So many Dragons and attempting to blog again after almost 3 years

 

A lot has happened in the last couple of years and I'm not sure where to begin. So, maybe I'll start with dragons. I'm reading, at a snail's pace, The Hobbit. A friend lent it to me because the last time I had seen the actual text, I was pretty little and my Dad was reading it to me before bed every night. Of course, I enjoy the movies, the music and Smaug is one sexy beast! But, reading it as an adult is a fun adventure- when I remember to pick up the book. Normally, reading isn't a problem for me. Okay, I'll admit that I have had some struggles with some books in that they have actually put me to sleep- there were two in college and one in high school (I am looking at you My Antonia). Some of the books on Kindle have had pacing issues or maybe the story wasn't holding me- which I feel it is important to note that I have a high tolerance for a great deal and more so for the tedious and slow moving story, depending, more so than most people I know. 

Anyway, my struggle is not any of those things with the Hobbit, Tolkien is the kind of word porn that I enjoy. It is simply that I have been busy and set the book down and it got moved into the office/craft room, and just recently discovered where it had been tucked away to. The Hobbit is now out where I can see it and the sooner I get to read about one of my favorite arrogant dragons, the happier I will be- especially given events as of late. 

The second dragon item is that I started the Game of Thrones: House of the Dragon series tonight. I was not happy with how Game of Thrones ended. I could rant about that forever and a day, but I think that is best saved for another time. I am tired and its getting close to my bed time. Yes, I know how the story is going to go and like Rogue One of Star Wars, we get the gist. However, I do enjoy the court/political intrigue and well, DRAGONS! 

My third dragon item is that Selene- aka Amanda, aka my wife, and I, along with two cousins and a couple of friends, have been playing D&D A LOT! I'm finally getting to have characters that start at level 1 and actually level up, not just one level, but several. I'm finally getting to see what higher level characters are like, actually enjoy a story, learn more about and how to play the game. I understand some games fizzle out, but damn, it was disheartening. I tend to get excited and invested. If the character dies during session, fine, I will get over it, and that's one thing, but the whole campaign? That's shit. Unless the people who are playing are shit, but there are horror stories about that kind of thing on the internet. 

On a slightly shifted dragonesque topic, I've made some D&D and dragon centric things for my Etsy store. If anyone remembers, I kept talking about wanting to start a store. I finally did it! It is called Shadow Fox Witchery. I will most likely talk about the store more in depth later. Anyway, I embroidered two dragon designs on tote bags today. And I spent half my day ironing. Which leads me to the next topics. 

We've been busy. I didn't think the pandemic was going to take much toll on me, not like it did for a lot people. I'm introverted so staying home wasn't too out of the norm for me. Selene's work moved to remote- work from home- during the pandemic and that has now become permanent. We did get Covid and it was awful. I had had a fever so high I probably should have gone to the hospital, but we managed it. Our sleep schedules were sufficiently screwed up for a long time, and the Covid really took a toll on both our depression and anxiety. Then, trying to go back out into the world when things began to open up was a struggle. I am still ordering groceries online and picking them up. 

What's helped with that is that we have done some updates on our home. We redid the bathroom and are very shortly going to be redoing the kitchen. That has been a kind of a cluster fuck. We tried to do the online design thing with Lowes and the guy we were working with was okay, but he didn't stay within our budget and nothing was really going to change with the kitchen. Worse, everything is on back order and the wait time and how long we were going to be out of a serviceable kitchen was getting longer and longer. We can't not have a functioning kitchen for several months.  So, we went into our local store and just asked some questions of the kitchen designer there. We're doing this shit ourselves. She not only answered every question, talked us through how to do stuff we weren't sure about- because she's actually done it all herself, gave us resources, ect... And it was all significantly less than our max budget! We will be doing everything except the plumbing, that we need a plumber for, but we need one anyway to hook up the dishwasher and take a look at a leak in the basement. 

But we are having other issues with the house aside from a leak. Our oven door broke. Selene fixed it, twice. We are finally getting the pine trees removed in September and we were damn lucky that one a very windy day the one that fell miss both our car and Kat, our cousin's car, by mere inches. The fireplace was looked at and cleaned and has a great bill of health. However, when we tried to get two extra electrical outlets installed in the house, the electricians who came out to look into doing it, said we really shouldn't. And they were pissed for us. We have that great old knob and tube wiring. It hasn't really been too much of an issue until recently. The fuse for the main level blew four times tonight in the space of an hour. Apparently we can't have the ac running while the dishwasher is going and watch tv. Which is troubling, because we've done so just fine before. Odd combinations of stuff seem to trip it. Selene wanted to do solar panels on the roof not only to save on electric but to give us more of a buffer against the sun beating down on the roof. Because there's a good lack of insulation. I'm starting to think we are going to have to rewire the whole damn house sooner rather than later and am dreading that, especially if walls have to be torn into.

And if we get into more of the mundane problems, we spent a nice chunk of change on getting our car worked on. They were supposed to have fixed the ac in the mix of things we needed done. The front blows just fine, but the back is still blowing hot air, so they will be fixing that. And we have to take it back in, after this weekend, so they can replace the motor mounts and I forget what else they needed to do. 

Aside from dealing with all of those things. We have been to the Seattle area for vacation, albeit short and kind of packed full with places to go, it was so nice to get away. I forgot what a vacation actually felt like. Don't get me wrong, driving down to visit my family is a kind of vacation too, but it is stressful in that I'm the only viable driver out of Selene and I- we suspect she has narcolepsy but to be tested for it is so freaking expensive we can't afford it so she'll be getting no help for that anytime soon- and then there is the stress of family. I can't tell my Grandmother half of the things I do or am involved in, we don't discuss that Selene and I are married. My mother's health is worse than it has ever been, I'm certain she'd had a stroke, her episodes are so bad and she's afraid she will have one and won't wake up. My Dad is exhausted. Everyone is sure they can get some kind of help be it disability or medical help but every time my Dad does the paperwork, he makes too much on paper. I want to help, they won't really let me. Dad always has to work every time I am down there so I hardly get to spend time with him. My cousin Shi-chan is almost a shut in, her anxiety is through the roof. I don't even want to get into the drama of the rest of her family. I always leave a little more heartbroken and frustrated, defeated than when I arrived. But I still find my time with the people I love a treasure. 

As for the rest of it. We've been planning public community Sabbats with some friends, we joined a coven, are on the board and organizing Northwest Pagan Fest. Selene is still doing her Magickal Moot. I started doing my Pagans with disabilities support group again. I'm making stuff for my shop and vending every so often at public events. I will be at the Fairy Fiesta this coming weekend, Northwest Pagan Fest, and Witch's Night Out. Somehow we have managed to do some 'for the house' shopping to help us get better organized upstairs. The main level is next. Kat is working on the basement. We've watched some anime, tried some new places in town to eat at, played some D&D, and I have had a whole bunch of bad days intermixed from fibro flares, depression and anxiety, and being heat sick or exhausted. 

And I am not done. I've been looking at doing a podcast as well as a twitch channel. I thought about being a Vtuber, because it looks like a lot of fun and learning the set up to do looks fun too. Plus I really miss gaming.  The podcast is mostly just for fun, but hey, if it turns out to be even marginally successful, that's a bonus. 

AND I must be a masochist because I'm gearing up to really start writing again. I haven't been, not really. But last night I took 14 little notepad pages of notes for a short story I've wanted to turn into a book. Other stories I have let sit are flaring up again, and I'm just tired of wanting a thing and being too scared to do it. I'm sure, like with everything with me, it will be a slow crawl. But baby steps are better than no steps. 

Oh and lastly, I joined the Conqueror Challenges- The Lord of the Rings Shire one. I even ditched my old knock off fitbit for a real one. the old one wasn't actually counting my steps accurately, but the fitbit does and it is actually correctly logging my sleep- at least, it's getting the hours right. I don't know what crack my old one was on. Anyway, I am half way to Bree in the Challenge and when I get there, I will sign up for the next part of the journey. I'd probably be closer to the end if I'd had a real fitbit, but meh, it's fine, just means I will get more walking steps in. 

Well, I have written a small novel, probably riddled with grammatical and spelling errors aplenty that I won't bother editing- because I am lazy and actually trying to stay awake. I need to go to bed. 

So, see you later. 

Maybe. 

Hopefully. 

 

 

Busy, first time in a long time, and friend and family problems.

There were so many pine needles! I raked the crap out of them for spring clean up... and then deeply regretted it that evening and for the next few days. Amanda helped, but she did most of the stone laying and some of the mulch work. Her mom did some too. 

After an unintended hiatus, I think I am back, at least for the foreseeable future. Today is the first day in over a month that I have actually opened my laptop and did anything on it. I've had it in my bedroom, the living room, and in the office with the intent of getting online to read blogs, check e-mail, and look up supplies for home improvement and decoration projects. Only I never did and for a number of reasons. 

The chief reason was that we were intermittently busy. On weekends we had shopping days, food prep hours, and had some company. We also had a couple of events. During the week, when I felt up to it, I was cleaning and watching anime and or TV shows on Hulu. 

The second reason was that my depression monster had been raging almost with a vengeance. With the drop in pain management from the one medication made the pain from flare ups higher and more intense, and more debilitating, which in turn made things harder emotionally and mentally. To top it off my Mom threw some stuff at me one day that was upsetting and then a couple of days later, before I'd had a chance to really explain my concerns and feelings about it to her, she called for a third time to let me know that her identical twin, my Aunt Laura, was in the hospital with renal failure. She wanted to let me know that if it came to it, that she would donate a kidney to her sister and wanted to know my opinion on the matter. As much as I don't like this Aunt most of the time, I don't want her to die. Further, I told my Mom that it doesn't matter what my opinion on her donating is, its her body and her sister, and I would never tell her what she could/should or couldn't/shouldn't do. That is her decision. Well, after getting off the phone with her and then processing everything, I got a little pissed and very worried. And then with those two matters plus the pain, some other things, and already raging depression, I fell into a horrible downward spiral. Things were so bad that Amanda literally said "you're drowning in this and I don't know what to do". 

But then, they got even worse. I had a horrible day one day, called Amanda at work, broke down and took a whole nerve pill at her insistence. I have been avoiding taking that med because I know it is addictive and I don't want it to become a crutch. I wanted to learn to work through and deal with stuff on my own. She also wanted to me to call a friend and see if someone could come over or if I could ask her parents to come up and sit with me. That's so much easier said than done. I have such a hard time asking for help. It takes so much to for me to tell people certain things. Surface stuff is easy. Occasionally I vent here and sometimes I vent a little to friends, but I know that people have their own problems and while I know my friends might want to help, I feel so guilty about adding to their stress. Even when I am internally screaming and hurting while giving a friend a hug, the guilt is so stifling, I just say, I'm fine or okay.

  Anyway, the medicine evened me out. For a few hours but then by the time we'd returned home from out D&D game, I was exhausted and the medicine had worn off and I was quite frankly just done. I told Amanda I was tried of fighting the fibro, the depression, the low back pain, my weight, my family, sometimes my friends, and just everything. She wanted to know if she should take me to the hospital and I told her I didn't know. Instead, she cuddled me and helped me get ready for bed. 

A day or so later, I can't really remember, we went to a friend's. I wasn't feeling that great, but I was trying and had decided to leave all my upsets at home and try to enjoy the day. Things were going well and then a friend asked me a couple of hours in, how I was doing. The moment I opened my mouth to reply said friend turned their head away and began talking to someone else. Amanda was just as surprised and almost as upset as I was and she took my hand. I think if she hadn't been there and we hadn't car pooled, I would have left. That is the very thing that reinforces and cements the core belief that I'm not worth anything and don't matter. Somehow, I shoved all that down and made it through the rest of the night. But it is still bothering me. A lot of things are. 

However, I have since seen my therapist. She gave me a back up person in her office to call if I can't get a hold of her and we talked about some other things. Its a work in progress.  I also called and spoke to my Dad for a couple of hours. We talked about a lot of things and after I felt loads better. He also was a bit frustrated with my Mom and assured me that no doctor would consent to my mom donating a kidney with her health the way it is (which I figured and others thought also) but that Aunt Laura isn't even eligible because she has M.S. So while that's upsetting in and of itself, the somewhat selfish silver lining is that I won't have the possibility of losing my Mom due to this instance. 

On to cooler stuff!

Meet Yukiko, our Japanese Snowblossom tree. We've been working on our front and back yards as well as the inside of the house. I will share the inside of the house when it is more cohesive, we're almost there but not quite. So back to the front and back yards. 

This is our strawberry patch. Amanda built the raised garden bed herself and planted the marigolds n the corners. She has since added a pot in the middle with a lily. She's also going to build one or two more of the raised bed for our veggies and I am going to take one of the house doors we found in the garage and make an herb wall. 

This is the majority view of the back yard. I'm not sure what we're doing with the large metal beds, that part of the yard doesn't get sun. So shady place flowers until I can make my meditation spot? Along the fence we're planting some flowers and some vegetables. The gravel part will be raked clean, weeds killed, and will eventually have flagstone or concrete pavers laid to make a patio. 

This is the other part of the back yard. You can't see the drive way and raised garden bed, they were behind me. What you can see is the garage and the small gated section behind it. We are thinking about clearing out that area behind the garage for pumpkins. We don't know if the small deck was supposed to become part of a larger project, but we might break that apart to and use the wood to build something else. I've decorated the side of the garage with wind chimes, and couple of bird feeders, and some yard decor from the Dollar Tree and what we had left over from our apartment. 

Amanda bought me this fairy solar light and I picked up the Peter Rabbit watering can from a Thrift store. I planted some daisy seeds in it. I have a couple of other pots I've planted some pansies in, but I need to get more pots or take some more of the yard for flowers. 

Lastly, I leave you with the kitties. Miss Narcisa took over my spot in the bed one night and presided over it like the head of the Black Cat Yakuza she is.

And here is Thorin, lazing atop the cat tree in the sunlight, leaning against the window frame. This is also a tiny teaser for my living room. Amanda calls my design scheme for the room "elegant nightmare". I just hope the end result lives up to it. So far there's a little elegance and a few somewhat creepy yet beautiful pictures. 

Coming soon... Craft projects.

I made stuff, migraine, fatigue, bad sleep, and cuddly cats

Remember that picture I posted of myself the other day. Well, this one is a better one in my opinion. 

I have been pretty busy these last several days. We went shopping at Fred Meyer for groceries and then we checked out a new store called My Fresh Basket. It opened up in Kendall Yards. My Fresh Basket a bit pretentious but they do have some specialty things that we haven't found elsewhere. I bought a bar of Sandalwood soap as a treat.  Anyway, because we have adopted a new food diet, I made sure we had plenty of fruits and veggies, which meant that I was in the kitchen cutting, slicing, and chopping- doing food prep- pretty much most of the weekend. When I wasn't doing that, I was cooking or baking. I made a peach pie and a Strawberry pie- both of which have been eaten. Last night I made eggplant parm without the parm. I also decided to make my own Popsicles. The above was supposed to be strawberry pomegranate but I forgot the pomegranate.   

This one is lavender lemonade with real lavender. I also used some of my lavender syrup, not a lot. 

Here is peach pineapple.

And this is vanilla matcha. I have a vanilla coffee syrup and I used just a little to sweeten the matcha.

I have been very exhausted the last several days. I have trouble focusing and staying awake sometimes and others I feel sick. At night I've had some trouble sleeping in bed again and end up on the sofa. Today, I woke with a migraine and it only grew worse as the day progressed. Thankfully, after some coffee, alieve, and laying down for a bit, its disappeared. However, I tried to make vegan apple cinnamon breakfast cups and misread the recipe for lack of being able to focus, and put in too much vanilla. Amanda had to take over for me and double the recipe. That did the trick. I decided to make bread today. It has been rising a little longer than usual, but I need it to double in size and with the air conditioner going, it's been a slow process. 

I am a bit annoyed with my Mom. I called to talk yesterday and during our conversation she informed me that I wasn't going to lose weight just because I decided to go vegetarian. Um, thanks. What the fuck?! I don't get it. We were vegetarian for a whole year when I was a kid. They still cook stuff from the vegetarian cookbooks they have, granted it's not much, but still. Plus me being vegetarian affects her in no way except for the the week or so she and Dad will be visiting in October. If she's worried that I am going to become one of those self important, high horse, condemn you for eating meat vegetarians, she's mistaken AND she should know me better than that. More importantly, I should have to feel that I have to justify myself for trying to see if this will be better for me health wise and reduce my physical pain.

On a much happier note, my cats have been very cuddly lately. Even Narcisa. She actually let me lay my head lightly on her last night. She even purred! 

Spider on the glasses, general update, and making a new schedule

Last night sleep stood me up, so instead of tossing and turning in bed- and because I was hurting- I decided to get up and do something constructive. I made myself some planner stickers with some pretty moon pictures I found on pinterest. I even made my own template, which was kind of pain because I was basically watching youtube vids and teaching myself how to do stuff- some was refresher, but some of it wasn't. 

Since I didn't get sleep last night, I thought I was seeing shit this morning when I took Amanda to the bus stop. Turns out I wasn't, there really was something dangling from my glasses and it was a tiny spider. Normally I would have freaked, cried, and thrown things. But, I think because I was behind the wheel of a car and even though it was in park, something in my head flipped the calm switch. I took off my glasses and got a napkin then squished the thing. Do not say anything that spider broke the treaty. I have a policy if it's in the house Amanda takes it outside or I kill it, same goes for the car, especially since it was ON ME! Anyway, I thought I was doing pretty well except for the rest of the morning I kept thinking stuff was crawling on me and even had moments where I imagined spiders bursting through my skin. Yeah, I was NOT a happy camper. Needless to say after my therapy appointment and after lunch, I promptly sat on the sofa with the heating pad (because I hurt my back again recent- upper back this time) and took a nap. Thankfully sleep didn't stand me up this time.

We've been a bit busy lately. We've had dinner at a friend's house, friends have had dinner here, and we've had a wedding party planning party. Add some errands, grocery shopping, sleeping most of an entire day away, and I haven't really played too much on the internet. Or even really been on my computer that much. But that is going to change per se, after this weekend. A lot is going to change after this weekend, at least for me. I can't wait around anymore on my body or on other people. So I am going to make myself a new schedule and try it out. I know I keep talking about it, but I just need to do it. I need to stop trying to accommodate everyone else and just accommodate myself for a change. 

Unintended break, Captian America dress, too much and D&D

It was too good to be true

Somehow this term I ended up taking an unexpected and unintended break from the blogging world. I think I just got overwhelmed with homework and everything going on, with the people around me and so on that I just kind of pushed things to the wayside until I could get a break enough to get my head back where it needs to be. I will get more into that later.

The pretty ring set pictured above was supposed to be my engagement/wedding ring set from Amanda. We found it on a great deal online and I was so excited the moment it came in the mail. Sadly, it has to be returned. The plating began to chip off right away. I couldn't believe how fast it did and I babied the rings. There is definite disappointment, but I will find something else.

Okay, so while my school workload wasn't nearly as bad as it has been in the past couple of terms, the work took just about as much time to complete. It was fun and it was frustrating. Especially when my instructor in my art class couldn't seem to make up her mind whether or not I was supposed to submit my self critique just in the discussion board or also in the main posting area. It was weird but hey, I have a B in the class, so that's all I care about at the moment. The other class I did very well in and actually learned some useful things, was reminding of things pertaining to writing and I am excited about. 

Summer doesn't seem to be shaping up to be smooth and relaxing this year It has become jam packed against my wishes. To kick it off, we had insanity from Amanda's Mom while she was stressing which in turn drive everyone nuts. No, really, I had people who came to Amanda's Graduation party stressed out because of her. Not good. 

Anyway, we had the IEPG camp out and I was very busy before and during. I had a lot of fun though, which was the most important thing. The night we came home from the camp out we had company, Amanda's cousins from Seattle. And then we had her Graduation Party. Now she won't Graduate until July 18th, but we did the party early so any money she got from that she could take with her. Why? Because her school insisted that she have medical insurance and wanted to charge her 700 dollars for insurance she can't use here in her home state and will only need for 10 days. She absolutely has to have it. No if and or buts about it. She managed to get a discount so it's only 200 buck. Well that's how much she got from friends and family at her party. Seriously, this country is so screwed up as far as health care is concerned. Before if you didn't have insurance, you just paid out of pocket. Now you have to do that and you have to pay a penalty fee for not being able to afford it. What the hell kind of sense does that make? Moving on.

This week we have the July Moon, which I am doing tonight and I have no idea what we are doing for the 4th yet, but it will be something. After that Amanda leaves for Boston on the 8th. At some point we have her family reunion, which I really don't want to go to. To be honest, I don't like a good majority of her family. Hell, I don't like a good majority of mine, those that I know. We are supposed to drive down near Orifino to a camp ground and will be hot, I'll be around people who stare and make me feel awkward and who I have nothing to say to and even though I probably have some things in common with them, they are too judgmental for me to want to deal with. The upside is that there are a few who are nice and I actually do like. 

I know we have some other things going on this summer, I just can't remember them right off the top of my head. There are some IEPG things happening that I will go to. 

We've begun playing D&D with the neighbors every couple of days after their kids go to bed. It;s been nice and a lot of fun! Honestly, I think if I hadn't made friends with my neighbor and could escape over to her house as easily, I might have lost it. I think I have surpassed my limit of shit-tolerance from Amanda's parents. They are good people and I do love them but lately there are days that I find myself almost hating them and that's when I know I need to get away. I don't want to hate them. 

Lastly, my favorite Avenger is Capt. America and Amanda got me the Capt. America dress from Torrid when it became available. She bought herself the Loki dress, which I don't have a full picture of at the moment. I have a red cover up to go with it and I want to find some red shoes eventually. Please excuse my hair, for making it cute, the wind killed it that day. Oh and that dress is actually a little bit big. I am going to have to take it in, especially at the top. No that's not my house, we were at the clubhouse where Aunt Lola live. We did it there so we could swim afterward. 

 

 

Sad Gothic Piano, October, I didn't pull that story off, feeling Vampy today.

I'm supposed to be deeply engrossed in homework today. I've made it as far as the library, into black board (the school platform website thingy) and pulled two stories from other classmates to critique. I've even put my headphones on despite the migraine and am listening to "Sad Gothic Piano" music on youtube. It just sounds like sad piano music but it's soft and not jarring, which is what I need right now. 

Last week's short story assignment was a major bust, in my opinion. Amanda said she liked it but I don't know, it doesn't feel right to me. Of course I only had a 1,000 word count to work with and I think that story might need a tad more. I don't know, I will look at it again when I'm not so pissed at it. Amanda also said it could be the start of a book. Which it really could be and that's probably the problem. Hey, at least I recognize that. However, it kind of sucks because I really wanted to have it polished and ready for Haunted Humpday. So, what I might do is rework it after I write this weeks assignment up, and see how I feel about it then. I don't necessarily have a word count here or for myself, so I can tweak it and make it just a bit longer if I need too.

As far as me feeling Vampy today, that has to do with the subject of the next short story assignment. I want to write about a vampire. I haven't written about one for this class and I think in writing one it will help to inspire me to get back to work on one or both of my books. I'm not going to be a published author if I don't have a damn book finished. (there are lots of reasons why I haven't been writing, but I am going to force myself to do it, that way when we finally get out and away from the reasons why, I can just fall right into it easily). 

October is going to be one of the busiest months of my life! Aside from ending one term of school and starting the next, we have a pumpkin potluck, birthdays, a going away party for a friend, pagan classes, pagan meetups, a Samhain celebration, maybe a Halloween party- possibly two, our 7 year anniversary, and actual Halloween. We also have to pay off some bills and get the cars looked at. Amanda is still looking at other jobs to get us out of her parents house and over to Spokane. I also want to get into the doctor and get some blood work done. But that's all next month. For now, I just need to focus on what's in front of me. 

Back to homework it is.  

Panic at the desk, a sliced finger, and a hot, stale-air night.

A lot has been going on this week! We've have all been in and out of the house more than usual. Part of that was because home wasn't quiet enough or interruption free enough for me to get homework finished. Skoora's mother made it clear last Sunday that she doesn't see my homework of import. So, I drug a friend who has been staying with us to the library twice this week in effort to get some reading and work done. That works until the middle and high school vagabonds get out of school. There was actually a kid who sat near us detailing to a girl who he was apparently trying to impress, how much he'd cheated on his last girlfriend and he was spewing bullshit personal and religious philosophy. I didn't hear everything since I was trying to concentrate but I just want to go up to this kid and ask him if he could hear how utterly idiotic he sounds and then tell the girl that if she was impressed by this, then she was a complete moron and needed to get her head examined. I didn't. But I did leave when a gaggle of girls ran around giggling and chatting between the shelves with no respect for anyone else. My local library isn't that large so eventually someone would catch them so I didn't feel the need to report them to the front desk. 

If there is one thing that I hate most it's that I have panicked over homework. Yes, I got a head start on some of it. No it's not particularly hard or even out of my range of capability. But I could not seem to figure out what to write for my workshop class and as much as I love thee text book, I hate it too. It's made me far more self conscious than I should have been for a first draft. It actually took a panic attack, that release of emotion, and a phone call to my Mom for my head to clear out enough for me to even get an idea. I've been like this for quite awhile now and it's really disconcerting.

All of that said I've managed to get half of my humainities homework finished, read what I needed to read for my fiction workshop class, and even get an outline and first draft of a story written. However, I don't like the end and want to do some edits to clean the story up as well as tighten it. Of course, I need to fix the ending as well and I absolutely must do it tonight! I also need to finish the humanities homework tonight too. Why? Because a couple of friends, Skoora, and I are going to Medical Lake for Beltane tomorrow! It'll be a whole day of play and relaxation. I'm a little nervous of how many people are going to be there but at the same time, I really want to spend time with a few people I've been getting to know recently. Plus, MAYPOLE! Who can say no to that?! Lots of people, I know. Buy they are missing out! 

Going to the library hasn't been the only errands we've been running or will be running today. We've gone to Liberty Lake to pick up a bed for a friend, done general errands, and been to the grocery store. I hate going to the grocery store on the first of the month but when you haven't any food in the house, it's pretty much a necessity. So I braved the crowds and thankfully no one got too close or touched me this time. When I got home, we put groceries away and I split up the meat for meals to put in the freezer for later. I ran out of tin foil so I had to use parchment paper and saran wrap for wrapping and ended up slicing my finger on the serrated edge on the saran wrap box. I wasn't cut too deep but it stung and bled pretty well for a bit. Skoora had to come and help me with band aids and to finish with the meat. 

Last night our bedroom fan broke in the middle of the night. I was so upset. The weather is getting warmer here and Skoora is a freaking furnace! I did not sleep very well to say the least and with the humidity and no air currents in the room, I felt as if I couldn't breathe many times. Skoora checked the fan for me, it's toast!

Today I am buying a new fan either from a second hand store or from wal-mart. Probably from wal-mart because I just don't have the time to run to every second hand store in town trying to find a fan. I also have to take our friend that's stayed over home to drop off her groceries and laundry and then take her to work. After that, I am driving to Kellogg to pick up another friend and bring her into town for the weekend. She needs to run to a pawn shop and to wal-mart also. After all of that, we'll be donating plasma at 7 tonight and then I get to come home and make dinner. And finally after all of that is said and done and I can sit and relax, I'll be finishing up homework and trying to get to bed early so I can get up early and cook tomorrow before we head out.

Even now, I have to book it to get off here, eat, get dressed, and get out of here. ACK!

Happy Easter with a catchy tune called Bipolar Easter Bunny. Not for little kids.

I watch a youtube vlogger named Cory Williams a.k.a Mr. Safety and have been for years. He does comedy, positive messages, silly things, and even songs! He also has a channel for his cats, don't know if you've ever heard of The Mean Kitty Song, if not, it's really cute and you should go check it out! Be careful when watching his music videos, most of his music is uber catchy! I've had songs stuck in my head for days, not that I mind. Anyway, his most recent is the Bipolar Easter Bunny. I wouldn't show it to little kids, personally, at least without viewing it myself first. Watch out this one is a catchy tune too! Happy Easter!!!

We've been busy this past week. We've had company, run errands, gone to appointments... I'm a little more than worn out but I still have so much to do even today that I don't dare take a break. Most of today's work is all on the computer. A friend will be coming over this evening for supper and Easter egg dying. Yes, we still do that. I have some plastic eggs that I want to paint. Oh wait, I have a ton of laundry to do, bleh. Next week there are three trips to Spokane scheduled and there might possibly be a fourth, not sure how that's going to work out yet though. I might also have to cancel one of my trips on account of gas. Oh and I have to jump start my homework next week.

In going to the Full Hare Moon ritual with another friend, we both met a really sweet woman. At least I thought she was really sweet and warm. I'm beginning to think that she used me as a gateway to my other friend. Which is fine in some respects and not fine in others. On one hand I am happy that my friend is meeting new people and making new friends. Actually, I love that because she is so lonely and being stuck in a small semi-isolated town in the mountains unable to drive, makes things very difficult. But on the other hand, I just wish people were honest with me. I never would have let said new person hug me much less exchanged e-mail addresses with her had I known she was just using me to get to my friend. Further more, this person kind of weirded me out a little, she was really huggy and kept petting my friend's arm. She asked permission first, and I chalked it up to "my family has never been very touchy so it;s something I'm not really used too" but I don't know, maybe I'm just a little annoyed and also kind of worried for my friend. There's some other stuff that I learned about this person through her profile on another site but that's really personal information that, while public, I don't feel at liberty to tell. No, I didn't go look her up (I'm not that paranoid), we are on the same site and she added me. All I know is that she had better not hurt my friend.

Express to slow the hell down.

Fairy Kitty by Maria Lucia

Everything has been go go go since Skoora returned from er residency in Boston. We've gone shopping (which was really hard on me and sometimes I really didn't think I was going to be able to take another step from the pain). We've run various errands, made doctor's appointments, and I have been to the library a lot. We have also been to Hasting's several times. I have also been trying to keep everything picked up as far as our bedroom is concerned, which is kind of difficult since we have so many pillows. But I've also managed to tackle the laundry. Of course, I need to do some grocery shopping today but I'm not getting very much and I doubt I will be at the store for very long. Also, I spent a day watching Downton Abbey, which I've mentioned before. But I haven't really taken any time to rest much less relax. With everything that is going on, I'm geared up and tense. My back feels awful, the fibromyalgia has flared up something terrible, and I'm starting to have panic attacks every day, sometimes more than once a day. This is not a good thing.

Today, after I go to the store, make supper, pick Skoora up from work, and play a little Guild Wars with my Dad, I am going to settle down for an hour or two and just read. I have several books that won't read themselves and I really think I need some time to escape for a little bit. I know Yoda-Chan will be extremely thrilled to have me in one place for more than a few minutes. He always likes to be petted.

With the way things are going, I doubt I will be able to do anything for Lammas this year. I just don't think that I will have the energy but I will see.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with the headshrinker. I have mixed feelings about going to see her again but I don't want to start over with a different therapist, the thought of that is exhausting. A highlight, I am going to visit a friend after that.

Honestly, I have a lot more I could/ need to blog about, but I am so tired and if the library hasn't gotten my books in yet, probably won't today. So, I should pack up and head to the store, and then home. But I might stop for coffee and read for half an hour in a park. There's a park a couple of block away from my house and it would be really nice to go sit by the river.