Been awhile, travel, plans failed, things won, hanging on in the current.

First Happy Halloween! Blessed Samhain! 

Hi, its been awhile and a lot has happened. Months have passed and I haven't really thought about blogging or keeping up with other's blogs, no offense to anyone. We've been very busy and sometimes I've felt like I was swimming against a many different currents. Lately, however, I'm kind of hanging out in the water, holding on to a rock, waiting for things to pass before I venture out again.  Today especially, I'm a bit apathetic. Or maybe numb and meh is a better way to describe it? Doesn't really matter, let's get to all the stuff!

Summer saw a lot of changes within my house. Amanda's (a,k,a Selene) parents moved out and a friend moved in. Said friend was dog sitting- or rather, I was dog sitting because said friend was working. Said friend also got two rabbits and eventually brought her cat and dog to live here. The dogs we were dog sitting finally went back to their owner after much stress, barking, half trampled garden, and accidents on my floor. 

Further into summer, I was a guest panelist at our local anime convention. I did a panel on the history of Bento boxes and another on Oiran vs. Geisha. I actually flew solo on these, which I haven't done in a long time. It was terrifying but fun and I would love to do it again next year and have some ideas for other panels. 

We held our own Tanabata festival at a local park and about 40 people came. We had a little Japanese festival food, some Japanese games, music, some activities entering on Japanese lore and mythology, and finally a nice wishing ritual at the end.

I broke out in hives from the sun and on the very day our roommate went to the ER because her arm went numb and she was suffering from severe pain in her neck and head, I got heat exhaustion from running another friend around town in the summer heat with no air conditioning in our car. The air conditioner quit and that made the rest of the summer errands miserable. I have never done well in the heat. 

I also started a support group for local pagans with disabilities and while the group is new and very small, I am happy there is some interest. 

The end of September took me back home to Kansas. I wanted to visit family before heading to Tulsa to help Amanda;s cousin move up to Washington. My Mother's health is declining and she's as OCD as ever. We think she may have had a stroke right before I flew down but she was so worried about the hospital bill that she checked herself out and wouldn't let the hospital run any tests to see. I was not happy. That could have aided in getting her disability which would get her the health insurance she needs. My Dad is overwhelmed and depressed. I did enjoy spending time with my parents despite the sad and aggravating stuff.  My mom wouldn't let me help much around the house and stopped me when I would try. We spent more time watching shows and movies.

I also visited my cousin Shi-chan. I missed and miss her so much. It was so nice to spend a little time with her. We played cards against humanity with her boyfriend and had pizza and just talked. 

Visiting Grandma went without saying and spent several days at her house. Grandma's in her 90s and her health isn't the greatest. She was really upset that we couldn't go out and do as much, but I didn't care. I was happy just spending time with her. We talked. I went through some things she wanted me to go through and took some she wanted me to have, although not much- there are reasons I don't want to get into right now. 

Next up was heading to Tulsa to get Cousin Kat. We drove 4 days in a Budget truck towing her car behind us. Or rather I drove and you know what, even the weather radar lied about snow in Montana- or was it Wyoming... Anyway it said the area we were driving through was clear, but it wasn't!

We made it home safely.

I had about two weeks (okay honestly, I'm not even sure if it was that long) before Amanda, her parents, and I were on the road to Seattle. We went to visit some family and do some 'harvest activities'. Which meant we loaded up to go to a big farm that had various actives and a pumpkin patch. Honestly it was beautiful and rainy and I enjoyed hanging out with the family.

This was one of the trucks decorated at the farm. 

Amanda's parents

 

Amanda and I

Since Amanda has her moot on our anniversary, we spent some time alone together in our hotel room. Nothing too exciting, just hanging out drinking coffee and tea while watching scary movies in bed. We also got out to do a little shopping at Uwajimaya and Diaso Japan in the international district. We went to Daiso in Bellevue as well.  And we went to the Tsubaki Grand Shrine of America for an afternoon. I really do love that place. The Shrine is tucked away in lush trees and green and sits beside a river. They've added a few more things since we were last there too. 

View of the main Shrine Building

Fox Guardian and a view of the river

Two of the main Shrine deities-  Sarutahiko-no-o-kami, and Goddess, Ame--no-Uzume-no-Mikoto. Ameterasu is enshrined there as well. 

We also saw Zombieland 2 and did some sorely needed clothes shopping.

Back home we held a Book-or-Treat at one of our local libraries. Basically, we did a Halloween pot luck party and told people to bring books they didn't want anymore. We had two tables full and lots of people brought tons of books like we did, some only brought a few, but I think everyone went home with something fun and new to read. The books that didn't get chosen were donated to the library. 

Since then I've gone to the gym, cleaned, had some bad fibro days, and have been trying to keep moving. I am tired, still don't have all my meds yet (waiting for one to be done at the pharmacy), and hurt. But today is Halloween and there are a couple of Day of the Dead celebrations we're going to, one for sure. And tomorrow Nanowrimo starts. I was excited for that. Right now, not so much, but I am hoping tomorrow I won't be so apathetic. Maybe the little Halloween get together will help tonight!

So much and I think I am back

Takashi Shirogane Art by Clandestineknight

I'm back, I think, I hope. I've had a major spell of depression, bad enough that Amanda was talking about taking me to the hospital. I've stuffed enough crap for so long that I couldn't stuff any more and my lid popped. Without going into  too much detail, a lot of the stuff dragging me down was grief, loss, health, living situation, spiritual situation, friend and family situations, so, yeah everything really, but those primarily. Summer was miserable, in a word. 

But its fall now and I'm looking forward to the season. 

While we didn't do too much for the summer, we did go to Kuro Neko Con- which will be a post on its own and we had a visitor from Boston, again, another post on it's own. I didn't craft much and really only have one project to show. However, today, Amanda and I are working on the living room since she had the day off. We were going to try and finally do paint touch ups and paint and install the chair railing but we just don't feel up to it and it can wait another week or so. 

Oh we are missing a sofa. Our sofa was damaged during our move and we dealt with it a long time before the company finally came to pick it up for repair. But I am very ready for it to come home. My office chair is okay, but sometimes my back needs a break. 

I am writing again, everyday. I started work on a novel but got horribly discouraged. So, I've been doing some written rps with Amanda and her cousin Kat. I also started a fanfiction for Voltron. Its been fun but I am feeling a little more confident and am ready to get back to the novel. Also, my Aunt Debra wants a story to read when she's moved into her new house, so I'm going to find something I've already written, that's short, to send her. I don't have tons of time to work on something new aside from the novel, not with the rps, the fanfic, working on the house, and also...

I am helping some friends with their bakery! I'm making cakepops two to three times a week to help with a big order they have that's due soon. It's been a lot of fun and one of the girls is trying to get me hired on. It's just a tricky situation because they can't pay themselves yet. But one of them is like 'if we have you, we can take more orders and make more money'. Whatever happens, happens. Either way, I am enjoying my time there and when I need to get up and move, I can. When I get overwhelmed or panicky, I can take a break, so it is working out.   

Goals for 2018, update, and disaster phone and tears.

Found this awesome picture over at The Latest Kate on Facebook.

This morning has been relatively quiet in our house, of course now that I have said that, the in-laws will appear from the basement, and it will be noisy until they decide to leave, but that's okay. I am ready for it. I think. LOL! I've a little bit to share today, so I'm going to keep things as short as possible. 

First, the cell phone arrived and I am shipping right back to the seller. We've already put in for our refund because that piece of shit was unacceptable. Advertised as new, we received what looked to either be someone's trade in or a stolen phone. The screen was shattered, the sides dinged up, and not even the right screen protector sticker on the front. the sticker was for another brand of phone. On top of that, the box it came in said the phone was white, it was black. And there was a new charger inside so I know the seller had to have looked at it and just didn't care. Guess again. But what is strange is that the seller was Samsung on Amazon. 

Amanda and I both need new phones and as much as I would like to stay with T-Mobile (My Dad and I have been loyal customers since I was in high school), Metro PCS has some better deals on their plans and we'd get two new, free phones. But, we will see. So for the time being, I am still without a cell phone. 

Second, we're still going, going, going. Despite being home most days, we've had some friends over, a couple stayed the weekend this weekend, and one stayed over because we are closer to her work and the roads were shit. One of Amanda's Aunt's came to stay the night too. We've also, finally, gotten all of her parents stuff moved over from Idaho. Of course the unpacking is slow going with me doing school again, with the recent string of bad pain days, and trying to get things settled. 

Speaking of unpacking and trying to get things settled, I have most of the kitchen unpacked and put away. But I'm running into wall a little bit because I have our things and Amanda's parent's things. I don't have room for both. We have to go through all of it, decide what Cathy wants to keep and pack it away for the garage, and I will probably get rid of the stuff that doesn't work for us any more.  And on that note, Amanda and I dug several book boxes out from the garage. She did most of the carrying in and unpacking. We put the manga in the living room on one side of the fire place and will be placing the pagan books on the other. Paperbacks and hardbacks of fiction and some non-fiction went up to our bedroom and reference, language, and writing books went to the office/guest room. we're going through them to see if there are some we want take to a thrift store or a book exchange place. We have some touch ups to do in the living and dining room as far as painting goes, but we haven't really found the time or energy for that, plus, anytime we get a minute, we're asses on sofa, taking time to relax. We will get to it. 

School is going well. The actual class time and the time it takes me to do homework aren't that long, what takes the most time are the 15 hours a week that I have to do at the help desk and giving tours of the school on Second Life. It's how I earn my full scholarship. I don't mind doing it, I actually enjoy it, and there are long periods where no one is around so I can do homework, all I have to do is keep an eye out for anyone coming on screen or "into the lobby". 

Apart from all that, I wanted to share some goals I've made for myself this year. I've got a lot I want to do and some will get done in time, some I can start on now. 

1.  Get the house settled

2. Start saving for the things we want to do and repairs to the house

3. Set up the office

4. Set up my Vanity area

5. Work on the front and back yards

6. Finish the living and dining room

7. Get my ass writing again

8. Get reading more

9. Craft time

10. Start a Vlog (I've been talking about doing this for awhile, time to just do it)

11. Have more alone time with Amanda.

Lastly, my depression is getting interesting. I've been having episodes of crying and I'm not sure why. Perhaps its the tension trying to release in a new way. Doing morning devotionals with the school is helping a little, but I've had more panic attacks in the last couple of months than usual, which I don't like. I am hoping things will even out or get back to my "normal" soon.  

Spider on the glasses, general update, and making a new schedule

Last night sleep stood me up, so instead of tossing and turning in bed- and because I was hurting- I decided to get up and do something constructive. I made myself some planner stickers with some pretty moon pictures I found on pinterest. I even made my own template, which was kind of pain because I was basically watching youtube vids and teaching myself how to do stuff- some was refresher, but some of it wasn't. 

Since I didn't get sleep last night, I thought I was seeing shit this morning when I took Amanda to the bus stop. Turns out I wasn't, there really was something dangling from my glasses and it was a tiny spider. Normally I would have freaked, cried, and thrown things. But, I think because I was behind the wheel of a car and even though it was in park, something in my head flipped the calm switch. I took off my glasses and got a napkin then squished the thing. Do not say anything that spider broke the treaty. I have a policy if it's in the house Amanda takes it outside or I kill it, same goes for the car, especially since it was ON ME! Anyway, I thought I was doing pretty well except for the rest of the morning I kept thinking stuff was crawling on me and even had moments where I imagined spiders bursting through my skin. Yeah, I was NOT a happy camper. Needless to say after my therapy appointment and after lunch, I promptly sat on the sofa with the heating pad (because I hurt my back again recent- upper back this time) and took a nap. Thankfully sleep didn't stand me up this time.

We've been a bit busy lately. We've had dinner at a friend's house, friends have had dinner here, and we've had a wedding party planning party. Add some errands, grocery shopping, sleeping most of an entire day away, and I haven't really played too much on the internet. Or even really been on my computer that much. But that is going to change per se, after this weekend. A lot is going to change after this weekend, at least for me. I can't wait around anymore on my body or on other people. So I am going to make myself a new schedule and try it out. I know I keep talking about it, but I just need to do it. I need to stop trying to accommodate everyone else and just accommodate myself for a change. 

Quick update with good news

I probably shouldn't be sitting at my desk, updating my blog, but the pain medication is helping me do that. Some of you who follow me on instagram or facebook, know that I had my hysterectomy this morning. I checked into the hospital as an out-patient at 5:30 this morning and was in surgery by 8 am. It was a two hour complete hysterectomy preformed by Dr. Mourton and her Robots- a little joke- it was robotic surgery.

Anyway, it went really well. Once I was awake, I was eating and drinking and fast to go to the bathroom. By 1:30 this afternoon, I was in the car on my way home and have been sitting on the sofa ever since. I would have gone to bed, but it is easier for me to get up and down off the sofa than to climb in and out of our high bed. Along with that, I needed to sit up after taking pain medication because once I start to doze off or fall asleep, my breathing isn't the best. I'm okay enough to be home with out oxygen, but it is still something to keep and eye on. I should be okay on that front by tomorrow morning since it has something to do with the anesthesia- or so I was told. 

So as of right now, I have been up and moving around enough to get myself to and from the bathroom and I can go without help. Moving up and down and pulling my underwear up hurts, but I can deal. I think I may have aggravated one of my incision spots at the hospital, it felt like I had a gas bubble trapped under my ribs and so I rubbed it trying to get it to start easing up. I did not know there was an incision there. But I'm sure that will pass as well. 

I'll have to write a post about the goings on this last week. I have a lot to tell, but need to get away from my desk and back on the sofa. 

So, I'm home, I made it, the offending internal equipment (or as Amanda called it  Zarcon- the villain in Voltron- has been defeated by Voltron) is out of me at last, and I am looking forward to getting some of my life back!

Bucket List update and Tarot and Oracle cards.

I wanted to update my bucket list and this is one of those things that has been on a mental bucket list. You know the ones you file away for a rainy day. Well, this set of tarot cards has been on one of those lists. I fell in love with Ian Daniels' art when I picked up the book Vampires, A Field Guide to the Creatures that Stock the Night several years ago for book research and fun! When I learned the artist had a tarot deck, it went on my "I need/want/going to get someday" list. That counts as a bucket list, because I said so. 

These cards are just beautiful.

Anyway, we picked them up at Hasting's this weekend and they did not disappoint. In fact, they are lovelier than I had imagined. It's not just a regular tarot deck. It is so much more! You get a tarot profile per se. For instance my dynasty card is The Moon, from there I have a blood line card, a Vampire court card, and a Vampire clan card and those create your profile and then from there you look at those cards to find images and things that relate to you. There is a lot more to it, I haven't read all of the information in the book, but I will. 

My friend Fiona surprised us this weekend by giving us her Oracle of Shadows deck. I couldn't believe it A) because I have wanted them since I saw them some time ago and B) because she collects tarot and oracle cards and they aren't cheap. 

On to the actual bucket list for this year...

1.Try Das Stein Haus this Sunday for dinner

2. Camp NaNoWriMo all of July (did not happen)

3. Silverwood with Amanda's parents on July 1st

4. Soap Making July 2nd

5. Seeing Lord Chaddum at Le Chateu Galunt (sp?) on July 3rd

6. Lavender Picking Festival on July 9th

7. Get into the SCA- This has begun and will be a continuing work in progress. 

8. Stargaze

9. Go to polka dot pottery

10. Do the Zombie Crawl

11. Go to Finch Arboretum in fall to do photos

12. Ride in horse and carriage this fall

13. Visit Greenbluff this fall for pumpkins, photos, and autumn farm fresh goods

14. See the Chinese Lantern Festival in River Front Park

15. Go to Scarrywood

16. Carve pumpkins

17. Make a pumpkin diarama

18 Halloween party

19. Make t-shirt quilt

20. Make gothic quilt

21. Make a crazy quilt

22. Make coffin pot holders

23. Host a proper tea party- might do that soon and Vanessa's Mad Hatter tea party.

24. Learn to make various kinds of candles

25. Start something spiritual

26. Go to the planetarium.

27. Spend the day down town.

28. Paint Night

29. Valleyfest

30. Erhu, learn to play

31. Go to the movies

32. Map out novel

33. Make Bread

I've added a couple more thing to the original list, and some things might get condensed in to one activity depending on what happens in the next couple of months. But I am making some progress. 

Since I've been in Kansas...

You'll have to forgive me if this comes out scatter-brained and weird, the last several days have sort of melted together. So I am just going to break it down by person.

My cousins, they are doing well and getting along as well as they usually do. My cousin Shi-chan is still amazing and funny and I love that she's not taking shit off anyone any more. 

My Grandma. Grandma isn't doing well. She's 87 years old and while she's still moving around and doing a great deal on her own, she's become very frail. She has scoliosis of the spine and she's always stood and sat straight as can be but now, oh now you can visibly see is and she's bent to one side. She is also frustrated with my Grandpa and often doesn't know what to do with him. 

My Grandpa. Grandpa has Alzheimer's which I have mentioned before but he still remembers me and while it's progressing, he's still remembering a lot. He's not eating or drinking very much- which is a huge cause for concern since he's diabetic. He also doesn't remember taking showers and other things, but there are good days and bad days and that's just how it is. He is getting a great deal more ornery. Being that my Grandma is a strong extremely Christian woman, his cussing is getting him into trouble. He never cussed while I was growing up. Well, I heard him call some woman a bitch once and made me promise not to tell Grandma, lol. But now, oh boy, Grandma might kill him! He did spend a good deal of my visit with them telling me about stuff I had never heard before, which was great. I loved it. I will see my Grandparents again tomorrow and want to see them at least one more time after that before I leave. I am also taking that they are still planning to go to Texas for the Winter as a good sign that they are still up to doing things. 

My Dad. Oh boy, my Dad. He is exhausted. His knees aren't in good shape and one of his ankles is probably about to give out on him. He wears a brace but it just doesn't look good. He is very worried about my Mom and doesn't know what to do. I think sometimes he panic's because no one knows what the hell is going on with her or how to stop it. He's had to miss days of work to take care of her and he is worried about the stability of his job. Of course no job is safe or secure in this day and age, but, I don't know. Things just aren't good.  Given the condition of my Grandparents (despite them telling him to go where the jobs are) he won't leave them and frankly, after seeing them, I can't blame him. 

My Mom. Fucking Hell! I have never ever seen anything like her episodes before. I am not even sure if I know how to describe them and they are frightening. Firstly, her legs, arms, hands, shoulders, jeeze everything jumps. It's like she just jumps and flails uncontrollably and it's not like seizure activity. She sort of with it enough off and on to get up and try to walk it off but it seems like the moment she's up, she's not and she's sitting down again. She went to the bathroom the other night and when she's been in there for ten minutes and I kept hearing this strange noise, I got up to check on her. She was reaching for the bookshelf in front of the toilet to try and pull herself up but the moment she did, she wasn't really with it and her hands and fingernails would smack on the shelves. She also had frequent startled- deer-in-the-headlights-look as if she didn't know how she'd gotten where she was and that's when she'd try to get up but seconds later she was out of it. This went on for hours. And she was with it enough to tell us that she didn't want to go to the ER. 

The ER told her to go to her primary physician but they didn't do an  MRI or run any tests on her. Her primary physician said if things get bad, go back to the ER. So that's a very frustrating revolving door to no where. So, I called my Mom's neurologist yesterday and tried to get her January appointment moved up. Of course I didn't actually get to talk to anyone. They have a messaging service and if they call back, it probably won't be until Monday. If I don't hear from them on Monday, I am calling them again and I will be a thorn in their side until I get a reply.

My Dad says that the last look the neurologist did said- and she'd had an episode in the office while hooked up to some kind of machine that I can't remember the name of- they couldn't find anything wrong. There wasn't any sign of seizure or anything like that. The therapist who works with the neurologist theorizes that my Mom is in so much pain that her brain basically can't process or handle all of it and just shuts off. That this is somehow psychosomatic some way. But that doesn't really explain the jumping or the nausea.

She was on a medication for only a week that starts with an R- of course I can't remember what that was called- that she reacted to badly and was up for a lawsuit apparently. So I am wondering if it had a lasting effect and somehow messed her up. And that on top of what the therapist thinks is all somehow just one big cluster-fuck she's having deal with. 

I don't know. I am frustrated, scared, and thankful that today, at least, my Mom is having a good day. She's been doing laundry and she's had some actual sleep where she wasn't basically knocked out from the muscle relaxers and what little pain medication the doctor finally gave her. She thinks she's going to sweep and mop the kitchen and living room floors but I don't think I am going to let her. She needs to pace herself and no over do it. I am going to do the dishes and clean the counters and stove for her because I want her to rest as much as possible.

Other than that, I've slept, watched a lot of TV with my Mom (there were several things she wanted me to see and watch with her). My Dad has told me a lot about the MMORPG Eve, which sounds awesome and wonderfully complex and fun but I think I will just watch him play it some evening. And I've done some homework. I finally got half of it done today, which was awesome! My discussion board posts were late, but my instructors know what's going on and I am keeping them updated, and they are being so understanding. Oh and for some reason my laptop won't hold the internet connection very well, I think it's the piping in the house or something like that. So anytime I am online is either from my phone (which I hate doing because it is obnoxious) or when I am using my Dad's computer. 

Oh and I got to once again experience a Kansas thunderstorm. It was amazing and I loved every second of it. I loved the charge in the air a couple of hours before it, the kind of energy you feel when you know a storm is coming. I loved all the lightning and rumbling thunder, and all the rain, the smell of it, the fact that I had to dive 20 MPH under the speed limit because it was coming down so hard. OH it was fantastic!

Well, that's what is going on.     

Music and a few other things.

Good news on the car front. It is only going to cost me $350 to fix it. YAY! That's so much better than what I was dreading.

Lately, there has been some unrest within my alliance in Guildwars. How do you not have issues where tons of people are involved, even small groups, especially where  only text is involved? You don't. Well, a few people were annoyed with the alliance leader and decided to leave the alliance. There was an issue with how they left, which, I agree was not handled in the best of ways. Those that left wanted my Dad and I to join them. I thought it over and talked to my Dad about it. We decided to sit on it for a few days. As it turns out, I don't think we will be leaving the Alliance to join theirs. There are some things going on in their alliance that I don't like. Sure it's one person but that person is also having a friend still within my alliance spy on me and other active players. I don't like that. So, I think we will simply remain friends with those who have left and play with them when there is an occasion.

I have been blogging a little bit today. I wrote a couple blog posts for Detangled Writer's. I wanted to work on a draft for this blog, but I just didn't feel up to today. My back has been hurting and I've had to shift my position from laying down to sitting up several times and never seem to be able to stay in one position long enough to be comfortable to write the lengthy blog that's waiting to be written.

On to music! I have mentioned it before and I'm sure I will again many many times, that my favorite internet radio station was taken off the air a couple of years ago. Since then I have had the worst time trying to find something to supplement. You know how you just find the right mix of things and it feels good and you can relax but not be distracted in weird way? Well this radio station was a mix of Gothic Rock, Love Metal, Industrial, Gothic Metal, Dark Wave, and New Wave. It was awesome! Of course I listened to other things too, like Jpop and JRock, my movie and anime soundtracks, and Radio Rivendell which does fantasy music and soundtracks. I also listened to Traditional Chinese music when  the mood struck me. But all in all that station was on almost 24-7. I wrote to the music playing the airwaves, slept to it, and listened to it while doing just about everything else.

Pandora sort of helps. I have two stations I can flip between. It's not the same but it's helping me get to a place where things feel right, enough to gain a little confidence in writing. Maybe that doesn't make sense to anyone else, but it does to me and that's all that matters.

Oh, I donated plasma yesterday and am going again tomorrow. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it was going too. Better yet, the phlebotomist who hooked me up to the machine was really good. Even though she had to dig a little to catch my rolly-poly vein, she got it, didn't blow it, and it didn't hurt. I am going to keep donating plasma for as long as I can. Sure I like getting money out of it, who doesn't, but I also like that I am helping someone, especially since I am not an organ donor. I've caught shit from people for not being one. People have unfairly made me feel uncomfortable as if I was some horrible person for not being one. Do Not EVER tell me what to do with my body now or after I am dead. I have my reasons and if I choose to become an organ donor in the future, I will do it in my own time.    

The cats are doing well, except for all three of them needing baths. Galen has been pretty clingy today. Ellie is snoring happily beside me and I have no idea where Yoda went but he had a treat today, some ice cream. I gave him just a tiny bit  and then let Galen lick the bowl so he'd have a little bit of a treat as well. The cats all love to curl up on my bed but I think they like it even more so now since we have two fans going and the room dark. It's so hot that I closed the blinds and the curtains. I am thinking of buying another fan and putting a blanket over the window. 

Whirlwind!

Holy crap! The last eight days have been almost a blur. We've hardly been home and now that I am home with no pressing places to be, I just want to take a nap with my kitties. I suspect the moment I finish doing a few things on the computer and actually lay down for a spell, all three of them will be up and awake. But that's just how things work.

We finally got a little money and Skoora got her new laptop. And because my screen was going out and is held together by gaffers tape, she got me a new laptop as well. We also took care of things like getting medicine, replacing the transmission hose in the jeep, and getting a few clothes as well as paying off some bills. We also got a few books most of which are for Skoora's classes. We even went and checked on an apartment for a friend. I really liked getting out of the house more and going places, I felt almost normal, but in return I found myself in a lot of pain. So much I wanted to throw up on numerous occasions. I tried to distract myself with lots of things, but, that doesn't really help.

But I am feeling a little better today. Which is good because I finally have the house completely to myself, no one is here to interrupt or bother me. Well, except the cats but like I said, they are having communal nap time.

Sometime later I will blog about the stupidity of Windows 8 and Microsoft 365, but I have stuff I need to do prior. Plus, I am working on ways around all of that nonsense. That and I can't remember what else I was planning to blog about on this blog today. Maybe I do need to take a nap. Damn it!

Hopes for more regular updates, Cat pictures, and holiday events

Today I wasn't feeling very well so I did a search of cute cat pictures on Google and stumbled on a site that featured a story of Misao and her cat, Fukumura. It's actually a really good article and has links to the photographer's site, who just so happens to be her Granddaughter. I found the granddaughter's book on amazon and it's nestled in my wish list.

As I said over on my craft and culinary blog, we have been busy and with that, I've been a little too tired to really write and post any blogs. I am hoping to get back to more frequent postings now that things are starting to settle down a bit. We will have lots of company during the upcoming holiday weeks. We are expected to have Kitty Kat, her brother (for a night and a day), and The Dot. Doesn't seem like much but when you've already got four people in a small apartment and add more, it's a bit tight. We'll be fine though.

Well, I have a couple of other blogs to finish for the Detangled Writer's site.  

Middle of the night ramblings

A lot has happened in the near month since I have last posted. I have been caught up in a whirlwind of life and things to do and events and getting ready for the upcoming holidays.

My back has been an issue as always. I've had ups and downs with it and some days have been better than others. I've done my best to push through the pain and stay positive. There has been a lot of emotional stress not only with myself but in things outside my own personal struggles. My Grandmother broke her leg and she and my Grandpa have recently left the nursing home they were staying in while Grandma was recovering. They are home now and trying to get things back to normal with the help of my parents. Grandma recently celebrated her 85th birthday. For my part, being so far away, I can only talk to them over the phone and thanks to my Dad, I've been able to video chat with them over the computer. He sets it up for them and it's very nice to not only hear them but see them.

My Christmas present from my parents this year was an eye exam and a new pair of glasses. Hooray for being able to see without squinting! At first I wasn't sure if I liked the frames I picked out but now I really do think I like them. I simply had to get used to them. And with that I feel exceptionally spoiled. Skoora's parents gave me the money to order two pairs of jeans. They are on back order and won't be in until February but that suits me just fine. The two pairs I have can hold out until then especially since I wear my clothes until they give out completely. Also, I have friends who are spoiling me by sending/ giving gifts. Sometimes I feel out of place knowing I am getting things. It seems so strange in a way I can't really explain. I am so used to trying to make others happy or make sure everyone else has gifts during the Christmas season that I don't really stop to think that others are trying to do the same for me. Then again, and don't think that I am or have been ungrateful or that there will ever be a time where I am not grateful or very appreciative of what others do for me, but I have never really taken gifts or compliments very well. It's like I don't know what to do with myself or something. I am always so thrilled, excited, and tickled but feel like I need to do more to repay all the nice things that I sometimes forget to say thank you or stumble all over myself saying it too much. Or maybe I just express myself awkwardly.

That said, I think I startled Skoora a little when we took two ornaments off the giving tree at Wal-mart. The little girl we choose really likes Monster High. Skoora and I had picked up Monster High dolls on Black Friday for each other and since we really don't have a lot of money ourselves, I unwrapped mine and put it in the gift bag for the girl. I don't think that's really all that extraordinary considering that I know Skoora is getting me another of the Monster High dolls that I like. It kind of reminded me of when I was little and I gave the Ewok toy my parents had gotten me to the Goodwill so someone else could play with it. It's not exactly the same thing and really a 28 year old probably shouldn't be playing with dolls anyway, it's not a necessity or even practical but it is a fun thing.

I don't know maybe I am just worried about collecting too many thing that I don't have places for at the moment, things I may have to put in the garage until Skoora and I have a place of our own. I dream about a place of more permanency, literally. I want it so much and even have ideas of how I want each room to look, themes and furniture. I've made plans for plans and some how that seems a little excessive.   

I'm not sure I am making much sense. It is after 5 in the morning and I can't sleep but I am really tired. With all of that, I have been feeling kind of odd lately. I don't know whether it is the depression playing around with me or what exactly but I've been feeling kind of off about Christmas. Of course there is a lot I am dealing with as far as the holiday season goes. We have been going going going since when I can't really remember. Skoora's Mom is going to Kansas and she left me in charge of Christmas but can't seem to make up her mind about how we should handle which presents to open and when. We have every weekend filled with something. We've been scrambling around trying to get all the presents complied, made, and ordered and wrapped to be sent. I've been wrapping presents here and there. I finally finished the quilt for my Grandparents and had to have help toward the end. And I am trying to scratch out some alone time with Skoora before she leaves for her first residency at the beginning of January. There has been lots of worry on my end with all of it and I have been so tired. I've felt more drained and worn out than ever before. The back pain doesn't help but I've done all I can do to make that tolerable.

The good news is that I have probably annoyed half the librarians in the area with the amount of books I've placed holds on. I'm doing a ton of research on the Victorian period and have even tried playing with hair styles.

Okay I think that's enough for now. It's 6 am and I am finally sleepy enough to try and sleep so I think I will. 

Happy October!!!

Finally! October is here, one of my favorite months of the year! All the leaves up here in the Northwest are turning, Halloween decorations and candy are filling the store shelves, and we have been loading up on apples and pumpkin!

I've been reading a bit about the history of Halloween/Samhain and I've found it really interesting. But I will be saving that for a later blog post because this one is just a short update and I need to get to bed shortly.

So much will be going on this month. Two of my cousins have birthdays this month, a friend has a birthday, my parents' 30th wedding anniversary, and Skoora's cousin's 25th anniversary as well as our 5th. Of course this is Halloween itself. I think we will be having a small party after all!

At some point, when I feel up to it, I need to get out to take some pictures because there are some really beautiful tress and bushes turning.

Can you believe that I bought 4 big cans of pumpkin today?! We'll be having pumpkin bread out the wazoo! I also found a pumpkin spice coco and a pumpkin spice coffee creamer. What I didn't find was more of the sweet harvest pumpkin tea that we picked up last time we went grocery shopping. I will be looking for that online.