Thursday, September 29, 2016

Gnats! Noooooo! My paws. Foot traffic.

No particular reason for this pic, other than it is lovely, and I like it

Back when I lived in Kansas, it seemed that fall was "Attack of the Grasshopper" season. I remember one particular fall when I was attending Southwestern College, that I was trying to go to class, and grasshoppers were leaping and crisscrossing in front of me, behind me... well just all around me and everyone else. Kind of felt almost plague like. Here in Washington- and it might be a little early still- we don't seem to have as many grasshoppers, but we do have big gnats and lots of them. Yesterday afternoon the vicious landscapers were at it again, mowing, trimming, and weed waking. Not only did they stir up all sorts of allergens, they awakened the big gnats. I bet I looked really stupid on my short trek to my friend Tsuki's yesterday, waving my arms to keep them off me and out of my face. They seem to be out in force again today and all I can say is that I am not looking forward to them when I take a walk tonight. 

I've been cleaning in the kitchen today. I let it go during and after Amanda's birthday and just couldn't seem to motivate myself enough to get back to it. Period issues didn't help with that either as I spent two days basically sleeping. In fact, I dozed off a couple of times at Tsuki's yesterday. Anyway, because I have been scrubbing, washing dishes, and wiping down cabinets and counters, my paws have the prune look and kind of ache. I've been having some trouble with my hands lately in that they hurt when I do certain things, I can't seem to keep a hold of things sometimes, or they want to lock up. I think it is time to see about looking up some exercises. 

Tomorrow, Amanda and I are going to Finch's Arboretum to collects fallen leaves, but also to do some engagement photos. Our friend Chris offered to take them and thankfully she won't try to rush us. To my utter dismay, when I put the photo card into the computer this morning, I found that it won't work. Which really pisses me off because I was finally going to get the pumpkin pictures a friend asked me for off of the card and ugh! I am not happy. 

Lastly, Amanda and I had a long conversation before we went to bed last night. We decided that we need to be better about not only setting aside and guarding time together, but also some writing time. It's of course going to be a work in progress, but we need to establish some healthy and consistent writing habits. We love our friends, we love having some random hang out time and I'm sure some of that will still happen, but we may have to go to near compete scheduling. I hate the idea of having to do that, I really do and swore to myself that I would never be one of those people when I was younger, but here I am, never say never. 

That said, I was supposed to do craft time with Tsuki today, only I had to cancel because Amanda took a surprise day off from work. So we are spending the day together, doing a little bit of house cleaning, planning out a quilt, and later some story planning/ work shopping in a sense.    

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Amanda's tentacle tea and paint party was not so tentacle-centric

I had so many amazing ideas for Amanda's birthday party this weekend... but they didn't really happen. I wanted to decorate so it looked like you were entering the sea- only darker because you'd be walking into Chthulu's (sp?) lair. Another idea was a cute, happy Eldergod's home for tea. Amanda has a lot of Octopi and some Chthulu plushies that would have been added decorations. In fact it was supposed to be a Tentacle Tea party! 

But nothing really worked out the way I had planned for her. In fact the apartment managers wanted me to play a game of "come chase us down for the key to the club house". We didn't have some things and thankfully we have some great friends who helped me cover food, especially since my back was locking up and hurting so badly yesterday. I had moments where I just wanted to cry because of the things I couldn't do. There's some other things happening yesterday that made it difficult. However, I think the party went on pretty well. 

We coupled her tentacle tea with a painting party. Amanda wanted us to work on spooky stuff, so I painted a sppoky house with a cat and a graveyard, complete with bats. Amanda painted the H.I.M. heartagram symbol with tentacles reaching for it. It was cool. 

One of our friends painted a pretty book picture and I really liked it. I liked it so much that I wanted to make one myself. I added space in the form of stars and the moon. I also added bats because they are cute!

When I woke up this morning, I must have still had the painting-artsy bug, because I saw down at the table and made this while Amanda made breakfast and coffee. I think it is one of my favorites and I want to make more. It;s watercolor where as the two above are acrylic. 

Anyway, I just wanted to get these up before I went to bed.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Glitter, googly eyes, Haunted Humpday, and running out of white candles

The past two days I have been working on a project for my soon to be Etsy store. I will admit that this project is taking a good deal longer than I wanted, expected, and estimated it to. This project is also taking its toll on my back and even my hips in a way that I didn't imagine. But. It's kind of worth it. I am enjoying the project, enjoying that I am catching up on Once Upon a Time- well, not totally watching more like listening with glimpses of the TV here and there-, and I am even enjoying Narcisa's curiosity. She wants to know what I am doing and seems to want to be part of it- or at least smell everything. Annother bit of fun I've had while working on this, has been to watch the squirrel's come up to my patio, jump on the table, and then crawl through my tomato plants to steal tomatoes. Sure, it's annoying but its also cute, and it's live cat TV for Narcisa. She seems to really like watching them and never growls or hisses.  

However, I need a tiny break, hence the blog post.

So, I thought I would share some of my project today as my offering for Haunted Humpday. Above are some unfinished Skull Ornaments that will be Dia de Los Muertos by the time I am finished with them- for better for worse. I'd thought about painting them, but I think I will try using sharpies first then glitterfying them. 

Next one of the owls I made, it too is unfinished. I want to add googly eyes and beaks. Yesterday, when it was getting to be time to go pick up Amanda and also start making dinner, I noticed that I too was glittery. I'm not sure how glitter made it on to my chest, I certainly didn't rub it in or even scratch, it just happened. I suppose that's why my friends call glitter craft herpes? 

On to white candles. Since my Grandma has been sick, I've been imbuing white chime candles with some of my own energy, or at least trying to, and then burning them for her. What I picture is drawing up white light- coloring being very important to me and signifying healing- from my core and pushing it into the candle while focusing on my Grandma. It seems to be working. Every time I burn a candle she gets to feeling a little better. I've done it three times, only because she got to feeling better for a few days and then wasn't feeling very well. Right now, things seem to be sticking, so that's a positive. However, it seems that I need to do this for my Mom. I called her this morning, because it had been a couple of days since I had talked to her, and she sounded so awful. Worse, the things she said kind of unnerved me. She said that she loved me, that I needed to believe in myself as much as she does, that I am a wonderful writer, and that Dad would get a hold of me a little later. 

Don't get me wrong, my Mom tells me she loves me all the time. She has told me that I need to get my confidence back and that I am a good writer and all of that before. It was the way in which she said it, almost like a goodbye, that's kind of freaking me out. I'm sure she didn't mean it like that, but she said she has a horrible migraine and is really sick. But from what? For how long? And, can they get her to the doctor? I won't know until I talk to my Dad later. Its very frustrating. I think I have two white chime candles left and it looks like I am going to need say screw it and buy a white taper candle for my Mom, because the way she sounded, it's going to take a lot for her to feel better. 

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Books, because I need too, and late morning.

Yesterday, I finally finished reading Gothic Charm School by Jillian Venters. This book is an interesting read which stresses things like being being polite and kind to others, especially if you are part of a minority subculture that people are kind f freaked out or afraid of. But people should be being kind and polite everyday regardless. But aside from that, the bulk of the book feels more geared toward those outside the Gothic culture such as a parent of a baby goth or baby bat, or a coworker, boss, family, and or friend, and even has some tips for those just beginning their exploration. I felt that there could have been more information into the history of the Gothic culture, a little more about the different Gothic subcultures, but it really is an overview. It is still a good book and one that I would recommend. Wish it had been around when I was growing up and that I could have shoved a copy under my Grandma's nose. 

I went into the library/ Bowie room this- well it was morning for me- and looked at my book shelves. There are a ton of lore books I want to read, some writing books, and several pagan books, but like I said, I am just kind of burnt out on "informational" stuff at the moment. The need to get lost in a different world feels kind of imperative at the moment, not sure why, maybe I just miss the feeling. So, instead of starting a new book series, I thought I would pick up one of the books that got interrupted for whatever reason and give it a go, hence the picture of The Vampire Narcise. I only got 40 pages into it when I last read and I liked the story well enough, so it is time. 

Last night, well this morning when I went to bed after 3 am, I tried to start a book on my Kindle. Once Upon a Curse is a grouping of 17 dark fairy tales said to be less Disney and more Grimm. However, I was tired and had a very needy cat in my face. Of course the moment I out my Kindle away, Narcisa declared victory and trundled off somewhere else. I was too tried to get out of bed and chase after her, to make her come back and deal with cuddles, and fell asleep shortly thereafter. When I awoke this morning and checked the time, I had that moment of almost panic and most assuredly disappointment. It was after noon. But then I got over all of that because I am sick and feel like crap. In fact I feel so crappy, I am have barely left my bedroom, and while I have managed to get some things done on my page long to do list, I'm calling it an early day. Which means I am probably going to go make myself some Miso soup from a packet, a cup of tea, have those, and curl up on the sofa if not back in bed and watch tv or youtube. Amanda wanted to go to the fair tonight since she won free tickets at work, but I just don't see myself making it. I was really going to try, but I think doing that will just make things worse.

I know it's almost 1 am but it's still Wednesday for me, so Haunted Hump day still counts.

It's that time of year again!
Since I am sick, I didn't feel up to picking up my house and taking pictures of my spooky decor. Don't worry, I am getting to it and haven't forgotten. Nor have I forgotten that I said I would share some pumpkin pictures on a Halloween Swap page on Facebook- they are on a camera that was moved and I keep forgetting to go look and to ask where it is. Fear not, I have made a page long list of stuff I want to try and accomplish over the next several days. Lists make my life so much easier. 

So, in lieu of spooky decor and really any current successful craft projects (my salt dough ornament experiment didn't work out the way I had hoped so I am moving on to sculpey), I will share a semi-spooky personal manifestation board I did several weeks back and a personal ghost story.

Here is my board. I wanted it to be more witchy but apparently I was channeling my inner goth/ vampire that day. There are some witch-ish elements shining through, but mostly it has to do with other aspects of my life. Since we as humans are multifaceted it makes sense. A more pagan-centric manifestation board has been planned to address my pagan goals, but I may just save that for Halloween night, you know since it is the Witch's new year and all that. 

On to the ghost story, which Marfi, who hosts Haunted Humpday, kind of inspired. Well, in so much as reminded me with her post, that I can post ghost stories too. Anyway, I am sure that those who have met me physically have heard this story, but those in internet land have not, read it if you wish. This is a personal experience dating back to when I was a very small child...

I woke up in the middle of the night scared, the cold sweat, to scared to make a noise, kind of scared. My bed faced the wall opposite my bedroom window. A street light always shone in and there was also the shadows from a large tree in the back yard. I used to lay in bed and entertain thoughts of a skeletal chicken army marching across my wall, so in some respects the tree plays a tiny part, in that most of what I would normally see, wasn't there. Instead it was blacked out by a black, child-sized figure perched on my windowsill, and it was watching me. I knew it was, its red eyes glowed on my wall, as if the wall was a mirror. It watched me for a few little bit then turned its attention to something outside. Somehow I managed to pull the covers up and hide, desperate and hoping that if I could just go back to sleep it would leave. 

I never saw it again. Some might say it was a really bad dream. For awhile I thought maybe it was until I heard an internet radio show hosted by a Shaman. I don't even remember what exactly he was talking about that recalled the memory of this creature, but I e-mailed him and described what had happened when I was younger. His response was that it probably wasn't a dream, that it was probably a creature that fed from children's fear. He had a friend who studies this kind of thing. Of course for the life of me I can't remember what her name was, but how freaking creepy. Now, I don't know how true this could be, because when I tried looking up information on such a creature, I was coming up with nothing. However, I didn't really look too hard or too long. I might do that in the near future.   

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Edit, dribble dribble snot I can't breathe, can't sleep either. Happy things!

In my last blog I mentioned a cartoon called The School for Little Vampires, and that I believed it was Danish. No, that is in fact wrong. I misunderstood Amanda, thinking she was talking about the cartoon, when she was actually looking up a Danish breakfast dish. So, the cartoon is actually German. Honestly, I was a little confused because the episode titles are all in German. Then I thought, "well, Germany and Denmark are close to each other, so I suppose there could be some cross language happening". Which of course I told Amanda when we got home from dinner this evening. She said it was a stretch. But, I just looked at a map of Europe to double check and my feeling was right, Germany and Denmark are not only close to each other, they border each other. So, language cross overs could happen. 

So, I can't sleep. At dinner I was having all manner of issues trying not to sneeze, convincing myself that I wasn't cold, that I wasn't hurting all over more than usual. By the time I got into the car, I gave in and admitted that I am sick. I had some lemon ginger tea when I got home, some Advil, and vitamin c. That might explain why I thought the garlic on the naan bread (we went to Top of India) as so spicy and why I could barely taste salt. And despite Amanda giving me a decongestant at the restaurant, I still can't breath through my nose. 

Speaking of the restaurant, we went out with some friends because they weren't able to make it to my graduation party and they wanted to celebrate with us. It was a lot of fun and I'm so excited that we were able to do that. I think Amanda might have annoyed some of the other customers, but they can deal. Besides, our conversations were awesome and definitely more entertaining. 

In other news, another friend of mine got a tattoo this weekend that sounds freaking awesome. I haven't seen, wouldn't mind, but don't feel like it is a necessity. The story behind it is what is so amazing and even inspiring. She tied into her post-it-note blog about picking one part of your body or something you don't like about yourself and treating it like it was special/ giving it some love. Since I have a love hate relationship with my own body and have been trying to break myself of it, this was a really good post for me to read. 

I've been wanting to get a couple of tattoos myself, although, I don't think I will go the path my friend did with hers. Somehow I just don't think getting a bat or the moon phases across my ass is something I really want to do. Someday, when I am brave enough, I would love to do something like this, minus the owl. I like owls, but I am more of a cat/bat/raccoon/fox person. Still, I love maple leaves, love the fall colors, and really like the over the shoulder and down the arm design. 

There is also a rune tattoo that I would like to get. In high school, without realizing fully what it meant, I was drawing Laguz, thinking it meant rain. Since it is associated with water and that's my element, it felt natural, that and I was kind of drawn to it. Now that I am more grown up and looking at runes a very serious and more studious and spiritual manner, I know that Laguz means more than just water or the power of. It also means going with the flow of things, which, in a lot s respects, is a very important lesson in and of itself. Which is kind of something I've been trying to do instead of beating my head again walls with some things or fighting against other things.

 Anyway,  Sadly, that's the only rune that I've managed to remember and I even had to look it up to double check. But I feel a ramble coming on, not that I already haven't had  a bit of one...

The plan for tomorrow was to take some photos of the fun, spooky decor in my house, work on some craft things, and get a little reading and writing done, but we will see how I feel in the morning. Honestly, it may end up being one of those throw some stuff in the crock pot, curl up on the sofa, and tell the world to suck it, kind of days. Could be fun, after all Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time is nice eye candy. 

Monday, September 12, 2016

Dad's giving me shit, goals, allergies suck

I've been a bit embarrassed and feeling a bit guilty lately for my last blog. I was upset and sad that it seemed like my family didn't think me graduating college was a thing that really warranted much validation. Like, I said before, I didn't want gift or anything, but a card would be nice. And I felt like an ass even more so because Grandma hasn't been doing well. That whole, why am I being so selfish when Grandma is physically so weak and sick and on and on and on. So this bothered me so much that I was pretty much heart sick all weekend. None of this I ever voiced to my own family. In fact, none of my family even reads my blog, so I am safe here so to speak. 

My allergies are giving me hell even with my allergy medicine. So, you know, sneezy, sinus pain, kind of fun.

The maintenance men finally got around to our apartment to fix my kitchen light. Apparently they couldn't just replace the bulbs, they had to replace the whole fixture. Yay, nicer fixture. Boo, I have to get some goo gone and get on a chair to clean the tape goo off. But yay for cooking and being able to see what I am doing again! 

My Dad gave me shit today because I went to what my friend Tsuki calls "Brain IT" a.k.a therapy. My therapist gave me certain goals to help me get some writing done as well as build some self confidence again. My Dad said he could have given me goals for free. That is true. He could. But Dad kind of sucks at positivity. In fact, when he was actively trying to be more positive, it was down right frightening. I think it even stressed him and exhausted him to work that hard at being that positive. It just isn't him. Anyway, I kind of touched on some stuff I talked about today and he kept giving me shit and I told him to stop giving me shit and he laughed. Not in a bad way, mind you. Dad's an ass, but not mean. I told him that I informed my therapist of this very fact today. I also told her that my parents are two of my best friends. 

So, yes, I have some new goals to work on in the form of writing. My therapist also thinks that I am still dealing with some burnout and decompression from college and that I need to do some self care and stop beating myself up about said self care. 

On a happier note, Amanda and I have finished watching the ABC Musical comedy Galavant. I really liked it and wish that it hadn't been cancelled. I am in love with King Richard, well the actor who plays him- I've seen him in other things-, he's so pretty and he can sing!
  I have also watched a Korean Drama called Lucid Dream, which was really good, short but still good. Also, because Amanda and I sometimes like to watch kids shows, we started one called School for Little Vampires, which I think is Danish in origin. Its cute. Next on my list of fun Netflix adventures is Good Morning Call, a Japanese Drama. my friend Tsuki happened to be here last night and I might have sucked her into it too. She and I were squealing and "ahhh"ing when cute things happened, bitching at stupid stuff, and her general commentary was great. For instance "battle of the hairstyles" when the two boys of the love triangle would meet to assert themselves. We are going to finish it at some point. Amanda might try to deny it, but she was sucked in as well for a bit- enough to ask what was happening from the bathroom.

I inadvertently made Chicken Scampi tonight. I was trying to think of what to make for dinner and kind of just put stuff together. When I was tasting the sauce, I realized what I had made and decided that it was extremely close to dish you can get at The Olive Garden, but not perfect. There are a couple more tweaks I could give it, but for the most part, it was really good. 

But, enough of that, I need to do some reading tonight before I go to sleep. There's a certain library book that needs to be read and returned. Honestly, I kind of just want to color.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Decompression day and some things learned

I love this cat picture! So fall, so pretty! 

I am taking today as a decompression day. Its not really a completely up to me choice in that I hurt all over and am very tired today. I am going to get out of the house to check the mail and maybe go to the store this evening. I was supposed to have received a pair of contacts in the mail- just fun Halloween ones I bought a month or so back, and I am kind of hoping that my Grandma didn't forget about me and has sent a card telling me congrats for finally graduating college. It is so weird, neither my parents nor my Grandparents have actually said congratulations. My Grandma just asks what I got my degree in. Now, I feel I can't get too upset by the lack of congrats because Grandma was in the hospital not that long ago, but I have talked to her and my parents several times since. I know it is petty and selfish but is it? Is it wrong that I would like a little positive acknowledgement. I'm not asking or even wanting anything else. It's not like I was pitching a fit that they weren't here for the party or asking for anything. So, is it really wrong to hope for a simple "hey, good job"?  

Honestly, I don't know why it is bothering me so much. Maybe it has to do with something Amanda said this weekend. Actually, I think I do know. They are my blood family, the ones that I care about the most in said family and short of flying down there to take care of them myself, I've done everything I can do and for them such as call, skype, I've helped out when I have been down there, sent things. I am not complaining about any of that, truly, I enjoyed doing all of it, wanted to do all of it. I don't want much but a little turn around in the form of "good job" or even a little constructive feed back on stories even though not everything I write is their cup of tea.

Let that shit go, I keep telling myself, but do you have any idea how freaking hard that is? I can tell myself to do it, think I have, but a couple of days, months, or years down the line, it all comes rolling back at me and yeah, it is clear that I didn't let it go but just buried it. So, I don't know how to let the heavy, deeply personal shit go and I'm not even sure I am capable. Now, I am not trying to give that as an excuse, I do want to let stuff go, I'm just not sure how to go about it. Which is why I am in counseling. 

And speaking of counseling, I saw my therapist Monday. I read her part of the post I said I was going to print out and read to her. She asked me if I knew why I had been placed with her, other than we are both in a lesbian relationships. I said no. So she explained that it was also because she has some health problems and she is trying to learn how to adjust to a new normal, so when I read my blog to her, she knew exactly what I was feeling because they are the same feelings and thoughts she's had and is dealing with herself. She asked me to excuse her if she was a little bit emotional and I told her she was fine, that I get it because I was teary eyed writing it.  Also during this session my therapist told me that she thinks I am rather resilient, which is really good for my relationship with Amanda and with all the stuff I am dealing with, and that it seems that I just go with the flow of things a lot of the time that really helps. Well, beating my head against brick walls just gets exhausting and you can only work with what you have. 

But with all those feelings laid bare, I am actually having a good morning. Fiona left a short bit ago, Narcisa is off taking a nap somewhere, the house is quiet, and I have the windows open for nice, cool fresh air. This is exactly the kind of weather I wish I had a porch swing or covered hammock to lay on outside. I'd like to just laze about with a book and let the wind caress me. My Great Grandma Ireland and I used to sit on her porch swing on days like this and swing and talk. Sometimes I would get to lay down and with my head in her lap and she'd pet my hair and sing church hymns or tell me stories about when she lived on the farm.

 I'm going to spend some time, at some point today, finishing up the salt dough ornaments I made, and I am going to make a list of the things people left at my house for my party that need to be returned, things such as hats, baking dishes, pot holders and tea towels, and kegs, lol. Oh, and I need to renew a library book, if I can and sit down to read it!  

Oh and yes, Holly, I have decorated my house for the season, I just haven't gotten around to taking pictures of it all yet.

Eventful weekend, Haunted Hillyard, and grad party.

View of Hillyard (in Spokane) from Mt. St. Michael's.

We kicked off the weekend with giving our friend Chris her birthday gift a little early. She's into the paranormal like us, so we took her on a Haunted Hillyard Bus Tour. Actually, she's part of S.P.O.T. Spokane Paranormal Observation Team. Our guide is a history professor at Spokane Community College and has written a couple of books on Hillyard and its paranormal/ serial killer history. I was pretty tickled to get a little history lesson along with the ghost stories. I was a little freaked out by the serial killer stuff and seriously unnerved by history of Mt. St. Michaels and its now Catholic School. The tour was a lot of fun, Chris enjoyed it and said she'd always wanted to go on one, and it was storming that night which made it even creepier! 

The view in the picture above of Hillyard looks a bit industrial. That's because some of it is. A man named Hill built and brought in a train line and a town kind of grew up around it. You can find out more about Hillyard here. It is just a brief overview. 

Anyway, Amanda, Fiona, and I decided to revisit some of the stops along the tour yesterday, in daylight, so we could get some pictures. We also wanted to go up to the school on Mt. St. Michaels to sate some curiosity,  because a friend of ours went there, and I wanted to see the architecture. However, while we were up near the school, around the back side, I didn't feel very well. I had a headache that seemed to get worse when on the on the back side of the main building and some nausea. It was weird. When we left, I felt fine.  Now I didn't get any pictures of the buildings up there, mostly because it was eerie as fuck and it felt like we were being watched. But I did get some nice landscape pictures of the area around. I also saw pheasants, in person, for the first time in my life and they look like tiny raptors.

A doe on the school grounds.

It was such a lovely, cloudy day with a beautiful view.
Down in Hillyard we stopped by a Vietnamese Buddhist Temple that's we'd seen on the tour as well as a building situated beside the old Masonic lodge/ temple (?). We also picked up some Rowan branches and berries. It seems the Druids believed that Rowan trees were protective and planted some around Hillyard. 

Kwan Yin outside the Buddhist Temple! 

Happy Buddha

There was a man doing some landscaping and told me what time the services are, that they are having a little celebration this Saturday, and that I can bring my children for moon cakes. Since my child is my cat, I think I will leave her at home.

I love this dragon!

And this lion. 

On to my Graduation party. It was really fun! Amanda themed it as a Paranormal Romance party and asked the guests to dress up. It was fantastic! There were two cakes, one round with green icing and black roses just like I asked, and the other was in the shape of a book. One of my friends and his wife brought two kegs of home brewed beer. One was an Irish stout and the other was a Maple something.

We bottled what was left in the kegs and put it in the fridge to make sure it didn't go bad, but there wasn't much left because we drank a good deal of it. 

We talked, I met my friend Rachel's new boy friend who apparently likes YA novels, and is a big fan of Rachelle Mead, an author I like. She wrote the Vampire Academy Series. He even wore a t-shrit he had made that's inspired by the series. 

Now I didn't any pictures because I was busy eating, talking, laughing, and drinking. I think Amanda's Mom got some of the cakes and I know she got one of me, but those pictures are on her camera.  I also haven't gotten a lot of pictures of the wonderful gifts people gave me. Fiona gave me a cat gargoyle statue. Felicia made me 4 dozen homemade tortillas most of which I need still need to freeze for later consumption. Chris said her gift is coming but honestly it was gift enough that she and everyone else was there. One of my friends made me two loaves of bread, one of them Zucchini, which is one of my favorites! Rachel gave me three paranormal romance novels. Amanda's parents gave me a beautiful homemade card with a promise to do something with me at a later time. Tsuki gave me Fullmetal Alchemist and Bleach figurines. She'd been wanting to find new homes for them and when she learned that I like those anime, she bequeathed them to me.  And Amanda gave me a board game, Coven.

This game is rated 14+ and I think when everyone knows how to play it, it takes about an hour to play. However, the first night we tried to play it, we spent over 2 hours trying to figure out the game mechanics. On the second night we actually played. It is a challenge and there is a lot to remember. The winner isn't wholly certain until the game ends and there is a lot that goes into it to determine that. Still, I really like it and would love to share it with my game loving friends. Coven was put out on Kickstarter and there is already an expansion out, which is pretty cool. 

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Travel shows, open window, 30 mins a day

Lately Amanda and I have been watching An Idiot Abroad on Netflix. I actually really like it and don't really feel that Karl is an idiot, he just hasn't been as exposed to things as a lot of people. He had a way of life that he seemed to enjoy but is now learning that other things, things he wouldn't have considered to be all right, are now actually all right. Its interesting. And because we've been watching this show, I added some travel channels on my Roku, they are free and I thought they looked like fun. 

Of course we've been watching tv in the evenings because I haven't really felt good. Everything kind of ganged up on me at once and I had a really nastey headache for a couple of days. It wasn't a  migraine, but I rather think it was a tension headache. Monday I hurt, Tuesday I spent curled up on the sofa not really able to move because of pain, and yesterday I finally started to feel better. Today I thought was going to be more productive but I was stopped by a nap that snuck up on me and kept me hostage for a couple of hours. When I awoke, I felt loads better, so I'm not too unhappy about it. 

It's nice enough that I said screw it, and opened the patio window. In fact it is still so nice out, that we have it open this evening. And my allergies aren't even being bothered, which I love! I'll take whatever I can get of nice weather and no sneezing!

I mentioned on facebook today that depression has been kicking my ass lately. It too goes in a cycle, not a predictable one, and it too just kind of sneaks up on me. For as long as I have been dealing with PCOS, the fibromylgia, and the herniated disk, you would think I would be used to it all now. In some respects I am. I accept them for what they are and am trying to work with the new limitations and problems, and try really hard not to let them get me down. But you notice them and you worry about what other people think of you, you get pissed off at yourself and begin to have feelings of disconnection from yourself. You have to adjust to a new normal while your some part of you is still in denial and rejects the new norm. On top of that, you're trying, no fighting, to be happy and positive and still make something of yourself. After awhile it gets to be too much, too emotionally and mentally exhausting, and it eats away at you until the things that you loved doing so much, the things that you could still technically do, almost feel like burdens but you're afraid to say that they are because that's just one more thing that has been stolen from you. And you look at yourself and are utterly disgusted. (I think I am going to print this out and give it to my therapist because this is something I definitely want to work on) 

Speaking of my therapist, she gave me some homework this week. I am supposed to write 30 minutes a day everyday. She said it could be anything. Well, I can do that with a blog so I don't really feel that it counts. What I want it to work on actual stories again. I'm just going to have to force myself to do it. Yes, I want to be a published author, but at this point, I just want to write. It's one of those things that I feel has been stolen from me, which was why I struggled so much these last couple of years with school. I loved the writing classes, but it was really hard putting word after word down. I thought, maybe I am too old for this, maybe it was just a phase, I'm not any good for various technical reasons. Which is bullshit. Ugh. This is good though, it's stuff I have been trying to ignore for a long time and I am facing up to it now and dealing with it. 

On a happier note, we are having my graduation party this weekend. I'm quietly excited. I'm happy I've got my BA, but mostly, I am just happy that my friends are coming over to celebrate with me. Amanda's been planning it and has been pretty secretive about it, so I don't know whether or not to be super excited or kind of nervous. The good news is that this is her birthday month, so I get to plan her party.