I can't decide if I just don't like it or down right hate it.

I've always wondered what a live action Fullmetal Alchemist film would be like and was pretty beside myself with excitement when I heard there was going to be one. I mean aside from this world, there are only two other places I would rather be, Amestris (where Fullmetal Alchemist takes place) and Middle Earth. So, it was a pretty big deal. The trailers and ad posters looked good and so did the scant few blips I saw about the costumes. Still, this was a film that could encompass one or both of the anime series that were made, either of the animated films, or the games, the manga, and that's a lot of material. I didn't know what all was going to be in this live action rendition and I knew that whatever it was, there was going to have to be some room for error. I mean you can't really take 50+ episodes of an anime or volumes of manga and crunch it down into a 2 hour movie without having to cut some things. That's okay, it happens, and it is understandable. However...

I waited all day for Amanda to get home as soon as I knew it was on Netflix, which was hard because I was brimming with so much excitement I could hardly contain myself (this was internal, I had to play it cool on the outside). Then, I waited some more because we had some stuff to do that evening before we could finally sit down to watch it. We watched about an hour before having to turn it off, one because I was so tired that I had actually fallen asleep, and two because Amanda wasn't enjoying it and had to go to bed anyway because of work the next day.  

My first impressions were, "okay, they switched up some things in the timeline, it's fine I guess. Let's see what they do with it," and "wait, this is... this is... WTF?! This isn't right." And I went to bed a little disturbed and disappointed.

The next day I wrestled with whether or not I wanted to finish the film. But I finally broke down, watched the rest of it, and I just can't decide if I don't like or if I just hate it. Don't get me wrong, the costuming is beautiful and the graphics are amazing. Alphonse's design, Edward's Automail, Nina, and the details done on them and the alchemical processes are really stellar. However, the soundtrack falls short of that in the anime and other films. And I'm actually not happy with how they rearranged the timeline. I hate how they washed out Hawkeye's character, she's so much more bad ass and intimidating in the anime, manga, and animated films. They didn't play up her strengths at all. They created this weird, awkward tension between Roy and Hughes. The shit with Tucker and the drones was just that, shit. They tried to pull too much from different arcs that I didn't feel quite worked well enough, or perhaps they just didn't quite pull it off decently enough. It was a jumbled mess that if you haven't read the manga, or seen the anime, you wouldn't really get what the hell was going in, plus it was all rushed. And don't even get me started on the relationships. 

One of the things I loved most about Fullmetal Alchemist were the relationships between characters. You don't get that Colonel Roy Mustang actually truly loves the Elrics like sons or even little brothers and is in their corner, helping them, pushing them along toward their goal. All you see is an asshole being kind of hard on a couple of kids. You don't even get to see how bad ass Roy is or even how bad ass Edward is or the depth of his emotions and the pull of his relationships with others. You get the subtle moments of fondness between Roy and Hawkeye nor the deep loyalty she has toward him. You never see her dog, you never see other members of Roy's staff. Other important and pivitol characters are missing. You don't get to fall in love with Nina or even Hughes like you do in the anime and Manga and feel how utterly tragic their losses are, and even the Homunculi are shoddy. Worse, they pulled a theme from the first anime series about Lust into the film that seemed to be trying to follow stuff from the second series. Then, they left it open for second, which I seriously hope they don't make. 

In short, this movie dropped the ball on everything but graphics and costuming. The action wasn't even that great. I was left feeling that if I hadn't watched the anime, read some of the manga, and seen the animated movies, I wouldn't give a shit about seeking them out after watching this film, which is a true sadness and disservice to the creator of the FMA Universe, Hiromu Arakawa. 

So I posted this on the wrong blog a couple of days a go, here's some of what's going on

Well now I'm just confused, timeline?, and tears I am waiting...

For the last two years I haven't been able to watch Lord of the Rings (all three extended edition) movies on Christmas. It's kind of a tradition. I tried to watch it on my birthday last year since I was recovering from surgery, but didn't actually get all three watched. Since I have been missing Middle Earth the last couple of days, I thought I should like to visit. It took 3 days before I finally was able to sit down and watch Fellowship of the Ring and not only did I have to watch it on Netflix because I was too tired to find the cables and hook up the blu ray player, I fell asleep before the end. I'm going to have to finish it today and I just might push the rest of this week's homework to tomorrow to do it. 

Lately, I have been so overwhelmed that I kind of gave up on just about everything. It's the house. It's stuff I've been trying to let go of that carried over from last year. It's that my in-laws are trying to be helpful by cleaning but not getting things clean, and they wouldn't feel the need to help out so much if I could stop being so overwhelmed that I didn't hide in the office all day or wasn't having fibro flare ups or jarring my back by simply bumping into things, or having dizzy spells even when I am sitting still . It's that I got online to find a calorie calculator to see if my doctor was bullshitting me on that I'm not eating enough to function. No, she isn't, so now I have to count calories to make sure that I eat enough, because lets be honest after having a therapist fat shame me, having friends preach advice at me, and not having control over my food off periodically, AND having stomach issues where I feel like I want to puke before and after eating, I actually became afraid to eat. I've pretty much eaten just enough to get by. I've had days where I can't seem to eat much of anything and then have a day where I eat too much, but those are few and far between. It's stupid all of this is stupid, and I'm just venting. 

So aside from all of that, my parents dropped a huge bomb on me last week and here it is Thursday and I still don't know what to do with it. Apparently my alcoholic cousin Tony not only has a smart phone but was cognizant enough to be able to use it for more than calling people recently. For whatever reason he went looking for our mothers' biological father and came across the man's obituary. My mother's bio-father died in 2015 in Arkansas. He was survived by his mother and his children Debra, Lisa, Laura, and Billy. It also mentions that he was a Jehovah's witness. 

WHAT?! 

What I have been told all my life was that my mother's father took off with Aunt Debra and at some point went to jail for stabbing a 17 yr old for pocket change. We didn't know if Aunt Debra was alive or dead. 

But did he really? Or was that something that Grandma Julie made up? Because things aren't tracking right in the timeline, as I understood it, from my Mom's childhood around that time. Apparently my Mom's Dad was the reason they moved from Kansas to Oklahoma. I guess Grandma Julie didn't want him taking away more of her kids, which makes sense considering that a previous husband took the kids they had together. But then how does my Mom's older sister Angie fit in and who was her Dad? I am so confused. I'm at the point where I am starting to think my Grandma Julie was nuts herself and am trying to figure out how she even came from my Great Grandparents because they were so down to earth and sane and well, normal.

All of that aside, my parents found my Aunt Debra on the internet and made contact with her. Apparently she's been looking for Mom and Aunt Laura for awhile. Mom said that when they talked on the phone, it was like they hadn't been apart for over 40 years and that Aunt Debra is not only sane but seems solid. They've been talking back and forth via texting and call each other. I found Aunt Debra on facebook and have messaged her a little. She wanted to plan when she flew up to see my Mom around when I could fly down. Since I can't do that right now, I told her not to wait on me, but go when it worked best for her. Eventually I will get back home to see everyone and maybe then, if she can make it, I will see her at that time. 

So yeah, that happened, and I still don't know what to make of it. I'm excited, but numb, and kind of hesitant as well. The last time my Mom had family she didn't know anything about, it was right before her Mom died. Then Grandma died and my Mom was giving them a lot of Grandma's stuff but while they were loading that stuff up, they helped themselves to some of Grandma's jewelry, some stuff my Mom wanted to keep, and also my mom's wedding rings, social security card, and driver's licence. You know because Mom always took her rings off to clean and left them next to her wallet. We were trying to get Grandma's mobile home cleaned out to sell it so we could pay her bills and whatnot and Mom had a migraine so Uncle James sent her home with us that night and Mom forgot that stuff. We came back the next morning and they were heading out. So, as you can imagine, with all that crap plus the crap I've dealt with from my Aunt Laura, and criminal activity of two of her children, and the people she's brought into the picture that I've had to deal with growing up, yeah, I'm just gonna see what happens.

NOTE: I finally finished Lord of the Rings.