Sunday, April 19, 2015

Finished for this week, time for myself.

This last week has been eventful. Last post I said Amanda's parents went to Seattle. We had one night to ourselves. It is our fault, of course, and I am not complaining because it was a lot of fun, but afterward, I was really pooped. Still am but I will get to that in a bit. 

We had our neighbor over once or twice more. We never did get to go over and have drinks with her, it just didn't work out. My friend Chris came over for a night. We watched movies and talked, I made Cavatini for her. Fiona was here the whole time and we got to do a lot with her. Unfortunately she had to suffer through mine and Amanda's homework with us. Fiona also bleached and dyed my hair for me again. She missed some spots in the bleaching and some in the dyeing process, but that's okay. I really like it. I sent a picture to my Dad and his reply was that he isn't a fan but go big or go home and if you're going to do it, this is the way to do it. My Mom loves it. My Grandmother thinks its terrible. Meh, she's 86 and has never wanted me to dye my hair any color- never mind that she used to dye her hair all the time- and she's always wanted me to have short bob haircuts. Yuck! The only thing I didn't appreciate when she and I were discussing my hair was the comparison between me and one of my cousins in Nebraska. I love my cousin, but I hate it when Grandma starts in with how cute she looks and how successful she is. I am happy for her, really I am, and I wish her the best. I just wish Grandma would stop using her as a way to poke at me for not being "normal" or what she wanted. Sorry Grandma, I can't help my physical maladies any more than you can help your age. And quite frankly I may not be perfect, but at least I call you. 

Sigh! Moving on. Amanda and I had the main part of the house clean while her parents were gone and we had it clean when they came home. Cathy came home with a lot of stuff from Aunt Barbra, which was cool but she just sort of dumped it everywhere, like she usually does. It didn't bother me until Amanda was talking about how we had the house clean before they came home, she was in the middle of teasing her mom and Cathy pops off with how the "house wasn't that clean". Excuse me? Ungrateful much? I did as much as I was physically able to do and had to have help with a lot of other things. No, the house will never look like a home, it will never look spotless. Nothing matches, furniture is scuffed and scratch and most of it is second hand. But then again this is just another of those instances where I thin Cathy doesn't like to admit that I might actually do something better than she does. Which is fine. But I am done. I'm not going to lift a finger unless it is in Amanda's and my bathroom and bedroom or pertains to us. I've had it with the ungrateful attitude. 

I've had a lot of trouble lately staying awake. I thought that it was just fatigue from fibromyalgia and fatigue from my ridiculous period. It's playing the stop, start, stop, start game with me these last couple of weeks, which is throwing everything out of whack. Anyway, the day after Amanda's parents arrived home, I slept most of the day and woke up for a couple of hours in the evening. Then I slept all night. I have been really tried and have dozed off and on. Yesterday I fell asleep reading my textbook in the library. I was talking to my friend Chris and she said I should get checked or talk to my doctor about chronic fatigue syndrome. I think I will because this is crazy. It's part of the reason why I didn't go to the Out and About Earth Day celebration over in Spokane yesterday. I would have loved to sit out in the fresh air doing crafts with friends and talking to people about the IEPG. They had a booth set up. But I was a little too worried that I would fall asleep and be too tired to drive home. I also had homework to do. 

Speaking of homework, I managed to finish it this week. Some of it was late but my paper was on time. I could start on next week's homework but I really need a break. I am with my neighbor at her college library for the afternoon. I decided that I needed to get out of the house today and at least I am available if she needs help with something. She's going to school for something different but she's doing some things that I know a little bit about and can help her with. 

Lastly, we had to get new curtains. Narcisa pulled our previous set down too many times and when I was trying to put a blanket up to cover the spot that our curtains didn't quite cover, they came down. So we bought two sets of the white ones in the picture below and a new curtain rod. So far so good. However, the pesky little shit of a cat found a rubber band yesterday and ate it before anyone could grab it. Amanda and her Mom even had a hold of her and tried to get it out of her mouth but she swallowed it. We are keeping an eye on her and we've already threatened to bring her back from the dead and kill her again if she dies. 

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Neighbors, homework, cleaning, and books to knock the creativity back into gear!

Narcisa playing in my summer hat

Please excuse the mess in the picture. When you have a kitty who eats and tears up paper and play with cat litter, it's a little difficult to keep up with her messes.

Yesterday Amanda's parents left for Seattle for their own little vacation, which means that Amanda and I get the house to ourselves. I spent the day yesterday reading in the living room. It was so nice. I had the curtains open too. We had the TV on but only because we can play Pandora through the Bluray player and that was on very low. We did watch a movie called The Quiet Ones, which I thought was pretty interesting. 

Since Amanda's parents are gone and it is just us until Fiona comes to visit tomorrow, and I am spending more time out of our bedroom, I need clean space. So I scrubbed down the kitchen last night and the bar. The dining room is going to take more work than I can do on my own. The living room needs a good dusting and vacuuming. Of course a few things need to be out away. Otherwise I have been working on laundry. I managed to get most of our bathroom clean the other day. However, the floor needs mopping. Amanda, like always, had to clean the shower for me, which she did this morning before work. I think, with a little help, I will be able to get the house presentable tomorrow. Today, however, I have to work on homework. 

This last week has been one big blow off for me as far as school work has been concerned.
I think I just needed to recharge a little. I spent most of yesterday reading. Tuesday I think I played on the computer off and on and went to Spokane Valley to take a friend to the  grocery store because her car broke down. 

Monday I spent doing making covers for two more volumes of my Book of Shadows. I think with the two extra volumes, I will be able to organize things better and have more room for said things. 
But I also tried my hand at wire wrapping. I've had a rainbow fluorite pendant since May or June of last year and not really had anything to put it on. I tried putting an O ring through it but didn't have any big enough.. Finally I just decided to order some jewelry wire and give it a go. I'd also recently bought a mermaid pendant from Joann's crafts and knew the rainbow fluorite would look amazing with it. After about three tries, using my fingers, flat nosed jewelry pliers, and a chopstick, I ended up with this. 

The picture is a little dark, but I think it turned out pretty well for my first piece. I have some adventurine pendants my Mother gave me that I would like to try wrapping, but that will have to wait until I am caught up with homework. 

Back to books. I have been reading Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning. It was pretty good and I liked it well enough that I simply had to go to the library yesterday and pick up the next book in the series. Since we took Narcisa with us, I remained in the car with her while Amanda went inside. She found another book while looking for the one I wanted and rented it too. It's about Elves and she thought I would enjoy it. I probably will. 

Anyway, because I took a break from homework and did somethings I have wanted to do for myself and read a book that I wanted, I've had some pretty wacky dreams. Furthermore, I have such an itch to write. Amanda thinks I should just do it but when I start writing I kind of get a bit obsessed and I love that. Which is why I can't really devote the time I would love to devote to it right now. I don't want to start then have to stop because of stupid homework. It will all be much easier when I can iron out a decent schedule. You have no idea how hard that has been in this house. Half of it is other people he other half is me. The part that's me is the total people pleasing nature I can't seem to kick. Then again, why should I kick it completely?  

Oh one of the books I ordered when ordering my textbooks for school next term came yesterday. It is called Frey, God of the World by Ann Groa Sheffield. I bought it used and it just so happens that this copy was autographed by the author! It had a nice message to what I think is a very good friend of the author and I wonder how exactly the book came up for sale. Did the owner pass away and her family give her possessions away? Did she decide to pass her book along? Did she lose it? Either way, this book is made even more special. I love autographed copies by authors.

Lastly, last night our neighbor came over and we talked with her for 5 hours. She's really nice and needed some pointers on homework. We talked about all manner of things and I think we are going to try to get together tomorrow or Saturday night and have drinks around the patio fire pit at her place.   

Monday, April 6, 2015

Things, stuff, cats, depression, and pretty colors.

My pseudo brother, Lucas, posted this picture for me over on Facebook when I was feeling really down several days ago. I love it and I am going to print, frame, and hang it on my wall in front of my desk, right next to my manifestation board. Seeing this picture helps sometimes, in a weird way. 

A lot has happened since we came home from our trip to Seattle and I had to take Galen in to be put to sleep. I have been hurting, but like usual when death comes to visit, I shut down a little bit to take care of business. I was also really swollen after the trip (my legs and feet swell sometimes) and trying to keep up with school work. But then the weekend hit, Ostara came (last weekend), and I threw myself into helping where ever I could, for as long as I could. That day was truly something strange. I felt off and depressed, I desperately wanted to just sit and observe all the wonderful new people, and be a bit antisocial, but when your High Priestess asks you to mingle and socialize, you do it. I know I whined a tiny bit, but I was happy and a little bit tickled and honored that she asked. It's only right to help make people feel as welcome as I felt when I first joined the IEPG and I had a good time. We did have some upsets that day, someone said something to someone else, and our favorite Crone had to be rushed to the hospital because her husband had been taken there. We were all worried about them, especially since said favorite Crone had fallen the week or so before and broken her ankle. Every time I hear about an elderly person falling, I get a little scared. Maybe it's because I care and maybe because I have 86 year old Grandparents myself. 

This last week has been an off one too. My student loans came in so I ordered my books and got some necessities like shampoo, soap, and a hair brush, you know, the toiletries. I also paid some bills and I have some left over to get art supplies should I need them for my drawing class. My school didn't have them listed yet, only a note stating that additional supplies might be needed. 

On the subject of school, I have been very frustrated lately. My degree is Creative Writing with a focus on fiction but the last four terms have been nothing but crappy, get shit out of the way classes. Every time I think I've got an actual writing class, "oops, sorry, its not what you thought". Next term, I made certain that I have a writing class, it's an advanced fiction writing workshop and because I need a bit of a break, I have a drawing class. I just desperately need to stop feeling like I am wasting my time with filler classes. Did I mention that my program says that I am set to graduate in 2018. Are you kidding me? What about all the credits I had that transferred over? I really should have a nice long conversation with my adviser but truth be told, I don't like talking on the phone to people I don't know, and I don't like the idea that my school is recording it. Yes, I am paranoid I grew up with a Corrections Officer for a parent and he's even more paranoid than I am. But more than that, I don't know if I like my adviser. He's nice enough, just really pushy about wanting to talk on the phone all the time when e-mail correspondences would do me just fine. 

Oh and homework last week. I was plain overwhelmed with my English class and blew it off, which really sucks since I have an A in that class. Amanda said she'd help me but we just never got around to it. She has her own homework to do. She did promise to help me out with mine this evening. It's not that I can't do it or don't understand it, it's that there is so much that I need a little help this week breaking it down and smoothing it out.

Really, I've been fluctuating between neutral and depressed and anxious, with little moments of contentment and happiness few and far between. Its due to a lot of different things. We are still living with Amanda's parents and will be for awhile. I get that, there's not much I can do about it. However, I do get frustrated when I spend all day in the bedroom working on homework and want to come out in the evenings to eat dinner and maybe watch a little something or even read or do a craft and I can't. Either her father has control of the TV and thus the volume or her mother does and her mother wants to yack at me all the time. I really do like these people, I even love them, but there are times I really wish they would just go on a freaking date! There have been some other things going on in the house and some more awful developments within Amanda's family. There have been some in mine too. But there have been some good things too. 

For my family, I can't talk about anything Pagan or even relationship related with my Grandma. She's a dyed in the wool Christian and I think it would break her heart if I verbally admitted to being in a relationship with Amanda. I know she suspects, she's not stupid, but its something we just don't talk about. If I told her I was a Witch, she'd probably have a heart attack or die of a broken heart on the spot. Another reason I don't talk about too much with my Grandma anymore is because of Grandpa. He has Alzheimer's and its getting a lot worse. She has so much on her plate with that that I feel it's better to set my problems aside and let her vent as much as she needs and wants to. 

As for my parents, well my Dad found a job at Wal-mart as a security guard. He's been really depressed lately and doesn't want to talk on the phone or talk very much at all. Of course it would help if he had his meds. My Mom has been trying to quit smoking and her twin, my evil aunt, hasn't been helping. In fact, my aunt is making everyone's life around those parts, miserable. So my Mom is angry frustrated, and depressed and is basically telling me that she's being selfish in saying that she wishes I would just move home.  But how can I move home? I don't want to deal with all that crap from my Aunt like she has too. The state is on the verge of bankruptcy, or so I have read, and now they want to pass that stupid religious freedom law that might make it impossible for Amanda and I to live anywhere (if what I have read about that to be true, actually is). Furthermore, Kansas opted out of Obamacare so how will that help me? Going back to Kansas, just won't work for us. And of course, no one will move up here, or even try to come and visit which is really hurtful and upsetting. Especially, when I've offered to pay for it. Actually, you know what, that's another blog post for another time. This one is getting long and I at least want to end on a happy note. 

My hair shortly after it was first dyed
I have said fuck it. Don't get me wrong, I love having black hair, it feels right, and I think it looks nice. But I don't like having flat color all the time. So I bleached my hair and dyed it blue and purple. Of course after dying your hair permanently black for several years, not all the black will lift. And most of the purple very quickly because I apparently didn't leave it on long enough. But it was a  lot of fun and I am going to do it again. My Mom is worried that I am going to fry my hair. I keep telling her that I am okay, that I am taking care of it. I really want to have mermaid hair next and I am going to go for it. So look for those pictures. Also, look for a coming post about our adventures to Seattle and all the fun pictures I took while there.