Monday, June 30, 2014

Skull for Skoora, pet cremation, and now I'm starting to panic...

Skoora is in love with skulls so the pic is for her today. I didn't used to like them, thought their empty eye sockets were creepy, but after having them around (fake ones that is) they don't really bother me.

Yoda is doing much better today. He actually went to the bathroom, drank some water, and then begged for some ice cream. He is still bloated and from everything we have read, it's kidney failure or at least the beginnings. And we just don't have the money to take him to the vet. When Yoda gets bad and is in pain, we'll have to take him to get put to sleep. I never wanted that for him, but it is what it is and I don't know what else to do. Skoora and I cried over this mess for quite some time last night. I know this shit happens, but why can't it happen to the people in my life who are rotten and horrible? Why does it have to happen to my cat? Yoda is my baby and he never did anything to anyone.

I was thinking about getting him cremated after he passes. But I am not exactly sure how much that will cost and of course the place in town that will do it, will probably want us to buy their urns, so it might just be better to bury him up on Skoora's families property in the mountains.

I am fighting the intense urge to take a nap today, even have a little mantra going in my head "you don't need a nap, you don't need a nap". Of course most of this is because I looked at my syllabus for both classes and immediately groaned then started to panic. I have some book work to do in my math class followed by a discussion board post and replies. But, I also have to choose a final paper topic and write a proposal and outline for it. The final paper has to be 10 pages long. I've already picked a topic and I might even have a back up if the instructor doesn't like it. I almost want to do the whole paper now but the college has it structured in a way that you have to turn certain things in at a certain time. Sometimes, breaking things up like that, makes it more difficult for me. Also, I really don't want to write a 10 page paper on math, I would have much rather taken algebra again instead of this class that was geared more towards writing. Shit, I made it to Pre-Trigonometry at ITT Tech (my credits didn't transfer). Oh and just so you know Math is not my favorite subject. I have a form of dyslexia wherein I tend to swap numbers and letters around. So 142 to a normal person sometimes looks like 241 or 124 to me. I've had lots of wrong answers because of that. Consequently, I also have trouble with spelling too.

Along side the annoyance of the math 10 page paper is another paper but this one in the WW2 class is also between 10-12 pages long. This one I think I might have a better handle on in some  respects because it deals with history. I've picked two topics from the topic list that I have an idea of, but I need to double check some things on one of those topics just in case. However, like the other class, this one is set up to have different parts turned in at different times as well. I understand that's to help the general student populace, but it's still really annoying to me. I think it's also to make sure people don't procrastinate (which is something I used to be and am still a little good at).

I am also panicking a little bit because it is week two of this term and while I understand that the college redesigned the WW2 course, there aren't any page numbers listed on black board to either of the three text books we are supposed to be reading. The teacher doesn't seem to know which pages we are to be reading either which doesn't make me feel any better, especially since she's taught the class six times already. She promised that the Dean is looking into it. Oh and did I mention that the third text book wasn't even on the class required materials list when I went to buy books? That's really shitty. Good thing the college online library has it, else I would be calling up my Grandmother to borrow the money for an extra text book.

Okay, I admit it, when it comes to school, I really like everything to be neat, cohesive, and to be spelled out. Tell me what you want and I will do it. I don't mind being creative with it, I don't mind doing extra thinking and what not, I am not a lazy student, but at least tell me what you want so I can give it to you.

Of course, I probably wouldn't be so frustrated if I wasn't currently anemic and still bleeding very heavily. When I spoke to my Grandmother yesterday, I learned that she, too, has been anemic off and on, and the best thing I can do is to eat lots of leafy greens, red meat (which has actually doubled in price here recently- you can buy ground turkey for less and that's a shocker), and take iron supplements. I've already been taking the iron; the rest of it, we'll see what we can do when we go to the store tomorrow.

For now, I am going to attempt to get something be it homework, another blog, book plotting or looking at some more information on setting up an etsy shop for my sewing endeavor, done. I need to find some more pattern ideas online too and bookmark the ones I want to buy. Either way, something will get done today even if I have to have Skoora smack me to keep me awake.      

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Started Dominion, need to catch up on Defiance, and well blog

Last night I was feeling pretty weak and achy so I decided to play on the computer. We were watching a stupid movie on Syfy and there were ads for Dominion. Since I don't watch a lot of TV I probably wouldn't have cared too much about it, except that a friend had told me about the show last weekend. He said it was the spin off of the movie Legion. Given that I really liked Legion, I knew I wanted to at least give the TV series a shot.

So, we watched it and from the two episodes I've seen, I like it and want to see what they do with it. And because I was watching the Syfy channel, I
saw ads for Defiance. I didn't get to see all the episode from season one but they are on Netflix now. I'm planning to play catch up on this show today. It't another series I really liked. I figure I can get some crocheting done that way I haven't completely wasted time watching TV all day.

I would also like to get at least a couple of blogs written today. I didn't get very far yesterday. My one hour nap with Yoda ended up being two hours and then I started dinner. I should probably figure out what we are having for dinner tonight too... or maybe I will focus on lunch first since it's that time and worry about dinner later.   

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Lots of things, getting caught up, and something new

So much has happened since I last posted, tests, medical stuff, a camping trip, and I'm not sure where to begin. 

School, that's a good start. I finished lat term with a high B in both classes. Yay! Not A's but considering some of the crap I was dealing with, I am just so happy that I almost had A's. This new term seems like its going to be a good one. I've already had a week of it and really like both instructors.

Yoda is sick. He is bloated and at first we thought he was constipated. We took him to the vet but the vet said he wasn't and looked him over for a few more minutes. Basically if the bloating doesn't go down in the next week or so, we have to run some blood tests on him and see if he's having kidney or liver failure. So far he's been eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom the same, but he is sure sleeping a lot. I think he looks sad or uncomfortable and I am really worried about him, especially since he's losing more teeth. Yes, he is an old kitty. I have head him for 16-17 years and I love him dearly, but if he is suffering, I've made my peace with myself for when he needs to go. Jeeze, just thinking about it makes me cry. 

The weather has been nice. We went to the IEPG Frolicking with the Faeries pagan camp out last weekend. It was really great! I had a lot of fun and it was a nice way to end my first school term. I'll write more on that over in my pagan blog (which I have sorely neglected).

If anyone remembers, Skoora and I applied for a driving job. We thought it was going to be perfect! I wouldn't have to lift anything or stand for long hours, just drive. We told the people in charge of training and hiring that we could only work two days a week. We told them that several times and they seemed okay with it. They even scheduled us for more training and told us to expect a call in two weeks for when and where. That call never came. In fact we had to call them on said training day then wait two hours for a call back. The woman Skoora talked to, was huffy and said that we weren't a good fit because we could only work two days a week instead of full time 5-6 days a week. Um, no we didn't and she knows we didn't. And if they are hurting SO terribly for drivers as they say they are, they would have never gone through all the process of training and background checks and so forth. They just wasted company money and our time, not to mention our gas for when we had to drive into Spokane. Did I mention how utterly disorganized these people are and that I am going to have to get my bank account number changed because of it? One of the women who was training me, still had a voided personal check of mine I used to set up direct deposit. She never gave it to her boss.

Skoora actually thinks what really happened was that they decided they didn't want two lesbians working for them. She mentioned once in her interview when talking about me, that I was her girlfriend. I made the mistake in one of my training sessions, while trying to fill out paperwork for taxes of asking what I should put down because Skoora claimed me last year as a dependent. Yeah... But in the end, after most of our friends telling us they had bad feelings about this job, we simply told them, to forget it. I think I will be writing the company to tell them at least about the utter disorganization of their management here, what happened, how they handled things and so forth.  

I got a call Sunday or maybe it was Monday, I don't remember which, from my Mom. My Grandma had passed out and was in the hospital again. Of course no one has been very clear about the matter, only that Grandma is going to get something checked with her heart. My parents stayed over at my Grandparent's house with my Grandpa. Apparently Grandpa told my Mom that I am his favorite Grandkid (I'm the only one they had a great deal of contact with. I was at their house as much as I was at my own growing up) and wanted to know if he ad Grandma gave me the money to come home, if I would. Of course, I will come home. Skoora and I have made the plans and we are working on paying off debt and saving up enough to live on while she looks for work after we get there. It is just going to take us a little while. 

As for myself, health wise, I had to have an internal sonogram, which was really uncomfortable. The results showed nothing out of the ordinary. I look healthy. So my doctor's solution to the whole excessive bleeding- never ending period (which I'm back on again now that the birth control has faded from my system) is to continue to lose weight and take more birth control. REALLY?! Are you fucking kidding me?! My mother, who has always been thin, had this problem. My cousin, who is thin, had this problem, weight really isn't an issue at this point! Ugh! I'm so pissed about it that I asked my Dad if I started a go fund me page and essentially begged people for money for a hysterectomy (assuming I ever got enough) if I could just take it to a surgeon and ask them to do it. People get body modifications and sex changes, why can't I ask to have my internal girly bits removed?  Dad didn't know if that would work. 

So, since Skoora and I are trying to pay things off and save money, I have decided to stop taking my pain meds and all birth control. If I bleed all the time, fine. I don't want to pay over $20 a month for a migraine and nausea. My pain tolerance is higher now that I can manage the herniated disk pain with Advil or Ibuprofen (until I throw my back out that is). I know it's stupid but that give us $40 extra a month to put toward bills.

I have also decided that I am not actually ready to return to the work force. Not quite physically, and certainly not mentally. The last two-three years really hurt me emotionally and mentally. It was much worse than I ever let on and I am still trying to come out of that. It really shows when we are out in public, at least for me, because I am constantly trying to stave off panic attacks. So, my semi-solution to that is to put my sewing skills to use. Skoora is completely supportive and behind this, she's excited and even throwing out ideas for me. I am thinking about opening an Etsy shop wherein I'll sell tote bags, aprons, and whatever else I decide to make. I can embroider things as well, by hand of course. Eventually I would like to add things like jewelry, candles, soaps, and essential oils. 

I've really thought about this endeavor for awhile and it's a big risk. Fabric isn't cheap and there is a chance that I may not sell anything or much of anything at the beginning. In which case, friends and family will benefit at Christmas. But it is something and I will even look into doing craft fairs and such. I also have a lot of research ahead of me in looking for fabric on deals, getting started, getting stock made, ect...

It;s such a nice day out today. I would go out but I am really tired and needed to get some things indoors done. I opened the bedroom window and took a nice nap with Yoda today after I made Skoora's parent's anniversary cake. It is a kind of lopsided three tiered mint chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing. I'm going to go make dinner shortly. They wanted chicken and mashed potatoes. I wanted to do something more extravagant, but comfort food it is. 

I don't have many plans for this evening, just going to play it by ear. I do want to at least get a couple of my pagan blog posts written even post date them if I have too. And I want to plot out one of my stories so I can start writing it next month for Camp Nanowrimo!

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Good Cat/Bad Cat, A few hours of free time, getting ready for the weekend!

This morning I've been up a little earlier than usual. I've watched a movie, eaten breakfast, and fed the cats. Yoda has had his insulin shot, I've looked at the usual morning internet stuff, and I've looked at the lists for the camping trip this weekend. Skoora was a tiny bit industrious this morning as well. She read me a little bit of her Creative Thesis to get my opinion on a section, she took a shower, and headed off to work. 

The last couple of days I've had mild panic attacks first thing in the morning. I wish I could say that wasn't a normal occurrence, but it hadn't happened for awhile. This morning was blessedly different. I awoke in a good mood despite the usual morning back and body pain and aches. It has to be the excitement of finishing up all of the homework for this term and the camping trip this weekend. Actually, I'm not totally finished with this term, I have to answer questions anyone asks me about my humanities paper. I've already checked to see if anyone has posted any and no one has as of yet. But, knowing most of the posting patterns of a good majority of my classmates, they probably won't get around to it until Sunday. Which is fine, I will be home on Sunday and will have ample time to respond if anyone asks me anything. 

Yoda has been very bloated and we think backed up. So we've fed him pumpkin to help him out. He seems to like it well enough. Sadly, he decided to leave me a present under my desk. I was on the phone with my Dad at the time and didn't know whether to scold him or congratulate him. So I said, "Bad cat, good cat"! My Dad laughed. 

While waiting for my friend from Kellogg to arrive, I find myself with an hour or so of free time. There are so many things I would love to do. From watching movies, an anime, reading all the books I haven't gotten to and have had to set aside for text books, to even writing. Gods, even drawing. I've wanted to find a stock photo of a pose I like and buy it so I could use it as the form for a painting I want to do. I have three blank, new canvases just sitting in my room begging for paint. But instead, I find myself tailoring a Pandora station to play mostly H.I.M. and blog writing.

Before Skoora and I started dating almost seven years ago, she introduced me to H.I.M. Right after I'd stumbled on a Gothic/darkwave/new wave/industrial internet radio station (R1 Das Darkwave- which is no longer in existence much to my dismay-). We both love a variety of music and had been suggesting bands to each other. I was in love from the very first song I heard. Ville Valo's voice is wonderful and I really enjoy the music he and his band put out. Sadly, I haven't been able to buy all the albums, that is a work in progress. Until then, and especially this now afternoon, I've happily cranked up the volume, and realized just how much I've missed all the days like this. Where I or we could just turn up the music, let it fill the room, and really enjoy it. 

Well, I hope everyone has a great day and a fantastic Litha- if you celebrate it- weekend. I am going to work on some more blogs whilst I wait for my friend to arrive and rock out to my music. I plan to take the camera this weekend so I might have some pictures to share later. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Putting off homework one more night.

I was supposed to have picked up a friend today. She was going to come and visit for a few days. However we are so utterly broke at the moment that we couldn't drive to Spokane to get her. I felt bad but on some level not so bad. She didn't offer to help pay for gas and hasn't for the last several times we've picked her up on the way to some event. She also invited herself to come and stay. Usually I don't mind. I am pretty relaxed about people coming to stay and I try not to have them pay for gas or food (as they are guests), but we are hurting so bad financially, we just can't drive people around all the time, especially when they don't live in town. And we really don't have a lot of food.

This situation would have been much different had Skoora not had such an awful paycheck and nearly all of our bills come due.

Thankfully, as far as I know. This friend didn't seem upset when I told her. But then again, I don't know her very well and she is extremely difficult to read. Another friend of mine, who has met her, said she was creepy. Well, I don't find her creepy. I would like to get to know her better.

Skoora and I, a friend from Kellogg, and this new friend are all going to the Litha camp out with the Inland Empire Pagan Guild this weekend. We all decided since we are riding in the same car and will set up our tents together, that we would all pitch in for food for the weekend and share. I thought that was the plan anyway. Until this new friend made a strange comment. She said "I'll get this stuff on my costco card and you can pay me back". I was dealing with half a dozen other things and I was sick, so it kind of threw me, so I didn't clarify what the hell was going on. So now we have an issue that needs to be dealt with. I am really unsure how to handle it because she is so damned hard to read.

She was the one who wanted to split the food up between all of us (as in we each buy or bring a little food) and share. Generally that means that no one has to pay anyone else back. So, I have spoken to my friend from Kellogg and she said that she would not only pitch in for gas but she would help us pay this other girl back if she needed to. Honestly, this other girl isn't getting anything too expensive or that much so I don't know what her problem is. I know she's not going to pay for gas. I also think it's really unfair that my friend from Kellogg should have to pitch in more. With that said, when I get my first pay check from this new job, I will be paying my friend from Kellogg back whatever she pitches in.

I think I have also decided that if we do have to pay this new friend back for food. I may have to have a talk with her about our friendship. I would like to be friends with her, to get to know her, but I will not be taken advantage of. Especially when Skoora and I are trying to dig ourselves out of a hole and get back on our feet. I really don't want to have such a talk with anyone. It is uncomfortable and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But, like I said, I'm not going to let someone walk all over me or Skoora. 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Oh boy, here we go again.

I saw my doctor yesterday. She's very nice and to be honest, she's the only doctor who has actually done anything to try and help me. But I left her office pretty upset yesterday. She put me back on that horrible birth control that gives me migraines, this time for 5 days instead of 7. But as soon as the 5 days are up, I have to start taking another 'high dose hormone' birth control every day. On top of that, she's sending me to get a sonogram and then to an obgyn. Since I can't afford specialty doctors or tests like this, she's sent me on vouchers. I don't know how much those vouchers actually cover. I just hope it's everything because other wise, I can't afford to go. And none of which I am looking forward to. I am however, thankful for her persistence in trying to help me.

So, today hasn't been a good day. I woke up with upset, hot, and nauseated around 4:30 am. I got up, had some tea, drank some water, and sat in the living room with the air conditioner on for a bit before going to bed, where I tossed and turned for awhile. I did manage to get back to sleep. However, when I awoke again it was with a migraine. The only bonus was that I finally had an idea of what my thesis statement would be and how I would write my Humanities paper. I will start on it as soon as I am finished writing this blog. I really have to get that paper done today because tomorrow I know I will feel worse. 

To go along with the migraine, I'm already having roller-coaster mood swings, and I've already cried once. Part of me just wants to shut the world out and return to bed. I feel like it's a live inside my own head kind of day- not the wallow in my physical and emotional pain sort of way- but a different kind of way. Sometimes, when things get to be too much or I just need some time to myself, I tell myself a story and I spend all day doing it. It is not always happy and not always sad, but something that just lets me be and relax, and get lost for a little bit. No one can hurt me, no one can bother me, it is just me disconnected from everything else (except the cats), living somewhere else. And it's really nice. The control that affords is liberating. Of course, I let my imagination run away with itself, but there is still a semblance of control.

Of course this is no way to live and I would miss out on the people, things, and opportunities of my real life if I did this sort of thing everyday. I don't do it very often but usually when I do I get some story ideas out of it. Better yet, I always feel a little better. Which is strange, because I hate wasting the day or wasting time, especially when I need to get some things done. Unfortunately, I can go play in my own head until after this paper is finished. One page is already written, yay!    

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Geek out! Training, cats, music.

While doing homework, I've had Pandora open and running. My station of choice at the moment is "Game of Thrones". Of course music from the Game of Thrones Television show plays on it but other soundtracks do as well. Mostly it's been King Arthur, Star Trek, Star Wars, Grey, Hunger Games, Inception, and many others.

I have a weakness for movie soundtracks. Unfortunately I haven't had to money to buy any in the last couple of years, so I've been making due with Pandora. That said some of my favorite composers are Brian Tyler (Children of Dune and Thor: The Dark World), Jeremy Soule (Guild Wars Trilogy, Skyrim), Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings Trilogy) Michael Guacchino (Star Trek, Star Trek: Into Darkness), and Hans Zimmer (King Arthur, The Last Samurai, The Da Vinci Code, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sherlock Holmes), oh and Tan Dun (Hero, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon).

Now for some reason my Pandora station was playing a lot of Star Trek yesterday. So, last night when I had done all the homework I could stand, I decided to watch Start Trek: Into Darkness. Yep, still loved it. I loved the older Star Trek movies. Once, when I was younger and Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country came out, my parents actually pulled me out of school and took me to see it. It was one of the coolest afternoons ever! My Dad was on call at his job for most of my life, so we didn't always get to do things as a family. That's part of what made that afternoon so special. Plus, it's was Star Trek! Anyway, I also love the reboot of Star Trek and the soundtrack is beautiful.

So, today, after watching the movie and listening to various songs on Pandora, I decided to go look at T-shirts for Starfleet Academy. While doing that I remembered that you could actually join the Star Trek Fan club and they even have scholarships for college students. That's uber awesome! I won't deny it, I have been considering joining Starfleet but I can't afford the membership at the moment. I will wait until the bills are paid off and things are going a little better for Skoora and I. Did you know being part of this club gets you discounts on hotels? That's so cool!

Okay, on to other stuff. My Yoda-chan is very sad and upset with me today. I had to go in for another round of training for the Driving job. He doesn't like it when I am gone for long periods of time and I think he is used to me being home with him. I will cuddle him later and I am sure he will forgive me. He's just an old kitty who needs his human.

So yeah, I had more training. Skoora and I are both scheduled for even more training in two weeks. I'm kind of nervous. But I am excited at the prospect of having money of my own in which I can help pay bills, buy my own medicine, and save up money for furniture and place for Skoora and I to live- parent free! Despite all the whining all of our friends have been doing, all the insisting that we don't move away or don't move until after this date or that date, we are moving back to Kansas. My Grandparents are in their mid 80's and I need to see my Grandpa before he forgets who I am. I need to help my Grandma as much as I am able. I miss my parents, I miss my friends, and I miss my cousin Shi-chan, who is more like a sister to me.

More than that, I am sick of our friends up here being so selfish and even guilt tripping us or saying really shitty things about us moving back. We have to move. It will be better for us in the long run financially. It will be better for me mentally and emotionally. I won't be around people who constantly alienate me. you know I can't even argue with some of them because they are always right and everyone else is wrong. It's childish and ridiculous and I am so tired of it. and I am tired of the lack of privacy and all the stuff I have complained about before in living with Skoora's parents. Yes, my parents can be total ass hats, but at least they give us privacy and space. And we won't be living with them for two years if I have anything to do with it.

I didn't intend to vent in this blog. It's been a relatively decent day. I am still cramping pretty bad but at least I'm not a walking crime scene... for the time being. We will see how long that lasts. I see the doctor tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Can't catch a break. Oh look eye candy!

Because I need a "make me happy" pic
I went for training yesterday. Everything went well, but I have one as far as I can go until their various background checks come back. Once those come through and are approved, then they will call me back. It would be two days, it could be two weeks from now. I actually had a pretty good day except for that I am back on my period and have been bleeding excessively heavy for the last couple of days, again. In other words, hemorrhaging. AGAIN. So I took lots of pad to training with me, took several bathroom breaks just to keep on top of it. Only I wasn't able to.

Near the end of the day, just as I was about to ask for another bathroom break, I had a problem. Luckily, I got my bathroom break, only to learn that things were so bad that I'd filled and overrun the pad I was wearing. Blood was not only soaked into my pants but had seeped down my leg a little it. So, of course, I panicked a little and did what I could to clean myself up. Then I cleaned my pants up as best as I could and spent the last hour, hiding it. I would have just asked to go home, had I gone in my own car. Since we couldn't afford the gas for my car this time around, Skoora dropped me off at the labor office and her Dad was to come pick me up. Also, I didn't say anything because I have been let go from jobs before because of health issues and I really didn't want to be barred from this one before I'd even been hired, especially since this one is so perfect. Oh and I would like to point out that the blood was only in the front, had it been in the back, I would have said "screw it" and just gone home. But, I made it the last hour, called Skoora's Dad and hurried home to finish cleaning myself up.

Not that it did me much good. I'm still having problems, the cramps are so bad I want to vomit, I've got a migraine, and oh yeah, this is the first time since yesterday afternoon that I haven't been so exhausted that I can't stand it. I was in so much pain last night that I was crying involuntarily and I asked Skooka if I stabbed myself enough to tear things up, did she think the ER would be forced to do an emergency hysterectomy? She said she didn't think they would, that they would probably just patch me up and send me home. BUT what else am I to do? The birth control only worked for the time I took it and it was a problem in and of itself. I can't drive with migraines. But I can't drive and risk potentially passing out or making a mess in a company vehicle either. Sure I can keep wearing the monster huge pads and cover the seat with a puppy pad, which is embarrassing, but that's not going to save my clothes and I would still have to get out and open doors for the clients, who by the way are all going to basically be redneck railroad conductors and engineers.

I am at a loss. I would never be able to get the surgery I need because I cannot afford it and Idaho opted out of the health care act so I don't get automatically covered. I can't get a medical card unless I am deemed by the courts as disabled, been there done that, was denied, so that's not going to work either. The only way I can get a hysterectomy is if it is a life or death situation. It doesn't matter that it's interfering with all aspects of my life and well being. 

Sunday, June 8, 2014

A little freaked, a little excited, and little annoyed.

First with the annoyances. The only beef I have with online schooling is that I have to wait around for my classmates to get around to posting responses and critiques. This doesn't help when I am in a position to work ahead to get the next week's homework assignment finished. I am still waiting on a couple of critiques from fellow classmates for the Fiction Writing Workshop class.  Of course it probably won't matter so much now since I just got the call from PTI (a professional transportation company), to come in for training tomorrow morning at 9 AM.

I am a little freaked out about this job. I've already had three nightmares about it and I haven't even been hired yet. The fact of the matter is, I haven't worked since 2010 due to health complications, complications that are still very prevalent (but that I am finally actually getting a tiny bit of help with). So, as exciting as all of this is, it's equally as nerve wracking. The good news is, it's a driving job, I don't have to lift anything or move anything, and I can pretty much make my own schedule. It's an on-call job in that I will make myself available for such and such days and times and they will call me in when they need me. It's 12 dollars an hour. I can live with that.

So, I suppose I will take a shower and go to bed early tonight. 

Friday, June 6, 2014

I was going to be so industrious blog-wise yesterday, I get the house to myself ,there's yelling, and I want my coloring books and colored pencils

My house is filled with yelling at the moment. Skoora just got paid last night and most of it went to bills. We have to go donate plasma next week. We have enough to put a little gas in one of our cars, which is fine, but she didn't have enough time to go do that before work. So she asked her Dad to take her. And on come the 20 questions of Why? Meanwhile Skoora is pleading with him to just take her or she'll be late- because he drives like an old man. No really, he does. He sometimes stops at green lights and tries to go on red. Once he pulled off our street onto another and there was a car coming, we told him to hurry up but he slowed down to stop. He's 70 and I think he's trying to be overly safe sometimes. And if we drive, he bitches! I actually stopped my jeep one day, unlocked the doors, and told him to get out. LOL, he just laughed.

Yesterday I was going to be so industrious as far as blogs were concerned. Plans were made, topics chosen for my participation in the Pagan Blog Project (for my pagan blog), and I even thought about working on craft blog post (not that I have many of the crafts finished- leave it to me to choose to do big crafts instead of smaller ones). But, homework took the better part of the day and I stopped for an hour or so to have eat lunch with Skoora's parents. I even watched a TV show with Skoora's Mom and oh boy that was awful! Then show was, not watching it with her. I'll may talk about it another post or I might not, depends on how much gets done.

I did, however, get the bedroom mostly picked up, vacuumed (not supposed to vacuum, and did some laundry. I hurt my back, because why should my body let me have one day where I can do any house cleaning and feel good about it. This sort of thing is beyond being old. But I also have to remember not to push it with house work and the workouts at the Kroc. (I also got half of my homework finished.)

Oh, I don't remember if I talked about that yet. I started their active trax program and got to speak with a physical trainer who is good with back injuries. She is so nice and sweet. We basically had a consultation, we talked about my goals- which are to strengthen my body enough for me to get a regular job again, and lose weight- and then she showed me which of the weight machines to use, the elliptical, and said to keep coming to swim 2-3 times a week. I felt so bad because I kind of became a chatter box. I apologized, of course. I either clam up around new people or turn into a bit of a chatterbox, even in e-mails.

I get the house to myself for a few hours this afternoon. Skoora is at work now and her parents are going out to run some errands. I can have my music as loud as I want. I could even hook my laptop up to the TV and turn on Pandora for a bit. I probably wont. I still have my Humanities homework to do and just realized that I forgot to do my initial discussion post yesterday. Shit! I can't believe I forgot about that. Grrrr... Well, I know how it happened, got my days mixed up, thought today was Thursday, and I will get it done this afternoon.

All of that aside, I've been feeling that urge to do something crafty lately and it's been really strong. I just haven't really done anything because of school work and other things. So yesterday I thought about pulling out some of my coloring books, I have a couple put out by Dover- Fairies, Steampunk, Goddesses, and my colored pencils. But then I got to talking to a friend on Facebook about the camping trip we are going on soon with the pagan group. I ended up chatting with her for a couple of hours and perusing Pinterest for some camping food ideas. I want something simply, but I don't want us all to not actually have meals. I've made a check list of what we are taking and then made a separate list for some food ideas. Since Skoora and I don't have a lot of money and the two friends riding along with us don't have much either, we're keeping everything cheap and simple and one of said friends wanted to know if we could compile a list of food we want and then split up the cost. It sounds like a plan. And it sounds like a ton of fun! I can't wait for it.

My plans for today are to get that Humanities homework finished, finish up the laundry, and make some time to actually sit down and color for a bit. I want to take some time to work on that book for my Grandparents I still haven't finished as well. Then some reading and some writing before bed.  

Monday, June 2, 2014

Warning: Spoiler Alert for Game of Thrones. If you haven't read the 4th book (?) or seen the Fourth Season, do not read, unless you like spoilers.

Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sands

Last night Skoora and I decided to watch Game of Thrones for our bit of relaxation time. That was really fucking dumb of epic proportions!!! I should have known better, but I so wanted to see if Tyrion made it. I haven't read the books and had decided to not read them until after the TV series was finished because I know the show deviates from them a little, in some places. So, in essence, I wanted to see the show, then see what the author's true story is while not mixing up the two overall story lines. At this point, I don't think I am going to read the books. I don't know if I would be able too. When I read, I become so immersed in the story and characters that I cease seeing words on the page. I am there. I have been on emotional roller coasters just from reading paranormal romance and young adult novels, I really don't want to have to take a fucking Xanax to get through Game of Thrones. 

But I digress, back to the spoilers. I've heard the author say not to get attached to characters. On some levels I've kind of detached myself from the characters after Ned Stark. But Skoora and I have been routing for Tyrion and yes, even his brother Jamie, and a couple of other characters along the way. But we fell in love hard core and fast with Prince Oberyn Martell and his Paramour, Ellaria Sands. They were great characters! They didn't hide anything, they were honest about their intentions, and we just loved everything about them. To illustrate a better picture, we fan-girled over them so hard core that we said we'd hypothetically marry them. So when he died, you can imagine how horrified we were. And you know, the minute Oberyn and the Mountain began fighting, I knew something was wrong. I knew in my gut something awful was going to happen. I just didn't want it to be true.

But it wasn't even the way he died that was so upsetting- well, no, his death was extremely upsetting to me- but what unsettled me the most was watching Cersei Lannister's face throughout the entire scene. There were moments where she showed a twisted delight so disgusting it made me want to vomit and that's bad enough, but the moments where she showed her seething hatred- I've seen that look before, in person, and been around someone who exuded that much hatred. It's stifling and weighs you down even if you aren't the person all of that loathing is directed toward. That's what truly bothered me. 

To be honest, I want and hope that Cersei Lannister suffers a long and painful fall. I do not want her death to be a quick one. However, that being said, I don't want her two remaining children, who seem-at this point- innocent enough, to go down with her. 

You know something else about Cersei, she's not a smart woman. She did not think this through. Her daughter, Marcella is in Dorne, the one she supposedly cares so much about. She might have just cost her daughter her life and also begun a war with Dorne. I could go on but I won't. I did have to go look up book spoilers last night just so I could go to bed. They did make me feel a little better. Oh and this morning I saw this video, which did me a world of good!

Lastly, I really hope that Ellaria Sands makes it back to Dorne, to her and Oberyn's children, alive. Those kids will need her and she will need them. 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

I have a feeling they aren't going to like it...

Just finished up the rewrite of my short story for my fiction writing class and got it turned in minutes before the dead line. Whew! It never would have happened had Skoora not gone over everything with me, because really I was so frustrated and angry, I wasn't seeing all the possibilities or mistakes. So, she get treats for helping me out. 

I have a feeling that some of the members of my group are not going to like this draft and I don't really give a shit. I've tried to include everything they wanted, keep within the allotted page limit, do what the instructor wants, and keep the story as close to something I even want to look at again. It wasn't working. So I did as much as could and well the mother-in-law character is just plain petty and become a full on evil bitch. Some of my group wanted her to be more sympathetic. Um, no, she never was and never will be and that's just the way it's going to be. That being said. I will take this story, which Skoora and I have brain stormed, destroy parts of it, and expand it and turn it into a novel at my leisure. My instructor kept fussing about the beginning being 'the opening of a long leisurely novel'. Well, he's gonna get a novel out of it someday. I'll even send him a copy. Not really trying to be a shit-head with that last statement, just simply saying so.

Since I finally have some time, where my migraine is almost completely gone and the body pain is back to the usual annoying levels- same shit different day- I am going to relax tonight. We'll probably watch  movie, or an episode from any of the tv shows or anime we've been trying to play catch up on. The point is, I don't want to do anything until tomorrow when the weekly homework roll start over again.  

Went Swimming, migraines, everything smells funny...


I'm working on a short story in my Fiction Writing Workshop class and my main character is a Moon Elf. Earlier- oh I suppose it's yesterday now, I was just playing around and decided to do an image search of Moon Elves (I do this from time to time when looking for pics to use as desk top wall papers and just to look at) and somehow this guy showed up. I think the piece is actually titled dark elf, but what really drew me in was his facial structure (even though I know its enhanced by makeup), his armor, and I love the horns! Not exactly a Moon elf, but he's pretty so I saved him. Who knows, maybe he's a relation of my moon elf sans the horns. 

I've been really sick from that birth control medication and was actually pretty happy to finish my last dose the night before last. But with the end of that came a ghastly migraine that just wouldn't quit. I've done everything to try and soothe it and make it go away. I've had caffeine, Advil, laid in bed with the fan on me at full blast complete with a wash cloth on my forehead. I've tried naps, I've tried everything short of going to the ER for a migraine shot, which I never could have afforded anyway. I manged to get it semi-tolerable earlier this afternoon and went to the Kroc center to swim and sit in the hot tub. None of that really helped but the nap when I came home did. I'm almost migraine free, the nausea is still with me but I've been drinking mint tea to soothe my stomach. 

Since I put off my homework to try and kill the migraine and get beyond all the sickness from the medicine, I've been running out of time fast. I did get the investigative essays done for my humanities class. I think that after my instructor has looked them over I will feel much better and can really expand on what I've written and then go on to do the 'compare and contrast' part of the paper then do the introduction and conclusion sections before tying it all together to form the final paper. With my short story for the fiction class, I haven't even started this week's revision yet and I'm not going to tonight. I will do it tomorrow after I've gone to the grocery store. I plan to wake up early and head out to beat the crowds of people and I'm not going to buy a lot either. Then after I've come home and had breakfast, I will start on the story until it's time for the library to open and then finish it up there. I am hoping all the brain storming I did with Skoora in the pool today will help me in just punching this revision out. 

Everything smells weird. When Skoora and I came home from the pool the house smelled like a cherry danish, but we don't have any nor have we had any in some time. My hair smells weird too and I know part of that is due to the chlorine. I was kind of dumb and instead of taking a shower right away when I got home, I just stripped out of my swimming suit and put on some lotion. I bought Tokyo Lotus and Apple Blossom from Bath and Body Works - in effort to find my spring/summer scent- not that long ago and you know, it smells weird on skin that has the chlorine. Don't do it. Just don't. I don't normally go for the sweeter scents, I much prefer the woodsier smells but Skoora liked this one a lot, so I tried it. It was nice in the store. It'll be nice sans chlorine too. I tell you what though, I actually really liked the French Lavender Honey. Now that is nice! Still, the whole house smells weird.