Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Last night was the 2010 Winter Solstice Lunar Eclipse. For those who missed out due to weather or being in a part of the world that you couldn't see it, there's a picture but you've probably seen it plastered all over the web. I was one of those who were able to see it happening despite a little bit of could cover and a neighborhood orange tabby driving my parent's dog batty by just being on the patio. Maybe it's geek or nerdy of me but IT WAS SO COOL! Mankind hasn't seen a Lunar Eclipse on the winter solstice since 1639 AD and I got to see it! There was also a meteor shower happening at the same time and I got to see one meteor zip through the sky and didn't have to drive out into the country.
Speaking of Eclipse, I saw the movie, you know the one in the Twilight series everyone is just raging about. Now I've enjoyed the first two movies, they're not my favorite movies of all time, but I liked them for what they were. But Eclipse left me wanting and saying "That's it"? I felt like there wasn't much progression in the story line. However, I did like the black stories of Rosalie and Jasper. No, I haven't read the books, I don't know if the books are better than the movies and I don't care to know. I tried to read Twilight and couldn't get through the first page. I just didn't like the writing and maybe that has something to do with the fact that one of my friends was shoving the book down my throat every time I turned around and maybe not. All I know is, I just didn't like it.
I've been a little disenchanted with things lately; mostly in the people to whom I am related to. I am sad to say that my Grandmother is the one who gets hurt the most in the end no matter which way you cut it. My father's sister seems to think that she and her family know everything, are right about everything, and in being all knowing, having better jobs, are perfect and can be as condescending and haughty as they like and everyone else is just supposed to take the abuse and eat it all up with a smile.
Wrong, I don't care how great you think you are having a 12 year old son rub in his cousin's face that they are poor, throw a fit because a dog barked at him, and crawl into mommy's lap and hit her because he's not getting what he wants is down right disgusting. Having a 21 year old daughter who only takes an interest in her family so she looks good to grandma and then blowing said family off is disgusting. Ignoring your 83 year old mother who just wants to talk to you and not returning her calls for up to three weeks at a time is appalling, and telling me in the middle of Dairy Queen that my mother who is on pain management and only taking what she is prescribed, a junkie, is not only rude but inconsiderate. Trashing your brother at family holidays because he had different political opinions is just wrong. And then treating the rest of the family with such utter blatant disrespect and belittling the accomplishments of those who are trying to scrape by makes me wonder if you're even human.
Therefore, my parents and I will not be attending family Christmas at Grandma's this year and most likely ever again or any family holiday to which my father's sister and her family will be in attendance. We're tired of it and we're tried of keeping our mouths shut and taking verbal abuse just to keep the peace for Grandma's sake. We are the ones who take care of Grandma and Grandpa, we are the ones who actually care about them, and we are the ones who appreciate them and what they do and respect them, love them, and WANT to spend time with them because we love them not out of obligation. And in the end because my father's sister and her family have made it unbearable and pushed too far, it's Grandma who gets hurt because her family is falling apart in the twilight of her life and there is nothing she can do to fix it and she's understanding and kind enough not to ask us to grin and bear it.
There were of course many more things that have happened or have been said over the years that I have left out. Needless to say, I find myself in states of utter shock often when around that part of the family. They make me want to scream and strangle because I just can't believe that people would treat their only blood in such a manner but yet they do. The only good that can come out of watching how they behave and act, how they treat me and my parents is that they are good fodder for writing. I suppose I could say I am taking the stance Chaucer did in A Kinght's Tale and say "I was naked for a day, you will be naked for eternity".
On a more pleasant note, my father has last week off so I monopolized his evenings to play Guild Wars with him. I wanted to help him get through some missions and I enjoy gaming with him. It's father daughter time that's just as good as going for a drive and having long conversations. But then again we talk while playing too. It's just fun.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Meet Yoda. He's my best friend, confidant, and for lack of a better term, my familiar. He waits for me to come home, has to sleep on me or my pillow at night, and insists on sitting next to me or on the minute I sit down. In fact, the fluffy fur ball is sitting beside me this very minute.
Earlier while blogging I felt the on set of a migraine coming and but wasn't fast enough to the medicine before it kicked into full bloom. So I had to take two and Amanda tucked me in on the sofa, put in a movie for me, and there Yoda was, waiting to jump up and plop right on my hip. He was nice enough to wait until I was comfortable and then jump and plop! Now this cat weighs about 20-25 pounds and he likes to put most of his weight on one paw so there was a moment or two of groaning.
But as per usual when I have to take two of my migraine meds I conked out pretty quick.
When I awoke, I had a cat hat. Yoda loves to curl around my head, laying half on, half off. But there's only so much room on the sofa and so he was kind of wiggled his way and now I have a crick in my neck. *sigh* Even in my sleep I spoil the bastard.
Last Friday wasn't one of my happiest days but after blogging and finding the rum that I've been hoarding for a cousin (so other people wouldn't drink it), I had a blast! Three rum and cokes and the new Star Trek plus IM chatting with a friend and I came up will all sorts of interesting things. For instance, a hooker shouldn't jump on a car wearing stilettos because the heels will go right through the metal and they'll fall off and break their shoes. Don't ask, I don't know.
And apparently even when drunk I am full of useless information. Poor Bethy was subjected to my knowledge of how Gene Roddenberry also created Earth Final Conflict and Andromeda and some things about each of those shows. I think she forgives me... At least I hope she does.
Also that evening Amanda had to chase me around the apartment to get me to drink water. Apparently I was giggling about it and giving her a hell of a time.
Saturday Amanda and I went to my parents house to do our laundry and to have my Dad look at my car. We ended up having to buy a new radiator which brings me to Sunday where I went to Grandma Diane's and my cousin Tony took out the old and out in the new radiator for a 12 pack of beer. He had it done in time for Amanda to go to work. So I spent the rest of the day with Tony, Sheena, and Tony's GF Jayma, at my aunt Laura's house. We played Rummy and 'shot the shit' as Tony calls it while watching Tony get drunk and the proceeded to tease him.
Sunday night I returned to my parents house to get my laundry and spend time with my mom. Spending time with my mom is rather difficult because no matter how many times I tell her it's hard on my back to sit or lay on her bed, she doesn't ever want to leave her room. She refuses to come downstairs where I can sit comfortably and after this last visit, either she comes down into the living room or she gets over me not spending time with her. I am not spending the rest of the day and the next day with back pain so bad I can't sit, stand, or lay down.
Anyway I was informed that I needed to shoot a message on facebook to my Dad's sister and let her know that we will not be attending the family xmas at Grandma's and for her family not to buy anything for us for xmas. I explained that none of us have the money to afford gifts and I have a transportation problem since Amanda has to work on xmas. She sent a message back asking why we weren't going to be there and then sent another saying that she would come pick me up for dinner. I don't think so.
I left out of the message half of the reason why we will not be attending. One of those reasons being that she and her husband have and still continue to use every opportunity to insult my parents. They have more money, have better political views, have better jobs ect... so they are right and everyone else is wrong and beneath them. while I am sick and tired of them treating my parents like crap the reason I am not going is because I am tired of how her kids treat me. Her son asked me at Thanksgiving if I had seen the new Harry Potter movie and when I said I hadn't, he said "Oh I forgot, you're poor, it's okay,". HOW the hell is rubbing in someone's face that they are poor ever okay? It's not, its rude and no matter how true, hurtful.
Further more the little shit got scared of my dad's dog barking at him and decided that he hated the dog and wanted it outside. Um Kali is a mini dachshund and its winter, she can't stay outside but does a selfish, self centered, bratty 12 year old who gets everything he wants care? Nope. That wasn't the end of his terrible behaviors for the evening and the fact that my aunt lets him get away with all of it is shocking. If I did half the crap he does, I would have been dead at 4.
So now I have to send a reply message to my aunt telling her that I respectfully decline the offer of her coming to pick me up and leave it at that. I mean it's not like they really want me there except to remind me of how poor I am or how much my parents suck and I would have a much better xmas if I just avoided that altogether.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Woke up, got into a fight with Amanda. Managed to get out of the house and to the bank in time to get rent paid. As I pulled up to pay rent my Jeep started smoking. I thought oh shit! Got out and it was spraying brown mucky antifreeze through the grill and down from inside the front. We just paid over 1,000 dollars to get the damned thing running and put a sealant in to hold the crack in the radiator until I could afford to get the stupid thing replaced! AND Amanda's car is in the shop and needs to be paid for but we haven't gotten it registered here yet.
On top of all of that I can't get my bathroom to look clean not matter how much I clean it. There's been so many slap happy paint jobs done in there, half assed caulking that's cracking, and no matter how hard a scrub I can't get the dirt look out of the tub. I'm going to have scrape the tile, re-caulk everything, and bleach the grout and tub!
So that mess cleaned up and the cat vomit I nearly stepped in cleaned up and I turn around and find cat shit right in the middle of the living room. I swear if it isn't one things its another!
Tomorrow I was going to spend the day at my parents house catching up on all the laundry and now I'm going to have to do that plus scramble around trying to get my car fixed and beg my mom for something cleaning supplies so I can scrub my carpet of the cat vomit stains.
So much for spending a relaxing day hanging out with my parents and getting to tell them any exciting news. They'll be so pissed about the car and having to pick me up and drive me around that they won't even care.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Last night, for the life of me, I couldn’t get anything written except a measly blog post. I even tried to write an rp post for Amanda and just couldn’t do it. So I gathered all my flash drives and went about looking for something to catch my attention. I ended up stumbling across a few story ideas from a couple of years ago that I had forgotten about. One of which was a story about a Mage and the nine pages I have written were enough to make me go ‘Uh, where’s the rest?’ and ‘This is actually really cool, where was I going to go with this’?
At this point in time the Mage’s name is Amara and the story opens up on the field of battle and she’s pinned to the ground by one of the enemy. On one hand she thinks its befitting that this person in particular is the one who will kill her and she’s going to accept death at his hands. However, the one thing she wants most in life is to live so there’s this little moment of struggle…
And that’s all I’m going to say. I don’t want to give it all away since I am really thinking of picking it up again and seeing what I can do with it. But the above picture is as close as I could come to what Amara looks like. She wouldn’t wear her hair pinned like that and the armor definitely wouldn’t be the same, but that’s roughly the same build and pretty close to what she’d look like facially, at least what I can remember of her. The picture is actually a screen shot taken of my Guildwars character, Heidi Von Nacht.
Anyway, aside from Amara, I ran across one about a little fox, a few fan fictions I had started, and a couple of old novels, I’d started and set aside for one reason or another. I don’t know if I will pick some of the novels back up or if they need to simmer on the back burner longer, but it was fun going back to look at stuff I’d written a few years ago none the less. It made me remember that once upon a time, I’d wanted to be a fantasy author…
So, I spent the evening reading, reminiscing, and I think that finally, today, I can actually write again. I hope.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I’ve quite literally been up a mere hour and half today and for the first time in very long time, I am bored. Typically I have a book(s) to read, housework to do, dinner to make, job search engines to peruse, and a story to work on. However, I just don’t feel like doing any of that today or much of anything else. I don’t know whether or not it’s a combination of crappy Thanksgiving at Grandma’s (due to certain family members, that’s a whole other blog post) and the aftermath of NaNoWriMo or if I just feel inexplicably lazy today.
I’m sure some of it is partly the waning excitement of winning NaNoWriMo this year. It is one of the first big writing accomplishments I’ve had in a long time and I wrote pretty much nonstop the whole month. Of course after the 50,000 was reached I kept writing but not as hardcore and opted to focus on a few other things like Castiel in Supernatural. And, story wise, I’m at the ‘big scene’ or climax as technical people call it, so it should be super easy right? I’ve only been gearing up for this scene the whole story and here I am and I don’t feel like writing it or maybe I’m too scared to see how it ends…
Recently my Dad started reading the Drizzt books of the Forgotten Realms series. I told him I really enjoyed the first book and most of the second but I can’t finish the second book because one of my favorite characters will die. (Thank you Lucas for spoiling it for me) I told him I just couldn’t read beyond that point because I didn’t want the character to die and we decided that if I didn’t read beyond that point then the character, for me at least, is still living. I think that’s partly what’s going on with the end of my NaNoWriMo novel. I don’t want it to end.
But I don’t think that’s the only reason either. I think I’m also not happy with this book. I wrote it fast, it’s not even 200 pages and I’m already at the big showdown, I haven’t done any real editing, and the story seems… well, like a lot of what’s out on the market, which equals mediocre. I really really hate that.
On one hand picking up a novel and reading the work of someone I can’t believe even got published is a little comforting and I’m not saying that to be mean or elevate my own writing as something grandiose or spectacular, I’m just saying that some of what is out on the market is not good writing at all. So with that said I feel like I might have a snowball’s chance at actually getting published. Of course I could pay someone to publish my work but that’s Vanity publishing and I feel like that’s cheating.
Am I a good writer? Spelling and grammar aside, I’d like to think I’m at least decent and getting better. And I’m not looking to write some Nobel Peace Prize winning book or some ground breaking piece that takes the world by storm. I’m only writing Paranormal Romance but I would at least like to reach a best seller status amidst that realm.
But the day before yesterday, yesterday, and even today, I just can’t seem to get the mojo flowing. It’s not that it’s not there. I’ve got dialogue running through my head for this novel and plot ideas dancing this way and that for another story in the midst of creation all the while I’m still flip flopping ideas on how to fix some things in another story, but nothing’s doing what it’s supposed to. Except that now it sort of is. Weird, I had to write a blog post to get my brain working and make me remember that I have research to do. *head desk*