Sunday, March 30, 2014

Things are starting to move, to come together, and I still have so much to do.

As soon as my financial aid comes through, I will officially be back in college. Through e-mail correspondence, I've been talking with my admissions counselor and she suggested a couple of classes to start and asked if there were a few others in case the two she suggested had filled up. So I went through the course catalog and found some possibilities. I actually spent an hour or two reviewing what transferred from my other schools and what I still needed to take, and came up with a tentative plan of which classes I wanted/needed to take. It was kind of fun actually. 

I think I might have mentioned getting my new glasses, but if I didn't, I got my new glasses. I can see! YAY! I am still adjusting to them. Now I just needed to get the cavities the dentist says I have, filled (that's going to cost far more than it probably should), and get myself into the doctor for a few things. One, I need to get this recent allergic reaction looked at, I'm still having trouble with the hives (apparently some can last up to 6 weeks or more). I need to talk to my doctor about PCOS because I still haven't done that, not that I have seen her recently, and I need to talk to her about getting a voucher to get a free baseline mammogram done. I'm 30 and since my Great Aunt died of breast cancer and a few other members in my family have had lumps removed, I just think it's a good idea. 

The friends that were visiting went home. I loved having them here but I was ready for everyone to go home on Friday. Skoora's Mom was driving us all a little nuts, Skoora and I both had things we needed to do and still need to get done, and I really wasn't feeling good that day and just kind of needed to curl up in a cool, dark room and sleep off the migraine. Of course the 'sleeping off the migraine' didn't happen. There was a lot of running around and we donated plasma after which we did a little shopping. I can honestly say that I do not enjoy having panic attacks in public much less in the middle of wal-mart. But I had it, was able to calm down fairly quickly, and we got out of there and home soon enough. I fell asleep on the sofa watching a really stupid movie. 

Oh, I got new shoes! Every pair of my shoes either have holes in them or are falling apart. So I broke down and got a pair of sneakers with some supports in them. Skoora says I am walking better. That's good!

We've been cleaning a little bit here and there (the usual stuff) and we are in the process of organizing a few things. I've been Pinterest again and saw a couple of ideas that I loved. Now, we just need to go through our stuff. We've got our room and then what we have out in the garage. There's so much to do and I should be starting school next month. I'm kind of afraid I won't get it all done. 

Lastly, Skoora earned herself a new Super Hero name this week. I dubbed her Mistress Monster Snore! Because of a really crappy medical procedure she had to undergo for vocal nodes several years ago, she now snores like a fog horn. Oh boy, some of the sounds she makes! She can't help it and it doesn't bother me, well until she starts sounding like a growling monster and then it's time to wake her up. 


Wednesday, March 26, 2014

If I could find the thing, I'd whack it!!! Allergies on the run! Asatru.

Yggdrasil and the nine worlds
Last night my friend Christine, Skoora, and I went to the Unitarian Universalist Church in our area for a class on Asatru. It was very interesting and I think I got a few questions answered, but as is the case most of the time, now I have more. The good news is, I met some very nice people and got to listen to their individual beliefs and hear them kindly debate different points. No one was vicious in their arguments. No one had to prove the other wrong or say that their take was the right take. It was so refreshing I almost wanted to cry! It had truly been too long since I have been able to have discussions or in my case, listen to a discussion with a group of people who actually respected each other! And also where the conversation didn't turn petty.

You see I am an observer by nature and I have enough respect of others to let them talk, to hear their opinions. However, it seems that with a couple people I know, the same cannot be said in regards to me. So I basically just stopped talking. It just wasn't worth it for me to express my opinions or thoughts, mainly because I don't agree with most of what is said. Also because a lot of people are so concerned with being right or pushing that their way is the right way that they argue. I even know people who seem to enjoy arguing. And I even know someone who, when they are proved wrong, they have to find some little stab or jab to get in just so they can feel better. Of course, all of this has left me feeling very suffocated and unappreciated and like I just don't matter at all in the friendship.

I don't enjoy arguing. I enjoy intelligent discussions where people can truly and honestly agree to disagree. Where people aren't trying to get the upper hand and or push their agenda. Your way/thoughts/ideas/and opinions might not be the right way for someone else and that seems to be a concept that most people have lost.

Any further and in depth discussion about Asatru will be done on my Witch Ways blog, as I learn more about it. I would also like to point out that I am not researching Asatru and the Heathen path because of the Thor movies. Yes, love Thor, the Avengers, and Thor 2, but as much as I enjoyed the movies, my interest in Asatru and the Heathen path in purely of an honest interest, religious exploration, and scholarly nature.  (Note: I am exploring different paths of Neo-Paganism and so forth so there will probably be a couple of different posts about different paths there.)

Now for the other bits. I am having an allergic reaction to something! I know I haven't had anything with peanuts or peanut oil so I have checked that off the list. I did check the pollen reports and it seems that the pollen warnings are set to moderate, so that could be it. But I am allergic to so many trees, pollen's, types of grasses, and weeds it's hard to figure out what's causing it. If I could figure out whatever is growing or blooming, I'd give it a good whack. I've broken out in itchy hives! Yuck! At this point, I kind of feel as though if I have to suffer, then whatever is making me suffer should at least get a good talking to. Not that that would do any good but it might make me feel better.  

Friday, March 21, 2014

On the matter of Fred Phelps Sr. A well hated man, black mark on my home state.

Yesterday I learned that Fred Phelps is dead. On Facebook I wrote: "Oh it's that kind of a day. On the upside, Fred Phelps is gone from the world. I don't think I am going to celebrate that no matter how disgusting I thought he was. I just don't care enough to feel anything." Later I learned that his family isn't a going to hold a funeral. Wait what? You're kidding me? Okay, I'm a bit peeved, but I will get to that in a moment.

Now, I am from Kansas, Wichita to be exact so I've actually seen the Phelps family and their cohorts, in Wichita, protesting with their ugly signs of hate. I think my Dad has even run into Fred Phelps' daughter (the lawyer), and if he hasn't I've at least heard him talking about her. In order to better understand the Phelps, I even watched a documentary on their family that Skoora found on the Internet. And there have been so many news articles about them plastered all over the web. Needless to say, I know who they are and what they are about.

The Phelps family delights in horrible events, in war, and they shit on the very country they seem to enjoy living in and the freedoms and rights this country grants them. Don't even get me started on what they say and do to the military. They "Thank God" for cancer and IEDs (improvised explosive device). They scream that everyone is going to hell because we don't believe the way they do, because some of us have different sexual orientations, different religious and political views, and different lifestyles. In the interview I saw, they seemed to have delighted in digging up the interviewers background and told him repeatedly that he was going to hell because he didn't live like they did. They picket funerals. Why picket a funeral, the person is dead, all you are doing is causing the family and friends of the deceased pain and that what's more, they seem to get off on it. Causing others pain makes them happy. That's not the true mark of a Christian.

As a Pagan and as a young woman in a 6 year lesbian relationship, you'd think that I might find them threatening. Well, I don't. The Phelps have made me very angry in the past, furious even. What they say and do disgusts me. Sometimes, when I see them mentioned, or I see one of their signs via a news article I get upset, but I try to just let it go. If I let them affect me, they win. Why should we let them win? Why should we let them have any sort of satisfaction what so ever? They don't deserve it.

Now as for them not giving Fred Phelps Sr. a funeral, that's just plain cowardice. What? Are they afraid that the very people they've hurt and alienated might show up to give them a taste of their own medicine? It would certainly serve them right! However, you know what I've seen from most of my friends (Christian, LGBTQ, Pagan and so forth), you know us 'evil-going-to-hell-folks'? Nothing of the sort. A lot of people feel sad for the family that they have to go through the loss of losing someone they cared about. A lot of people are reminding their friends to pray to the Phelps family, to extend sympathies and love to these walking monsters.

That's wonderful! Good for you for taking the high road. Hell, some people might be trying to "kill" the Phelps' brand of hatred with kindness and that's good I suppose, but why extend the effort at all? They don't care. They hate you remember? You're nothing and you're going to hell in their opinion. For my own part, I just don't care. I say we do nothing. I say we don't send them love, prayers, sympathy, or even best wishes. I say we ignore them. Become indifferent to them. Sure, it won't stop the problem, but if we stop letting them bother us, then their words and ugly hate signs don't mean anything. 

A sad day, a night out, and the cat's got his tongue out again.

Kitsune Guard is my Guild in Guild Wars
Galen, my grouchy kitty, has been so playful the last couple of days. It's really nice to see him play like a kitten again. Part of his playfulness includes sticking his tongue out, not sure why, but it's really cute. Yoda-Chan, my eldest kitty, is doing pretty well as well. He's staring at the computer with contempt, okay, now he's staring at me with stern expectation. Kind of like "Um, you're going to get off that stupid thing and pet me now". Well, no, I'm not, but I will give him cuddles later when I sit back to relax. I made my bedside table into a bed for him, not that he uses it much. Oh no, he wants to sleep on my face. *Sigh*

Yesterday was kind of an odd day. I got that lovely smack of depression full in the face. I'm not sure what triggered it though. Yes, I have severe depression and anxiety, but I think I do pretty well in stamping it down and trying to push on. Gods know I've been focusing on being in as good of a mood or be as positive as I can when I wake up in the morning. I started out okay yesterday but then, for some reason, it all kind of went down hill. I even got to the point where I didn't want to go donate plasma. So, I decided that not only was I going to my plasma donation appointment, but I was going to grab the gift card Skoora and I got from her parents for Christmas and go out for dinner.

I talked to Skoora about what was going on in the car while we were heading out to the plasma donation clinic. We didn't really get to go in depth but that was okay, I think I just needed to talk. We really haven't had the chance to talk or do much of anything together since before my birthday. We've had company, my birthday, the twins' birthday, she's been working, and she's been doing school work. We've also had a lot of health stuff going on with her Mom. It was time.

We went to Applebee's where I said "screw it" and ordered a drink. I rarely ever drink and most of the time when we go out because I am usually the driver. I also take pain meds and don't like to mix pain meds with alcohol. Anyway, I ordered one drink, which by the way not being an experienced drinker, I was shocked when I saw the bill. It was 8 dollars! 8 dollars! 8 dollars of tasty goodness! I want to learn how to make the Red Apple Sangria! Actually I want to learn how to make lots of drinks and do a bar party night with friends, at home of course. I don't want anyone trying to drive.

After and very yummy dinner at Applebee's Skoora took me to Wal-Mart to get the yarn I ran out of. I've been crocheting and watching Lost Girl on Netflix the last couple of days, just trying to relax and take things easy. Well, we were kind of silly at Wal-Mart. We called Skoora's Dad to tell him that we decided that Gin was made from Oompaloompas (because we were trying to figure out what it was made out of while we were at Applebee's and apparently our waitress even asked the entire staff to find out, no one could remember). It's actually made from barley (we learned that later when a friend texted us back, with the answer). Skoora also decided that it was a good idea scratch my butt while we were moving throughout the store. I growled at her and one of the employees got distracted and dropped stuff. She also tap-danced a little and another customer, an older guy, did a little dance move. It was really cute!

In the end, we came home and Skoora closed herself up in the bedroom to do some homework while I watched The Hunger Games: Catching Fire with her Mom. It was a pretty good movie. I really want to see the next movie to see what happens and as much as I really want to read the books, I think I will wait until I have seen all the movies. Or maybe I won't. I just have so much I have to read and I just got three more books for my birthday.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Well I am and big dumb dumb!

In all of the hustle and bustle of yesterday, I forgot to take my meds. That was a big mistake and I am certainly paying for it today. I have the nausea and terrible, throbbing headache that despite all my efforts to ignore, have only gotten worse since I woke up this morning.

So, instead of trying to tackle anything that I had planned to do today, I am going to lie down in the dark with a cold cloth on my face and the fan blowing on me and just rest.  Hopefully after a little bit I will feel well enough to throw in some laundry, get some lunch made, take care of some school stuff, write some blogs, ect...

Until then...

Monday, March 17, 2014

Let's play catch up: A little behind and a little caught up.

Art by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law
For one, this is me giving myself a few more minutes on the heating pad before I hit the shower. Last night, I don't know what I did but one of the times I got up from my desk I almost couldn't walk. I'm very sick of this herniated disk business. I'm also very sick of fibromyaglia and whatever is going on with my internal female bits. A friend suggested I look into PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and speak with a doctor, well a more specialized doctor. But these are just normal, everyday ailments and complaints about them and I am done, for this post.

Love Stephanie Pui-Mun Law's art work! We just recently and finally bought her Shadowscapes Tarot cards. I am in love with them! The art is simply lovely!

A lot has happened since I last posted. I dyed my hair black again and had a friend put blue streaks in it. That was an adventure in itself. I like it but now that my skin is less smurf- like (rinsed my hair out in the shower having forgotten that manic panic stains like a snarky bitch) some of the blue has faded. It's kind of a dusty teal color in places. If I decide to do this again, I think I will get a better quality bleach and go with Special Effects hair dye. I didn't seem to have as many problems with it when I did the tips of my hair red.

Skoora's parents decided that we needed to switch bedrooms. Part of me wonders "Why now? After all of this time and now that we are working on moving out?" The other part of me isn't going to fuss because now we have so much more room and can actually move. Did I mention that the door has a lock on it? More privacy! We also have an actual closet and because we have it, our clothing is not in the bath tub. We had to hang our clothes up in bath tub area of our old bathroom because we just didn't have closet space in our old room. So now we have two fully functional bathrooms, Skoora's parents have their own shower as do we.

My 30th birthday came and went. No, I'm not upset or ashamed to admit my age. I'm actually quite comfortable with it. I don't really see myself as an "older person". I don't view aging as a bad thing, it doesn't bother me. Besides, I've heard tale that 30 is the new 20. Did I mention that Skoora and her Mom threw me a surprise party? It was really nice!

I'm going back to school online much to annoyance of my parents. All my life both of them, including my Grandparents, harped on me the necessity of having a college degree. I remember telling my Dad as I was getting ready to graduate high school that I didn't want to go to college because I didn't want to be in debt but he made me go anyway. Now, now he and my Mom don't want me to go because I will be in even more debt than I am now. Well, so what. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't care, I do and very much so, but I still don't have my degree (my fault since I've tried to be and study things everyone else wanted and not entirely what I wanted and there were some life things that happened that made me quit going). So I am going back for the degree I want and since I have physical problems that caused me to quit last time I went to school, I'm doing it online. I've decided that I'm just going to do this whether or not my parents like it. It is my life after all and I have to deal with all outcomes positive or negative and I can't keep living it the way everyone else wants. I've felt tugged in so many different directions for so long, it's time to do some things for myself.

I've fallen a little behind with a lot of things since I had a friend visiting for my birthday and shortly after she left, we changed bedrooms. Our bedroom is almost 100% put back together. We have a tiny bit left to move back in (just a few boxes and bags of stuff). I'm behind on blog writing but I've managed to be on top of getting everything into the new college that they needed (for the moment). I know how much it's going to cost to get the cavities in my teeth filled. I have an eye exam today in which I will probably be ordering a new pair of glasses (it will be so nice to not have to squint to see stuff far away) and sun glasses. I was thinking about just getting contacts but I think they will cost more in the long run, especially since I have to have to torric lenses. I like the sun, but I have a love-hate relationship with it. It hurts my eyes and burns my skin within 15 minutes of being out in it. Sometimes I even break out in hives where I've burned. Not fun.

Other things have happened but they are for other posts and I need to get into the shower and dressed in a few minutes since Skoora's Mom just took her shower. Have to wait for the hot water.