Well, that happened, the paint is crying, and sick

Amanda and I. 

Well, it happened. We are married! Finally! The day of was pretty intense. Amanda was freaking out and I was trying to take it easy. Of course part was that as because I twisted both ankles and fell at Scarrywood the night before and the other part was because I wanted to be as calm as possible. Everyone else was freaking out and I'm not going to go into it, its done and over. 

The ceremony was beautiful, what I remember of it. It seemed to happen fast and a lot from that day is a blur and I was in a lot of pain. Thankfully, people recorded it. We never got to dance, never even got to listen to the music that wasn't in the ceremony itself. We basically got to eat dinner and a little cake and then the pavilion lights went out and it was time to clean up. Only, I didn't. I was cold and hurting, and went to warm up in the car. 

We had a small after party at a friend's house. I was planning to get drunk only I hung in long enough to sit by the fire for a few minutes, drink non-alcoholic hot cocoa, and then fell asleep on my friend's sofa. Another friend scared me awake to give me a hug goodbye. Amanda and another friend, both drunk, woke me up to go join the coven they were making in the back yard, but I was too sleepy. I do remember my friend nuzzling my boobs and pulling on my arm, but that was it. Apparently they made me drink some alcohol too. I missed all the vomiting excitement too, for which I am thankful.

The next morning when we walked to our car, parked around the corner from my friend's house, we found this gem:

Since Our car was parked facing away from the road and the damage as done on the passenger side, I can only assume that someone walking by threw something or hit the windshield as they were passing by. That's at least a 300 dollar fix and it will just have to wait until after we get back from the honeymoon. We have far too much shit to do at the moment. 

Speaking of which. I am sick and Amanda is feeling the first of it. I think it is a combination of stress, us being out in the cold rain the night before our wedding, and the mildew- mold smell permeating our apartment.

Two weeks or so ago we had what looked like a lactating tit dripping water down into our shower. I called maintenance about it. They came and slashed it and told us that they needed to let it dry out and that they weren't going to fix it until after we moved out since we are moving out on the 30th of this month. Lovely, how kind of them to leave us with this over our heads while we shower and while our out of town wedding guests shower. Fuckers.

Thursday night, after SScarrywood, we came home to a small puddle in the bathroom and our bathroom wall looking like this:

The next morning, our wedding day, it looked like this:

I went down to talk to the office about it. The apartment managers were gone so I cornered one of the Walker Construction guys and told him. I told him it was my wedding day, we were going to have people in and out of my apartment all day, but that I would be home Saturday. Well they don't work on Saturday, which he neglected to tell me, but he did say he would talk to someone about it. 

I waited all day Saturday and by Sunday morning I had had enough. Especially when I stepped in a wet spot in the hall way. I'm not sure how the water migrated there, I checked the water heater closet and nothing was wet in there and everyone swore they didn't spill anything. So I called Emergency Maintenance. They came out looked, mopped up the floor with some towels and did something with the water upstairs, which was where it was coming from. Our house smells awful. I'v had the dining room window open the last couple of days to try and help air it out. I've also kept the house kind of cold to discourage mold from growing. I don't know if that's doing any good or not. 

Since I have been sick the last few days, I've been resting, sleeping, and downing cold care tea, mucinex, and cough drops. Neither  Amanda no I want to be sick on our honeymoon next week, so I am doing my best to rest and get over whatever crap it is that I have. No, I am not smoking anymore. I quit that the day before I got sick. This doesn't help our efforts to pack up our house to move. In fact, Amanda has been doing most of it. Two of our friends are going to come over while we are on our honeymoon to finish it up for us, that way, when we get back, we can get a truck, and load it all into storage. Man this month fucking sucks! 

On the house hunting front, we have viewed two houses. They weren't us, not really. So we are still looking. 

For today, I am going to take the car back to emissions, finally, and hope it passes. Then I am going to go get car tags, finally. At some point the car needs an oil change and we need to pack for our hoeymoon and pick up our order from Torrid. But, at this very moment, I have a very spoiled and needy orange cat curled up on the table and on my arms wanting more attention, so everything else can wait a damned minute.

Of Boobs, Tears, and Spiders and Vindaloo

Pardon me while I have what my friend Tsuki calls a "lady boner" over Cate Blanchett playing Hela in the upcoming Thor 3 movie! I've always loved her and she became my Elven Queen in Lord of the Rings. I am so excited to see her in this roll, not because I've read the comics- because I haven't- but because she'll be playing what looks to be a villain. Ehm, she's freaking hot!

Prior to my hysterectomy, I had been trying to adjust to my "new normal" frequently. Now, life has giving me the opportunity to do so yet again with the surgery and the resulting aftermath. This morning, as Amanda was leaving, I broke out into tears because I miss one of our friends dearly. This friend is super busy a good deal of the time and while we both completely understand that and never want to become a source of strain, we've really been feeling her absence. 

Anyway, I figured that crying episode was in part because I was up all night writing. I seemed to get a second and then third wind. My stomach was bothering me from the chicken Vindaloo I'd made for dinner- the spiciness of which was on par with my mother's what I consider hell fire chili. When Amanda says it's spicy, you know you're going to experience it again later. I don't think my stomach has quite recovered. My body aches incessantly. Not the sharp pains or intense make you want to vomit kind of pain. No, this is a dull incessant, not quite bad enough to make you take a full on pain pill, but just enough to constantly drive you nuts. Worse, my breasts have decided to hop on the bandwagon. 

I knew I was in trouble this morning, apart from the crying and aches and pains, when I hallucinated a spider crawling long my arm but didn't feel it. I also had a good deal of trouble moving about. I decided to make some coffee and something to easy for breakfast. I ate, I drank a cup of coffee and this cherry and chia seed juice drink, then sat on the sofa with my feet up. I know drinking a cup of coffee seems counter productive, but sometimes when I am really tired, if I drink a cup, the crash helps me go to sleep easier. 

While I did get to sleep, my bastard cat, Thorin, woke me up 3 1/2 hours later. I thought he was hungry. Nope, Amanda fed the kitties before heading out to work this morning. He wanted attention and insisted I pet him. I wanted to strangle him. Now he's sleeping on the cat tower with Narcisa and all I want to do is get the squirt bottle and spray the hell out of him. I can't go back to sleep because the twins will be here in an hour or so. We are taking them to the bus station tonight so they can go on to Seattle for Sakura Con. I also need to do the dishes so I can cook dinner tonight and pick up the living room a little bit. Because I still haven't been able to lay down to sleep, Amanda has been sleeping on the sofa off and on to be near me. I need to fold our blankets, pull the sheet and pillow off to make room for our guests. I kind of just want to curl up and read or watch tv.

While I promised my parents I would read Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia and it is entertaining, I am crawling through that novel. I don't know what it is. I like it well enough, but I don't know, all the gun specs have me stopping to look them up so I know what the hell the character(s) are talking about. I can't help myself because I do like guns and I find it fascinating. But it slows down the reading and I'm not quite as into it as my parents are. However, it is giving me a genuine look into a kind of how should I put this, dumb, hopeless puppy dog, kind of chasing after some girl, that I haven't read before. Which is helpful for when I decide, if I decide to write a character like that. So I will never say the reading has been a waste of time. 

But I have been wanting to finish out Jeannine Frost's Night Prince series for awhile now. Since it has been a while since I read the first and second book, I decided to reread them so they are fresh in my mind as I move into the third and forth, final book. I know I am going to be so sad when the four books ends. I love this Vlad, he's such an ass but a fun ass! Aside from blatant attraction, I think if he were real, he would be a fun friend to have, a scary one of course- he is dangerous- but fun none the less. 

So much work, Xmas/ Yule, Sick, Snow, Happy Kitty

I couldn't tell you...

Much to my great annoyance, I am sick again. Last night I spent a good deal of time shivering in front of the space heater waiting for Ibuprofen to kick in, and kill the fever. That really sucked and it was worse when it did finally break because then I was drenched with sweat. I did manage to get to sleep for a little while, but woke up with a runny nose and said screw it, got up, and went to sleep sitting up on the sofa. Of course I awoke freezing again. But for a little while, last night, I got to watch it snow. It was beautiful! I know a lot of people around me don't care much for snow, I know it rainy and snowy weather makes them ache and hurt more. Well, it does the same to me, but I am happiest when it's overcast, rainy, or snowy. Even when I am sick.

I have a lot of work to do between now and Yule and then Christmas. I haven't been working on presents the last couple of days, but today, I am going to get my butt in gear as much as I am able. Unfortunately, some of friends read my blog and so I can't disclose what I am doing. I will take pictures of finished goods and share them after people have received their gifts. And unfortunately, this year's Yule and Christmas are going to be a little sparse. Amanda and I are making things because we can't afford much. 

Last night, instead of cleaning the house like we said we were going to do, Amanda and I packed away all of the Halloween stuffs, and pulled out the Christmas/ Yule decor. We made a couple of bags of "to go" because there are some things that we don't want or need anymore, much less have the room for. That and I really like the more "natural" look or as some people might call it, "Rustic". Our tree, for the moment is a 4 foot fiber optic leaning thing that is driving Amanda nuts. She was so frustrated with it last night that I told her we would get the other tree from her parents, take the ornaments off the fiber optic tree, put them on the soon to be acquired tree, and move the fiber optic one to the kitchen table- which is now in front of the kitchen window. This way we have more pretty lights and Amanda will be happier. When we get everything in place, I will take pictures.  

I don't know why Amanda likes some of my wild ideas sometimes. I said, in more of a passing thought than anything, that it might be cool to move the bed out into the living room so we could enjoy the Christmas lights and fireplace. *facepalm* She took me seriously. She wants to move the sofa, and all the living room furniture around to make this happen because no one will be coming to visit us really this winter so why not?! I don't think its a good idea. I like going to the other room to go to bed. Except sometimes, like when I am sick and need to sleep sitting up on the sofa and want her company, but she will only sleep in the bed- because she is lame like that. 

We have a very happy kitty. Amanda moved Narcisa's bed from in front of one of the windows in the living room and put it between the side table holding our Christmas tree and the fire place. Our friend Tsuki gave me a small, round heating pad for when my cramps are really bad, but I have this terrible habit of falling asleep with the heating pad on, thus I haven't been using it much. Well, Amanda gave it a slightly new purpose, tucking it under the frist layer of blankets on Narcisa's kitty bed. She loves it! She melts into a black, furry, puddle. Amanda also set up a couple of Narcisa's stuffed animal toys along the wall like pillows. Not only does my cat have a better bed than I do, but its cuter too.

Cleaning Castle Nacht, enjoying the quiet and the kitty, grieving

Today, we are cleaning Castle Nacht, a.k.a- the house. Its not truly that bad. It just need to be picked up and dusted, some things moved around, and vacuumed and swept. I need to do a little food prep for the week and get a soup started in the crock pot. A load of laundry is has already been put in the wash and is ready to be dried and another put in the wash. 

I did not sleep well last night. In fact, I woke up in the middle of the night to bloody mess in the bed, which sucks because we had just put clean sheets on the bed before going to bed. Gee, thanks PCOS. I cleaned up as much as I could and tried to get Amanda up, but she said it was fine until today. In other words, she was too out of it to want to get up and deal with changing the sheets again. I can't blame her, she had to be up at 4 this morning to go to work. I will be dealing with that shortly. 

This morning I was pestered awake and then stalked by Narcisa. She was out of food so I fed her, grabbed a granola bar for myself and plopped down on the sofa. Apparently she still wanted my attention because she came over shortly after breakfast. She's been back a couple of times, going between me and the patio window. 

The house has been nice and quiet all morning and I am enjoying it. I did talk to my friend Felicia for a little bit. She's having it rough since having her baby a little over a week ago. She had to do a  C-Section because there were some complications and now, it seems that her beautiful baby girl may have to have stomach surgery. I really hope if she does, everything goes perfectly. I finally met and got to hold the baby yesterday and I already adore her and want to spoil her. Of course I want to spoil her older siblings too and miss seeing them every day. 

No matter how many people tell me it is okay to apply for disability, that I do deserve it because I do need it, that I am just having a hiccup, its still killing me inside. I am so angry with my body and I don't want to be. I am so tried of fighting and never getting anywhere. I feel like a soul-sucking-energy-draining-mood-killing black ball when I am around other people. I feel tolerated  and I know that isn't true. I know its my inner depression and anxiety demons whispering in my ear. I know it isn't true because I am still so floored when people want to spend time with me. I don't know. I'm tired and grieving the physical life I used to have, the confidence that doesn't exist anymore, the fearlessness. I don't know how to fix me and all I want to do is hide until I can be and give something of value. Because right now, aside from being with Amanda and keeping house and cooking food, I don't see a future for myself and I am afraid that I am just doing to drag everyone around me down with me. I don't want to and I am so sorry if I am putting extra stress on anyone.  

  

Bad Kitty, cold breakfast, leaves falling, and writing

Art work by Joseph Vargo 

At 52 degrees Fahrenheit, this morning is a bit chilly. I've been up since around 7 am this and opened the windows to let in fresh air, but it is only now that it seems the birds are truly waking up. Perhaps my rattling around the kitchen in my efforts to cook breakfast and clean kept the quite. Maybe me yelling at Narcisa to get her claws out of the screens and to stay off the altar frightened them. And maybe my hobbling about outside made them hide. Perhaps not since they've gone silent again. For me its been a semi- productive morning. 

Despite my desire to go back to bed this morning, I got up about 15 minutes before Amanda left for work. I was having really weird and kind of upsetting dreams anyway and didn't really want to return to dream land- especially when it involved me being in India and not being able to go pee even though I was in a bathroom, and having some bad people chasing me, I think because I went to some weird forest and brought brought people/creatures back with me... I am not really 100% clear on that. The forest was in another dimension... Or at least it felt that way.  

Anyway, I was up, brushed my hair, got dressed, and came out to the wreck of the Hesperus- as Amanda's Dad often calls messy houses. Groaning a little, I started coffee and cooking my breakfast. While that as going, I emptied the dishwasher, put in the new load, and started that. Because Narcisa was being a bad cat this morning, I spent some time scolding her, and then cleaning up the mess she made of the altar. She ate one of the pieces of wheat a friend gave us and tried, once again, to run off with some Rowan berries. I also spent a little time picking up the living room before my ankle told me it was time to get off it. Of course by this time my breakfast and cup of coffee were both cold and Narcisa was still getting into and onto things she knows she shouldn't. 

After I ate, I decided to carefully shove my feet into my shoes and go outside to collect a few leaves. No, it probably wasn't the best idea to hobble around the back yard with my ankle the way it is, but I want pretty leaves damn it, and I wanted to check on our pumpkins. We have two green ones and two orange ones. I think I am going to have Amanda pick the orange ones today.

Because I am a list maker, I've made a list of things I would like to get done today. One of those is to do some personal homework. I have two books to read and some writing to do, which I am pretty excited about. My thought was to hole up in my bedroom at my desk, but its so nice out today and the view out of my dining room window is so pretty. Plus the leaves are falling, birds, squirrels, and cats are running about, and Narcisa is naping- finally- on the ottoman. So, I think I will stay in the dining room. 

Now to go along with some of that writing, I am need to start brainstorming what I am going to do for  Magaly Guerrero's Witches in Fiction Challenge. Due on Oct 21st, I think this particular challenge is going to bring about some positive energies through the participants. Sure, we'll be looking at stuff that's harming or rotting the world, but in turn we'll be seeing what each other brings to help heal it and I think that's what's going to heal a little bit. No, it's not going to change the world or fix it but I do think every little bit helps. 

Lastly, I am going to share some crappy pictures taken with my phone. I would have taken them with my good camera but my computer hates the memory card and grrr, I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, here are some pictures.

This morning's list and my coffee- you can get that mug at Wal-Mart, for those of you who want it.

Here is my Autumn/ Halloween Altar, for the moment. Typically we have two pictures on either side of Hern but since we moved the altar over to make room for the TV so we could get the fireplace ready for cooler weather, they haven't gone up again yet. And we need to unplug the air conditioner and do something with the cord. 

I turned the photo of my Grandparents around because my Grandma said she didn't want her picture on the internet some time ago- never mind that I have some beautiful photos of her and my Grandpa that I would proudly share...

Left side of the altar.

And the right side. 

Books, because I need too, and late morning.

Yesterday, I finally finished reading Gothic Charm School by Jillian Venters. This book is an interesting read which stresses things like being being polite and kind to others, especially if you are part of a minority subculture that people are kind f freaked out or afraid of. But people should be being kind and polite everyday regardless. But aside from that, the bulk of the book feels more geared toward those outside the Gothic culture such as a parent of a baby goth or baby bat, or a coworker, boss, family, and or friend, and even has some tips for those just beginning their exploration. I felt that there could have been more information into the history of the Gothic culture, a little more about the different Gothic subcultures, but it really is an overview. It is still a good book and one that I would recommend. Wish it had been around when I was growing up and that I could have shoved a copy under my Grandma's nose. 

I went into the library/ Bowie room this- well it was morning for me- and looked at my book shelves. There are a ton of lore books I want to read, some writing books, and several pagan books, but like I said, I am just kind of burnt out on "informational" stuff at the moment. The need to get lost in a different world feels kind of imperative at the moment, not sure why, maybe I just miss the feeling. So, instead of starting a new book series, I thought I would pick up one of the books that got interrupted for whatever reason and give it a go, hence the picture of The Vampire Narcise. I only got 40 pages into it when I last read and I liked the story well enough, so it is time. 

Last night, well this morning when I went to bed after 3 am, I tried to start a book on my Kindle. Once Upon a Curse is a grouping of 17 dark fairy tales said to be less Disney and more Grimm. However, I was tired and had a very needy cat in my face. Of course the moment I out my Kindle away, Narcisa declared victory and trundled off somewhere else. I was too tried to get out of bed and chase after her, to make her come back and deal with cuddles, and fell asleep shortly thereafter. When I awoke this morning and checked the time, I had that moment of almost panic and most assuredly disappointment. It was after noon. But then I got over all of that because I am sick and feel like crap. In fact I feel so crappy, I am have barely left my bedroom, and while I have managed to get some things done on my page long to do list, I'm calling it an early day. Which means I am probably going to go make myself some Miso soup from a packet, a cup of tea, have those, and curl up on the sofa if not back in bed and watch tv or youtube. Amanda wanted to go to the fair tonight since she won free tickets at work, but I just don't see myself making it. I was really going to try, but I think doing that will just make things worse.

Important lessons, nursing dark chocolate, pain, restlessness

I made a toner recently. I thought that A) it would be good for my skin and B) because I have been wearing more make up, it would help soothe my skin. My toner is made up of 3 parts witch hazel and 1 part rose water. I use it in the morning after I wash my face and again at night when I have removed my make up. Except last night, for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to use it on my eye lids. Sometimes, I'm not very smart. Sometimes I forget that I have very sensitive skin and my the area around my eyes is no exception. (I also sometimes forget that I gave myself a chemical burn with Nair once while trying to remove some of the eyebrows. It was a disaster by the way.) Thankfully, while I didn't end up with a chemical burn, at least according to what I could see, the area along my eye lashes certainly felt a bit stingy itchy, and kind of burn like last night. I told my friend Chris about it and got an almost Mom-like almost scolding. 

My eyes felt better this morning and good enough that I decided to try wearing make up. So far so good. I'm a tad peeved because it took me an hour and a half to do it and all I want to do is curl up somewhere and take a nap. I was rudely awakened by PCOS problems around six this morning and since Amanda had to be up shortly anyway, I just stayed up and made breakfast and coffee. Because of the PCOS problems of today, my back, my hips, and my legs have this incessant dull ache that is driving me crazy. This sort of pain is so draining, forget that I'm bleeding like a stuck pig, and they we add the energy drain from the fibromyaligia... I'm not a happy camper. But, I'm still going to get dressed and I am still going to go visit Chris today. I may just end up curled up in a chair with a small cute dog for cuddles. Chris is house/ dog sitting for a friend of ours and you know what, my friend's dog cuddles me more than Narcisa. *sigh* 

Speaking of my kitty cat, we got her a small box from the store. It was just something that had had cans or dry goods in, not a flat, a box. She loves to sit in it and Fiona and Amanda were sliding her back and forth across the carpet. Narcisa seemed to enjoy it. So, yesterday, I decided I would play with her like that too. Only I didn't have someone to push her back to me, so I was pushing her with my foot. That was fine until I sent her into the ottoman face first. She was not happy with me. Honestly, she was fine, just a little miffed. 

Anyway, I am feeling a bit restless today. There is plenty of house cleaning I could do and there are several craft projects I would love to do but don't have the time or quite the amount of energy for. I think I will stick to something simple, easy, like coloring since I am going to leave at some point today. And until lunch time, I think I will visit my fox cookie jar and nurse a small piece of dark chocolate to soothe my temperament.

We bought spaetzle, I've been catching up on some things, and I made a thing!

A couple of weekends ago, I was talking with a friend about house cleaning stuff. She mentioned a couple of blogs for me to go look at and while I didn't read them in depth, I did skim lightly over a few. I intend to go back and reread them now that I am officially out of school. However, I had heard about zone cleaning before in a vlog one of my favorite youtube vlogers did. So, I implemented that sort of thing "my way". I'm sure my mother would have a thing or two to say about this list in as far as adding several dozen more little nit picky things (her OCD and I had many a fight while I was growing up). My mother is the kind of person who will dust, wash, and polish the baseboards. I don't have that kind of energy or time, so a quick sweep (or a lick and a promise as my Grandma Evelyn sometimes says) is all they will get. 

But more to the point, I made a zoned cleaning list. Amanda was less than enthused because its a chore list, but she does like the creativity I put into it. Instead of calling it a chore list or cleaning list, she calls it a "caper list". I suppose that's her way of making herself like it and be on board with it. So, here it is. I know the font might be hard for some to read but the important thing is that I can read it.   

Castle Nacht (night) is what I am calling our house. I have different parts of the house broken up into zones. 

I themed everything! I also split the cleaning list up into daily, weekly and monthly chores.

Obviously some rooms have more chores than others but at different points.

I think if Amanda and I take turns with certain things, it will help break up the monotony of certain tasks. There are a couple of things I am primarily in charge of and some she is in charge of that I'm "not supposed" to do on account of my back, although sometimes I will do them and regret it afterwards. 

I added a seasonal section for taking down and setting up seasonal decor, de-cluttering per se, and doing certain chores that only need to be done every few months. This list will change as needed and will most certainly change when we get a house. 

So that was the thing I made. Aside from doing that on my first official day of personal vacation, I have done blissfully nothing! Well, I've watched a few things that I wanted to watch and sat on my sofa just relaxing in the otherwise quite, dark, and cool living room. I didn't brush my hair for two days or even really get dressed, certainly didn't put on a bra- until after my shower today- and just enjoyed some quiet time alone while Amanda was at work. We did meet a friend for dinner tonight and we were supposed to go to a library function out of town but missed that. I was a little sad, but it is something I can catch later. 

I am behind on my August break stuff again, but I'm not too worried about it. I planned to take some time tomorrow and do a little catching up with it and also maybe even do some catching up with my pagan blogs. 

Lastly, Amanda and I went to Fred Meyer on Sunday. We never shop there because its a bit more expensive than the grocery stores we usually frequent, but I wanted to look at their international section and see if they had some German stuff. They did! While I didn't find the Bavarian style mustard we'd fallen in love with, I did find spaetzle! I've pinned a few recipes on pinterest for it and will be making something soon. We also found a pesto spread and I bought a garlic sourdough bread for it. We don't typically buy bread, but every so often I want a sandwich or toast. We also picked up a few other things and I found a make up setting spray that I thought I was going to have to go to Ulta to get. Amanda and I also saw the new Monster High dolls and hate them. We decided that we will just get the ones we still want to get from before this hideous change and then ignore the new ones.  

Narcisa is staring at me. She's curled up on the desk behind my laptop, but I can feel her eyes. She's telling me to go to bed. If I wasn't tried and didn't have a couple of appointments tomorrow afternoon, I'd ignore her. 

August Break! Day one: Morning light!

This month, I will be participating in August Break by Susannah Conway. Above I've posted the prompts in case anyone is interested in doing this too, and by clicking the link, you'll be taken to her site for more information. The point is take one photo for everyday of the month but also to slow down and appreciate things and stuff around you, to live in the moment and so on. 

This month is a bit of a celebratory month for me as this is the last week of school for my Bachelor's degree. In a way, I feel this project is perfect for me because I finally get to just "be" for a little bit, I finally get to decompress and come to new projects with a fresh mindset and a little rejuvenation, but most of all excitement for the challenges ahead. Plus I am going to have a graduation party at some point- not sure when yet but there will be cake and it will be green with black flowers! 

Without further ado, I shall post today's first photo, Morning light.

I love morning light, there is something, a feeling that is cooler than afternoon and evening light. It's as if the world has a blue filter on and the light seems more pristine, pure, and new. I always get a sense of freshness when I look outside in the morning. One of my favorite past times is watching Narcisa sunbathe in the morning. She'll sit before the patio door and watch various bits of wildlife and bugs, the wind in the trees, take baths like she's doing here, and sleep. It's a happy, peaceful, and quiet time.  

Mid Morning Thunderstorm, Rearranging my To Do List, Tent Room

I would really like a tent room like this, in greens, purples, and blues, only in my living room. I would like it to be easily put up and dismantled, and having it today would be wonderful. The thought  of laying stretched out on the blanket on the floor with pillows, Naricsa, and just waiting anime or movies, with a fan blowing air across my skin is heavenly. 

Unfortunately I lack the motivation to make it happen or rather, my stupid period started up again, and not only is that the reason I had such a hard time waking up this morning, but its why I am so lethargic today. I mean, I'm not even having a fibromyaligia issue today. Sigh. 

I didn't end up getting my notes typed up and printed yesterday like I wanted. I also didn't research bucket list stuff. There are things I want to do, but I want to have all the details listed so I can just grab it up and go when I am ready. So, yeah. I was planning to do that stuff today as well as re-shelve my books properly in the office/ library. Amanda just put books up in effort to get them out of boxes and on to the shelves. We just haven't gotten to the point of fixing the disorganization yet. But, I may not do any of that today and save it for tomorrow. 

I don't really feel up to doing much today. I don't want company. I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to watch some things, cuddle with Narcisa, and maybe work on Shi-Chan's afghan. I worked on it a little bit yesterday and since I would like to have it done in time to mail it for her birthday, I kind of need to get on it. 

Oh, we had thunderstorm this morning, which was GREAT! Being from Kansas, I grew up with a lot of thunderstorms and severe weather. While I didn't care for the severe part such as tornadoes and damaging aspects, I did love thunder and seeing the flash of lightning, and hearing heavy rain. I don't get it as much where I live now, so having it this morning was a treat! It looks like it might be gearing up to rain again!   

Well, my lunch is cooking so I should go tend to it.  I can't decide if I a going to make a tiny batch of biscuits and gravy or make what my family calls German Breakfast. I want both. German Breakfast is healthier. At least this version is, it has veggies in it and is sans potatoes.

One more thing left, feeling better, fighter practice, and new sewing buddy!

SCA logo

Today is blissfully cloudy and windy- figures, Amanda is wearing a skirt. We have a running joke that anytime Amanda wears a skirt it will be windy outside. Moving on. 

I have one last assignment left to do: the reflection essay of my experience in my degree program and the class. It is part of my capstone. Bleh. I call it busy work and Narcisa is licking my hair! Anyway, I still don't have a page count and another student asked the same question. I'm wondering if there even really is a page count, it certainly isn't mentioned in the instructors break down of the assignment or in the rubric. Hmmm... I' just going to write it and if there is a problem I will fix it. 

Speaking of the writing class, I sent my story to my Dad to edit. He really liked it except he that him being a sappy romantic, he would have liked an ending scene where my characters were standing together on the balcony of the castle over looking the city below. I wanted that too, but page limit! And I still went over by a quarter of a page! I'm telling you, novel! Amanda also liked this rewrite. Yay!

I am going to try doing Camp National Novel Writer's Month again this year. I set my word count low just in case my next term is heavier than I expect it to be. 

So what's with the SCA logo shield? Well, tonight I am going to fighter practice. the Arts and Sciences stuff will be happening at the same time and same place as well, so I can look at that too. I haven't done anything with the SCA in years and I really miss it. It was fun. Bonus, I heard that there is archery in this barony where as in my previous barony, there wasn't at the time. I have no idea what my persona will be, I am hovering between Chinese, Japanese, and Viking. Oh that reminds me that I need to find my heraldry notebook! That was something I was interested in getting into before I started college. For more info on the SCA go here.

In talking about SCA, the stuff I missed, and garb with my friend Rachael last night, I learned that she knows how to make her own patterns, knows how to expand patterns, and so on. I told her she is my new sewing buddy. If she can give me a couple of walk through, I pick stuff up pretty quick. I kind of want to have a sewing party someday. Not sure if I am up to taking my sewing machine to a Stitch & Witch, might be too loud and a pain to lug around... It is something to think about. Or I could just stick with crochet. 

New Doctor, cosplay plans, Possible Grad School, Narcisa is a brat!

The picture above is of Rin Tohsaka from Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works. This is the costume I will be making for Kuro Neko Con. My plan is to make the skirt longer so I can wear some shorts or leggings underneath. It;s going to be the end of July since I am going to have to wear a wig, the fabric is going to have to be light and breathable. Amanda thinks I should go with a light knit so it has some give. I think she might just be right, but I also need it to look like it is supposed to. I will be consulting the ladies at Joann's sometime next month so I will get their opinion. I also don't think I am going to have to make all of it myself. I'm pretty sure I can find a white button down blouse somewhere and add the red accents on the collar and cuffs myself. I am pretty excited about it. I am also going to be working on Amanda's cosplay costume. I think she's settled on who she wants to cosplay but I am not totally sure. 

I went to my new doctor yesterday. The office is small and I was the only person there, which gave it a more personal feel. I like both the nurse and the doctor, they are both very nice and kind people. The doctor spent half an hour just reading through my medical records and even made notes. She is sending me to a female gyn specialist to take care of my PCOS, that was the first thing out of her mouth after she said hello. The very second thing she wanted to talk about was sending me to counseling. She doesn't think depression medication alone is 100% effective and honestly, I have to agree with her because for months I've felt like I needed to be in therapy again. She was concerned about my xanax prescription, nearly every doctor I have been to very wary of xanax because of its addictive properties. I told her I only take it when I am having a really bad panic attack I can't get myself out of. Those don't come that often. She said that was good, but she'd like to get me to a point where I no longer have to take it. She also told me that people with fibromyaligia need at least 9 hours of sleep at night. Opps, don't always get that. I tend to get between 6-9. She said getting on steady sleep schedule of 9 hours of sleep at night will make me feel better. 

Next up she is ordering a full panel of blood work. She wants to know everything so she has a better idea of what she's working with. Sounds good to me. Then she did, I think, a physical- it has been so long since I have had one. She said that I was basically a healthy person except, here it comes, all the weight, which brings me to the next part of the visit. She did not lecture me about being fat. She's been overweight herself. But she did tell me that she really wants to help me lose the weight because she is tried of seeing her patients' health deteriorate over time when it could be helped and she hates to see them die when again, it could have been helped. I really don't think she was bullshitting me, there was genuine concern and given that she'd already spent an hour going over the blood work and the reasons why, why she was sending me to the councilor and also the gyn specialist, I was okay with listening to her for another half hour or so about the weight stuff. 

She wants me to lose the weight fast and suggested me trying something that she and her nurse have been trying. It is the hcg diet. I was a little concerned when she said that you can't exercise on this diet and something about 500 calories, and can't eat any starches like pasta, rice, bread, and potatoes. She told me that the information is available online, I can look at. She's going to have more information for me next week and under no circumstances would I be starting this diet until my pcos issues are cleared up because she wants to monitor everything closely. 

Okay, I don't mind trying new things. I don't mind eating smaller portions or eating healthier. I do mind not being able to have salt and seasonings on my food. I get that food is for nutritional value, but I enjoy cooking so much. To me, it's like telling me that I am no longer allowed to do something that I love. So, a little freaked out about that, I'm not going to lie, I was freaking out a little. I came home and had cornbread, mac and cheese with hot dogs for dinner and I had seconds. This morning I spent some time researching the hcg diet and don't think it is something I am comfortable doing. It is not FDA approved, not that I generally put a lot of stock in what the FDA says, but there are also a lot of risks, one of those being blood clots. I read through two or three websites that listed the same dangers and possible side affects, that I decided I would come up with a counter offer for her. I know that sounds weird but doing a diet that doesn't allow exercise and as one site listed, doesn't allow certain body lotions and such, is too.

So, I propose cutting my portions down, lowering my carb intake, and starting a workout regimen. I'm sorry, call me vain, but I am not going to lose weight to look terrible and not have the money to remove excess skin. Instead I would rather lose weight slowly, build muscle, and tone down the flab as much as I can. I also don't want to lose a massive amount of weight. I felt the best in a size 14-16 pair of jeans. That's where I would like to be. I don't need to be super skinny, just healthy. That's all I have ever wanted. Anyway, I won't have to wait until the PCOS issue is fixed, I can start next week on Monday. 

Moving on, I have been planning to go to grad school after I take a break to decompress and recharge after I graduate. I was planing on the rest of the year. I had thought to just go through SNHU but I'm not sure their program is the one I really want or need. So I have been looking online for some alternative in the area. I think I found one at a College 30 minutes from here. I can't remember the name but I remember the city its in. I am going to look at their requirements more in depth later. 

Lastly, Narcisa is being such a brat today! She wanted to play so I was playing with her this morning before I took Amanda to the park and ride. Her idea of playing today was to bite me over and over again, not hard, and certainly not hard enough to break skin. Oh and rabbit kicking me with her pack paws. Since she seemed to think that was acceptable play, I bit her back. Not hard, but boy did that weird her out. It was that whole "mom, you're not supposed to bite me, I'm supposed to bite you" look. Ugh! she's curled up on my bed at the moment, too lazy to come out and see me. That's okay, I am going to take a nap for an hour or two and then get up and get busy. 

Good night my grouchy duke, Galen Galadmir

When I was 15 and very soon to turn 16, I told my parents I didn't want a birthday party or anything big. I just wanted a cat for Yoda, my other kitty. My Dad groaned about it but my Mom was all for it. She found Galen, who was really too little to be taken from his Mama at the time but the old couple who had him and the rest of his litter were just going to give him away any way. So I got this cute little black cat who had to be fed kitten formula via an eye dropper. He grew up grouchy and was an ass to mostly everyone but he had really sweet moments. For instance, he loved your pain. If I cried, he would let me pet him. He also really loved pizza. He'd steal it right off your plate if you weren't paying attention. 

Saturday night we took Galen to a 24 hour emergency vet clinic to be put to sleep. He'd had bronchitis for quite awhile and we'd tried medicine, antibiotics from the vet, and nothing seemed to be working. He lost weight and muscle mass could barely walk much less breathe, and Amanda and I both think he basically hung on long enough for us to return home from our trip to Seattle. We told him it was okay to go. We think he passed before the euthanasia was injected into his system. 

I miss him. I keep thinking he's in the other room drooling on something or glaring at someone. 

I am pissed at the nurse at the 24 hour clinic. I am not angry with her for telling us that by law they have to report and take a brain sample to test for rabies. I understand that as much as I know and understand that Galen was an indoor cat his whole life and only bit Amanda's Mom by accident when she was giving him his medicine while we were gone. What I am angry about is that she decided to tell us how they were going to do while he was still alive, in the room, and after we'd already decided and given in the okay for them to keep him and cremate him for us. We didn't have a place we could have taken him to for burial that night and we have dogs in our neighborhood. And I am angry with how long the nurse drug it out. I am angry with the doctor because she came in and wanted to put my cat on a cold metal slab when we'd already said we wanted to hold him. 

The only reason I didn't wait to take Galen to my vet was because he was suffering. I will be writing a review for the clinic. I will be writing a letter to the clinic's management but this will be done when I have had time to cool down and get my head on straight. I don't want the nurse to lose her job. I just want her to think before she speaks next time. 

Day blown, waiting on Amanda, something good might finally be happening....

Well since I have managed to blow the majority of my day, why not blow some more of it with some photos and some news while I wait on Amanda to figure out what we are doing for our date night at home. 

This is my desk. The place I write, do homework (most of the time), put on make up and do my hair, and look for inspiration (in crafts, writing, make up and hair ect...) or play on the internet. Sometimes I get some crafting done here as well. As you can see, I like Asian things but I also love Gothic things too. Seriously, our room is a clash of random things! There is no set theme or design scheme. That will have to wait until we have a place of our own.

Awhile back I went to community pot luck hosted by the IEPG wherein we made manifestation boards. Well, the one I made there did not turn out the way I wanted so it sat in a craft bag for a couple of months. About a week or so ago, before the New Year, I pulled it out, tore it apart, and reconstructed it. Yes, I know the beige Kanji paper is upside down. I like this version much better. 

This is what I call my "work wall". The sign is one that Amanda made me out of paint, cardboard, paper and vellum paper and a few other things. Below it is a DIY dry erase board that has a list of homework, tasks I need to get done (yes, I am a list maker and you have no idea how tickled I get wen I get to wipe that board clean), and other reminders. Beside that are smaller notes for myself and a fan. The Owl ornaments a friend in Colorado made for Amanda and I one Christmas. And the map is one I drew for a story I am working on. It needs some work, but it is up so I remember that I need to finish it and the actual story. It is there for reference and because it makes me happy.

This is our DIY Necklace/bracelet board. (I will post the construction of it later) We actually made this last year, I think, and its held up very well. We have to go through our stuff as you can see. Above it is a plaster geisha Amanda painted for me when she went to one of those "you pick and paint it" plaster places, on one of her Boston visits. To the left is a DIY cell phone charger holder that I made out of shampoo bottle. Below all of that are some blank canvases I have yet to open and put paint to. 

This is just one of our bookshelves and it's double shelved on the second shelf. The little crocheted pouch on the first shelf with the Rune (looks like an arrow) is a bag of crocheted runes I got at the IEPG Yule celebration. We have some magical books, writing books, some of my paranormal romance novels, some candles and other things on the shelf too. Psst, I'll tell you a secret, that's not all of our books. We have more in the garage and some back in my parents' basement in Kansas. 

The shame shot! Something awful happened in our room. Last term of school really took a lot of my focus and whenever I could get out of the room for IEPG stuff, I went! Then the holidays happened and Amanda got sick, so our room fell by the wayside. Not that we are really messy people but when you live in one room and have Amanda for a fiance... yeah... things get cluttered and fall into disarray fast. Amanda's one of those people who comes home from work and pretty much throws their clothes off everywhere, dumps her stuff, and runs around in a t-shirt and underwear. Unless we have company, lol. So, yes, we have a basket of random stuff, a big comforter that needs washed, and I am in the process of taking down my Yule altar and setting up for Spring. I will probably move that sword to another wall. It just doesn't feel right, right there. Yes, that is another bookshelf behind the fan and the blue thing is a build a bear Trixie Luna Moon pony that Amanda got for her birthday. I have part of my collection of plush toy raccoon's. I painted peacock scenes on a wooden screen thingy I found at a thrift store for Amanda. The brown thing is a jewelry thingy I painted but I don't think I am done with it. I kind of want to redo it. Oh and the dresser is an antique that once belonged to my Great Grandma Richardson. It has a mirror that attaches to it, but we took it off and put it safely in the closet. It will go back on later. I actually thought someone in my family made the dresser because I'd seen other pieces of furniture made by members of my family with the same dark finish. But my Dad says it wasn't. 

Last picture I swear! Just a few of my little things I keep above my desk. 

So, there are several pieces of news and I will try to make them quick. 

First. Amanda doesn't have MRSA, which is a great relief. What she did have was cellulitis and no I can't spell that word. It just means she had an infection in the skin. After many trips to the ER to get intravenous antibiotics (every 12 hours), she finally started to heal. The IV port in her arm came out last night and she is able to return to work this Sunday. We had a scare with the antibiotics which a doctor took "a calculated risk" in giving her a cephalosporin. Amanda is allergic to cephalosporins, had a horrible reaction when she was in high school. But we couldn't get anyone to listen to us when we told them that. They just kept saying that if she was going to have a reaction, she would have already had it. But some people don't have reactions right away. So I am not happy about that nor am I happy about the first ER visit. We will be talking to the billing department to get some of the bill written off because there's no way we can pay for it all and the first ER visit was utter bullshit. 

Secondly, Galen never made it to the vet because we were dealing with Amanda's stuff and I was far to exhausted to take him. I feel awful but the good news is that he seems to be getting better on his own, which leads me to believe it was just a kitty cold. If his health doesn't continue to improve, I will take him to the vet for certain. And we are still planning to take him for an elderly cat exam.

The third bit of news, this term is startling to look a lot like last term, as far as me playing catch up and having butt loads of homework. That's okay, as long as there are no more big health issues.

Fourth, my Dad did not get the job with Wal-Mart. However, they apparently liked him well enough to look for other stores where he might be able to get on. I don't know if that is helpful or hopeful or not. 

And lastly, a place Amanda applied for called her back this week. We'd kind of forgotten about them. Anyway, she has a second step interview next week and if she gets this job, we might finally be able to move out of her parents house and into an apartment of our own! You have no idea how much the both of us need that. It would be a life saver, at least in my case. 

So this year got off to a very rocky start but maybe it will prove to be a year where things finally get moving in the right direction? I certainly hope so. I don't know if I can handle another bad year. 

Good night my sweet Prince.

Yoda sleeping in my Roy Mustang blanket

Today, I finally had to do it. I had to take my furry baby to the vet to be put to sleep. He was just so miserable. While he was eating a little, he wasn't able to get around much at all anymore. 

I already miss him so much and I'm a little scared for Galen. He didn't do so well when Yoda was at the vet for a few days, I don't know how he will do with Yoda being gone now. 

I wish my Mom were here. I wish I could fly her up, but neither of us could afford it and I wish Skoora were here too.

He isn't miserable anymore. He's at peace and I hope he found his buddy, Ludwig and that they are playing together. I hope they are both with Pandy and Ceaser too.