Car-less, down one phone, reaching 300, strange dreams

Colonel Roy Mustang from 1st Fullmetal Alchemist Series. 

I'm sorry if I have missed something important in the blogosphere. I will eventually catch up on everyone's news, even if it takes me one blog at a time. I have been really busy lately, and yet not. 

We visited a friend on Monday and then Amanda took our friend Fiona home yesterday. Fiona had been here for quite awhile actually. While I appreciate all her help with cooking and cleaning and hanging out, I was ready for her to go home. Nothing against her, I just want time alone with Amanda. Anyway, in taking Fiona home, Amanda left the car for Fiona's Dad to work on for the rest of the week. We've been really concerned about a squeeky belt and also the car sounds like a fan that has paper stuck in it and since it is the only car we have at the moment and can't afford to replace it anytime soon, we need to keep it running. 

We are also down one cell phone. Amanda left hers at her parents house yesterday when they brought her home. We should get it back this weekend though. So she's been using the alarm on my phone to help her wake up in the morning. 

I have had some pretty interesting dreams as of late. Strange, intense, and vivid. I want to write them down but I'm only recalling tiny bits and pieces, feelings or notions, not enough that I feel I can string together properly. Oh well. This is what I get for not writing them down as soon as I wake up.

Yes, I am still pretty deep in the world of Fullmetal Alchemist in so much as I have watched a few episodes of anime here and there, looked at some pretty pictures, read some doujinshi, and am still working on the rewrite of my fanfic. I'm less than 30 pages from hitting the 300 page mark and I've still got a lot more to do. I figure if I have to, I can cut some stuff later. Amanda thinks I should post it, so people can see the difference between the story then and the story now and the progression of my writing... I may have already mentioned this- it's been awhile, sorry- if I haven't well, now you know. I don't know if I want to post it or not. Right now I just want to finish it and edit it. Then enjoy it for myself. I've got a couple of friends who want to read it. I know if I sent it to my Mom, she'd read it. It's kind of weird but I kind of wish Amanda was interested in reading it. I've told her a lot of it, asked her for her opinion on some things, brainstormed with her, so she pretty much already knows it. She'd not really the biggest fan of heterosexual romance stories and that is okay. She did say that she'd rather read and help me edit my novels when I get my ass in gear to work on them.

Speaking of novels. I've been getting images and feeling drawn or tugged predominately by three different characters. One is a mage, one is a witch, and one is a dragon. All three want my attention, all three want me to write their stories, and I've had to put my foot down because I am bound and determined to finish the story I am working on. I have such a hard time finishing stories, especially bigger ones, that I feel I simply must end this one before I can move onto another project.  

Oh and the other night, while attempting to lay down (I haven't been about to really lay down since surgery, kind of hurts and I am such a stomach sleeper), I came up with another Fullmetal Alchemist story. Mostly I was overheated, in pain, and trying to tell myself a story to help me go to sleep. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. That night it didn't. But I got to thinking, after telling Amanda and Fiona about it later, that why make it fanfiction when I can easily make changes and create my own world, my own magical system, and so on. So yeah, that's another character that's wanting my attention. 

While writing has encompassed a good deal of my life lately, at least I don't feel manic anymore. I'm actually a lot happier and feel better than I have in a long time. I'm watching anime, listening to music that calls and inspires me, I'm not worrying about what other people want all the time. Shit, I've been laughing a lot more and louder. I almost peed the other day from laughing. It's been ages since I've laughed that hard. It's kind of freaking me out. I didn't think I could get that loud. 

On the family front, my Grandparents are still in the rehabilitation center trying to get well enough to go home. I haven't spoken to my parents in a couple of days and need to. Everyone else seems to be okay, at least no one has called, messaged, or e-mailed me any different. 

Well, I have had enough of a break and it is time that I get a little bit more writing done before I get too tried to hold my eyes open.  

Vampires, Star wars, lucid dreaming, dialing up the empath and feeling better

At the risk of sounding wacko to anyone who doesn't believe in such things, I'm a bit of an empath, in so much as I can generally sense when something is wrong with the people around me mood wise. It is especially strong when I am very close to a person such as my parents or Amanda. Yesterday, Amanda was throwing off a lot of ick and I was picking it up. She's stressed about a lot of things and sometimes takes stuff out on me. I am guilty of the same, it's not something that I am proud of and it is something that I am trying to work on. My nerves have been especially raw as of late because I've felt backed into a corner per se, hence the little emotional outburst of last night's blog. I've also been dealing with a lot of feelings of loss and feeling like a lot of me has been stripped away, taken away, or that I've had to give up some things that I wasn't ready or prepared to give up. It's been getting worse and I feel as though I am floundering in the "who am I" and "what the fuck is going on" and "why the hell is this happening" department. Like I've said before, I need therapy. But I digress. the point it, yesterday was a bad day for both Amanda and I and we both decided that we need to trust each other more than we have been. 

But like the title states, I am feeling a lot better this morning.  

On to the bizarre! I think I had my first lucid dream last night. Perhaps not totally conscious, but aware enough to realize that I was considering changing the outcome of the dream. And what a wacky dream it was. I was in the Star Wars universe but also in my childhood neighborhood running around with Jedi. We were trying to stop an attack of demons, vampires, although I'm not totally sure why or what for, only that it was really intense, and there were vampires and demons on our side. So bad demons and vampires vs the good and the Jedi order? Anyway, a girl got torn up and died. It was so sad, it was so intense, and in a way tragically romantic because she died in the arms of a boy she liked. I remember thinking whether or not it would be better if she were made into a vampire and brought back or if the story would have more intense punch if she remained dead.  I never truly decided before I woke up. I told Fiona about it this morning and she sing sang "fan fiction" at me. 

Honestly, it was just the coolest dream I have had in a really long time. So much better than the dreams where tornadoes are chasing me. 

Neighbors, homework, cleaning, and books to knock the creativity back into gear!

Narcisa playing in my summer hat

Please excuse the mess in the picture. When you have a kitty who eats and tears up paper and play with cat litter, it's a little difficult to keep up with her messes.

Yesterday Amanda's parents left for Seattle for their own little vacation, which means that Amanda and I get the house to ourselves. I spent the day yesterday reading in the living room. It was so nice. I had the curtains open too. We had the TV on but only because we can play Pandora through the Bluray player and that was on very low. We did watch a movie called The Quiet Ones, which I thought was pretty interesting. 

Since Amanda's parents are gone and it is just us until Fiona comes to visit tomorrow, and I am spending more time out of our bedroom, I need clean space. So I scrubbed down the kitchen last night and the bar. The dining room is going to take more work than I can do on my own. The living room needs a good dusting and vacuuming. Of course a few things need to be out away. Otherwise I have been working on laundry. I managed to get most of our bathroom clean the other day. However, the floor needs mopping. Amanda, like always, had to clean the shower for me, which she did this morning before work. I think, with a little help, I will be able to get the house presentable tomorrow. Today, however, I have to work on homework. 

This last week has been one big blow off for me as far as school work has been concerned.

I think I just needed to recharge a little. I spent most of yesterday reading. Tuesday I think I played on the computer off and on and went to Spokane Valley to take a friend to the  grocery store because her car broke down. 

Monday I spent doing making covers for two more volumes of my Book of Shadows. I think with the two extra volumes, I will be able to organize things better and have more room for said things. 

But I also tried my hand at wire wrapping. I've had a rainbow fluorite pendant since May or June of last year and not really had anything to put it on. I tried putting an O ring through it but didn't have any big enough.. Finally I just decided to order some jewelry wire and give it a go. I'd also recently bought a mermaid pendant from Joann's crafts and knew the rainbow fluorite would look amazing with it. After about three tries, using my fingers, flat nosed jewelry pliers, and a chopstick, I ended up with this. 

  

The picture is a little dark, but I think it turned out pretty well for my first piece. I have some adventurine pendants my Mother gave me that I would like to try wrapping, but that will have to wait until I am caught up with homework. 

Back to books. I have been reading Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning. It was pretty good and I liked it well enough that I simply had to go to the library yesterday and pick up the next book in the series. Since we took Narcisa with us, I remained in the car with her while Amanda went inside. She found another book while looking for the one I wanted and rented it too. It's about Elves and she thought I would enjoy it. I probably will. 

Anyway, because I took a break from homework and did somethings I have wanted to do for myself and read a book that I wanted, I've had some pretty wacky dreams. Furthermore, I have such an itch to write. Amanda thinks I should just do it but when I start writing I kind of get a bit obsessed and I love that. Which is why I can't really devote the time I would love to devote to it right now. I don't want to start then have to stop because of stupid homework. It will all be much easier when I can iron out a decent schedule. You have no idea how hard that has been in this house. Half of it is other people he other half is me. The part that's me is the total people pleasing nature I can't seem to kick. Then again, why should I kick it completely?  

Oh one of the books I ordered when ordering my textbooks for school next term came yesterday. It is called Frey, God of the World by Ann Groa Sheffield. I bought it used and it just so happens that this copy was autographed by the author! It had a nice message to what I think is a very good friend of the author and I wonder how exactly the book came up for sale. Did the owner pass away and her family give her possessions away? Did she decide to pass her book along? Did she lose it? Either way, this book is made even more special. I love autographed copies by authors.

Lastly, last night our neighbor came over and we talked with her for 5 hours. She's really nice and needed some pointers on homework. We talked about all manner of things and I think we are going to try to get together tomorrow or Saturday night and have drinks around the patio fire pit at her place.   

Downton Abbey, weird dreams of the Hunger Games, and Captain America has to pee?

Finally! Finally! My hold at the library came in. Season 2 of Downton Abbey is mine to watch tonight! I am excited and season 3 is on it's way. I have avoided eye contact with all things Downton Abbey on the internet, from pictures, status updates on facebook, and articles just so I wouldn't have anything spoiled for me. Now none of that will matter after the next couple of days.

As you can probably guess, I'm feeling better, well emotionally that is. Aside from having a very bizarre Hunger Games dream in which Katniss was pregnant and Peeta swore he'd take care of her and the baby, even bought a house for them all to live in when they arrived home, I just woke up in a better mood. Of course Supernatural was on TV. I got a little Dean Winchester and Castiel eye candy this morning... Well afternoon. I awoke a little before noon. For once, I don't mind over sleeping. I think I just really needed the sleep.

Last night I wrote two letters. One was to my cousin Shi-chan. The other was to my little cousin Kayleigh. I think I have referred to her as my niece before, she calls me Aunt Hannah sometimes, so that is where that comes from and also my cousins think of me as their sister. But really, Kayleigh is my cousin. Anyway, she fell and broke her wrist in two places. So I sent her a card and some Monster High stickers to cheer her up. Of course this was while I was watching the Hunger Games. Now you see why I dreamt a Hunger Games dream.

This morning, when I went to the bathroom, Yoda-chan, my kitty, came in and wanted to be petted. He looked really needy so I picked him up and held him, pet him, and told him he was handsome. He really liked that so I spent more time in the bathroom than I intended. He really hates it when I leave and I am very worried about him. If I leave for more than a day, he doesn't eat and he's lost a lot of weight. I might have to talk to the vet about this behavior because I really don't think he would handle coming with me when I travel on planes to see my family very well. That and I just don't trust the airports to take care of him. I've heard about what happens to animals.

On a lighter note, I was looking at pictures of Chris Evans yesterday and came across this one. I don't know whether he hurt himself or if he has to pee, but I thought it was kind of silly so I kept it. Also, you can see where the make up is sliding around his ankles and lower shins. I was wondering if they'd done some kind of padding for his feet during this scene. Well, now I know.

My back is starting to hurt, so I am going to go home and try to write there for a little bit. Yes, I said write. It was writing letters to family that helped me get my drive back. 

Monster in my dream and the puddle.

He's a real monster!

It's summer again which means that I don't sleep very well at night. When I do happen to doze off for a few minutes of an hour or two here and there, I tend to have some pretty strange dreams. I don't remember all of them but the few I have managed to remember have been unsettling.

In a perfect dream world my dreams would star me, thin but with curves in the Fullmetal Alchemist world. I would be a state alchemist and an officer in their military. Col. Roy Mustang would be in hot pursuit of me dating wise and I would be lightheartedly playing hard to get while still maintaining a supportive professional relationship at work. Yeah, I know roll your eyes, but damn it, it's my perfect dream world not yours.

In the real dream world, or in the case of my actual dream, I was in support of Roy Mustang and he was planning something. However, I was stuck on a train loaded to 70% capacity of military supports of Fuhrer King Bradley, and they knew Roy was up to something just like that knew he had many supporters, some of which weren't even in the military. By the way, at this point I should probably mention that I was not part of the military in this dream.

So, anyway, something happened to the train or train tracks and the train had to come to a stop. the Fuhrer ordered everyone to remain calm and everything would be taken care of. Seeing an opportunity to get away, I slipped off the train and looked for a place to hide. There was almost nothing but a couple of trees and a big boulder. Wtf? What did I do, I high tailed it behind the damned rock instead of trying to hide on the train.

I swear not five minutes later, the Fuhrer sent patrols out to make sure no one had escaped, and of course they made a bee line for me and my stupid rock. They pulled me out and drug me to the Fuhrer who then looked me up and down like I was dinner. I was actually kind of scared but what really terrified me was when he leaned in and smelled me and then announced that I was his new mistress. I had to pretend to be happy about it but I just wanted to run even more then, especially since I knew he was even human and would probably do a lot of terrible things to me.

My next unsettling dream happened early this morning as the sun was rising in the sky. At some point the sprinkler system went off, that much I know for certain because the windows were wet when I awoke to go to the bathroom. But in my dream prior to that, the windows were wet but so also was the windowsill. Now, my bed is right there, at eye level with the windowsill (we are also on the ground level), and because it's summer, I have had the window open at night with a little fan there to draw in the cooler air. We also have a string of purple xmas lights.

Well, I dreampt that I awoke to find a small puddle on the windowsill, right under the fan and that the end of the xmas lights were laying in the puddle. I was worried but too tried to do anything major about it, so I just sopped it up with the curtain and tucked the lights further away and went back to sleep. Only I'm not sure that really happened because when I really did wake up the curtain, the lights, and the windowsill were all dry. Really, this is kind of disturbing. I'm just going to trash the lights since it's better to be safe than sorry.

At the end of this, I wish I could sleep the whole night, and not have dreams that freak me out. Oh and I really don't like summer.

Bittersweet dream

While my friend VisualFish had a nightmare, I had a dream I could have sworn was a movie. I remember waking up with the distinct need to go look up a movie called "Something Called Love". Well, I did only there isn't a movie with that title. I thought surely not so I checked amazon and various other sites and still nothing.

Anyway, the reason, I suspect, that I thought it was a movie was that the heroine was Jennifer Gardner (Alias, Electra ect...) and the hero was Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Supernatural, Watchman, ect...). Then there was the hero's brother who was played by the Scottish doctor or scientist from Stargate Atlantis. So you've got a little of the cast of my dream right... The setting, it's a big freaking city. I mean come on, where else do most movies take place.

So Girl meets Guy by chance, don't remember how but they do. He's all dazzling smiles and she's doing the tucking her hair behind her ear thing. They go on a date or two and it's nervous excitement. The girl tells her all her friends what a really great guy he is. They want to know what he does so she calls and he tells her to come by an address after work the next day.

Said girl waits until the next evening after work but here's the kicker. Her throat hurts and her voice is barely there because she slept with her window open all night the night before. So when she arrives at what turns out to be a beautiful confectioners/candy store for some reason some high and mighty mother with bratty kids thinks she's drunk. Girl probably stumbled a little on the way in. So this woman proceeds to chew girl out. Girl manages to get her voice back enough to tell said woman that she should stop assuming the worst of people, that she's here to see one of the owners, she isn't drunk, she's just not feeling very well because she slept with her window open all night and the woman can take her insults and assumptions and shove them where the sun don't shine and hopefully none of her kids will turn out to be a rude and fake as her. The woman gets pisses and takes her kids and storms out of the store.

The brother of our hero rushes up to our heroine and grabs her up in a hug and says he knew she was the one his brother was all mushy hearted about, tells her she pretty and wonderful and blah blah blah and that the hero in the back. So girl goes to the back and sees the hero sitting at a desk injecting himself with something. I don't know what the hell it was, all I know is the hero gets upset because he didn't want her to see. It's drugs but not the bad kind, the medicinal kind. She of course wants to know what's going on and he doesn't want to tell her. So she goes to the brother and brother tells her that he's sick with something, like that helps me right? I got the sense that it was something fatal or near fatal.

So girl wants to take care of him, says he's the best guy she's ever met and doesn't want to lose him. He's a little more reluctant, he didn't mean for this to happen, he shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place. She says but he did and now he has to suffer the consequences which leads to much smex in the bed. Next day she takes him to her families house which, get this, looks like my grandma's house. Her family are gypsies or something and they do a blessing on him to make him better and insist that the two of them get married and on top of that they give girl and guy fertility charms to make babies. All is fun and fine.

However near the day of the wedding, our hero's health takes a turn for the worst and they move the wedding up and marry in the hospital room. After that I know what happens because I woke up an intense need for pudding and found cat puke with my foot.