Friday, January 29, 2016

Becoming social creatures, Merlin, the house and funky tap water.

I've always wanted to watch Merlin but never seemed to get around to it. My friend Chris decided that I needed to see it and I thought, why not. I am hooked. Its not just that the show fun, its that it's inspiring me to work on a story of mine that's been in the works for a couple of years. So, while I have had several days of relentless pain and really lacked the ability to focus on school work, I've more or less been binge watching it. 

Speaking of pain. I've been having a lot of issues lately. I count the fact that I don't have my fibromyalgia medicine as part of the problem. I also attribute it to the fact that I am just plain worn out. Amanda and I have both been going like little energizer bunnies for the last couple of months and its finally truly caught up with us. We are tired and we are getting sick. Amanda has actually had some trouble with her voice- she has vocal nodes that get aggravated from time to time. I've been coughing and have had a few fevers. So while I do have a break week from school, I am going to keep it as low key as possible and rest. There are some books I want to get read before I start the next term and most importantly, I desperately need to set up my writing schedule. Which means that I am going to have several hours every day in which no one will be able to get a hold of me. I'll be shutting the world out, so to speak. 

All of that said, we are becoming social creatures. It's kind of exhausting but really fun too. As introverted as I am, as much as I need time to recharge, I am truly enjoying spending time with my Spokane friends. I do miss my morning coffee with Felicia and hanging out with her and kids every day though, really miss it. But there is exciting news on that front, they stopped by for a short visit this morning. So I got to have some short lived girl time with Felicia and see the boys and Felicia is pregnant again!!! I am so excited for her. She's a little thrown off kilter, because she and her husband were trying to be super careful and there is so much going on in their lives right now. But I know once she has a minute to really process everything, she's going to be ecstatic. 

Back to spending time with Spokane friends. We've been doing a lot with the IEPG and I've made some new friends. There are a couple who have managed to spark Amanda's interest in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism). I used to be in it, before I went to college and I've always wanted to go back. So we might give it a go and see how it works out for us. Needless to say we will be that much more busy and will have to juggle spending time with friends even more so. One thing Amanda and I decided was that we are going to guard our personal time as well as our time together. So unless its an emergency, if we have time for us set aside, we won't be altering that. 

My refrigerator sounds like a monster sometimes. Its very strange and I am thinking about asking maintenance about it. My washer is a small front loader and if I accidentally overload it, it rattles and shakes. My dishwasher is a bit loud too and my bathroom fan sounds like it is ready to fly off when you turn it off. The house also isn't completely put together. We are still unpacking things slowly. We are going to two pantry's. One for food for the kitchen, and the other will hold my craft supplies and probably be in the bedroom. There are several things I need to come up with or do to help with storage and to be more organized. But we will get there in time. For now, I am taking it easy and slow today. I am to go over and help my friend Chris out and we're going to work on our workshop together and Amanda will catch up to us for dinner. But other than that, I'm a couch potato.

Lastly, my tap water gives me heartburn. Chris has the same problem. She fixed it by getting a filter for her faucet. I think Amanda and I will be doing the same.        

Thursday, January 14, 2016

This is a really sad week

People die every day. I get that and I've certainly lost a lot of people in my family, friends of family, and even friends from high school. I've lost people who meant a lot to me and made a serious impact on my life if not a few others. So, I get it and understand it's a natural course of life. It still sucks. 

This week the world lost one of its talented musicians, David Bowie. I don't own every record and I wasn't a huge mega fan, but I had my favorites and kind of grew up listening to him. Amanda on the other hand has almost every single album of his, including covers other people have done. He influenced her, was a part of her life through music. He brought her happiness through song and even through the films he was in. 

As much as I liked Bowie, Alan Rickman had a slightly larger impact on me. Growing up he was my favorite Villain in Die Hard. My parents watched that one a lot, right along with Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I loved him in Galaxy Quest and Harry Potter and many more roles. He made me fall in love with his character in Sense and Sensibility and I envied Maryanne His voice was different and had a tone that I simply loved. He was a wonderful actor and I loved seeing him in films.

Both of these iconic men died from cancer. I fucking hate cancer. I've seen what it does to people first hand, my Great Aunt fought, suffered, and died from breast cancer. What I want to know is, if we have all this technology, all this medicine, why can't we find a cure for cancer? Why are we spending more time watching the Trump/Bernie/Hillary show, blowing people up, tearing others down, fighting over women's reproductive organs, who can marry who, and whether or not to let refugees into the country when we could devote that energy to something worth while?  

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Stress, depression, and anger sitting in the dark

I found this on my facebook feed. I think I need to print it, frame it, and hang it on my wall. I have been too stressed lately. I have also been depressed- but then again I always am and accept that, but worse, I have been angry.  I get angry that I am angry because the things I am angry about are so pointless or completely helpless- as in it doesn't matter what I do about it, it will end badly so why even try to fix it. Then that supposed to be wonderful phrase of "setting your boundaries" echos in my head and grrrrr, I just don't even want to get into it. Then I get depressed because I am so sad that I allowed myself to get angry or upset in the first place or even that I got stressed out and boy am I stressed out. I know that we humans live with at least a marginal amount of stress, that's life, but I swear if it isn't one thing its another. And it all cycles.

Amanda's driver's side car door is broken again. The tires still need to be replaced. The heat in my jeep is still broken, but hey, we managed to get new windshield wipers! Woo Hoo! 
Both cars have gas and are running, so that is something to celebrate. 

I am frustrated with several of my friends and no, I don't want to talk or even vent about it.

I've decided after years of saying that I was going to do it, that I am going to make a sign to hang outside my front door that pretty much says "don't talk about politics, religion, social issues or trigger warnings in this house unless invited to do so. This is the neutral zone and if you are too delicate or fragile for that, get lost". Or something to that effect. I am tired of it. I am tired of people thinking they need to police other people or that people shouldn't have this or that. This is my house and I refuse to be lectured, told what's right and wrong, or "reeducated" within it. I know it's all passive aggressive, but damn it, I fucking hate confrontation. A sign, you don't need to say a thing. Of course that is part of my problem, I am too polite and too nice to call people out on their bullshit or tell them when they are being offensive. 

The good news is that I have enrolled in health care. I am waiting on my cards to arrive in the mail so I can start looking for doctors and setting up appointments. I'm going to have to find a therapist and break them in. 

I need some time to myself. I do get some but I would like time where I don't have to worry about homework. Speaking of, I'm going to fail formal logic. I haven't failed a class in a long time and I just don't care. I can't find a tutor at the school- at least one isn't listed for that class. I e-mailed my adviser and that's really my last shot. Otherwise, fuck it. It really isn't the end of the world, but it certainly doesn't feel good. 

Another thing that doesn't feel good is the fact that I an feel myself inching closer to a breakdown. I don't want that. 

Back to needing some time to myself. I need a couple of days to just read, meditate, and relax without someone asking me for something or wanting to come over to my house. I was told that there is a lot of good energy in my house and I'd like to keep it that way. So, I may devote this weekend- after I get done with IEPG stuff, to homework, working ahead, to buy myself a couple of days of rest. It's so weird but I feel drained by people who aren't even here.

Oh well. I am going to make a yummy dinner and fresh pot of coffee for Amanda. We are going to a World Religion Celebration or some such with PFLAG tonight. Apparently they asked someone from our IEPG group to speak and since Amanda and I are the resident lesbian couple in the IEPG, that someone thought we should attend and answer any questions. I also need to make myself look presentable. I might feel better with pretty hair and make up.

Monday, January 4, 2016

A little bout of insomnia, Xmas/Yule update, Homework, and my apartment smells weird.

I have been having trouble sleeping the last couple of days. Tonight, well it's now morning, I haven't slept a wink. I tried. I tried a couple of tricks that usually work for me to no avail. So I decided that laying in bed was useless and got up to get something accomplished. Said accomplishments were looking up some recipes, making a meal plan for the next two weeks, and compiling a grocery list. We're going to have lots of veggies and protein. I need to bring some more fruit into the mix. At the moment we have Kiwi and a couple of oranges that need to be eaten. 

Yule went very well. I went to a Yule party at a friend's house and gave myself a beer bath twice. Our friends are Heathen and brew their own Mead and Beer. I got to try three different types of their beer and at least one type of their Mead. The reason I gave myself a beer bath was because we all drank out of a very large drinking horn while standing around a fire chatting and toasting the Gods and Wights. It was wonderful and we've been invited back for next year. 

Christmas went well too. I made a big dinner, like my Grandma makes. Amanda's parent's came and it was a nice, quiet day. My first turkey fell off the bone. We shredded and froze what was left and I have been using a little bit here and there for sandwiches and turkey enchilada casserole. 

I got a week off from school, which I really needed. Amanda and I have been going non-stop for so long that I can't remember a time when we weren't very busy. Between school, IEPG obligations, being exhausted, and moving/unpacking, we've hardly had time to ourselves. I sat down to do my homework this weekend, basically telling everyone who comes to visit us that we were unavailable for a few days. My cultural anthropology class is going very well but formal logic has my head spinning with the various abbreviations and symbols. I feel a bit lost with it and need to see if there is a tutor available. Part of me just wants to say fuck it, the stress and time wasted on it isn't worth it, plan to fail the class, and take something else to make up the credits later. I haven't decided what I am going to do yet. 

I am happy to be in my own home, the happiest I have been in a long time. However, Amanda and I are a bit frustrated. We have so many books, a library so to speak and while we are going through some books and getting rid of some, we are keeping a lot. We have four five shelf bookcases in the spare room and think we need four more. We also have a 9 cube bookcase in the living room with all of our pagan related books. Amanda has a lot of things from her childhood that she is going through, and will be going through and getting rid of some things as well. We just don't need everything we have and have out grown a lot.

I would post pictures of the apartment but it is a mess. Felicia, our old neighbor, brought the rest of our stuff from Amanda;s parents house and we have yet to find places for all of it. With Amanda working full time and me in school, it's going to be a little longer before we get it all put away and gone through. It is a bit depressing. It feels like home and yet it doesn't because it is not settled... if that makes sense. We still have some furniture to buy too.

Good news! We found a set of kitchen chairs. Four of them for 30 dollars and even a chair for 10 dollars that Amanda is using as her writing chair. 

Bad news, I am overly exhausted and just want a day to sleep, or in the very least, lay on the sofa and read or watch movies or something.

Happy news, I found some interesting tea at a local grocery chain. It's tea with saffron in it. There is a variety, which is nice and while I haven't tried them yet, I am excited for when I do. I did pick up a goji berry tea as well. 

My apartment smells weird. I have a scented wax burner that I use pretty much every moment that I am awake, but it doesn't seem to do what I want. That and the bathroom oil diffuser air freshener kind of overpowers everything. I need something milder in that room. 

Well that's all for now. I need to get Amanda up and moving for work. 
Happy New Year to everyone!!!