Impromptu date night, chills, some reading

More Joseph Vargo

Yesterday there was a message in my e-mail holding a really generous gift from my friend Fiona. She sent us a gift card for our anniversary to a restaurant we like, which was very sweet of her. She didn't have to do that, but she did and we appreciate it so very much. Since I wasn't feeling the greatest yesterday, I decided that we would use it last night for an impromptu date of sorts. We had a nice time and on the way home, we drive up the hill to see what the Elk's Club was about. We discovered several cats running about and a couple of RV's were parked. I think it is just a club for retired people with a bit more money than we have, where they can hang out and kind of camp with a nice view of the valley. 

After we returned home, we watched some list videos on youtube, Hercules the Disney movie, and an episode of School for Little Vampires.  I, of course, fell asleep on the sofa, as I usually do. I have this thing where the moment I get comfortable, I fall asleep, especially at night. 

This morning I awoke to  a chill in the air and that is something I really love. Had I not needed to get up, I might have stayed in bed for a little bit snuggling in the blankets and I might toddle off later to do so since I am having a hard time staying awake. 

PCOS problems are in full force this morning. Bad cramps, bleeding heavily, and exhaustion are really wiping me out today. I am hoping that a short nap will help. Sometimes it is just better to give in, instead of trying to write a bog for the last hour only dozing every few minutes, as I have been. There is some serious reading I need to finish today and I know I can do it, but I need to be awake and less foggy brained. 

I think that is is for today. I have other things to share, but I think I will wait until tomorrow for Haunted Humpday, because they fall more into that category anyway. 

Important lessons, nursing dark chocolate, pain, restlessness

I made a toner recently. I thought that A) it would be good for my skin and B) because I have been wearing more make up, it would help soothe my skin. My toner is made up of 3 parts witch hazel and 1 part rose water. I use it in the morning after I wash my face and again at night when I have removed my make up. Except last night, for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to use it on my eye lids. Sometimes, I'm not very smart. Sometimes I forget that I have very sensitive skin and my the area around my eyes is no exception. (I also sometimes forget that I gave myself a chemical burn with Nair once while trying to remove some of the eyebrows. It was a disaster by the way.) Thankfully, while I didn't end up with a chemical burn, at least according to what I could see, the area along my eye lashes certainly felt a bit stingy itchy, and kind of burn like last night. I told my friend Chris about it and got an almost Mom-like almost scolding. 

My eyes felt better this morning and good enough that I decided to try wearing make up. So far so good. I'm a tad peeved because it took me an hour and a half to do it and all I want to do is curl up somewhere and take a nap. I was rudely awakened by PCOS problems around six this morning and since Amanda had to be up shortly anyway, I just stayed up and made breakfast and coffee. Because of the PCOS problems of today, my back, my hips, and my legs have this incessant dull ache that is driving me crazy. This sort of pain is so draining, forget that I'm bleeding like a stuck pig, and they we add the energy drain from the fibromyaligia... I'm not a happy camper. But, I'm still going to get dressed and I am still going to go visit Chris today. I may just end up curled up in a chair with a small cute dog for cuddles. Chris is house/ dog sitting for a friend of ours and you know what, my friend's dog cuddles me more than Narcisa. *sigh* 

Speaking of my kitty cat, we got her a small box from the store. It was just something that had had cans or dry goods in, not a flat, a box. She loves to sit in it and Fiona and Amanda were sliding her back and forth across the carpet. Narcisa seemed to enjoy it. So, yesterday, I decided I would play with her like that too. Only I didn't have someone to push her back to me, so I was pushing her with my foot. That was fine until I sent her into the ottoman face first. She was not happy with me. Honestly, she was fine, just a little miffed. 

Anyway, I am feeling a bit restless today. There is plenty of house cleaning I could do and there are several craft projects I would love to do but don't have the time or quite the amount of energy for. I think I will stick to something simple, easy, like coloring since I am going to leave at some point today. And until lunch time, I think I will visit my fox cookie jar and nurse a small piece of dark chocolate to soothe my temperament.

Saved a Moth, the spider chased me, that explains some things, and pretty pictures

I need pretty things today. I feel worse than I did yesterday, in fact, I have a migraine today. I'm so used to them, and this one is what I would call mild, that I can still function a little. My period slowed down and tapered off enough that I just had some light spotting. You know enough that I still had to wear a pad. Well, today we are back to bleeding so bad my bathroom looks like a crime scene and I am passing big cloths again. I've got most of the bathroom cleaned up, I just need to mop the floor but simply don't have the energy. I took a picture, but I am not going to share it, I'm saving it for the GYN. So for now, it's back to sitting on towels just in case, being generally weak and miserable, and I am taking today off from homework. I'm just going to watch NetFlix. 

I managed to make myself breakfast. Biscuits and Gravy. Only the biscuit was two hamburger buns. It's what we had. I didn't buy bread when I was at the store and haven't felt up to making any. One of these days I will.

I saved the moth I asked Amanda to put outside last night. It had migrated from the lamp shade to the kitchen and since I have had a bad experience with a moth flying into my mouth, I decided to set free into the wilds again. Then, while I was eating my breakfast, I noticed something moving to my left and of course looked. Lo and behold there was a nickle sized tanish-whiteish-ugly mother fucking spider running toward at full spider speed. It freaking chased me while I grabbed a shoe to smack it dead dead dead! I left my shoe sitting atop the squished remains and moved my laptop table and my laptop down the sofa.*shudder* I do not do spiders. It must have gotten in when we had the door open yesterday. I don't know why it thought my house was a good place to hang out when there is a perfectly good ant colony outside along with all the other bugs that fly around my plants. 

Needless to say I lost my appetite. So with that said, I am going to share the rest of the pretty flower pictures that I took from my garden the other day. 

We'll start with the actual flowers, my pot of Pansies. I posted the purple one last night.

For as much as I don't really like orange and yellow, I really like these flowers.

Love the bluish-purple on these.

I like the dark red on this one. 

Blood red? Or blood red velvet?

I don't have a lot of purple pansies, but maybe next year I will. Besides, to go with the Midsummer Solstice theme, we'll call these fire pansies- well the color anyway. 

Here we have our dill and cosmos flowers. 

Some catnip that Narcisa has been enjoying.

In the rectangle tub we have two tomato plants, one is a blueberry tomato plan then other is a lemon boy? I will have to double check with Amanda since I didn't buy them. Beside it in the round tub is our lone pumpkin plant. I would really like to clear out all of the stupid wood chip crap. Apparently spiders like to hang out in that shit. 

Lastly, one of parsley plants. Amanda thinks we are going to need to grow more since I pretty much put it in everything. I love it! I am planning to get a food dehydrator and bring in some of these herbs. I also admit to wanting to get a food dehydrator so I can make beef jerky. 

Lastly, my obligatory kitty pic. Narcisa is enjoying her live cat tv. We have lots of birds, squirrels, other cats, and even a few marmots.  

New Doctor, cosplay plans, Possible Grad School, Narcisa is a brat!

The picture above is of Rin Tohsaka from Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works. This is the costume I will be making for Kuro Neko Con. My plan is to make the skirt longer so I can wear some shorts or leggings underneath. It;s going to be the end of July since I am going to have to wear a wig, the fabric is going to have to be light and breathable. Amanda thinks I should go with a light knit so it has some give. I think she might just be right, but I also need it to look like it is supposed to. I will be consulting the ladies at Joann's sometime next month so I will get their opinion. I also don't think I am going to have to make all of it myself. I'm pretty sure I can find a white button down blouse somewhere and add the red accents on the collar and cuffs myself. I am pretty excited about it. I am also going to be working on Amanda's cosplay costume. I think she's settled on who she wants to cosplay but I am not totally sure. 

I went to my new doctor yesterday. The office is small and I was the only person there, which gave it a more personal feel. I like both the nurse and the doctor, they are both very nice and kind people. The doctor spent half an hour just reading through my medical records and even made notes. She is sending me to a female gyn specialist to take care of my PCOS, that was the first thing out of her mouth after she said hello. The very second thing she wanted to talk about was sending me to counseling. She doesn't think depression medication alone is 100% effective and honestly, I have to agree with her because for months I've felt like I needed to be in therapy again. She was concerned about my xanax prescription, nearly every doctor I have been to very wary of xanax because of its addictive properties. I told her I only take it when I am having a really bad panic attack I can't get myself out of. Those don't come that often. She said that was good, but she'd like to get me to a point where I no longer have to take it. She also told me that people with fibromyaligia need at least 9 hours of sleep at night. Opps, don't always get that. I tend to get between 6-9. She said getting on steady sleep schedule of 9 hours of sleep at night will make me feel better. 

Next up she is ordering a full panel of blood work. She wants to know everything so she has a better idea of what she's working with. Sounds good to me. Then she did, I think, a physical- it has been so long since I have had one. She said that I was basically a healthy person except, here it comes, all the weight, which brings me to the next part of the visit. She did not lecture me about being fat. She's been overweight herself. But she did tell me that she really wants to help me lose the weight because she is tried of seeing her patients' health deteriorate over time when it could be helped and she hates to see them die when again, it could have been helped. I really don't think she was bullshitting me, there was genuine concern and given that she'd already spent an hour going over the blood work and the reasons why, why she was sending me to the councilor and also the gyn specialist, I was okay with listening to her for another half hour or so about the weight stuff. 

She wants me to lose the weight fast and suggested me trying something that she and her nurse have been trying. It is the hcg diet. I was a little concerned when she said that you can't exercise on this diet and something about 500 calories, and can't eat any starches like pasta, rice, bread, and potatoes. She told me that the information is available online, I can look at. She's going to have more information for me next week and under no circumstances would I be starting this diet until my pcos issues are cleared up because she wants to monitor everything closely. 

Okay, I don't mind trying new things. I don't mind eating smaller portions or eating healthier. I do mind not being able to have salt and seasonings on my food. I get that food is for nutritional value, but I enjoy cooking so much. To me, it's like telling me that I am no longer allowed to do something that I love. So, a little freaked out about that, I'm not going to lie, I was freaking out a little. I came home and had cornbread, mac and cheese with hot dogs for dinner and I had seconds. This morning I spent some time researching the hcg diet and don't think it is something I am comfortable doing. It is not FDA approved, not that I generally put a lot of stock in what the FDA says, but there are also a lot of risks, one of those being blood clots. I read through two or three websites that listed the same dangers and possible side affects, that I decided I would come up with a counter offer for her. I know that sounds weird but doing a diet that doesn't allow exercise and as one site listed, doesn't allow certain body lotions and such, is too.

So, I propose cutting my portions down, lowering my carb intake, and starting a workout regimen. I'm sorry, call me vain, but I am not going to lose weight to look terrible and not have the money to remove excess skin. Instead I would rather lose weight slowly, build muscle, and tone down the flab as much as I can. I also don't want to lose a massive amount of weight. I felt the best in a size 14-16 pair of jeans. That's where I would like to be. I don't need to be super skinny, just healthy. That's all I have ever wanted. Anyway, I won't have to wait until the PCOS issue is fixed, I can start next week on Monday. 

Moving on, I have been planning to go to grad school after I take a break to decompress and recharge after I graduate. I was planing on the rest of the year. I had thought to just go through SNHU but I'm not sure their program is the one I really want or need. So I have been looking online for some alternative in the area. I think I found one at a College 30 minutes from here. I can't remember the name but I remember the city its in. I am going to look at their requirements more in depth later. 

Lastly, Narcisa is being such a brat today! She wanted to play so I was playing with her this morning before I took Amanda to the park and ride. Her idea of playing today was to bite me over and over again, not hard, and certainly not hard enough to break skin. Oh and rabbit kicking me with her pack paws. Since she seemed to think that was acceptable play, I bit her back. Not hard, but boy did that weird her out. It was that whole "mom, you're not supposed to bite me, I'm supposed to bite you" look. Ugh! she's curled up on my bed at the moment, too lazy to come out and see me. That's okay, I am going to take a nap for an hour or two and then get up and get busy. 

What do the sofa, a heating pad, a laptop, and a book on Germanic Religion have in common?

So what does the sofa, a heating pad, a laptop, and a book on Germanic religion all have in common? 

Me.

That's right. In lieu of all the sewing projects I had lined up for this break, I am just not feeling up to them. Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed and in the bathroom. Today, things seemed better but I made it to the library and after about half an hour I had to leave and come home to clean up. I really hate this PCOS period crap. So, now I am curled up on the sofa with a heating pad on my stomach for the cramps. I've played around on facebook for bit and will be picking the above book back up with the hopes of finishing it today. I'm not going to let my break go to waste! If I can't sew, then I will study things of my choosing. Also, I really do need to get this book back to the friend who lent it to me. I've had it for months!

The book itself has been an interesting read. I think every thing the author write about Freyja I already learned from another book. But, it is always good to have refreshers and I am learning more about Njord and Freyr. So far I have really enjoyed it. I'd buy the book myself but the cheapest I have seen was 74 dollars on Amazon. So I'll just enjoy it, take my notes, and return it to my friend. 

Also, the rest of this week is going to be busy. 

Narcisa was up to her antics again this morning. She likes to jump up and hang from the curtains in our bedroom. She's pulled the curtains down before but this time, she managed to bend the curtain rod. So now we need to go get another curtain rod. Amanda thinks if we tried to bend it back it would only break. It looks like we need to trim Narcisa's claws again. Oh and yesterday, she couldn't get enough of me. She had to be with me and on me all day. Today, I am chopped liver. Galen is off hiding because he doesn't want us to give him pills and Ellie is curled up on our bed. 

Lazy day, cats, sewing projects, studying of happier things.

Welcome to homework with Narcisa. She's the reason I'm constantly having to sweep cat hair out from between my computer keys and this was a day she was behaving. Most of the time she tells me that I don't really need to take notes and walks over my pen while I am writing only to sit on my hand. She loves to stand on the mouse pad or lay across the keys or better yet, to knock everything off my desk and steal my pens. She's ever so helpful! The video was taken a couple of weeks ago.

Galen is still sick but we've talked to the vet and he's got another round of antibiotics. He is still eating, drinking, and using the litter box, and even gets excited for treats, so I am hopeful. I went to a candle magic class and a girl there talked about how she rolled a candle in catnip and did a spell for her cat when it was sick. Apparently it worked pretty well. So, yesterday I got out a tea light candle, carved Galen's name and the word Heal into it, sprinkled some catnip and added a few of his hairs to it. I then focused my energy and asked Freyja, if it was to be, if she would be willing to help Galen heal. Then I burned the candle. I thought about doing it this everyday but maybe once a week would be better. 

I have officially finished this school term. Thank the Gods! I'm coming out okay, passing both classes with better grades than I was shooting for. Frankly I am so happy to be rid of that term I could dance. I have a week off and then I start the next term, which is critical thinking in philosophy and the english language- grammar. Both look like lots of intensive homework, but I am okay with that. I am sure I will have a grievance or two later on, but for now I am choosing to be excited for the new classes. 

I have some sewing projects that I wanted to get accomplished. Mostly its shirts and I wanted to start Amanda's and my t-shirt quilt. I even did the design mock ups last night for my shirts. But I don't know that any of my sewing will actually happen this time around. For one, we have to take the car down to Fiona's so her Dad can look at it and see what needs to be repaired. Fiona, Amanda, and I are going to Seattle in the middle of March. More on that in another post. Anyway, we are doing that Tuesday and coming back on Wednesday, and bringing Fiona back with us. Thursday is my birthday and a Full Moon Ritual with our group. I'll probably spend the rest of the week after that getting ready for the next term and I have a feeling it will be extremely slow going. 

I'm having trouble with my period again. I've been having it for the last two months and the day before yesterday it decided to go into overdrive. So I get to wear the big monster pads that are almost like diapers, sit on a towel, and stay close to my bathroom, which is starting to look like a crime scene again. I'm trying to keep it as cleaned up as possible but sometimes, I only have enough energy to wash my hands and get back to the bed or my desk chair. I haven't even had anything to eat today. And I am so very tired. So, I am going to lay in bed today and watch a couple of the movies I've been wanting to watch for awhile and get some reading, of my choosing, done.  And if anyone is wondering, yes, I am eating lots of iron rich food and protein and taking an iron supplement. 

Lots of things, getting caught up, and something new

So much has happened since I last posted, tests, medical stuff, a camping trip, and I'm not sure where to begin. 

School, that's a good start. I finished lat term with a high B in both classes. Yay! Not A's but considering some of the crap I was dealing with, I am just so happy that I almost had A's. This new term seems like its going to be a good one. I've already had a week of it and really like both instructors.

Yoda is sick. He is bloated and at first we thought he was constipated. We took him to the vet but the vet said he wasn't and looked him over for a few more minutes. Basically if the bloating doesn't go down in the next week or so, we have to run some blood tests on him and see if he's having kidney or liver failure. So far he's been eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom the same, but he is sure sleeping a lot. I think he looks sad or uncomfortable and I am really worried about him, especially since he's losing more teeth. Yes, he is an old kitty. I have head him for 16-17 years and I love him dearly, but if he is suffering, I've made my peace with myself for when he needs to go. Jeeze, just thinking about it makes me cry. 

The weather has been nice. We went to the IEPG Frolicking with the Faeries pagan camp out last weekend. It was really great! I had a lot of fun and it was a nice way to end my first school term. I'll write more on that over in my pagan blog (which I have sorely neglected).

If anyone remembers, Skoora and I applied for a driving job. We thought it was going to be perfect! I wouldn't have to lift anything or stand for long hours, just drive. We told the people in charge of training and hiring that we could only work two days a week. We told them that several times and they seemed okay with it. They even scheduled us for more training and told us to expect a call in two weeks for when and where. That call never came. In fact we had to call them on said training day then wait two hours for a call back. The woman Skoora talked to, was huffy and said that we weren't a good fit because we could only work two days a week instead of full time 5-6 days a week. Um, no we didn't and she knows we didn't. And if they are hurting SO terribly for drivers as they say they are, they would have never gone through all the process of training and background checks and so forth. They just wasted company money and our time, not to mention our gas for when we had to drive into Spokane. Did I mention how utterly disorganized these people are and that I am going to have to get my bank account number changed because of it? One of the women who was training me, still had a voided personal check of mine I used to set up direct deposit. She never gave it to her boss.

Skoora actually thinks what really happened was that they decided they didn't want two lesbians working for them. She mentioned once in her interview when talking about me, that I was her girlfriend. I made the mistake in one of my training sessions, while trying to fill out paperwork for taxes of asking what I should put down because Skoora claimed me last year as a dependent. Yeah... But in the end, after most of our friends telling us they had bad feelings about this job, we simply told them, to forget it. I think I will be writing the company to tell them at least about the utter disorganization of their management here, what happened, how they handled things and so forth.  

I got a call Sunday or maybe it was Monday, I don't remember which, from my Mom. My Grandma had passed out and was in the hospital again. Of course no one has been very clear about the matter, only that Grandma is going to get something checked with her heart. My parents stayed over at my Grandparent's house with my Grandpa. Apparently Grandpa told my Mom that I am his favorite Grandkid (I'm the only one they had a great deal of contact with. I was at their house as much as I was at my own growing up) and wanted to know if he ad Grandma gave me the money to come home, if I would. Of course, I will come home. Skoora and I have made the plans and we are working on paying off debt and saving up enough to live on while she looks for work after we get there. It is just going to take us a little while. 

As for myself, health wise, I had to have an internal sonogram, which was really uncomfortable. The results showed nothing out of the ordinary. I look healthy. So my doctor's solution to the whole excessive bleeding- never ending period (which I'm back on again now that the birth control has faded from my system) is to continue to lose weight and take more birth control. REALLY?! Are you fucking kidding me?! My mother, who has always been thin, had this problem. My cousin, who is thin, had this problem, weight really isn't an issue at this point! Ugh! I'm so pissed about it that I asked my Dad if I started a go fund me page and essentially begged people for money for a hysterectomy (assuming I ever got enough) if I could just take it to a surgeon and ask them to do it. People get body modifications and sex changes, why can't I ask to have my internal girly bits removed?  Dad didn't know if that would work. 

So, since Skoora and I are trying to pay things off and save money, I have decided to stop taking my pain meds and all birth control. If I bleed all the time, fine. I don't want to pay over $20 a month for a migraine and nausea. My pain tolerance is higher now that I can manage the herniated disk pain with Advil or Ibuprofen (until I throw my back out that is). I know it's stupid but that give us $40 extra a month to put toward bills.

I have also decided that I am not actually ready to return to the work force. Not quite physically, and certainly not mentally. The last two-three years really hurt me emotionally and mentally. It was much worse than I ever let on and I am still trying to come out of that. It really shows when we are out in public, at least for me, because I am constantly trying to stave off panic attacks. So, my semi-solution to that is to put my sewing skills to use. Skoora is completely supportive and behind this, she's excited and even throwing out ideas for me. I am thinking about opening an Etsy shop wherein I'll sell tote bags, aprons, and whatever else I decide to make. I can embroider things as well, by hand of course. Eventually I would like to add things like jewelry, candles, soaps, and essential oils. 

I've really thought about this endeavor for awhile and it's a big risk. Fabric isn't cheap and there is a chance that I may not sell anything or much of anything at the beginning. In which case, friends and family will benefit at Christmas. But it is something and I will even look into doing craft fairs and such. I also have a lot of research ahead of me in looking for fabric on deals, getting started, getting stock made, ect...

It;s such a nice day out today. I would go out but I am really tired and needed to get some things indoors done. I opened the bedroom window and took a nice nap with Yoda today after I made Skoora's parent's anniversary cake. It is a kind of lopsided three tiered mint chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing. I'm going to go make dinner shortly. They wanted chicken and mashed potatoes. I wanted to do something more extravagant, but comfort food it is. 

I don't have many plans for this evening, just going to play it by ear. I do want to at least get a couple of my pagan blog posts written even post date them if I have too. And I want to plot out one of my stories so I can start writing it next month for Camp Nanowrimo!