Once again my crappy immune system wins again. I have caught something, probably a stomach bug. So I have spent the last couple of days drinking tea and resting. While resting I've watched the rest of Hemlock Grove, a couple of episodes of Marco Polo, and this morning I am watching Once Upon a Time season 2 with my friend's daughter and her friend before they head out for school. This is the friend who Amanda and I are staying with in Spokane. I have come to the conclusion that I like Snow White/Mary Margaret better with long hair.
Good news! I heard back from the apartment people. Amanda and I have both been approved for the apartment. We have a few more things we need to give them and then as soon as the woman in the apartment moves out and the apartment people get in to clean it, we can move in. That probably won't be for a couple more weeks though, which is kind of starting to wear on me. I keep telling myself, I've waited for 3 years for a home of my own, what's a few more weeks? Well, I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I will end up moving right at the beginning of my next term of school, which really sucks. I mean really sucks. I will be taking cultural anthropology and formal logic. *Sigh* I am expecting lots of homework.
I had an interesting thought last night. I've died a couple of times and been reborn (metaphorically speaking- I haven't actually died). Now I know that sounds crazy but hear me out. I am not the same person I was in high school. In high school I was very head strong, a bit too fearless, and had an idea of where I was going and what my life would be like. That girl, while there are some remnants of her, died somewhere before she turned twenty. Overwhelming depression, anxiety, several deaths of family members too close together, and going to a college that didn't fit made everything explode. That girl moved back home and found a job and went back to school. But there was a period wherein that girl floundered and just kind of existed.
A couple of years of this "existing" went on and I was reborn. Things were better, I knew what I was doing, where I was going, knew who and what I was and so on. Things were fine up until a couple of years ago when I died again (this is the time where I had a mental or nervous break down the first time). This time the existing was much worse. More of myself was lost and instead of truly being reborn, I died again a couple more times.
I think in all this metaphorical dying it was me trying to slough off all the undesirable things. Or maybe it wasn't. Either way, I was thinking about the person I used to be. I used to be stronger. I used to be fearless. I used to be this or that. The point is, I "used" to be. That person is no longer. I have to look at the person I am now. The person I am now isn't as strong as the person I was but I am stronger than the person I was two years ago. I am relearning who and what I am but the most important thing is that I am growing. I am learning new things, pushing myself to do thing when I don't really have the energy, and trying to live a little or as best I can with the ailments I've got.
I suspect that once we are moved and settled, after about a year or so the person I am now won't exist any more. I mean I will still be me and parts of me will be here but I am hoping that the someday-new-me will be stronger, better adjusted, and will have learned more things and will have grown more.
Any way that was just a rambled idea or theory, probably doesn't make much sense. You can ignore it if you like. I am going to drink some tea, watching another episode of Marco Polo before I have to catch a bus. You have to pay for parking -if you can find it- downtown and there are no guarantees that it will be close to where you want to go. So it is just easier to take a bus to the plaza. I will get some walking done today, ride a Spokane bus for the first time, and meet Amanda for lunch at a little coffee shop.