Saturday, November 28, 2015

A Quick Announcement!!!

In these past weeks I haven't really been in the internet. I haven't really been on the computer either- more like avoiding it because I was frankly too tired. Well, I'm here to say that's not going to get in better for the next few weeks because we finally got a move-in date for our apartment!!!

December 1st at 10 am, we do the walk through and paper signing. From there we'll be picking up a Uhaul and spending the day moving our stuff. We won't have internet for a couple of weeks, which sucks because my next term starts up on November 30th, but I have a couple of places I can go to do homework. Of course, I am going to try to get my teachers to open the modules early for me, so I can get a good deal of the homework finished before life becomes chaos. Especially since we are having Amanda's family Christmas party this weekend. Because everything has to happen all at once, during the same week.

Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know what's going on. As soon as we get moved in, unpacked, and situated, I will take some pictures.  

Friday, November 20, 2015

Spacing out, back and forth, nothing done...

I realized today that I haven't really been on the computer in the last week. We've been going back and forth from our friend's house in Spokane and Amanda's parents house in Post Falls, living a couple of days here or there. It's kind of taking a toll on me. I don't know where a lot of our stuff is, what we have and don't have, and its kind of a mess. I will say that staying with our friends in Spokane has been so nice. They gave us a room and we have our own bathroom, sort of, the washer and dryer is in it so periodically someone comes down to do laundry, but I really don't mind. It's quiet here and for most of the day, I am alone and can do what I want. I've mostly watched movies on Netflix. So nothing truly productive. 

We have gone shopping and had some IEPG stuff. I've had some rather terrible side effects from a depression medication my doctor wanted me to try. I'm no longer on that medication and have been put back on one that works pretty well, but is expensive. I have to get it from a pharmacy in CDA because they are the only ones with a medication assistance program. Lovely. I suppose I am going through an adjustment period. Mostly, I just don't have the drive or energy to do anything. Sitting and zoning out seems to happen more often than naught. I feel like half the time I'm not following people. Then there is the fact that I really am having some trouble with my eyes lately. I can't see as far and I don't know if that was a progression thing or if the bad depression medication I was on made it worse. Either way, it sucks. Am I even making sense? I think I need a nap... Not going to take one though. 

I have been spending some time online looking at pretty stuff. I have decided that I am going to do vintage mermaid in my bathroom, with soft blues and teals. Probably some sea-foam green towels, if I can find what I want.

I am not sure what the kitchen will be like yet but it will have blues and greens. I'm really feeling blue and green lately. 

The living room with be a mix of Gothic, Pagan, and Fantasy, probably with some Asian influences mixed in. I have a lot of Asian decor that I don't want to get rid of but I am not sure where to put. Anyway, I am going neutral and gray in this room because I can throw in some color accents when the seasons change and flip pictures or posters around in the frames as well to suit my mood. 

Amanda has the spare bedroom and she's doing something neat with it. 

As for the bedroom, I still very much like Gothic as a theme but that's probably where I will have my Asian decor. In which case, I will probably integrate Gothic and Asian to suit. I just don't know what I am going to do with all of my Indian decor- not that I have that much... Maybe I can integrate it into the bedroom as well. 

Anyway, I've pretty much wasted time doing nothing useful, but without a place of my own and constantly being in limbo... yeah, not much I can do to help that. Its really messing with me and I'm hoping that I at least hear about a move in date soon.  

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Snow White looks better with long hair, apartment news

Once again my crappy immune system wins again. I have caught something, probably a stomach bug. So I have spent the last couple of days drinking tea and resting. While resting I've watched the rest of Hemlock Grove, a couple of episodes of Marco Polo, and this morning I am watching Once Upon a Time season 2 with my friend's daughter and her friend before they head out for school. This is the friend who Amanda and I are staying with in Spokane.  I have come to the conclusion that I like Snow White/Mary Margaret better with long hair. 

Good news! I heard back from the apartment people. Amanda and I have both been approved for the apartment. We have a few more things we need to give them and then as soon as the woman in the apartment moves out and the apartment people get in to clean it, we can move in. That probably won't be for a couple more weeks though, which is kind of starting to wear on me. I keep telling myself, I've waited for 3 years for a home of my own, what's a few more weeks? Well, I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I will end up moving right at the beginning of my next term of school, which really sucks. I mean really sucks. I will be taking cultural anthropology and formal logic. *Sigh* I am expecting lots of homework. 

I had an interesting thought last night. I've died a couple of times and been reborn (metaphorically speaking- I haven't actually died). Now I know that sounds crazy but hear me out. I am not the same person I was in high school. In high school I was very head strong, a bit too fearless, and had an idea of where I was going and what my life would be like. That girl, while there are some remnants of her, died somewhere before she turned twenty. Overwhelming depression, anxiety, several deaths of family members too close together, and going to a college that didn't fit made everything explode. That girl moved back home and found a job and went back to school. But there was a period wherein that girl floundered and just kind of existed. 

A couple of years of this "existing" went on and I was reborn. Things were better, I knew what I was doing, where I was going, knew who and what I was and so on. Things were fine up until a couple of years ago when I died again (this is the time where I had a mental or nervous break down the first time). This time the existing was much worse. More of myself was lost and instead of truly being reborn, I died again a couple more times. 

I think in all this metaphorical dying it was me trying to slough off all the undesirable things. Or maybe it wasn't. Either way, I was thinking about the person I used to be. I used to be stronger. I used to be fearless. I used to be this or that. The point is, I "used" to be. That person is no longer. I have to look at the person I am now. The person I am now isn't as strong as the person I was but I am stronger than the person I was two years ago. I am relearning who and what I am but the most important thing is that I am growing. I am learning new things, pushing myself to do thing when I don't really have the energy, and trying to live a little or as best I can with the ailments I've got. 

I suspect that once we are moved and settled, after about a year or so the person I am now won't exist any more. I mean I will still be me and parts of me will be here but I am hoping that the someday-new-me will be stronger, better adjusted, and will have learned more things and will have grown more. 

Any way that was just a rambled idea or theory, probably doesn't make much sense. You can ignore it if you like. I am going to drink some tea, watching another episode of Marco Polo before I have to catch a bus. You have to pay for parking -if you can find it- downtown and there are no guarantees that it will be close to where you want to go. So it is just easier to take a bus to the plaza. I will get some walking done today, ride a Spokane bus for the first time, and meet Amanda for lunch at a little coffee shop.  

Monday, November 9, 2015

Waiting for approval and I think my doctor might be one of those doctors...

We have been busy this last week. Very busy. 
Amanda's mom pretty much moved us out of our bedroom herself. I didn't put up a fight because I felt like crap and had lots of other things I had to do. Like homework. I was also experiencing some rather unpleasant side affects from a new medication my doctor prescribed me but I will get back to that in a few.

First. We have been looking at apartments and got our applications into Valley 206- the apartment we've been dreaming about moving into. Well, Amanda got her approval letter and now I am waiting on mine. I hate waiting for approval. It doesn't make me happy and makes me really uncomfortable and second guess everything. Not that I should have to second guess anything. I should be just fine. 

Second. I am going to try and do Nation Novel Writer's Month again. We're not totally living with Amanda's parents at the moment and I managed to get finish up this term's homework a little early. So I have some time to actually write and the quiet, relaxed atmosphere in which to do it. Of course I am getting a 9 day late start but I am sure I can play catch up just fine. At least I hope. 

Okay on to my doctor. She put me on a new anti depressant. This isn't the first time she's done this. The first time the medication she put me on made me manic. This time, the side affects are so painful and upsetting that I can't handle them. I only two one pill and had two nights and day of colossal headaches- I mean so terrible that I just laid there and seriously considered making Amanda take me to the ER. It takes a lot of pain for me to get to that point. On top of that, the medicine made me want to vomit, made me jittery as hell, and oh yeah did I mention that it make me talk too fast? When I told my Mom about it and then told her that some possible side affect I could get were limb jumping and glaucoma, she told me to get off the meds asap! So I called my doctor and told her that the medicine was making me sick, listed my symptoms. She told me to keep taking it for three more days. Uh, no! I don't think so. I know it is a new medication but I am not a guinea pig. 

So, tomorrow, I am going to call my doctor again and ask to be put back on what I was on and maybe tweak the dose. At least that medication is affordable and I know how it reacts with me.

Amanda and I finally had a date night. We went to Ross and looked around the store and then we went to dinner. It was really nice. We haven't been ale to really been able to spend one on one time together in awhile. 

Oh, I'm trying to quit smoking again. I'm on day two and so far so good. 

Other than that, I have a whole week of writing, waiting, research for some classes I am going to teach for the IEPG, and just general relaxing.  I am still a bit scatter brained to really write much else. 

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Hair, Halloween, shopping with friends and oh look, I got another Raccoon

BAM! There it is. I chopped a good 6 or 7 inches off my hair, and got it layered. Then I bleached it again and did three colors in big chunks. I chose Sky Blue, Aqua, and Fuchsia from Ion. I love the colors. The hair is a bit short but when its curled, its really cute. 

We had Halloween at our friend's house. They threw a Halloween/ Welcome to Spokane party. We ate junk food. I mean that's what it is. Pizza, chips, soda, candy. Okay, I had olives and grapes and carrots too, but most it was junk food and I loved every minute of it. I also got to talk to some people I hardly get the chance to talk to. Our hostess friend dyed Amanda's hair with Henna so now it's a really pretty copper-red. 

I didn't really have a lot of time to figure out what I was going to be for Halloween. So I pulled something out of my ass a few days before and decided that I was going to be a Galactic Cat. Yes, I made that up. I basically put on a nice black dress, found some really big cat ears and  did my make up like this...

I think it turned out pretty well and no, my camera isn't doing the colors justice. 

Today, November 1st, I picked up Amanda from work, picked up some friends, and we went shopping. First up was the Goodwill Outlet. Its basically a store where everything that can't get sold from the Goodwill stores is shipped and and put in bins. People go through it and can buy some things by the pound and some things super cheap. I found a couple of books, a Wok, and Amanda found a build a bear dog stuffed animal that was in amazing condition, and a panda wallet. What we learned is that the place is far too busy for us, that it is a place that's more suited for people who have ebay stores to get things to build their lots to sell, and that one of our friends who has that kind of business, is far more patient and able to deal with that than we are. I got overwhelmed pretty quickly. 

Second up on our little shopping trip was to find some place to eat lunch. We went to a hamburger joint called Zips. They had battered-deep fried mushrooms. OMG! I haven't had those in so long! There is a reason too, I would eat them every day if I could. Anyway, we spent some time talking, which was really great. 

After that, we went to the Barnes and Noble bookstore in the mall. Of course I found a ton of books that I wanted to read but what I left with was this little one...

Its a stuffed animal raccoon and it called to me. Did I need it? No. Should I have gotten it? Probably not, but it called to me. I have decided if its a boy or girl or really what the name is but when I looked at it, I thought "Matcha", like matcha green tea. Not sure why, but I don't care. It is cute, it is soft, and you'd better believe that I am cuddling it in bed tonight, which for me is in just a few minutes. My Mom would be so annoyed. Oh, speaking of raccoons and my Mom. I grabbed the ones of my collection that got left down in Kansas when we moved. I also snagged the Smokey the Bear that my Aunt Joan gave me when I was little and a couple of cat stuffed animals. Which, of course, forced me to check a bag. My Mom was pleased that I was taking home some things and loaded me up with some jewelry and semi-precious gem stones. She hasn't been able to make jewelry for money and physical reasons and she wanted to share with me since I do make some things from time to time. And no, I don't have cause for concern, my Mom often gives jewelry away, she's done that all my life. 

Anyway, I'm off to bed you've been caught up on things going on for me lately. The good, the bad, and the crazy. Besides, I'm exhausted, in pain, and Amanda's snores sound awful, so I need to get her to move.   

Chaos, panic, and I'm starting to catch up, really...

Hi, no, I'm not dead. 
I never really got a lot done for my Mom. I tried. Mostly, I think me just being there helped and she and I had a lot of fun watching TV shows and movies. I even took her to see The Martian. Which, by the way, I really liked.

I think I mentioned that my Dad's ankles are badly bruised from just walking at his job. He said that he thinks he basically walks about 15 miles every day that he works around that store. He works at one of the big Wal-Mart's. So, he was in a lot of pain. But, he showed me EVE online and I got to see his ships and listen to him talk about the game. I think he might want me to play it, but I can't afford it and at the moment, it's far too involved and complex for me to ever get any writing or homework done. I think he misses our old Guild Wars gaming sessions as much as I do. 

I spent some time with my cousin Shi-Chan. I really missed her and she's lost a lot of weight and has kind of grown a back bone. I said to her one day, "I left and you became all bad ass, I love it!" She just laughed. 

I spent some time with my Grandparents. Grandpa's Alzheimer's disease is getting worse, but we all knew it would. Grandma might kill him for all the cussing, farting, and burping. I even told him so and he laughed. But I got to hear some stories about his life that I have never heard before and while I didn't get to talk to Grandma too too much, I did get hugs and her cooking. They have an albino squirrel who comes to visit their bird feeders and I got to see it. I love it!

Eventually, I had to come home. Which I did. The day I came home, I learned from my next door neighbor that I was moving to Spokane and into a friend's basement. You can imagine my shock and surprise. One, I didn't hear about it from Amanda and two, even though I really like these friends, I had just gotten home. On top of that Amanda's Mom informed me that we're going to pack up Amanda's and my bedroom, put most of our stuff in the garage, and move our bed out into the dining room. WOW! I started to panic! I had homework to do, I hadn't even unpacked. 

So, two days later while I was trying to process all of this and we were at the UU Church getting ready for our Samhain celebration/potluck/ritual, and I got a phone call from my Mom to tell me that not only was my Dad in the hospital but might lose he leg, I had a tiny break down/ panic attack. I mean full on sweating, couldn't breathe, couldn't calm down. I somehow managed to grab my purse and book it to the bathroom where Amanda found me, and once she got me calmed down a little, we went outside. That day was really hard and I didn't even worry about socializing I just did what I needed and talked to as few people as possible, carrying on like nothing was wrong. 

So, why was Dad in the hospital? Because while I was visiting, he trip or did something to scrape his leg on the wheel barrel while hauling wood from his truck to Grandma's back yard and somewhere along the way, despite doctoring his wound, he picked up staph infection and the flesh turned necrotic. Right now, it still looks bad and he hasn't been given the "you are going to be okay you can go back to work" vote from the doctors, but he is home and out of the hospital. He goes to a specialized wound care clinic every couple of days.

But, the very next day from the "your Dad is in the hospital" call, I talked to my Grandma and she told me she was in the grocery store and turned around just so and heard a crack and had terrible pain in her side. She thought she broke a rib. Give that this woman is in her late 80s, has scoliosis and osteoporosis on time of that, I certainly didn't doubt it. Thankfully, when she went to the doctor her xrays came back negative for a broken bone, but she did pull something and maybe her back popped at the same time. 

Now even worse, Amanda's poor Dad has managed to get himself into a bind. He is diabetic and he has very thin skin, especially on his legs and somehow he scraped them up and has the same issue as my Dad but not nearly as bad. 

And on top of all of this mess I've been trying to catch up with a few things, decide what to pack, what I would need, look for apartments with Amanda on her days off, and do homework. Needless to say, I have been exhausted. I have had a couple of panic attacks. I have been really worried. 

The good news. We are going to be going back and forth between our friend's house and our house, just because we can't bring Narcisa with us to our friend's house. One of our friends is very allergic to cats and Narcisa needs lots of love and cuddles. So we are kind of doing a week here and week at home. That kind of gives me a little more time to get things sorted and packed, spend time with the neighbors, Narcisa, and do homework. 

Also, We have found a couple of apartments that look promising, we just need to find one that has an opening. We saw a beautiful apartment complex out in Mead, that's a town North of Spokane that Spokane kind of bleeds into. Anyway, it was built by the Germans and Scandinavians for the 1974 World's Fair. It's beautiful and they are updating and remodeling the insides. There are so many trees! But it's kind of far and I don't know how many of our friends will really come and see us if we live that far north. We are going to keep looking and see if some of the places we have already looked have opening's available in the next month or so. 

I have more news, but I really think it is better suited for another blog post...