15 and 5, two weddings, the Munsters, sleep

 Above is the beautiful cake cousin Kat made for Selene and I for our 5th wedding anniversary. She organized our little back yard party too. It was a really nice affair complete with music, a fire in the fire pit, food, and friends. It's hard to believe it's already been five years. It feels like forever ago, but maybe that's because there was a lot of pain and dark depression surrounding that day and for a long while after. There was good stuff too, but often the bad outweighs the good for me until the emotions around it fade. I think it also feel like forever ago because Selene and I have been together for fifteen years. And odd as this sounds, our time together seems like forever and also "has it really been that long? doesn't seem like it".   But, I am happy to say that the pain and dark depression circumstances that made the actual days around our wedding have faded enough that I had a really good time and I was able to relax and enjoy it. Not that I didn't enjoy my wedding, I enjoyed the ceremony and loved all the people who came, still love them, it was just an equally hard time as it was a good one. 

At the beginning of the month, our friend Rachel got married to her long time boyfriend. Selene and I couldn't have been happier for them. We love them both and they are really good together. More than that, they have both become family. We are truly blessed to know them both. And we are extra happy because Rachel has been resistant to the notion of marriage. I won't go into why, but seeing her change her mind and realize that not all marriages are one way or another, has been cool. Not that I am saying everyone has to get married or should get married, to each their own, I just think its cool she did. 

Two days after our anniversary, our friend Bethy got married to her girlfriend Corey. Bethy and I have had our ups and downs, as all friends have, and we have been friends for as long as Selene and I have been together. Selene used to work at the high school where Bethy went to school and was friends with Selene's cousin. That's how we all met. It's been really interesting too see Bethy 'grow up' from her senior year of high school, her college years, living with us for a time- which so didn't work out- to now. Things aren't exactly easy for her but she's doing her best. And, she's found a very sweet and patient woman to spend the rest of her life with. The best part, Corey quietly calls her out on her shit, and I think that's good for Bethy. I think, in a way, it helps ground her. Best of all they talk, they talk about communicating with each other, they know things aren't going to be perfect, and they are both willing to do the work, which is one of the best tools they have in their tool box.  But aside from that, they asked me to do their make up for their special day and I was honored. 

After all the chaos and almost non-stop going of the last several weeks, I got a few days to just breathe. Of course, that meant that I slept a lot and I do mean a lot. I even fell asleep with coffee in my hand and spilled it all over myself. While I am a little sad I slept so much, I'm also not too broken up about it. My body needed that time to heal. Honestly, I could go for a nap right now, but I am holding off in favor of doing some things for myself today amidst getting a little house work done and trying to figure out when to set up the kitchen remodel and so on... because things still need to be done. And, I want to try writing today. I really haven't done it, been too busy, too anxious, too scared to fuck it up, too scared I will disappoint myself because it's not good enough, ect...

But all of that aside, I did manage to see Rob Zombie's "The Munsters". It wasn't bad. I don't think anything will be as good as the original series and no one can truly be Lily Munster like Yvonne de Carlo. Still, the movie was good. I had to watch it 3 times before I saw it all the way through-because I kept falling asleep. It's a prequel movie, a how Herman and Lily came to be together and how they moved to America. Rob Zombie, I think, did a good job in keeping as true to the original as possible while adding his own flare. I enjoyed it.  

Just want so much water, hard to keep my eyes open.

 Well that's new, I unplugged the power cord to my laptop and the screen went black. It comes back on when I plug it back in. I think I am going to unplug it tonight and just let the laptop power all the way down and see how it does in the morning. 

I'm finding it difficult to keep my eyes open and n fact, it's easier to keep the closed. This morning I awoke with an awful headache and while the head ache has slowly ebbed away, the soreness in my eyes, the heaviness of them, and the loud siren song of sleep never left. I did nap for most of the afternoon and evening. Amanda and I watched a movie, ate dinner, and then watched two episodes of Bill Nye: Saves the World. I want to go to bed but I am waiting on Amanda to get out of the shower. I need help putting the sheets on the bed because I just don't think I have the energy to do it myself and I need someone to make sure I don't just lay down and sleep.

I'm also very thirsty. I want to drink water until I can't drink any more but at the same time, I know that isn't healthy and I know it would only lead to me being up and down all night having to pee. Given how tired I am, I really don't want to be going up and down to stairs all night or worse, sleep on the sofa. But I don't just want to drink water. I want to lay in it. I've wanted to find a nice  cool pool to lay in and just float for awhile. I've wanted to swim at  leisure and even do laps.  

Sounds like Amanda is finished with her shower. Time for bed   

Bed, pants, and happy cats

A facebook friend of mind shared this and I nabbed it, because pretty!

Last night we picked Amanda's friend E. up from the airport. Along the way, Amanda was trying to wake up from her hour long nap of the sofa, and was a little crazy. She got mad at me because she had a laughing fit and then a cry fit and I asked her if I needed to take her to the hospital. she said when I have an issue like that, she at least offers me water first. LOL! We didn't have water and she's nuts. (Love you honey)

I have been laying down a lot more lately, on the sofa. However, with E's arrival, it was time to clear the clean laundry off our bed, change the sheets, and actually sleep in our bed. Oh my Gods! It hurt! I sleep on my side and half on my side-half on my stomach and oh boy, just laying down last night, my ribs were killing me. (I can't sleep on my back, it aggravates the herniated disk too much) This morning when I awoke, my ribs, lower back, and hip were really bad. I had to take a little extra time to try and stretch out and then I took an even longer shower than normal to get the muscles to loosen up. It sucked. I am not looking forward tonight 

Today we were supposed to go to a couple of writer's panels for the "Get Lit" festival put on by Eastern Washington University's Master's of Fine Arts program. Well, we were on our way and poor E. got so sick. So we turned around, stopped by a store to get some soup and us some frozen pizza along with something to nibble on the way home, and came back home. I'm totally okay with this, I'm tried and I hurt. 

Speaking of hurting, my stupid yoga pants seem to bother my stomach. The band is thicker than the bands on my leggings or my pants from Torrid and they put just enough pressure in just the right spots under my incisions that make me uncomfortable. This does not make me happy. I love my yoga pants and want to be able to wear them for when I start doing some exercises. 

Because we slept in our bedroom and in our bed last night, the cats were super happy! Thorin slept between Amanda and I all night and Narcisa had a great time sitting in the window and eating my hair. I have a chunk of bangs that's a little shorter than the rest. I can't believe cats can have pica! Ugh! No, really, she does. She tries to eat everything and its disturbing.   

Gothic Desk Organizer, I dyed my hands, and sleep

My desk is nearly always busy. I spend a lot of time at it and since it is also in the living room, sometimes it kind of becomes a catch all for random things. I got tired of constantly having to dig through my desk drawer to find flash drives and little notebooks and such, so I bought this little desk organizer thing pictured above from Amazon. I really liked the overall structure but didn't like that it was white. So, I painted it black with the intention of decorating it somehow.

I used some Halloween paper and Mod Podge to cover the bottom of the little drawer. 

I set a self adhesive plastic gem into the "gem setting" spot of this lovely pendant that I bought at Michael's awhile ago. Then I glued this sucker onto the front. I'd originally bought the pendant for Amanda but she said I could have it. I'm going to replace it as soon as we go to Michael's again.

This is the finished product. Oh, I painted it with black acrylic plain and did a matte Mod Podge Clear Acrylic Sealer. I added a couple more gems because I felt it needed a little something more.

Here it is on my desk with my various notebooks, some hand creme and chap stick. I love it!

Today, while I was waiting for the acrylic sealer to dry, we dyed Easter Eggs. It's tradition Amanda and I both grew up with in our respective christian families and it's just fun. Her parents also came over for lunch. It was a nice afternoon. I played with the easter egg dye, dying coffee filters, my hands, eggs, paper towels- Amanda's Dad told her to take the dye away from me three times. Normally it's her Dad telling me to take stuff away from her.

Last night I slept the first full night laying down where I didn't wake up with pain around or near my incisions. That's improvement. I did however wake up with my lower back hurting. But I cleaned a bit yesterday and we went to a couple of stores, so I walked a bit as well. It was bad enough that I bit the bullet and took a pain pill left over from my surgery. I've also sat with some heat on my back to help loosen the muscles. 

I was hoping to be finished with my fanfic this weekend but it looks like it's going to be a couple more days, perhaps a week.  I still have to edit it, but I know how it is going to end and ehm, my notes so far leave it open for a squeal.  

Cat Tales Zoological Park, still achy, music

Today we went to Cat Tales Zoological Park. 

I'm not sure what spurred Amanda into wanting to go or if it was a joint deciding venture between her and our friend Rachel. Either way, we went with Rachel and her boyfriend. 

Cat Tales is a  non-profit that takes in animals from side shows, animals that basically idiots decided it would be cool to have and then learned they were much more than they could handle and so on. They have Bengal and Siberian Tigers, a Lion, bobcats, a bear, some parrots, and at least one house cat that we decided was the most dangerous kitty at the park. No, really, we named him Skittles and he rules that joint. Okay, he probably doesn't but he's wild enough that there are signs advising people not to pet the house cats if they see them. There are also signs that state "do not run, you look like food", which I thought were appropriate.

It is not a big park and for my first real outing involving a good bit of walking, I think it went pretty well. One of the white tigers, Zeus, was pretty chatty. I didn't know if he was upset because he was limping and possibly hurting, or if he was just talking. He kept looking at me, so I spent some time at his enclosure while he walked up and down and rubbed his face on the chain link.   

I do not have pictures because my phone died during the night last night and I didn't have time to plug it in this morning before we left. My camera battery is also dead, so I didn't have that available. I linked the website above

After we left Cat Tales, we stopped by a cemetery so Rachel's boyfriend could get some pictures and then we went to get something to eat. Then we stopped at Party City and I knew after a few minutes in there that I was done for the day. It has only been four weeks since my surgery and I am still pretty sore. On top of that, I think the lackluster breakfast sandwiches I got us at 7-11 upset my stomach because I wasn't feeling well. It was bad enough that anything Amanda mentioned us getting from the store for the week made me want to vomit. 

I am still having trouble laying down to sleep. I tried this morning but it was just painful enough to keep me from getting any true sleep. So I gave up and sat up. I'm not happy about this, I would really like to sleep in bed with Amanda. I miss it and we are both feeling a little disconnect in that regard. Tonight she was having a bad night, so I made her come out to sleep on the sofa because I didn't want her to be alone. I mean, it's not like I'm likely to sleep anytime soon. Writing all night seems to be the best time for me. The rest of the world is sleeping.

A bit of good news is that my Grandmother is out of the hospital and back in the rehab center. She's keeping food down, but fora  little while her kidneys weren't functioning. She's better. 

Still writing and I did a really naughty thing. I ordered a couple of small note books from Evil Supply Co. They are relatively inexpensive and I find them to be the perfect size for story notes. Plus they are so me. This is one of the ones I purchased tonight.

On to music. I set up a L'Ame Immortelle station on pandora because I wanted more of that type of Gothic Music. Through some tweaking I am finally getting a mix of Gothic and Darkwave that is akin to what I was hearing on R1 Das Darkwave years ago. It was a streaming station I stumbled upon via Winamp over a decade ago that is no longer running. The station on pandora isn't perfect and I'm not getting everything I would like, but its close enough to make me happy. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell "Cry Little Sister" from the movie Lost Boys actually pertains to the damned movie. I know I saw it years ago, but I don't get it, lol.  I also heard a "new to me" song by VNV Nation called "Carbon" that I fell in love with. 

   

Blur, planner stuff, shit not together, kitty and the vet.

For Yule/Christmas, Amanda bought me sticker paper I can run through the printer. Yesterday morning, after I took her to work, I put the new ink cartridges in our printer and set out to print several affirmations that I really liked and had been saving. The above picture is just one of them. Affirmations, I'm finding out, only work if you say them regularly and actually try to believe them. When you don't feel up to much of anything, you fall short and they have lackluster meaning. 

Prior to Yule/ Christmas my Grandparents had sent some money as part of their gift to us and I used a little to purchase some planner sticker files from various sellers on Etsy. These are not all that I bought, just a few. I did pick up a couple of Halloween themed sets, a cat set in the color green, a winter set, and a mermaid set. What can I say, I'm an eclectic mess. 

pixielandfarm

TinyRelics

PrettyPlanningCo

ilove2print

I feel the urgency of this affirmation surging throughout, but the for life of me, I cannot seem to make myself do anything. Lethargy has taken hold. The last couple of days have been a down right blur between sleep and wakefulness. I've taken Narcisa to the vet (she is okay), Amanda to work, gone to the doctor, to therapy, to the store, run errands, and tried and failed to at least get my kitchen clean. Point of fact, ever since Halloween, we haven't been able to keep the house as clean as I would like. I can't seem to find things, or even stay motivated. I go through periods like this more often than naught and I'm afriad it's only going to get worse. My gynecologist prescribed me progesterone to hopefully shut my period off for a a few days and when I stop taking it I will have a "revenge" period as Amanda called it. After which time, he needs to go in and do a pap to make sure I don't have cancerous cells. We're moving toward a hysterectomy, thank the Gods! My blood work screams anemia and as soon as my uterus is out, that will begin to fix itself. I almost can't wait to have more energy again. 

Speaking of blood work, my previous primary care physician was absolutely sure- just by looking at me- that I am diabetic. You know because I am fat. She also wanted to sell me supplements that I couldn't afford- because she could make money- claiming they were non GMO and 100% organic. Well, my blood work would have been a huge disappointment to her. In fact, when I got my lab results back and saw my A1C, I had Amanda call her parents, who are both diabetic, and check to see what is good and what is considered diabetic. I'm not, not even close! But like I said before, I am very anemic. My new primary care physician prescribed a multivitamin with iron in it. 

Aside from that I have been sleeping a lot. Slept most of yesterday and all of last night. It doesn't help that I have a cute little orange kitten who likes to curl up on my chest. He is warm and soft. Thorin is curled up next to my feet at the moment, under the blanket. I'm starting to fade again, so I will end here and take my nap. I've stopped fighting against the sleep monster and hopefully soon, I won't have to, at least not for these reasons.   

Inspiration at the most inconvenient time, creating a new schedule, creating a space, dreams

art by Yuehui Tang

Here we are again, back to the sleepless night. This time, at least, it was because my brain took a flying leap down a rabbit hole. It began with the thought of how cold I was and that I really should get my ass in gear and make that Halloween/Gothic quilt I've been meaning to make. From there I pondered if I wanted to do some embroidery, and then I got to thinking about Christmas/ Yule presents I need to get started on. Of course from there I had to text myself from Amanda's phone some ideas which in turn made think of the embroidery patterns I have and that I should resize them and e-mail them to myself so I can print them out at the library tomorrow. And I also remembered that I need to resize a free envelope template I found earlier tonight. Then it was back to me being cold, not really tired, and that I should just get up for a little bit, get this stuff done, and then try to sleep again.  My brain seems to be the most active between 11 and 2 am when it comes to anything creative. Which has to be a left over habit from when I used to do the most writing during this time of night. I did that for years. 

I've decided, after all the depression crap last week, that I need to create and establish a new schedule. If I don't do it tonight, I will be doing it tomorrow. I've also decided that while I do like google calendar and will probably still use it, I really do prefer to have a planner. I love the planner I have purchased the last two years, but I really want something more personalized this year. My aim this year is to buy a fairly cheap one from wal-mart, nothing spectacular, and get some sticker paper, and print out planner stuff from online. Making some stickers of my own might be kind of fun too and would force me to dig out my digital art tablet.   

All of this being said, there's a been a bit of unrest for me within my house. I haven't quite found a space that feels right to do a lot of work. The kitchen table is nice but I can't really work on stuff there all the time. My desk is wonderful, but the bedroom is a disaster and lately Narcisa enjoys walking across or standing right on my keyboard. On top of that, I don't really have a spot to put up my writing manifestation board. I will figure it out, the important thing for me is to get off the sofa and into my desk chair if only because I tend to sit up straight more frequently and for longer periods of time. I also get up more and that will help with keeping my circulation moving.

Lastly, a couple of nights ago, I had a really interesting dream. I don't remember what I was doing, only that I told someone in my dream that I needed to get my camera, and get outside to try and get pictures of the supermoon. When I went out, there was a fully bloomed rose in the moon, much like that house is in the moon in the pictures above. It was interesting. I can't remember if I got pictures or not or what happened after. But I looked up the meanings on dream dictionary app on chrome. Together you can't really look up the meaning, but if you break it down, into rose and moon, then you get this:

Rose

The rose in dreams carries with it a great deal of symbolism. It suggests Perfection and Passion, Life and Death, Time and Eternity. It also represents the heart, the centre of life and as a psychological symbol symbolizes perfection. It contains within it the mystery of life and its grace and happiness.

 Moon

The moon represents the feminine and the spiritual self. How the moon appears to you in your dream suggests how close or distant you are from your inner feelings. For example, seeing a full moon means that you are closely in touch with your instincts and inner emotions.

In my case, lately I have thought a lot about life and death, not just for myself, but for family. I've thought about time, losing time or wasting it, and in so far as passion and perfection, I would say that I have spent sometime worrying over my passion for writing, and my constant need/desire/obsession to improve, to make it perfect, and so on. Where the moon comes in to play, I've been working on a spiritual aspect of my life. that I saw a full moon and have now learned what that means, soothes a great upset I've had for a long time. Some shit went down and for awhile someone made me distrust my own instincts and since then I have been trying to let that go, to move on and learn to trust them again and connect and deal with emotions and hurts I have buried for a long time. 

Couch Potato time, need for planning, and sleeping on the sofa, and SURPRISES!!!!!!

I know I posted several pictures of Narcisa in the the tea party post, but she was allowing us to take pictures and not being a brat about it. So, here is another good one! I love this one. 

I got a surprise in the mail a couple of days ago, my lovely Swedish friend, Ms. Misantropia, had a giveaway not too long ago and I'd completely forgotten that I'd entered it. Anyway, her package arrived last week and inside was a beautiful necklace! She'd also sent a little something else and a beautiful card. 

Just a few minutes ago, our mailman knocked on our door with a package I had to sign for. It was my Erhu!!! As soon as I get it all set up, since the instructions came in Mandarin Chinese I have to watch some tutorial vids, I will post pictures. It looks awesome! But I don't get to actually play with it, until after I have graduated. However, I want to make sure it is set up properly before then.

I need to take some time today and make a meal plan and grocery list. I don't feel like going to the store today, that will have to wait, but I can at least get half the hard part finished today. 

Today, until I have to go and pick up a friend for her doctor's appointment, I am going to be a couch potato. I am tired, swollen, and I don't really feel very good today. 

Last night I fell asleep on the sofa while watching a movie. I woke around 4 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I got up for about an hour or so and then tried to watch a movie. I made about half way through before I was tried again and though about taking a nap. I got just a little bit of one in before Amanda woke me to take her to work. 

Still, as crappy as I feel, I would like to go for a little bit of a walk. It's going to be hot today and it was a bit humid this morning, just enough for me to notice and say "eww". I would also like for my house to be cleaned up too. It's not terrible, its a matter of putting things away, doing laundry, and sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming. I need to clean the bathroom again, of course, but it can all wait until later. Like I said, I am a couch potato today. 

The moon for sleep, cars, facing realities

The moon for sleep because I should be sleeping at night rather than during the day. However, today that was not the case. I slept all night just fine, got up, made myself breakfast, ate, and sat down to start the day's homework and that was that. I missed five calls and several text messages. If I look at it, I got up around 8, probably fell asleep around 9-9:30 and didn't wake up until nearly 4 pm. I don't feel rested or refreshed. I have a head and neck ache. I'm pretty sure Amanda is upset with me because there was something she wanted me to do today and I didn't get to it. I've slept my best homework hours away as well and now I have company in the form of Fiona. So, I get to do homework after dinner tonight. Why after dinner? Because I am expecting a Skype call from my parents and Grandparents this evening. In other words... I am not happy.

On a side note, I have a bruise on my stomach that I don't remember getting. That could be from Narcisa using me as her own personal high way. But the three bruises around my elbow don't make sense. I don't remember banging into anything. 

Cars. Amanda and I went out to look at possible new-to-us used cars. We found and fell in love with the Dodge Journey and it was almost within our budget. It had under 100,000 miles on it, as gray like the one depected below and was a 2009 model. I really love that car and more to the point it was comfortable and roomy to drive in.

I told the guy showing us the cars that day that I am fat and a lot of my friends are fat, we need to be comfortable. I was blunt and to the point. I refuse to buy a car that I am going to hate driving and riding in.  But we didn't buy it that day and won't anytime soon in the near future and I will get to why in just a few. 

After we looked at the Dodge, we headed out of town and out of the state to go to the Silver Valley of Idaho- we used to live there several years ago- to the Dave Smith dealership. I will never go back there again. Our sales rep was unprofessional. She did not take pictures of a driver's licenses before letting us drive the car, she didn't even drive the car off the lot like she was supposed to. Someone else had to do it. It was really packed in there. Plus she let us get into a car that hadn't had the proper safety checks done. she also seemed pretty lack luster about all of it. Oh and the car we were in was a Volvo and Amanda loved it. However, the Dodge was a better deal and more importantly the back seat of the Volvo was actually painful to sit in. The seat belt buckle was stabbing me and there was no way to adjust it to make it stop.

So why aren't we getting a car right now? Despite the fact that I am terribly worried that Amanda's Kia won't hold out for much longer and thus am hyper paranoid on the highway- especially after yesterday's rush hour traffic near disasters (People drive like lunatics)- we don't have the budget for it. If we could get our monthly payment down to say 150 bucks, it would be tight, but we could manage it. But over that, it's a no go. Especially since we have to pay full coverage car insurance. Until either my Etsy business- which is in the works and I will talk about at a later time- gets up and going and I turn a decent profit from it, we sell our novels, and or I can find a job I can actually do -which will not happen until after I have my internal girly bits removed (I would cut them out myself today except I could die), we can't do it.  I don't like it, but it is what it is and honestly, I am mostly okay with that. I'm not surprised or shocked really. 

We are thinking about adding to our family soon, however. Not in the human way, but in the small furry with whiskers way. I wouldn't mind an older cat, but we have discussed it and really think a kitten would work best for Narcisa. She's motherly to a couple of her toys and we think she would do well with a kitten. Then she also has the opportunity to declare who is Queen of the house and not have too much opposition. We think. Honestly, it could go the other way. We have found three potential kittens and if they are still there after our current guest goes home in a few days, we will go get one. We would go while our guest is here but she has a lot of animals and we don't want to encourage her to get more, especially since she want to move. Landlords are very picky here. 

Exciting, annoying, and sleepy things...

I began my new term of school yesterday. So far all of the course work looks interesting and I've already learned quite a bit from the first two chapters of my new media and publishing class. Unfortunately some of it scares the crap out of me. I am apparently going to be making an author website this term. I also have to do an author bio and make my 'brand'. The author bio isn't quite as scary, at least it's not as scary as coming up with a brand. I'm sure I will figure it out though. I haven't started reading the homework for my photography class but I am sure that will be fun. 

Homework would go a lot smoother if I wasn't so tired all the time. I go to bed at a reasonable hour, well reasonable for me, which is usually between 10 and midnight. But, I have been sleeping in to 10 or 11 am and then around 1 or 2 in the afternoon I am so exhausted and tired that I end up taking a nap. Sometimes I can fight it off until 3pm but the last two days I haven't had much success. This really doesn't help me when I have homework and other things to do. 

Amanda is in Boston at the moment. She went to do her last residency, teach her class, and finally, finally graduate! I am so proud of her but I really miss her and wish she was home. I told her if I can get my homework taken care of, I would have a surprise for her. Well, I am certainly going to try! I can't say what it is in case she happens to read my blog while she is away. 

Narcisa is upset with me because I have been spending a lot of time outside at the neighbors house and not inside with her. But when I am inside she's busy sleeping in her bed or on the top shelf of my closet- she thinks I haven't seen the mess she made to get up there-, or she's running all over the house, hiding under rugs, or sitting in the window. She doesn't want to come sit with me and we can't play with her 'dot' during the day because its too bright for her to see it. She does come and visit me for a few minutes at night to lick my neck. I think she was weened too soon and I'm not sure she will ever grow out of it. Galen never did but at least he went for my clothes or blankets and not my neck.

My exciting news is that I am now on the Pagan Ministry Council for the IEPG. Its something I have wanted to do for quite awhile and I was really honored that I was asked before the general inquiry went out. I have so much to do now between homework and council stuff, not too much... It's basically research, writing up rituals and classes, and helping out here and there, and I love it all! But with that said, I need to put myself to bed so I can try to get up at a reasonable time tomorrow and get back to work.   

It's an all pain, no bra, homework filled, want to go back to sleep, and kind of inspired kind of day.

Emmeline is my Steampunk Name and I adore it! Plus, Vampy cuteness!

My Steampunk name has nothing to do with today's post nor am I going to get into it further than, I adore that picture. I don't even remember what my search was when I found it else I would tell you but when I saw it, it was love at first sight and I knew I had save it! I'm going to seek out the artist soon and see what else she or he has done. 

Anyway, today isn't a total bust, but kind of close. My back is hurting something awful and it apparently wanted company because my neck, shoulders, and head have come to the party as well. I still have homework, but there are only two weeks left and then I get a break, thank the Gods! I do want to go back to sleep though which is why I am not moving everything over to the bed where I know I will be more comfortable. I am just too tried and the minute I am even the slightest bit comfortable, I'm out. 

The no bra bit. It's not out of comfort, in fact I am more uncomfortable without one on. I am leaving the bra off today because the strap from the one I was wearing yesterday and the day before (Shut up I don't have that many) rubbed me raw and between that and me not paying attention and scratching, I have a bit of chaffing. So, I am giving my skin a break and applying a triple antibiotic ointment to help it heal faster without infection, not that it would get infect but you never know. This isn't some common occurrence but my skin is very sensitive and it really doesn't take much for me have this problem.  

I am a little inspired. With all the homework and being in and out of the house the last month or so, we haven't really done a lot of cleaning. Our house isn't bad, but it's not dusted and there's some clutter out and about. A posted some pictures of her lovely "cave" and now I kind of want to do the same of our space but I won't until I get some cleaning done. We just have a bedroom and bathroom to ourselves, the rest of the apartment is shared between Amanda, myself, and her parents, although I tend to spend more time in my room than anywhere else. That will change when we get a place of our own. 

Well, I really do feel like I am about to fall asleep so I had better get to work on my homework. I have a big paper to write this week, some Yule stuff to plan and organize here at home, and Amanda needs some help with her blog tonight. 

Oh and did I mention that while we've been engaged for a few years, we've decided that we are going to finally set a date and get married? Well, we are. Of course since gay marriage is kind of joke in Idaho thank to our oh so accepting Governor Butch Otter and his continued campaign to get that right revoked, we are going to wait until we move to Washington state. I will let friends and family know as soon as we do but I will not be posting it here. As someone who was born and raised in Kansas and has personally seen Westboro Baptist Church in action, I don't want or need them picketing my wedding. Not that I would be a bridezilla, but I would hurt them. 

Something fun came in the mail today!

Today as I was getting ready to take Skoora to work and get myself out of the dourness of the house, the mail woman came and dropped off some packages. One was the filters for the cat's water dish. Another were some small Christmas/Yule presents Skoora ordered for friends. But the last was the Lindsey Sterling CD! I can't tell you how excited I am to have it, finally! I've listened to most of it on Youtube but we finally have the CD and I won't have to listen to the incessant ads on Youtube that jar me when I'm in a decent writing rhythm. Don't get me wrong, I love Youtube, but there are days the ads just really get me.

I'm back at the library for the moment. I wanted to get a few things started for the day since I am feeling a tiny tiny bit better. I will probably head home in a few minutes. It's getting to be lunch time and I need to find a more comfortable place to write today, more comfortable for my back that is. It was pretty bad last night. I couldn't sleep for anything, couldn't find a comfortable position to lay, and worse, I was sweating. We had the window open with a fan pulling in the 63 degree F air and another fan pointed at me and both were set to medium. I ended up sitting on the sofa with the air conditioner on completely ready to just see how much writing I could get accomplished. But writing didn't happen because it was then that I cooled off and the pain had lessened enough that I could finally sleep.

The last couple of days have been full of sleep and we can blame the medicine for that. I've been rather pissed and sad due to that but there wasn't and isn't much I can do about it. If I can't stay awake, then I can't write and frankly, with as bad as it's been I'll take the sleep. Seems like blasphemy to say such a thing. Oh well. I am going to let of all the angst over that... You know what else I let go of while out of commission due to pain?  My eyebrows. HOLY SHIT! I'm going to have spend some serious tweezing time to get them back under control. Not really, I'm kidding, they aren't that bad but I do need to spend some time cleaning them and my finger nails up. And if I am feeling really rowdy I might even put on some makeup. GASP!  Probably not, I think if I can just get my eyebrows plucked today that will be good enough for me. I'm not feeling THAT much better.

Bad nightmare, bad!

Tentacle Shadow Monster by
Pyrhho

Yesterday, after the library trip, I just decided to go home. I really wasn't feeling very good. As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed, and gave Yoda-Chan some cuddles and went to sleep. However, it was not a nice nap. No, it was awful! I got into a horrible fight with my Dad over playing Guild Wars, something neither of us would ever fight about much less with each other. But in the dream, he had me in hysterics. Then I had to go pick Skoora up and the brakes weren't working on my Dad's truck very well, so I ended up rear-ending someone. After that the traffic was so horrible that I had to drive on the sidewalk. Can you imagine a Ford F-150 driving on the sidewalk? It doesn't work very well.

When I awoke from all of this, I was really unsettled but thankfully got over it quickly. Of course by that time I realized that I had slept about 3 hours and should have been up at 4 pm at the latest to make supper. I just didn't have time before I had to go pick Skoora up from work. So I threw something in the oven, some lean cuisine crap Skoora's Mom bought and skedaddled.

Skoora wanted to go to Target and Layne Bryant. We went, we saw, she bought an outfit. But by the time we were done, my stomach was so awful and so was my back and the rest of me, that I just had to get home to rest. I didn't do much of anything last night.

Today, I'm not feeling much better but at least I'm going to the doctor. That reminds me, yesterday I wrote that I was going to see the headshrinker only I'd confused that appointment with doctor's appointment. I am going to see a friend today no matter how much my stomach hurts simply because I promised to take some photos of her and I really like spending time with her.  

Monster in my dream and the puddle.

He's a real monster!

It's summer again which means that I don't sleep very well at night. When I do happen to doze off for a few minutes of an hour or two here and there, I tend to have some pretty strange dreams. I don't remember all of them but the few I have managed to remember have been unsettling.

In a perfect dream world my dreams would star me, thin but with curves in the Fullmetal Alchemist world. I would be a state alchemist and an officer in their military. Col. Roy Mustang would be in hot pursuit of me dating wise and I would be lightheartedly playing hard to get while still maintaining a supportive professional relationship at work. Yeah, I know roll your eyes, but damn it, it's my perfect dream world not yours.

In the real dream world, or in the case of my actual dream, I was in support of Roy Mustang and he was planning something. However, I was stuck on a train loaded to 70% capacity of military supports of Fuhrer King Bradley, and they knew Roy was up to something just like that knew he had many supporters, some of which weren't even in the military. By the way, at this point I should probably mention that I was not part of the military in this dream.

So, anyway, something happened to the train or train tracks and the train had to come to a stop. the Fuhrer ordered everyone to remain calm and everything would be taken care of. Seeing an opportunity to get away, I slipped off the train and looked for a place to hide. There was almost nothing but a couple of trees and a big boulder. Wtf? What did I do, I high tailed it behind the damned rock instead of trying to hide on the train.

I swear not five minutes later, the Fuhrer sent patrols out to make sure no one had escaped, and of course they made a bee line for me and my stupid rock. They pulled me out and drug me to the Fuhrer who then looked me up and down like I was dinner. I was actually kind of scared but what really terrified me was when he leaned in and smelled me and then announced that I was his new mistress. I had to pretend to be happy about it but I just wanted to run even more then, especially since I knew he was even human and would probably do a lot of terrible things to me.

My next unsettling dream happened early this morning as the sun was rising in the sky. At some point the sprinkler system went off, that much I know for certain because the windows were wet when I awoke to go to the bathroom. But in my dream prior to that, the windows were wet but so also was the windowsill. Now, my bed is right there, at eye level with the windowsill (we are also on the ground level), and because it's summer, I have had the window open at night with a little fan there to draw in the cooler air. We also have a string of purple xmas lights.

Well, I dreampt that I awoke to find a small puddle on the windowsill, right under the fan and that the end of the xmas lights were laying in the puddle. I was worried but too tried to do anything major about it, so I just sopped it up with the curtain and tucked the lights further away and went back to sleep. Only I'm not sure that really happened because when I really did wake up the curtain, the lights, and the windowsill were all dry. Really, this is kind of disturbing. I'm just going to trash the lights since it's better to be safe than sorry.

At the end of this, I wish I could sleep the whole night, and not have dreams that freak me out. Oh and I really don't like summer.

Might be a long night...

This is me, Skoora.

I took my girlfriend, Skoora, to the airport tonight so she could fly out to Boston for her MFA residency. she'll only be gone for two weeks but that's two whole weeks that she's there and not here, with me. Last time she went to one of these I flew home to visit my family and some friends back in Kansas. It was different. But, I am very happy she is in this program and that she has the opportunity to do this. I already miss her.

I won't be staying home with her parents the entire time that she's gone. Nope, I am going to visit a friend in another town for a few days and will be bringing her back to my house, where she in turn will spend a few days. Our plans are to discuss Neo-pagan topics (there are some things I need to read before I leave), explore the area she lives so I can get some pictures and she can get out of the house (as long as my back holds out), and she's going to teach me to crochet. Which reminds me, I thought of an idea for a quilt.

I haven't decided exactly what I plan to do for the 4th of July. If my friend stays until then, I thought I would see about watching the city's fireworks show. I know I am invited to Skoora's aunt's house for swimming, games, and a cook out. Whether or not my friend stays or goes home by then, I will at least attend for a little bit. Then of course, I need to get online and play Guild Wars with my Dad.

Oh speaking of my Dad, he got his first tattoo! He hates needles so I am proud that he stuck it out. His tattoo is the snake from the Gadsden flag. I wonder if my Mom will get a tattoo now? I have two and hope to one day get something on my back, between my shoulder blades, something pagan, but what, I haven't decided. I have to keep in mind cost, time in the tattoo chair, if I will have to have more than one appointment, ect...

As of right now, I'm kind of tired, but I don't know if that will be the case once I lay down to sleep. I have decided that I will keep the TV on tonight, for noise. It's going to be so weird to sleep in our bed without Skoora, at least here. However, I will have the kitties, and if I can't sleep, I will read.  

Eeek! Sleeplessness and poo.

I awoke after having less than three hours worth of sleep. I needed something to drink and also I'm in so much pain, I just can't sleep. So, because there is nothing more annoying than being in a room full of sleeping cats and a snoring girlfriend when you can't sleep, I decided to play some games on Facebook.

I love Dragon City! Some of the dragons are too cute and some are really pretty. But I also play Bubble Witch Saga and am currently stuck on level 35. A few days ago, because I was curious, I decided to start playing Candy Crush Saga as well. It's okay but nothing I would write home about. Speaking of writing home... I need to write another letter to my cousin Shi-chan.

It is a good thing that I am awake so early this morning for Yoda hopped up on the bed next to me. I thought he smelled a little strange but it wasn't until he pushed his way between me and my computer (my desk is right beside my bed) and up on my pillow, that I realized what the stick was. He had poo stuck in his fur and he wasn't happy that I had lifted his tail either. But I told him to stay put, went to the bathroom for some toilet paper and a washcloth with soap. After some glaring but surprisingly no fussing, Yoda is clean and my pillowcase has been changed. I will have to trim his fur again but I will do that later since he's sleeping.

On a non-poopy matter, I finished the anime Darker Than Black, last night and it was really good. I thought I saw something about another season somewhere so I will have to look. In the mean time, I guess I will see if I can get back to sleep.

Witch, Vampire, and Fairy dolls

Vampire Dolls

I had trouble sleeping again last night. I even had the window open to bring in cooler air but it didn't really help much. So, of course I am dragging ass today and despite the back pain and the fact that it will take me twice as long to do anything, I am going to some hardcore cleaning today in effort to stay awake.

Now since I was having trouble sleeping last night, I decided to look for a few things on the internet. Several years ago I saw a couple of Witch dolls or figures at a friends house. They weren't ugly or green, they were lovely and I haven't been able to find them anywhere. I am starting to wonder if they weren't OOAK (One Of A Kind) like you can nab from Etsy, Ebay, or Deviant art. Of course asking said friend would be the easy route but we aren't friends anymore. She decided to throw away everything that was 'pagan' among and destroy any semblance that she was ever a decent human. Enough about her because really I could write a whole two part blog on her and I really don't want to. I want to write about dolls damn it!

Onward. I have decided that Google sucks as far as image searches are concerned. Yahoo is better for it and I found some really interesting things. Most of the OOAK dolls are Monster High dolls that people have repainted and made clothes for. That's really cool, but I really like the Monster High dolls so I just don't see myself giving one an overhaul.  Then there were the Barbie dolls and some of those were very pretty but not really what I was looking for. Of course there were the typical green witch dolls and the chubby-long nosed-warts and moles-scraggly haired witch dolls, and then there were some really ugly looking ones. But nothing really of what I was looking for. Dare I say it, I am going to have to learn how to sculpt and make doll clothes.

After being a little discouraged, I decided to look for Vampire dolls. You know, I didn't like Twilight as a book (gasp!) in fact I couldn't get through the first page. I didn't like the writing. I watched the movies and they were interesting but honestly, I'm not that fond of the whole Twilight frenzy. But to see how many Twilight dolls there are. Ugh! they overpower the search results. And if it's not Twilight, you get to see the really creepy dolls and what is with the vampire baby dolls? I had to type in BJD at the end of my search to find the really pretty Vamp dolls. But as most of us know, BJDs are very expensive. I promised myself that after I finished and published my book I would get two BJDs as a reward. I want them custom made to look like the main characters of my novel.

After I'd searched through the Vampire doll results I turned to Fairy dolls because I've seen some really

pretty ones in the past. Thankfully, that was about the time that I started to fall asleep so I didn't get very far. There is hope in that search because it seems that there are a lot more of what I was looking for. I suppose it would help if I mentioned what I want these dolls for. Decoration mostly. I'm not going to buy a whole bunch but one or two would be nice. I plan to do Gothic/macabre for the fall and winter months and fantasy for the spring and summer.

Since I feel like I am beginning to ramble and my eyes are a little droopy, I'm will end it here, and get on to cleaning.

Rainbow Raccoon the air is too still!

No, I'm not doing drugs, I just haven't slept very well the last couple of days. Either I've been been too hot or in too much pain. I think I got 4 hours Saturday night and less than 2 Sunday night. However, last night, well last night I crashed early on the sofa, don't remember getting to bed, and didn't want to wake up this morning.

I am still tired but not really able to settle enough to nap. Also, I've had to turn off the air conditioning again. The air feels very still, almost stale, but a little humid or moist. I don't like it but someone or a couple of someones will bitch if I turn the air back on. I will be moving into my bedroom shortly to sit in front of the fan.

Mixing bowls

Since I haven't been able to sleep I've been looking at pictures on the internet, mainly looking for something to replace the laptop skin I bought. We had to cut the skin to fit my computer but it doesn't want to really stay. So I was thinking to getting something smaller, like a car window decal. In all reality, I probably won't get a sticker any time soon. I have to save money for medicine and gas and things I actually need. Still, looking was fun.

Speaking of looking at things to look, I've also searched the Internet for dishes, side tables, and housewares in general. Eventually Skoora and I will be moving and we will need some things again,
especially since I'm unsure of what has been broken, what has been borrowed- not likely to be returned, and what we got rid of before we moved and then moved again.

I know for certain that its about time Skoora and I have a decent set of mixing bowls. Since I gave away our old dishes, we will need set. I like that the set to the left has 45 pieces but I don't know that I necessarily want white. Sure white will go with anything and everything, but I kind want something fun. Yet, I don't want something that can be dated or too heavy. Of course it seems silly to have a 45 piece set of dishes for two people except that we like to entertain and I really want to have holiday dinners at my house.

Of course I would love to have a KitchenAid Mixer but they are so expensive that I will just be content with a hand mixer for now... Assuming I still have one. At one time I had two and I'm not entirely sure how that happened. Also, since I will most certainly be on a tiny mission to start making cakes again, I thought picking up this cake decorating pen thing would be a good idea. My hands shake at the worst moments so it would be really nice to have a little more support when it comes to holding the icing bags.

And I will most certainly be doing this kind of organization in our next place! Why we weren't doing this before is beyond me.

Oh and thanks to my parents, I was able to get my car into the shop. It has been fixed and is just waiting for me to pick it up.

I have been very very bad or good, however you look at it.

My Lich costume

 I have been so terrible lately. I haven't worked on a story, novel, or any blog posts for Detangled Writers, Crimson's Crafts and Culinary, or even this one in the last couple of days.

Why? Because my Dad talked me into joining an alliance with a real go-get-er guild. They do Urgoz's Warren, Fissure of Woe, and lots of faction farming runs. (we are Kurzicks by the by). Dad and I have been in The Jade Quarry the last two days turning our imperial faction from battles into Kurzick faction.

So far between the two of us, We've pumped in a 800,000+ faction into the alliance. And in doing that, along with our allies, we are helping to keep a town and discount merchants and the like. It's really nice. Plus we get to play with and talk to some really nice people. They do some training and teaching, show what skill combinations work best for them, and frankly, they've got me wishing I had more level 20 characters of other professions to swap out and play with  with them.

I've been a little of wary of joining any alliances because most of the time when I am in towns and have local chat on, I don't like a lot of what is being said. I also used to be in a guild and alliance (after I left to make a guild with my Dad) with a couple who happen to be the brother and sister-in-law of my girlfriend. There's some bad blood between us on account of what they did to my girlfriend's parents, how they've treated us, and even me separately  but I'm not going to get into that, it's done and over with. And I have been a little hesitant of joining another alliance because that meant socializing with people I didn't know and I don't do that very well, actually have a phobia of it.  Most of the time people either piss me off or worry me.

My Dad and I.

Moving on, I guess I need to do some recruiting for my guild. I have Kat, but she's been busy with school. I thought I had another friend but the game she got for xmas didn't work and I don't think she is going to get another one and play, which is okay, it's no big deal especially since she is also in school and really trying to crack the whip on herself to write. So, I have been putting up recruiting messages on my facebook. So far, no one has taken me up on it. I was thinking of trying it on my google plus account, but I am a little hesitant to do so. Three people, I don't know have added me in the last two weeks with no messages, and as far as I can tell, one of those is people might be spam. I haven't added them in return. I feel bad about it, but until I get more info out of them, I'm not going to pretend we are friends and invite them into my little world.

So, I think Dad and I will have to talk about recruiting, the when and where, and maybe take lessons from the leader of the FaT guild.
 

That's a bunch of us playing in URgoz's Warren

Oh and before I shift gears away from Guild Wars, yesterday I was in The Jade Quarry and someone sent me a whisper in German. I think, because they had a German name, that they were, well German. And since my character name is German, well you get it. Anyway, I have no idea what they said and since I was away from my computer at the time and they were gone by the time I got back, I couldn't ask. And of course, I forgot to write it down to translate it in google translator or even ask a friend who is taking German. In the end, I thought it was really cute and was and still am really tickled. 

All right, sleep. Oh boy, sleeping has been interesting. I've been conking out pretty quickly and sleeping very hard. Still having some wild dreams thanks to the new meds, and waking up in the morning is rather interesting. I seem to find myself asking "What the hell was that dream about?" and also, "Will you make the sun go away, I want more sleep". That dreaded day star doesn't make me happy, especially when it's not hidden by clouds first thing in the morning. I am not a morning person. I am worse after the five to ten minute internal convincing that has to be done to make myself get up and out of bed. I just pretend to be cheerful or nonchalant toward my house mates while the truth is, I am mentally smacking them with frying pans, pouring hot coffee in their laps. Okay, I'm not that bad... wait, yes I am. Heh heh heh, guess you'll never know because I'll never tell.

My birthday is coming up. I will be spending it at a casino north of where I live, mostly for the swimming and the nice balcony I can sit on and watch the river. Yes, I'll do a little gambling, but I'm really not one much for it. I hardly ever win anything and if I do it's so little and I almost never walk away with more than I came with. I really just want to relax and finish the books I borrowed from the library. Okay, and yes, maybe even play Guild Wars for a little bit while I am there. 

On a side note, I am going to make a list of crafts I want to get done this spring and then have two days where I do nothing but write about them and then do a craft blog dump, but schedule them, so people aren't spammed with them. I also have to do the same for Detangled Writers and I have several I want to do for this one.