A little Halloween and some coming clean

Last night Amanda drove us out a little passed Nine Mile Falls to a place called Creepy Hallow in Suncrest. For 5 dollars each we were taken on a tour through a haunted house in the woods. Upsides: coffee/ cocoa to drink, being out in the woods on a chilly-wet night, enjoying the atmosphere and creepy music. Down sides: Amanda twisted her ankle on the way to the car, my inner theater student kicked in and wished the actors could have been a little bit more convincing, and it was so dark that we couldn't really enjoy all the fun props. Otherwise, it was a fun and I liked getting out to do something. 

Tomorrow night, Halloween, I am not wholly sure what we are doing. I am supposed to make soup and I might make some bread if I feel up to it. We will probably watch some movies too. 

In coming clean, I have to confess that I honestly don't know how I wrote the story for Magaly's contest or posted for the last Haunted Humpday. Both seem like they happened ages ago. Even the Halloween party we had last weekend feels that way. My depression and anxiety rode in on the crash-down from the hype of our Halloween party, took up residence, and was especially terrible this entire week. I couldn't clean my house. Taking a shower was extra daunting. I don't remember if I got dressed most of the week, much less brushed my hair. I had fights with myself to move off the sofa, to do the dishes, to DO something besides watch Netflix. There was a lot of fear, crying, panic, self abasement and loathing, and so on. It was made worse when I tried to do some self reflection journaling for book group I am in. That topped me right over and only seemed to make things worse. In fact, when I found myself laying in bed, sobbing my eyes out thinking that I should leave Amanda so she could get into a cheaper apartment and do stuff she wanted to do, move back to Kansas to see my parents and grandparents and hopefully I would be dead in a year, I forced myself out of bed, choked down a full xanax and put myself back to bed. 

Thursday was I saw my therapist. She said that self reflection journaling shouldn't do this. she's having me do a worksheet as a starting point to get to the root of stuff so we can go from there. 

I started to feel better Friday and even yesterday but when I woke up today, I felt like I was being pulled down again. The situation was only exacerbated when we discovered that one of our oh so charming neighbors had stolen one of the pumpkins we grew, right off our patio table. And this is after earlier in the week having stupid kids pulling disturbing pranks. I'm just so sick of it. There is no point in reporting any of it because the management won't do anything and the neighborhood policing effort lives to the side of us but is never open to talk to. I have never had so much trouble in any of the places that I have lived. 

I have also applied for ABD, it's a help service in my state and I am hoping that they can help me figure out how to start all the crap for disability. *sigh*

Right now Amanda is playing with the fire, it's raining, Fiona has Halloween cartoons on the TV, and I'm going to find the pumpkin risotto recipe for Amanda. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better because I don't want to be miserable on my favorite day of the year.     

Last Haunted Humpday of the year.

It's a sad day when its the last Haunted Humpday of the year. I hope everyone  has had fun.

For this last hurrah, I'm including some of the pictures from out Halloween party. I have some of our guests, but those are just for us. For now. 

Here's a bit of the living room decor. We actually went a little light, but we don't really have tons of room and sometimes simple is best. 

I made some witchy cup cakes and some that say boo. I also made two round cakes.

A friend of ours made these wonderful candied apples.

That same friend also made 1 bloody mummy apple. She made some amazing gluten and dairy free mini cup cakes with sugar glass shards and the red candy like that on this apple. I really liked it save for the chickpea or garbanzo bean texture in the cupcake mix she used. A lot of gluten free flowers have that problem- textures I don't really like. Still, the cupcakes were good!

We made a black punch. It is not quite the same as It's Black Friday's death punch but it was yummy and black and for me that was all that mattered. Amanda made lemonade ice slabs with gummy worms to add to it and that didn't exactly turn out so well, but they didn't affect the punch. We had alcohol and a non-alcoholic versions which I added notes to stating which one was poision and which one wasn't.   

Here is the desert spread. The main fare was a nacho bar and thanks to those who helped pitch in. 

Some days my camera isn't a total ass and lets me get pretty shots.

Amanda took some photos of me in my costume. We went outside for some and I thought I would share one that I added a fun what pixlr calls "veil" filter to. Its cheesy, but I like it. 

My last photo is so goofy. I'm not sure how it happened. I think its cute and silly, and Amanda loves it. My Dad gave me such shit about teasing my hair, calling me Tammy Faye Bakker. I do not. Nope, not even close! Then again Dad was being quite the weasel turd that day. ( Dad used to call me weasel butt so I would say he was one worse- a weasel turd.)

Well, that's it for this year's Haunted Humpday! Hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween, enjoy parties, trick or treating, haunted housing visits, and any rituals you might have!  

Witches in Fiction 2016: Narcisa the Witches Wonder Cat

Narcisa, the Witches  Wonder Cat Does a Spell © Hannah Richardson a.k.a Kohana Moonleaf

One day, not so long ago, a feisty, little black cat lay curled up on an ottoman pretending to be asleep. It might have be any other afternoon with her witchy owners cuddled behind her on the sofa, if not for the squawking coming from the TV. Tension stirred and filled the air, and the little black cat feigned a change in position to see what seemed to be upsetting her witches. As she rose, lazily stretched, and did a slow circle, before settling back down, she took note of an orange-hued man sniffing and pursing his lips like a duck between his words.

“Stacie said she’d move to Canada if he gets elected,” one of the witches said.

The other witch sighed long and heavy. 

“What scares me is that there are actually people who…” she paused as the man blamed the blonde woman on the TV for something. Both the cat’s witches were quiet for quite some time, but like them, the little black cat listened. She listened and took note of how angry sounding, how mean, and how utterly ridiculous this man sounded. She listened to her witches’ discussion and knew their fears weren’t unsound.

“Good night, Narcisa,” the witches sang out as they snuggled down in their bed.

Narcisa, the little black cat, trotted in to take her place in her own bed, as she did every night, just so nothing was out of the ordinary. But, she would not take her customary nap before heading out to hunt. No, this night she had work to do.

When the snores of her beloved witches could be heard and both of them lay still, the little black cat crept from her bed, out of the bedroom, and down the darken hallway to the spell room. Along the way her foot brushed one of her belled toys and it rolled down the hall. The jingle was so loud she was sure one of the witches would wake, but neither stirred. Relieved, she continued into the spell room and gently closed the door behind her. For a moment Narcisa fumbled around in the dark until she found her pointy hat, wand, and cloak. These things were important for her work and had been a present from her witches at Yule time. She’d pretended not to care about them, but the soft green velvet felt luxurious to her paws, and the purple feather in her hat was just the perfect size and fun to bat at when she felt frisky.

“Illuminae,” she whispered and flicked her wand. Gently, the candles flickered to life and illuminated the room in a soft glow. Light shinned on jars, big and small, with various ingredients, categorized alphabetically on one shelf, books on another. Herbs and flowers hung from the ceiling in different states of drying. Crystals lay on the windowsill soaking up moon energy right next to a bottle of water. In the middle of the room a large work table stood and on it sat a cup of pens, a lap top, and a note book.

Narcisa Leapt a top the table, picked her pen, opened the note book and quickly got to work. After an hour, she opened the lap top and did a search on the internet and printed what she needed. Next she gathered her ingredients and began.

Over a photo of the world she sprinkled sea salt, sage, and lavender. “Orange man with bad tan, vulgar with words and thoughts, Universe cure us of this man’s wicked, cruel plots.” She moved to the next picture, a picture of the Orange-hued man and sprinkled chamomile. “Universe take this man and soothe his troubled heart.” She picked up her wand, tapped both pictures, and watched the herbs sink in and become one with the paper.

Carefully, Narcisa tucked the evidence of her spell work away, and cleaned up her mess. She removed her hat and cloak, folded them, and put them away next to her wand, after blowing out all the candles. Then, just as quietly as she’d come, she slipped from the spell room and trotted back into the bedroom where her witches slept.

Three days later the witches sat on the sofa and the little black cat on her spot on the ottoman. The orange-hued man was back on the TV, this time his squawking not so intense. Narcisa’s ear twitched as the man apologized to everyone he’d offended and told the nation that he was dropping out of the race. More importantly he spoke of his newly sincere devotion to the needy and how he was giving half his fortune to aid programs. He wanted to devote his time and energy to national humanitarian work, to make things happen, because he realized that it truly wouldn’t take much for him to be in a poor or disabled person’s place.

While the witches gasped and speculated a publicity stunt, Narcisa, the witches wonder cat, knew it wasn’t because sometimes, it only takes a little of the right kind of magic to spell a little healing. 

*** Author's Note***

I apologize for the tardiness and choppiness of this story. I had a little trouble trying to decide what I was writing and had a rather busy weekend to boot! Be that as it may, I hope you enjoyed it. *hugs*

Please stop by to thank our host, Magaly Guerrero, and read the other participants' stories for this year. 

Late night Haunted Humpday

It is Haunted Humpday again and a few days ago I found this lovely hand painted glass and the skull candles below in my mail box. It was sent from a sweet lady in West Virginia for the Halloween swap. I LOVE THEM! Her paint work is amazing and my stupid camera phone doesn't do it justice. I love her use of perspective too!

Here is a photo of the back side.

These weren't the only things we received in the mail. Amanda placed an order on Amazon for a Spirit board, my vampire fangs, and some white foundation and pressed powder. 

She has a thing for circles and spirals and well, skulls, so I think she picked the perfect board. 

These fangs from Scarecrow have a putty that will harden so I can have a custom fit. Which means they won't fall out of my mouth. I am so freaking excited to have a set of these again. I had some once before, but they got lost in one of our moves. 

My foundation is by Stargazer and the test I did on my hand gave me two answers. First, I am not allergic to it and didn't get a chemical burn. And secondly, it is light, it is smooth, and it doesn't have a smell that is going to drive me nuts or make me sick after awhile. In fact, so far, I really love it. 

The two things above are pretties a friend gave me. The skulls are for our early Halloween party and the spiderweb and spiders are a die cut wood garland that I can paint and hang up. She actually got me two of those. I will probably leave the spiders off, because I don't like them. 

This last photo is a bag I made. I had Amanda draw a bat on the fabric when my embroidery template couldn't be seen through it enough to trace. I drew on the lettering and then went to work. When I was finished, I sewed up the sides, put in a hem and draw string section at the top and slipped in some ribbon to cinch it shut. I did it all by hand, sewing included. Dragging out the sewing machine fora  five minute job after the weekend I had, just didn't seem like something really wanted to do... I finished this either Sat or Sunday evening. Anyway, it does in fact have my little gemstones inside. 

Well, that's it for this week's Haunted Humpday. 

Weather maps, sitting in the dark, crafty things

I've only seen the XXXholic movie so I don't know much about the show or manga, anyway, I adored the little drinking buddy and bought myself a plush of him before I got with Amanda. He's been hanging out in the living room lately. Today, mostly in effort to keep Narcisa from stealing my hair bows, I put the on the drinking buddy's ears. Not only does he look adorable, but he's expressing his inner Goth. I found the hair bows at Walmart of all places, in the Halloween section. I will introduce them properly in my Haunted Humpday post tomorrow because I have another set and a couple of other fun goodies to share. For now think of this picture as a preview. 

Today I am sitting in the dark- well sort of. I have the patio door open so I can enjoy the nice 47 degree, cloudy weather, and have the side table lamp on long enough for me to write this post. As soon as I am finished, I will turn it off. Since I awoke to a beautiful, gloomy day, I checked the weather app on my computer. I love this app because I can look at the weather in my "favorite" places too. So, I look at weather in different parts of the United States, Japan, Europe, and some times I just sit and look at the structure of the coast lines. I know its weird, but I like maps and I like watching the flow and progression of weather. I'm sure most of my friends would groan, but I have been itching for snow. I get it, we are getting older and colder weather, fronts, and rain makes the bones and joints ache, but snow is amazing and so is rain!

Crafty things! I have a felt project I am either doing today or tomorrow. I saw it on pinterest and when I showed it to Amanda, she liked it so much she thinks we need to do a lot. Good thing felt is cheap. My friend Rachel brought me a craft project last night, it is die cut wood that I can paint and string up as garland. She brought me some other little things too, but I am saving them for tomorrow.

I ganked this twisted pixies' instagram page. Twisted pixies makes pretty gothic jewelry and often has interesting little quote pics like this. I thought this one was fitting in light of how I have been feeling lately and because some of my friends have a similar struggles in their lives. Certainly it is a different perspective and kind of an uplifting one, although I'm not saying we are damaged, but if anyone feels broken or damaged, well, it says it for itself. 

I am feeling a little better. Thank you to everyone who commented and to those who didn't but sent encouragement and support via other means. All of it is greatly appreciated and I'm sending my own hugs, support, and love back to you. 

Cleaning Castle Nacht, enjoying the quiet and the kitty, grieving

Today, we are cleaning Castle Nacht, a.k.a- the house. Its not truly that bad. It just need to be picked up and dusted, some things moved around, and vacuumed and swept. I need to do a little food prep for the week and get a soup started in the crock pot. A load of laundry is has already been put in the wash and is ready to be dried and another put in the wash. 

I did not sleep well last night. In fact, I woke up in the middle of the night to bloody mess in the bed, which sucks because we had just put clean sheets on the bed before going to bed. Gee, thanks PCOS. I cleaned up as much as I could and tried to get Amanda up, but she said it was fine until today. In other words, she was too out of it to want to get up and deal with changing the sheets again. I can't blame her, she had to be up at 4 this morning to go to work. I will be dealing with that shortly. 

This morning I was pestered awake and then stalked by Narcisa. She was out of food so I fed her, grabbed a granola bar for myself and plopped down on the sofa. Apparently she still wanted my attention because she came over shortly after breakfast. She's been back a couple of times, going between me and the patio window. 

The house has been nice and quiet all morning and I am enjoying it. I did talk to my friend Felicia for a little bit. She's having it rough since having her baby a little over a week ago. She had to do a  C-Section because there were some complications and now, it seems that her beautiful baby girl may have to have stomach surgery. I really hope if she does, everything goes perfectly. I finally met and got to hold the baby yesterday and I already adore her and want to spoil her. Of course I want to spoil her older siblings too and miss seeing them every day. 

No matter how many people tell me it is okay to apply for disability, that I do deserve it because I do need it, that I am just having a hiccup, its still killing me inside. I am so angry with my body and I don't want to be. I am so tried of fighting and never getting anywhere. I feel like a soul-sucking-energy-draining-mood-killing black ball when I am around other people. I feel tolerated  and I know that isn't true. I know its my inner depression and anxiety demons whispering in my ear. I know it isn't true because I am still so floored when people want to spend time with me. I don't know. I'm tired and grieving the physical life I used to have, the confidence that doesn't exist anymore, the fearlessness. I don't know how to fix me and all I want to do is hide until I can be and give something of value. Because right now, aside from being with Amanda and keeping house and cooking food, I don't see a future for myself and I am afraid that I am just doing to drag everyone around me down with me. I don't want to and I am so sorry if I am putting extra stress on anyone.  

  

Halloween shopping, memory malfunction, and body fails.

I found this gem on pinterest when I searched for vampire art. It is beautiful, I adore that she's feeding a bat.

Today was the day that we planned to actually celebrate our anniversary and I woke up in pain, having a fibromyalgia flare up something awful. I wasn't going to let it ruin my day, so I got dressed and watched Amanda pay bills. We went to Taco Bell for brunch. After that, things went very wonky, at least for me. I am going to break this up in terms of places we went today.

Winco. We did the bulk of our grocery shopping at this store and I knew I was pushing it by the time we left the produce section- which is the first part of the store we hit. I hung in there for the meat section and the dairy section, but when we arrived in the middle isles, I was kind of foggy-brained and beginning to sweat, not because I was hot mind you, but because I was in pain. I told Amanda before we made it to the check out counter that I was going to need a scooter in Wal-Mart. I actually began to get a bit short and frustrated because she seemed a bit sluggish, I needed to get out to the car, and there was a woman behind us who just didn't seem to want to get out of my way at first so I could line the cart up next to Amanda while she bagged our groceries, and then she took bags and went up the line because she didn't want to have to wait on people with larger amounts of groceries. On one hand I get it, but on the other, she was driving me nuts.

The Post Office. I finally, finally had the money to send off a gift to someone. I got the box, got in line, was handed a shipping label, filled out the recipients address and when it came to mine I knew everything except the numbers of the street address. I panicked. I panicked so bad that I didn't realize that I could have just opened my wallet and looked at my driver's license. I panicked so bad that I just slapped the only numbers I could think of, hoped they were right, realized that I had forgotten Amanda's card, and had to run out to the car to get it. It got sent though.

Walmart. When we arrived at Walmart, I was still a little freaked from the post office and didn't know how much longer, physically I was going to make it for the day. To my dismay all the scooter carts were being used. So, I told myself that I WOULD make it no matter how much pain I was in. I tried to go as fast as I could through the store. We got a few Halloween goodies, picked up some allergy meds, stopped in the craft section so I could grab some felt, then went to the pet isles to get Narcisa some food. Then we hit the baby isles to get a few things for a baby shower gift for tomorrow. When we left that part of the store to finish up the food shopping we needed to do, I was trying not to panic from pain, scream, and cry. I told Amanda that I needed her to find a scooter. She was going to do it but I said never mind, I could do it and took a breath to push on. Thankfully we didn't need much and I sent her to the candy isle to grab some for us to have little treats here and there. I was shaking and I knew I was fast approaching pass out point. So, we booked it to stand in line.

Car ride. The ride home was awful. We don't live too far from any of the places we went today. It;s maybe a ten minute drive from our house to Wal-mart, depending on traffic, but it felt longer than that. On top of everything, my back seized up in the car, and it was so bad that I instantly began ugly crying and panicking. I had to sit just so or the pain grew worse. 

Home. When we got home, Amanda shouldered all the groceries while I came inside. I told her if she gave me a little bit, I would happily put the groceries away. I think she told me to take my time but, I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is that I sat and looked at some of our mail and then, in her rolling desk chair, scooted over to put groceries away. I didn't have the 'spoons' to do my usual food prep and honestly, tomorrow isn't looking that great either. I am thinking Sunday may have to be the day for it. I also have to make bread and our lunches for the week. 

This evening we had a study group call with some friends. A couple had to come over because of technical malfunctions and they stayed for a little bit afterward. We talked books, writing, SCA, and I think we might do a small NaNoWriMo write in together. I need to talk to Amanda about it. 

In summation, as much as today sucked for me pain and panic wise, as much as I wanted to scream and punch something, I still had good moments. I still had fun with friends and with Amanda. I think if not for those things, if not for Narcisa's antics, it would have been a no good, horrible, very bad day.