The Muslim Woman Teacher, the jealous girlfriend, sad news, and "I can't even".

I recently learned that the band H.I.M. is on their farewell tour. I know all good things come to an end, but I really liked them and while I haven't been to concerts in a a few years, I would have gone to see them if they came close to where I live. That's my sad news. I mean really, it could be a lot worse. 

I've either fallen asleep watching TV or planned to sleep on the sofa for the last couple of nights. Amanda and I have both been tired and so much so that we're too tried to go in and change the bed sheets by the end of the day. We've been too tired to do a lot and have pushed through anyway. Last week was a bit rough for both of us. Cousin Kat came and left over the weekend and then I had several days where I was in a lot of pain, foggy brained, and or really depressed. All of that is exhausting and instead of trying to fight it all and wear myself out more, I said 'fuck it' and decided to play Guild Wars 2. That was good, although frustrating because a lot of stuff is different and I'm not sure I was following things clearly. 

Anyway back to the T.V. NHK does some documentaries called Inside Lens. This week its about a Muslim woman in Indonesia who runs a religious boarding school. She teaches, runs it, and gives talks about how men should treat women better, equality, and how without strong women and mothers, we wouldn't have strong nations. She is AMAZING! She didn't used to run the school, it was her husbands school but he passed away and for awhile she was a little lost. But she is very religious and prayed and found her answer to be that she would keep the school running on her own, that the only man she needed was God. Here is the link for the documentary: https://www3.nhk.or.jp/nhkworld/en/tv/lens/

I decided to do a written role play with cousin Kat. She's had a lot of hell recently and I wanted to give her a little something to look forward too, in my own way, that I knew I could do. There's not a whole lot I feel that I can do lately, so this at least gets me doing something constructive. Anyway, I've wanted to write a Kitsune story. I started a book years ago but never got very far with it. So, I decided to have a Kitsune character once again and see what I could come up with this time. I gave him a horrible back story and then wrote the opening post. When I read it to Amanda, she was a little and cutely jealous. She wants to play with Noritoki and really liked my opening. She even thought it would make a good novel on its own. 

Speaking of Amanda, we've both had a crummy last couple of weeks. The good stuff has been getting to see Cousin Kat, seeing a couple of friends, and the new episodes of My Little Pony on Netflix. Amanda was so depressed last night that she wanted to finish out the episodes, except that kind of backfired. The last episode was about Applejack's parents- who while the show has never said it, that I can remember, aren't living. The apple family siblings learned about their parents beginning relationship and how they came to be married. But both Amanda and I were really upset because while we know their parents are gone, we don't know the why or the how and ugh! So I suggested we watch some of season 2 of Kamisama Kiss because that's fun and cute and it has a pissy Kitsune named Tomoe who is freaking awesome, gorgeous, and I just love him. I also really like the anime because it make me laugh. There was an instance last night where one of the characters (we are watching the american dub- I like both thank you-) says "I can't even" and while a lot of people use that phrase, I've even used that phrase, it was so unexpected in an anime that it struck my funny bone just right. I'm still giggling over it. 

But that's the mostly happy stuff. We've got more car issues than we bargained for, as in it didn't pass the emissions test so we couldn't buy car tags and won't be able to until we can afford to get it worked on and then of it has to pass or we will have had to do 150 dollars worth of work on it to try to get it to pass before we can buy car tags. Amanda got me some bus passes for when I need to go somewhere and a friend is taking me to an appointment this afternoon. Aside from that, it's just pain, depression, panic attacks, and wedding stress.  

Waking songs, escape into art, and I'm not doing it until I have to.

Often I wake up with a song playing in my head, almost like a personal soundtrack stuck on repeat. We don't often listen to music while we sleep mostly because we don't have a radio/cd/record player in the bedroom, and also because pandora will drain my phone battery or do that "are you still listening crap". Oh and a lot of the streaming stations I used to listen to either don't exist anymore or seem to constantly buffer. Anyway back to the point, waking with music in my head. Most of the time it is a song I have heard recently that was stuck in my head during the previous day (it seems like if I'm not thinking about stories, agonizing over something that is bothering me, or tearing a subject apart, there's a song playing in my thoughts). But sometimes I awaken with a song that I haven't heard for awhile. Today it was Funeral of Hearts by H.I.M. 

Now that's kind of interesting because just recently Amanda bought me my 2nd vinyl record and its one of H.I.M.'s. I've  heard the album before but I haven't listened to the vinyl yet. Also, I saw the record sitting on the table yesterday when I was looking for something, but at the time, I had a much different song stuck in my head (I think it was something by Hildegard Von Bingen. I can't remember which song it was but I will link something of hers below), but isn't it weird and neat that something I saw yesterday could invoke a song that I wake up to? I kind of want to look to see if there is science on that.

Hildegard von Bigen

Nene Thomas

 Moving on. Nene Thomas is one of my favorite artists and when we first moved in our apartment, I was in the market to buy some of her art work for our walls. Well, I didn't have too much money to spend and I couldn't decide which piece I liked best, so I bought a calendar and some vinyl record frames and have several lovely pictures of hers hanging in the living room. The one above happens to be one of my favorites. Its a dark-haired witch with a little dragon and lots of my favorite color- green. When I sat down on the sofa with my breakfast this morning, I looked up and saw this picture. Without so much as a thought, I asked the picture "can I come in there today?" I'm not sure why or what spurred that on, it felt more like a sudden desire and impulse. It could also be my subconscious telling me that I need a little bit more time with escapism before I crack down and get to work. I'm only running with that thought because of yesterday's inspiration in watching some anime. I tend to draw my inspiration from things I watch or read and sometimes from music.  

To go along with that, I am not getting dressed until I absolutely have to. I'm also going to lay on the sofa and not beat myself up about taking a nap if I happen to fall asleep.  Fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass lately and so has the PCOS. Yesterday I jarred my back so badly while making dinner, I wanted to vomit, and I did it by hitting my elbow on something. Its nothing new, I do it all the time, but it has never hurt that badly before. Anyway, I am resting today so I can be more refreshed tomorrow. At least, that is my hope. I would like to make a grocery bag holder for my kitchen tomorrow and maybe start planning out my Halloween or Gothic Quilt.  Mary over at Autumn Moon Enchantment has been inspiring me through her blog and Instagram. I saw one of the quilts she is making on instagram and while mine probably won't be as nice (I've only made one small lap quilt) I still want to try more. 

Good Cat/Bad Cat, A few hours of free time, getting ready for the weekend!

This morning I've been up a little earlier than usual. I've watched a movie, eaten breakfast, and fed the cats. Yoda has had his insulin shot, I've looked at the usual morning internet stuff, and I've looked at the lists for the camping trip this weekend. Skoora was a tiny bit industrious this morning as well. She read me a little bit of her Creative Thesis to get my opinion on a section, she took a shower, and headed off to work. 

The last couple of days I've had mild panic attacks first thing in the morning. I wish I could say that wasn't a normal occurrence, but it hadn't happened for awhile. This morning was blessedly different. I awoke in a good mood despite the usual morning back and body pain and aches. It has to be the excitement of finishing up all of the homework for this term and the camping trip this weekend. Actually, I'm not totally finished with this term, I have to answer questions anyone asks me about my humanities paper. I've already checked to see if anyone has posted any and no one has as of yet. But, knowing most of the posting patterns of a good majority of my classmates, they probably won't get around to it until Sunday. Which is fine, I will be home on Sunday and will have ample time to respond if anyone asks me anything. 

Yoda has been very bloated and we think backed up. So we've fed him pumpkin to help him out. He seems to like it well enough. Sadly, he decided to leave me a present under my desk. I was on the phone with my Dad at the time and didn't know whether to scold him or congratulate him. So I said, "Bad cat, good cat"! My Dad laughed. 

While waiting for my friend from Kellogg to arrive, I find myself with an hour or so of free time. There are so many things I would love to do. From watching movies, an anime, reading all the books I haven't gotten to and have had to set aside for text books, to even writing. Gods, even drawing. I've wanted to find a stock photo of a pose I like and buy it so I could use it as the form for a painting I want to do. I have three blank, new canvases just sitting in my room begging for paint. But instead, I find myself tailoring a Pandora station to play mostly H.I.M. and blog writing.

Before Skoora and I started dating almost seven years ago, she introduced me to H.I.M. Right after I'd stumbled on a Gothic/darkwave/new wave/industrial internet radio station (R1 Das Darkwave- which is no longer in existence much to my dismay-). We both love a variety of music and had been suggesting bands to each other. I was in love from the very first song I heard. Ville Valo's voice is wonderful and I really enjoy the music he and his band put out. Sadly, I haven't been able to buy all the albums, that is a work in progress. Until then, and especially this now afternoon, I've happily cranked up the volume, and realized just how much I've missed all the days like this. Where I or we could just turn up the music, let it fill the room, and really enjoy it. 

Well, I hope everyone has a great day and a fantastic Litha- if you celebrate it- weekend. I am going to work on some more blogs whilst I wait for my friend to arrive and rock out to my music. I plan to take the camera this weekend so I might have some pictures to share later.