition lenses because she's not supposed to go outside without sunglasses of some kind. The surgery is a bigger issue though. I am really worried because my Mom is already going deaf and has been for many years. I don't want her to go blind as well. She is going to try for disability, finally. She probably should have been on it a long time ago. 

At some point, after the stuff from Torrid comes in, I will probably do a post showing some of the cute clothing we've got for this fall and winter. 

Lastly, I finished all of my poetry class homework today and will start my Shakespeare homework tonight. I am loving this term of school, I thought it would be a heavy term, filled with huge assignments and lots of stress, but so far it's been wonderful. I'm managing to get everything done early, which is great! I love having some time to actually read a novel for a change.  

Narcisa, jobs, burns, freak out, one good thing if it kills me. Amanda aka Skoora

Firstly, I am going to stop calling Amanda, my girlfriend, Skoora. It was an internet nickname she had on a  website but no one from that site comes here so there's no point. So from here on out Skoora is Amanda. 

Now, Amanda didn't get the library job she applied for or the job at Barnes and Noble. However, Barnes and Noble did tell her that they are keeping her in mind for their November hiring run. Um okay. So we are back to square one for her as far as looking for another job, which sucks. 

We've run into another set of problems. I didn't get as much in student loans as I was expecting. I talked to the school to figure out why and it was because of the class I dropped last term. So that didn't help very much because we are still broke.  On top of that we got some good/bad news. My Dad has an interview with a correctional facility in another county. He worked in corrections for over 30 years. I am excited for him, if he gets the job he and my mom will have much needed health insurance, and they will actually be able to breathe financially. The down side is that my Dad's blood pressure will probably skyrocket. The other downside is that my Dad is talking about signing over the townhouse to me. That's really cool but there's bigger financial problems than we are already facing if we move back and my parents for all their "we'll make it work" aren't seeming to get that or that if we move back to Kansas I won't have access to medical and mental health care like I would if I moved to Washington state. There a lot more to it both, pros and cons to moving back to Kansas or moving to Washington. Ugh! Needless to say between the stuff we've already been dealing with and now this, I've been having a lot more panic attacks. 

I did finally manage to get some depression meds. I called my doctor and she switched me back to something more affordable. I picked it up yesterday and already feel better. 

I burnt the crap out of myself tonight while making dinner. I was pouring the boiling water out of a pot into the sink and some splashed up at me, got me right in the stomach and then of course, trying not panic or drop the pot, I tried to keep a hold of it but ended up splashing more water out. I ended up dropping the pot and have been sitting on the sofa with a cold wet cloth on my stomach. So far so good. 

I'm going to try and work on saying at least one good thing in future blog posts. There's so much negativity in my head all the time. I horrible everything, thinking of worst possible situations and such almost constantly, and it cycles around and around. I would like to change that. 

Today, I looked in the mirror when I was in the bathroom and saw a red spot on my collarbone. I checked it closer and I have a small hickey. You know who gave me that hickey? It wasn't Amanda, it was Narcisa. She's still trying to nurse on our necks at night and she really got me last night. I am not impressed. But on the other hand I suppose her vampire skills are improving. 

Oh and last night, Amanda and I moved the bed into the living room because her parents aren't here for the week and we wanted to camp out. The cats LOVE it by the way. Well, today, as I was hanging some party decorations for Amanda's birthday this coming weekend, I looked over at the bed. Narcisa was siting there all prim and proper with a look that said "challenge accepted Mom". I said "fuck"! and tapped the other end of the foil streamers to the ceiling to shorten them a little more. Otherwise she would jump from the table onto the bar and then try to pull them down all night and probably hurt herself. Well played kitten, well played. I didn't even bother to hag the rest. I will wait until Amanda's actual birthday to do that. 

Geek out! Training, cats, music.

While doing homework, I've had Pandora open and running. My station of choice at the moment is "Game of Thrones". Of course music from the Game of Thrones Television show plays on it but other soundtracks do as well. Mostly it's been King Arthur, Star Trek, Star Wars, Grey, Hunger Games, Inception, and many others.

I have a weakness for movie soundtracks. Unfortunately I haven't had to money to buy any in the last couple of years, so I've been making due with Pandora. That said some of my favorite composers are Brian Tyler (Children of Dune and Thor: The Dark World), Jeremy Soule (Guild Wars Trilogy, Skyrim), Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings Trilogy) Michael Guacchino (Star Trek, Star Trek: Into Darkness), and Hans Zimmer (King Arthur, The Last Samurai, The Da Vinci Code, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sherlock Holmes), oh and Tan Dun (Hero, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon).

Now for some reason my Pandora station was playing a lot of Star Trek yesterday. So, last night when I had done all the homework I could stand, I decided to watch Start Trek: Into Darkness. Yep, still loved it. I loved the older Star Trek movies. Once, when I was younger and Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country came out, my parents actually pulled me out of school and took me to see it. It was one of the coolest afternoons ever! My Dad was on call at his job for most of my life, so we didn't always get to do things as a family. That's part of what made that afternoon so special. Plus, it's was Star Trek! Anyway, I also love the reboot of Star Trek and the soundtrack is beautiful.

So, today, after watching the movie and listening to various songs on Pandora, I decided to go look at T-shirts for Starfleet Academy. While doing that I remembered that you could actually join the Star Trek Fan club and they even have scholarships for college students. That's uber awesome! I won't deny it, I have been considering joining Starfleet but I can't afford the membership at the moment. I will wait until the bills are paid off and things are going a little better for Skoora and I. Did you know being part of this club gets you discounts on hotels? That's so cool!

Okay, on to other stuff. My Yoda-chan is very sad and upset with me today. I had to go in for another round of training for the Driving job. He doesn't like it when I am gone for long periods of time and I think he is used to me being home with him. I will cuddle him later and I am sure he will forgive me. He's just an old kitty who needs his human.

So yeah, I had more training. Skoora and I are both scheduled for even more training in two weeks. I'm kind of nervous. But I am excited at the prospect of having money of my own in which I can help pay bills, buy my own medicine, and save up money for furniture and place for Skoora and I to live- parent free! Despite all the whining all of our friends have been doing, all the insisting that we don't move away or don't move until after this date or that date, we are moving back to Kansas. My Grandparents are in their mid 80's and I need to see my Grandpa before he forgets who I am. I need to help my Grandma as much as I am able. I miss my parents, I miss my friends, and I miss my cousin Shi-chan, who is more like a sister to me.

More than that, I am sick of our friends up here being so selfish and even guilt tripping us or saying really shitty things about us moving back. We have to move. It will be better for us in the long run financially. It will be better for me mentally and emotionally. I won't be around people who constantly alienate me. you know I can't even argue with some of them because they are always right and everyone else is wrong. It's childish and ridiculous and I am so tired of it. and I am tired of the lack of privacy and all the stuff I have complained about before in living with Skoora's parents. Yes, my parents can be total ass hats, but at least they give us privacy and space. And we won't be living with them for two years if I have anything to do with it.

I didn't intend to vent in this blog. It's been a relatively decent day. I am still cramping pretty bad but at least I'm not a walking crime scene... for the time being. We will see how long that lasts. I see the doctor tomorrow.