Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Haunted Humpday?

I've decided, because it looks like fun, to join in on Haunted Humpday. I'm still not 100% on all the details but that could just be me over complicating it. So, what is it? It appears to be a blog party type of thing wherein you post crafts, food and recipes, books and media (movies, tv shows, music), and anything else Halloween, spooky, or even maybe paranormal themed on Wednesdays. I learned about it from a blogger friend, Ms Misantropia who links it to Marfi (Insipient Wings), who I believe is hosting this event. 

Between being busy, having the new term of school start up, and not feeling well, I haven't been out to the garage to dig out my Halloween/autumn boxes. I also haven't made any cards or started any crafts although I did think about making a fall quilt or afghan. but since I haven't done any of that, my selections for this week's post will simply be some books and a little bit about the new Paranormal group I have had the privilege of joining.   

Spokane Paranormal Observation Team (S.P.O.T)

The Spokane Paranormal Observation Team aka S.P.O.T started up this year and had it's first official investigation in Spokane's Minniehaha Park. Skoora and I were fortunate enough to have been invited by the group's leader, Scott. We walked through the park, taking pictures, and although there were a lot of little bugs flying through the air, we did manage to get a lot of orbs and Scott and his lovely wife caught a figure the day before when doing their base line readings. Also, Scott became ill when we passed through the two stone pillars that we believe was once a gate. The further we went beyond that, the more sick he felt. When we passed back through, he began to feel better. Do I think the park is haunted? I think so and I would love to go back to gather more findings to prove it. 
Our next investigation is said to be at A Thousand Steps, a location that if I remember correctly, is in one of the Spokane's Cemeteries. 

I just finished this book, First Drop of Crimson, by Jeaniene Frost, Monday night. It the 1st book in the spin offs of her Night Huntress novels. It's about a Master Vampire (Spade) who comes to the aid of a human woman. Normally he wouldn't bother with humans (there's a good reason for it), but this one is a friend of some friends of his. The woman in question just wants her problem to go away and to get away from the dark and scary world of vampires, demons, and ghouls. It was a really good book and I really fell in love with the Master Vampire. Part of me feels like I didn't do the book justice in giving you a teaser, but I don't want to spoil too much. Just know there is action, blood, vampires, demons, ghouls, love, sex, am masquerade party, and it's just really good go read it. Now.   

Eternal Kiss of Darkness, also by Jeaniene Frost is the second book for my Haunted Humpday selection this week. Since it's a library book and almost due to go back, I began reading it yesterday afternoon. So far it's is really interesting. A Mega-Master Vampire is "saved" from ghouls by a human woman who is a private investigator as she happens by a warehouse and hears his screams. Only he didn't really need help and he soon learns that some of his powers don't work on her.   

Well, that's all for this week. Maybe next week I will have something crafty!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

It's a week off with tangled yarn in the literal and non literal sense. Some more annoying self reflection.

Mirror Mask by InertiaK on Deviantart
 This is my week off, the week between last term and the upcoming term. I was excited for it, needed it, and had so many plans- most of which I knew I wasn't going to get to or accomplish but it was nice to think, hey I will actually have a little time to do this or that. 

I have managed to work on an afghan until the yarn became too tangled for me to deal with where I was at the time and also I was nearing the end of that scane. So, having other scanes for another afghan project, I had a friend show me how to start that project and have been working on it here and there. So that is at least one craft project in the works. 

Another was to find a picture in the pose I want for a painting of Freyja, the Norse Goddess, that I want to do. I found what I want and also some clothing ideas, some kitty pics and so forth for reference. All of that has been printed out and slipped into a safe place to start that work as soon as I am ready. Of course that's the easy part. And if I ever get it done, I will be sure t post pictures. I don't really see myself as some great or amazing artist, but color, I can do color fairly well. 

The third craft project I started was finding some embroidery patterns to transfer to a set of dish towels. Once again, I have found what I want, printed them out, and they are ready to go for later. but the last project I wanted to work on was that sort of scrap book for my Grandparents. I have decided that I need some more pictures of them or I am going to have to cut down on the pages, but that kind of defeats that purpose. So I have to have my Grandma and my Dad get their butts in gear so I can get this finished. 

Now today, I have decided to devote the day to writing blog posts for m Witchy blog and maybe some for the craft blog. I have been so behind on both

Some little big things have been happening. To some they would be little whereas for me they are big. I have been so focused on moving back to Kansas for the last three years. I wasn't ready to move away when we did, and for the most part I have been miserable here. There are a lot of reasons big and small, one of the main ones is that we have been living with Skoora's parents for the last three years. Still, things began to lighten this last February and were sort of getting better, a little easier in some ways per se. And then I lost Yoda-Chan and my whole world came crashing down around me. I haven't exactly been alright since then. Everything that I had been working to just ignore, to stop being angry or sad over, all the little and big things that have been bothering me over the last three years have really come raring up in my face. I'm not happy about this or the panic attacks, how overwhelmed I get, or all the damned frustration. On top of that I have had a whole new set of problems to stress over. 

Around February I started going to events and get together's with the Inland Empire Pagan Guild. It's kind of become a second home for me. It's really the first place in a very long time that I actually fit in and pretty much fit in with everyone. This is my village per se and I am learning a lot from them. So much so that, along with the physical landscape (mountains, lakes, and forests) I am really drawn to be here. Don't get me wrong, I love the Plains of Kansas and I love my family and miss them more than I could ever put into words except maybe that it hurts to be so far away from them. I'm a 30 year old woman who still wants/needs hugs from Mom, Dad, Grandma and Grandpa. But I don't think I am going to be moving back home. I think the reality is that while there are several colleges in Wichita, Ks, that Skoora can apply for, there are only openings at the few colleges near by in Washington State. 

So, the other day Skoora and I curled up on the bed together and, for fun, looked at houses in the Spokane, WA area. We found a couple, there is one I really want and the only thing I don't like is the kitchen. It's stupid, no really it truly is. The other two houses were built around 1910 and are lovely- no air conditioning but we could get a window unit. The reality of that however is that we can't even begin to afford a house no matter how much we want one. That's just something we will need to save up for, after we get things paid off. 

We have been looking at apartments instead. Our criteria has been: Pets allowed (that's a big one since we have two cats- Ellie is Skoora's parent's cat), dishwasher (I really don't mind doing dishes but it kills my back), a washer and dryer or at least hookups for them (we aren't doing the laundry mat thing again), and lastly enough space to actually be able to move. Some places are outrageous in their pricing. A lot of places don't allow pets. But there have been some that we are going to go look at that have all of those things. I just figure that we will take a day when Skoora has a day off and maybe there's something going on with the IEPG so we can kill two birds with one stone so to speak, to check some of them out. 

But what is scary about all of this is what when I was looking at houses and apartments in Spokane Vs Wichita, I was kind of excited about Spokane and I didn't feel any excitement for the Wichita apartments. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that there's a lot of extended family problems I have to deal with back home. I have an aunt and two cousins I would see nearly all the time that I just no longer have the patience to deal with their bullshit. I have an aunt, uncle, and cousins on the other side of the family who I just wont even speak to anymore because of how appallingly they have treated my parents and even me on occasion. Not to mention how much their self importance upsets my Grandma. I also have to hide two very important things about myself from my Grandparents. A, that I am in a relationship with a woman (Grandma is a very conservative christian). We are pretty sure she knows or suspects but it's something we just don't talk about. B, that I'm no longer and have been a christian for a very long time. She would think she'd done something wrong, that she didn't have me over for enough church events and so forth. But it wasn't her at all. It's just not the right religion for me. Thankfully the cousin I do care about, Shi-chan (We are seven months apart and grew up more like sisters) and my parents don't care about these things and are very supportive. I also have two friend back in Wichita who are supportive and caring too. Honestly, I wish I could win the lottery and set all of us up in houses, working vehicles (because in America we don't really have trains like in Europe- Some of the bigger cities have subways and such around the coasts), and pay off all our damned bills. But that's just a dream and not likely to happen. 

Lastly, because this is turning into a much longer blog than I wanted, I realized that I forgot to take my meds before I left the house, and I need to get home to make something for lunch before I get sick, I had a bad night last night. I didn't have nightmares or anything like that. I don't even really remember my dreams. I know I had some, I have the feeling like I did, but I can't remember them. no, the problem was waking up in the middle of the night with a horrible migraine. I thought I was going to be sick it was so awful. I had to get up, find some ibuprofen, get a wet washcloth, and then climb back into bed and lie really still. It worked but I over slept this morning so I feel as if it should be noon instead of 2 in the afternoon. I'm still not feeling so well today. I'm sluggish but I've since learned that the sluggishness is from anemia. I ave also been having problems with my back again. 

Oh one last thing I promise. I am trying to find some very very part time work in the mornings. Quite frankly it terrifies me. I haven't worked in 4 years. I will never count the two days of bullshit training I had from PTI before they decided they didn't want Skoora and I. We apparently couldn't work enough, which I think is bullshit because they knew we would only be available for two days a week. ugh! Anyway, so, I have to try and find something that won't kill me physically and won't be so stressful (like a call center) that I am taking xanax just to get through work. 

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Street Fairs, Pretty Rocks, hematocrit is a bitch, and a week absent homework.

Let's start with hematocrit, since that seems to be the current health issue. I've been trying to donate plasma because, well I get paid for it. But I haven't been able to because my hematocrit has been too low. Basically that means that I am anemic. So I have been eating as much protein and other Iron rich foods as I can, where and when I can and also take an Iron supplement along with a daily vitamin. It's still not enough to really raise my number enough to donate which is frustrating because we could certainly use the extra income.

Next, I am looking forward to this coming week. I have week's break between terms and can finally do all the, well some of the things I've wanted to do but felt too guilty because I had homework and all that other depressing stuff going on. I have a couple of craft projects I want to do and some books I want to read, some crocheting that needs to be done.

I've had a friend up to visit for the last week and it's been nice having her, but I have to take her home tomorrow. Still, she and I went to the Garland Street Fair in Spokane, WA today. We mostly hung out at the IEPG booth and I had really wanted to help with set up or tear down but with taking and picking Skoora up fro work, that didn't really happen. I had also wanted to be more helpful when people came to ask about the Guild but I kind of clammed up and could quite bring myself to do so. But I did have a good time chatting with everyone. We also spent some time exploring the street fair. I ended up coming home with a book and some gemstones. I bought a Rainbow Fluorite stone that I can make a necklace out of, which is something I have been wanting to do but could never find a stone affordable enough to do so. I did today! I am also worn out and sore from all the walking and the mild sunburn I received. I didn't think about sunscreen because I thought I would spend most of my time under the pavilion, which I did, but with me it really doesn't take much for me to burn and I did okay for the most part, I didn't break out in hives. I did, however, get kind of dizzy, even when sitting down. It was probably because it's still a bit hot here. 85 degrees even with a breeze in the shade is hot to me.

There is probably much more that I wanted to write about but I am tired and sore. Oh and Narcisa just left the bedroom so I have a few minutes to crochet before I am simply too tired or my back tells me it's time to lie down.   

Monday, August 11, 2014

It is done but not quite over....

Skoora said this picture was me
Yesterday, after procrastinating to the last day, I finally sat down and wrote my WW2 paper. I did not do it alone, I wrote it with Captain Morgan (spiced Rum in RC- since we didn't have coke) and dark instrumental music playing in the background. And after ten hours with breaks only for the bathroom and to eat lunch and dinner, I managed to write, do a read through, and edit my paper. Without giving it another look through I quickly turned it in- it was about 20 minutes late after all- on the school website, posted it to the discussion forum, and did two quick replies to last week's discussion topic.

Whew! It's done, but the class isn't quite over. I still have to read a fellow classmate's paper, read this week's reading, and do a discussion board posts for both of those and I think that's it. But it is still a lot of reading that I don't particularly want to do.  The upside is that I will get a one week break before the next term starts up! I am looking forward to it. There are so many things I want to do. I would like to dig out the autumn/Halloween stuff from the garage, go through it, and start decorating. I want to work on my afghan, get some embroidery projects started, do a couple of art projects (I have been itching to paint and have three large blank canvases just sitting in my bedroom), maybe take a day and make up some Halloween cards to send out. Oh and I really need to finish making that special photo book for my Grandparents. I would also like to read and do some writing. I have several books that I've borrowed from the library and I would love to read them! As far as writing, I really need to update my pagan blog, I am so behind in posting there. But most importantly, I need to jump back into the Witch story I started not so long ago.  

I know I won't get to all of it, or even get all of it done, but just finishing a couple of things, starting others, and or moving the ball along on the rest would be really great. I sort of put all my fun art and craft projects on hold because I felt guilty over them. I decided that I couldn't do them while I had homework that needed to be done, but I didn't want to do my homework, so I ended up pushing everything off. Of course losing my best friend/familiar (Yoda-chan) didn't help anything. Nor did getting a very rambunctious kitten (Narcisa) and she gets into everything! Did I mention that she woke me up the other morning by pouncing on my ass? Little sharp kitten claws are not a pleasant wake up call.

Speaking of cats and losing them, I crumbled into a sobbing mess on Saturday after going to the community barbecue with the IEPG group. What started as me telling Skoora- on our drive home no less- that it hurts to be torn in two over whether or not we should move back to Kansas or make the move over to Spokane, WA, escalated into me breaking down completely once we finally got home and were behind the closed door of our bedroom. I hold so much in much of the time that when it finally comes flooding out, it's almost like a tsunami of emotion. I cried over the loss of my Yoda, the loss of such a close and dear relationship, over how much I still need my cat and that friendship and connection we developed over so many years. I cried over the fact that I don't really have that with Galen because he is such a strange kitty and so bitchy all the time and doesn't really like to be held or even petted most of the time. Narcisa is so young and we've had her maybe three weeks, we haven't had time to develop a relationship. It's really not fair to ask a baby kitten to fill the shoes of a kitty she never met when all she wants to do is play and be a kitten. Eventually she will settle down and she really does make me happy- I would never ever return an animal I adopted- I love to play with her.

But I also cried over the fact that yes, it physically hurt being so torn as to what to do. My parents just want me to be happy. People who I've briefly mentioned moving back to Kansas say I should do what's best for me. Friends back home want me in Kansas and friends here want me to stay, some even want Skoora and I to move in with them. But then there is my 86 year old Grandpa who has Alzheimer's who told my mom that I am his favorite Granddaughter and if and Grandma sent me the money, would I move back home? My Grandma who is also 86, is really beginning to fall apart physically and she, too, would like me to move home. I know both my parents would like me to move back and my cousin Shi-chan is almost desperate for me to come home. I don't want to have regrets or disappoint any of them. I want to spend as much time as I can with my family, well, those that I still speak to (there are very good reasons I don't speak to several) anyway. And yet at the same time, I love the friends I have made up here. I really enjoy and love learning from the people in the IEPG and some of those new friends within the group had made Skoora and I family. I also love the landscape and weather (minus the hot summer, but I never liked summer).

But it is more than that and has to do with finances and such and all of it is harrowing and so upsetting. I would really like to talk to someone about it who is outside the issue. I might talk with someone from the IEPG tonight at the Full moon ritual. Or I might wait and talk to them online. I'm not sure and I hate to bother someone with this stuff. That's another problem, even when we could afford therapy, I felt guilty venting to my therapist because I didn't want to bother her about all my dumb problems. I know, I don't really make much sense.    

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Egg Rolls, little scratches, OCD, Lana Del Rey, and books...

 Some time ago I heard "Dark Paradise" by Lana Del Rey, in a Hasting's in Spokane Valley. I fell in love with it and when Skoora and I got home, we looked it up. Since then I've heard "Summertime Sadness" and loved it too. So, I went to Youtube to see if I liked some of Lana Del Rey's other songs. I think my favorites aside from the two aforementioned are "Ride" and "Blue Jeans".  Poor Skoora has had to listen to Lana Del Rey for the last couple of days intermittently. I am very eclectic in my musical tastes but I tend to gravitate toward Darkwave, Gothic, Folkmetal, ect... Skoora is more of Rock and Punk or Glam Rock person. David Bowie is her favorite! But sometimes, we just hear stuff that's different and really strikes a chord.

Narcisa is fitting in quite well. Galen and Ellie are both playing with her and there had even been some tentative grooming between them. However, Narcisa, no matter how cute and lovable she is, is kind of a little bitch. She's managed to push Galen off the kitty tower, is kind of a brat to him every time he's on it, and loves to go for his tail. She also bitches if we pick her up and hold her when she wants to play and make a mess. She's managed to repeatedly knock over two different stacks of Skoora's books. She's also scratched us both up (we will be trimming her little claws tomorrow). Her favorite thing to do is attack our legs and feet when we are in bed. Did I mention that she's pretty much ruined the sheer curtains in the living room? But in doing that she also gets excited and runs head first into the patio door. I'd say it's Karma for my legs and curtains if I wasn't worried about kitten brain damage.

I've been reading a lot lately. It's about the only thing that really distracts me from everything that's bothering me, things I can do nothing about and have to continue to deal with, ect... I am in love with Vlad Tepesh in Jeanine Frost's Night Huntress and Night Prince Series. He's just a fun character.

I am having trouble donating plasma lately and we really need the money from it. Skoora hasn't been getting a lot of hours at work so we are hurting pretty bad again. It seems like every time I have gone to donate the last 3 or 4, maybe even 5 times, there has always bee something they use to turn me away. It's not their fault or even really my fault. I'm anemic, my heart rate is sometimes up too high, or my blood pressure. I think the latter two go hand in hand with the stress in our lives at the moment, but the anemia is really worrying me. I'm even taking Iron supplements.  The nurse on duty told me how to kind of get around the anemia issue, but I don't know if that will work, and if it does, will I get turned away for being too stressed over worrying about that and everything else? And when I go with Skoora and get turned away, I always have to sit in the waiting room to wait on Skoora to finish. The staff always watch me and I can here them talk about me and why I am sitting there. It's quite uncomfortable.

Lastly, because Skoora is making all the motions of getting into bed, I made a huge dinner tonight. I made cream cheese and onion won tons, egg rolls, and chicken chow mein. I used the left over won ton wrappers to make a strawberry tart thing with a yogurt rum sauce (that was surprisingly good). Sometimes I get in the kitchen and just throw shit together and bam, surprisingly delightful food. Skoora calls me her Macguiver chef.

Anyway after we'd eaten far too much, I had an ocd moment and decided I was going to clean the kitchen. Really clean it. Skoora's Dad usually does the after dinner clean up and he doesn't always do what I would do if I didn't feel like crap by the time dinner is finished. I still have to clean the top of the refrigerator, wash down a couple of cabinets, clean the bar, and mop the floor, but everything else has been done. And, subsequently, I feel shit, my back is screaming obscenities at me, and I just don't have the wherewithal to even look at my homework. So, I am going to bed and will deal with the rest of it tomorrow... or rather later today since it's after 1 am now. Oh and one more thing, my Mom's birthday was yesterday. I called her but I really wish she could have been here or that I could have been there to celebrate with her, even though she doesn't really like to celebrate anything...ever... My Mom can be a stick in the mud that was sometimes. So, I make her.