15 and 5, two weddings, the Munsters, sleep

 Above is the beautiful cake cousin Kat made for Selene and I for our 5th wedding anniversary. She organized our little back yard party too. It was a really nice affair complete with music, a fire in the fire pit, food, and friends. It's hard to believe it's already been five years. It feels like forever ago, but maybe that's because there was a lot of pain and dark depression surrounding that day and for a long while after. There was good stuff too, but often the bad outweighs the good for me until the emotions around it fade. I think it also feel like forever ago because Selene and I have been together for fifteen years. And odd as this sounds, our time together seems like forever and also "has it really been that long? doesn't seem like it".   But, I am happy to say that the pain and dark depression circumstances that made the actual days around our wedding have faded enough that I had a really good time and I was able to relax and enjoy it. Not that I didn't enjoy my wedding, I enjoyed the ceremony and loved all the people who came, still love them, it was just an equally hard time as it was a good one. 

At the beginning of the month, our friend Rachel got married to her long time boyfriend. Selene and I couldn't have been happier for them. We love them both and they are really good together. More than that, they have both become family. We are truly blessed to know them both. And we are extra happy because Rachel has been resistant to the notion of marriage. I won't go into why, but seeing her change her mind and realize that not all marriages are one way or another, has been cool. Not that I am saying everyone has to get married or should get married, to each their own, I just think its cool she did. 

Two days after our anniversary, our friend Bethy got married to her girlfriend Corey. Bethy and I have had our ups and downs, as all friends have, and we have been friends for as long as Selene and I have been together. Selene used to work at the high school where Bethy went to school and was friends with Selene's cousin. That's how we all met. It's been really interesting too see Bethy 'grow up' from her senior year of high school, her college years, living with us for a time- which so didn't work out- to now. Things aren't exactly easy for her but she's doing her best. And, she's found a very sweet and patient woman to spend the rest of her life with. The best part, Corey quietly calls her out on her shit, and I think that's good for Bethy. I think, in a way, it helps ground her. Best of all they talk, they talk about communicating with each other, they know things aren't going to be perfect, and they are both willing to do the work, which is one of the best tools they have in their tool box.  But aside from that, they asked me to do their make up for their special day and I was honored. 

After all the chaos and almost non-stop going of the last several weeks, I got a few days to just breathe. Of course, that meant that I slept a lot and I do mean a lot. I even fell asleep with coffee in my hand and spilled it all over myself. While I am a little sad I slept so much, I'm also not too broken up about it. My body needed that time to heal. Honestly, I could go for a nap right now, but I am holding off in favor of doing some things for myself today amidst getting a little house work done and trying to figure out when to set up the kitchen remodel and so on... because things still need to be done. And, I want to try writing today. I really haven't done it, been too busy, too anxious, too scared to fuck it up, too scared I will disappoint myself because it's not good enough, ect...

But all of that aside, I did manage to see Rob Zombie's "The Munsters". It wasn't bad. I don't think anything will be as good as the original series and no one can truly be Lily Munster like Yvonne de Carlo. Still, the movie was good. I had to watch it 3 times before I saw it all the way through-because I kept falling asleep. It's a prequel movie, a how Herman and Lily came to be together and how they moved to America. Rob Zombie, I think, did a good job in keeping as true to the original as possible while adding his own flare. I enjoyed it.  

Enumclaw and Witch's Night Out...

 

Enumclaw is a nice little Washington town set not too far from Tacoma with forest and mountain views. There are lots of neat little shops in the downtown area, one of which is called Roaring Underground. It's a cute shop with some vintage clothing, trinkets, souvenirs, and so on, but the back of the shop has a speakeasy. No, really, it does, you have to have a password to get in for drink! The lovely ladies who own and run this shop do the Magical Northwest events and the very one that puts on Witches Night Out! Right next door to Roaring Underground is a shop called Magickal Earth, a store that has crystals, tarot, herbs, incense, and more. And not too far from downtown is a little café called Charlie's Cafe. Their breakfast was amazing, the staff are super sweet, and the whole restaurant is just super cute and homey. 

Why am I telling you about these places? Well, because I was a vendor at this event, this year. It was fun, an experience, and I am glad I got to meet these people and see how they do things. I say this not just as a vendor but also a board member for Northwest Pagan Fest. I am always observing how people do things so I can decide if their way is better or something they do could work for me or not. 

As a vendor, I didn't do so well, at least, not as an out of town vendor. I made just enough to cover the vendor fee and my hotel stay. I am okay with that. I learned some things, had some fun, and I got to ride the ferry again- because we didn't just hang out in Enumclaw, we went to Bremerton, Kent, and other places. (places like Sweet Kitty Anime, Daiso, Tokyo Lifestyle, Helm's Deep Tavern, The Naval Museum)

The downside of the event, and this is in no way a criticism of the people running it, I think they did a wonderful job. The downside is that a sizeable portion of the customers of the event are very "Normie, Crunchy Mom" and less pagan/wiccan.  As an event for the community, it was a success and something that is really good for the area. I am really sad that there was an asshole in a truck revving his engine as he sped by several times a night. I am sad that people came to an event like that and were annoyed about actual pagan/wiccan/ witchy things were for sale- yeah, I had several of those- which is kind of funny since I was set up right across from a pagan shop. What the hell were you expecting? 

Anyway, over all it was good. 

The Belleview Bathroom Incident

I had to pee. I wasn’t going to make it to cousin Mike’s house, who lives in another town along our path to head home. We were in a shopping area and had been in Daiso for a while. I realized I needed to use the bathroom but they didn’t have one open to the public. Cousin Kat had to go to the sporting goods store find something for her mother. She also had to use the bathroom but I was pretty sure if I got out of the car I would need a short path to the toilet. I didn’t want to get all the way into the store only to have to book it back to the car because the bathroom was closed or not open to customers. It’s a movement issue. If I stay put, I can hold a little longer and hang in there on the superfast- almost run (I don’t run) waddle to the toilet. But…

Something has happened in our society. We don’t seem to care when others need to use the bathroom. I understand no one wants to clean up after a homeless person because they may or may not trash the facilities or use drugs. I understand covid has also made it so people don’t want to open bathrooms to the public. But when a person needs to pee. Let them fucking pee!

Anyway, so, we waited for Kat. She was fast. Things were beginning to get a little painful for me and she reported that the distance to the bathroom was far. So, I decided, I’ll just drive to the Starbucks just down the street. This Starbucks… firstly, since when do coffee shops close at 4pm on a Sunday afternoon? They all used to be open until at least 8 pm if not later. But I digress, I parked, I got out of the car and speed waddled my fat ass into the store. I was almost to the bathroom when the manager and an employee walked out. She said to me “I’m sorry we close at 4.” I was confused but brushed it off and said. “Okay, can I just use the bathroom really fast?” I had wallet in hand, was nicely dressed, looked clean and was planning to buy something for using their facilities. Her response, “no, we close at 4.”  And she was bitchy about it. I didn’t have time for it, so I hurried out of the store. The kid behind the counter called after me, “have a nice day”. 

But it gets better. I hurried over to the Mc. Donald’s except their lobby wasn’t open. So, then I hurried to Subway just a hop away. The employee let me get all the way to the bathrooms and never said a damn thing, let me see the sign he’d put up about the bathrooms being out of service. I actually turned around, glared at him and said “Are you fucking serious, this is the 3^rd damn place!” And now I was about to pee myself, it was getting really painful, and I booked it to my car and hurried to a gas station and guess what?! Their bathroom was closed for remodeling. By this time, I knew for sure if I got out of the car again, I was going to pee and wouldn’t be able to stop it. And I was in tears and trying to decide if it was better to get arrested for pissing in public behind a bush or pee the driver’s seat and sit in it for the 4-5 hour long drive home.

Selene suggested the little Grocery Outlet next to the gas station and I told her I wasn’t getting out of the car just to have to it closed and not make it. She went in to check for me and then I booked it into the store and finally, finally, I got to pee. I was still so upset about all the other places, all of them so close together, in a well to do area, that I didn’t say anything to the employees on the way out of Grocery Outlet. I’m probably going to write them a thank you letter. I know it’s not really necessary, but I really think they need to know how much I appreciated them having an open bathroom.

As for that Starbucks, they didn’t have their door locked and I literally walked into their lobby at 4. I know this because my car clock in a few minutes fast and when I got back in the car, my clock said 2 minutes after 4. They will not be getting a good review from me.  I know people don’t owe me shit and I am not running around with some self-imposed sense of entitlement. However, when you gotta go, you gotta go no matter who or what you are, and public bathrooms are public for a reason. And if you’re a willing paying customer, it’s a no brainer. Hell, I would have cleaned the damn bathroom after me, for them if they had let me use it. No, really, I would have and I would have been quick about it and still bought coffee or a muffin or something.  

Now, will this stop me from shopping at Starbucks? No, just that location.  

This has be quick! Bats!!!!

I grabbed this from my pictures folder on my computer. Unfortunately, because I saved it so long ago I can't credit the photographer. So, just enjoy the bat. I'm really feeling the bats this year. I mean, I have always loved them, but I keep picking things that have bats on them and so on... 

This post has to be quick because it's 7:31 am and I really need to get to work. I have less than two weeks left to get my stock rebuilt for my store, and as a one woman show... It's all on me. However, that said, my wife and I have talked about me teaching her how to use two of my machines so she can help. She doesn't know how much I appreciate it. Maybe we will do some of that tonight. 

Northwest Pagan Fest was a huge success. I am on the board for the festival as secretary but I was also a vendor at the festival. I sold a lot of stock! Which is why it's crunch time for me as I have another event- just as a vendor- coming up. I will talk more about NWPF in a later post. For now, just know it was AMANZING! 

Selene's birthday went well. We doubled up with Fiona, a friend, since we all might be out of town for her birthday. So we listened to David Bowie, played Cards Against Humanity, ate cake and pizza. It was chill and a lot of fun. 

We sort of got the house in order for this. We still need to remodel the kitchen, but that is going to have to wait, I think, a bit longer. We just have so much coming. Two weddings, our 5 year anniversary party, my event out of town, a few little fall things, and some stuff at the end of the month. Early November is starting to look like its going to be the time we do this. And, surprise, the oven door broke again! Selene said fuck it to trying to fix it AGAIN and we caved, went to Lowes, and bought another one. They will deliver and haul away the old one. 

I am having a bit of a fibro flare today. I am not happy about it. I was almost a week without any kind of fibro symptoms, which is very rare. I am sure it is going to make sitting at the sewing machine a real joy, but I am going to do as much as I can, listen to Youtube vids as a distraction- I found some fun LOTR vids from Nerd of the Rings-, and just really try to get this stuff done. I've been making a game plan for the winter season so I am not so crunched next year. Especially since I would really like to do more in person events, but also because I would like to add more items to my shop, do some crafts for myself, and work to give myself a little more time for reading, writings, and self care. I have been utter shit at taking care of some of the basic things like brushing my hair every day, lately. Part of that is depression and fibro, but part of it is that I just work until its time to do dinner and then I have a couple of hours with Selene and Kat and then I usually fall asleep watching TV. Then Selene has to wake me up and make me go to bed. I don't really enjoy that cycle, so I'm trying to break it. 

Anyway, I do have to get to work and at some point write very overdue letter. 

 

She's my Mom, but not.

 

Izumi Curtis From Fullmetal Alchemist.

In much the same way my Mom is a lot like Izumi Curtis- that take no shit, will kick your ass if you cross her, but would also sacrifice whole parts of her self to bring her child back from death, she is not Izumi, and she's less and less the mother I grew up with. To say it's been upsetting is an understatement and while I know some parties would basically tell me it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it- my Dad included- it doesn't meant that isn't heart breaking. That is doesn't leave me wracking my brain with questions of "how do I help", "how do I fix this", and or, "is there anything can be done to make this easier on, at least my Dad"?  

Some time ago, I'm not even sure when, covid really kind of blurred time for me a bit, not just in me having it earlier this year, but the whole pandemic- my Mom's episodes got drastically worse. I've been down to visit them and each time she is worse than she was before. But, in one of her episodes in the last several years, she had a stroke. While the doctors can find no evidence of it- not that that means anything, because my Grandpa had one and had the paramedics not seen him have while taking him to the ER, they wouldn't have known he was having one or had one. There is other evidence denoting a stroke in that one side of her face sags a little and her behavior changed. Strokes run in her family. Her mother had one but her maternal grandmother, my Great Grandma Early, had nine. I don't know about anyone else in the family, I wasn't as into genealogy when my mother's grandparents were still alive and I didn't know them very well. I only saw them twice before they died. (I did like them though and Great Grandpa and I shared a birthday)

My Mom isn't really a selfish person, not in the way most people would think. She could be ever once in a great while, but at the same time, she wasn't completely. She is now. It's like something broke in her brain and there is no filter, no buffer, and if she knew how she was behaving and some of the things she's said, I know she would be ashamed of herself. 

It's not all bad and she's not turned into some monster. You see it more in conversation and some of her actions. Today, she was pissed that her soap opera was being interrupted because Queen Elizabeth the II died and the media outlets are covering it. Yes, it is huge news, its going to get covered, but my Mom said "She wasn't my queen, I don't care, I want to watch my show". Which before, she'd still be annoyed by the media circus, but there would be some note of sadness for the family at least and a note of respect for the dead (unless they were a monster, which Queen Elizabeth II wasn't). 

You can see it in the arguments between her and my Dad over when she goes to bed. She says she's an adult, which is true, but if Dad doesn't get her to go to bed and have at least 6-8 hours of sleep, the likelihood of her triggering an episode goes up substantially. Which means he has to stay home to take care of her and miss work, which puts them in financial stress. Honestly, it is a mess of a cycle and she's not able to see the correlation anymore. Yes, she still has episodes even if she gets sleep, but they aren't as frequent and sometimes, not as bad.  Before she could be reasoned with. But without that filter, she can't seem to make the connections. And her OCD is compounded! If she decides she is going to do something, there isn't anyone or anything that is going to stop her. That said usually Dad can talk her into not doing whatever it is she wants to do, but if she'd in the lead up to an episode, he can't. He tries.

Her memory isn't as good as it used to be, which is also a worry.  

It's always in the littlest ways that it sneaks up. I'm now afraid to talk about much with her and guard my conversations. I don't talk about a lot of what we've been up to, mostly if we've gone shopping for something, because she say 'yeah, we need to get this and that and..." and there is a laundry list of stuff that they may or may not need and she starts to obsess over it where she wouldn't have before. I don't talk about some of the vents we go to or help organize because I don't want her to let it slip to Grandma, my Dad's Mom who is 94, that I am Pagan and not Christian. We've already had an instance this year of her freaking out over Selene and I being married and let's just say it was upsetting.

And today she was after me to mail a dragon necklace she sent me home with, back to her. She doesn't have much, but she does have some nice things she wants to pass on to me when she dies (my whole family talks about stuff they are passing on, it's morbid AF, but I am so used it, it hardly phases me much any more, and I always tell them I would much rather have them over stuff) and she'd chosen that to be jewelry. Anyway, we do a sort of swap share thing where we will swap necklaces or earrings for a time, usually a couple of years, and then trade again next time we meet up. We're probably not going to meet up for several more months. I don't mind doing it.  

Also today, she was fussing at me to embroider 'something' for her. Usually she calls it her 'dragon shirt like Shi-chan's (my cousin)', because she likes it so much. She was even talking about paying me. No, she'd not going to pay me, I won't let her. I've just been super busy, which she would know if I told her half the stuff I am doing. I told her I would get to it soon. Sooner than she thinks. 

But every once in a while she has some really good days where she's almost who I grew up with. And then the next time I talk with her, reality slaps me in the face. 

I am mourning the person she was, it seems like all the time, off and on. I am frustrated that neither of my parents will let me help them. I've offered to sell my house and move back home and baby sit my Mom while she has episodes so Dad can work. I've tried offering to help with disability paperwork, but they have applied and apparently don't qualify. They also can't afford to get the medical documentation- the further medical documentation they need to get it. They have gone as far as their limited income and my grandma's help can take them, and we're just in limbo watching her get worse. She actually confessed that she is afraid she's going to have a bad episode and not wake up. That's scarry for me and I can't imagine what it would be like for her, scared I don't think covers it. I'm not going to get into my frustration and anger with her doctors. 

Her neurologist and primary care physician at least have some decency. The neurologist dropped her, not because he didn't want to help, but because he doesn't know anything more, exhausted his resources, tried everything he could think of, and didn't want to keep charging them money he knew they really couldn't afford. He talked with mom's pcp at length over everything and wished them the best. Which is more than any other doctor I've seen do in a long time. Mom's pcp is doing what she can as well, but no one knows what is causing these episodes or even what they are. They have never seen anything like it. They even thought, once, it might have be psychological, because brains are weird and complicated. But they aren't sure because the working theory for that isn't exactly panning out. 

Whatever this is, all I do know for sure, is that my Mom isn't getting the adequate health care she needs and I'm truly scared she's going to die because of it. And I am scared my Dad will just fall apart. And in the meantime, this is what we are given. There is no lesson to be learned from this and I don't think everything happens for a reason. I don't think Mom's childhood is causing it, or that she did something bad in a past life that she's paying for karmically. Shit just happens and usually to good people, who don't deserve it. It fucking pisses me off. It's the biggest injustice of the universe and today, I think the universe can go fuck itself. 

Weight, doctors, and the naked house

 

My little house is naked- don't mind the furniture, we have set that out as 'free' and have actually already shed a few items already. Anyway, we hired a company to come out and take down our dead and dying pine trees. They had been attacked by pine beetles and that was a problem before we purchased the house 5 years ago. The grass is dead, which annoys me, but we can't seem to figure out where to turn on the water for the front outside faucet. We've had a couple friends look, my father-in-law, and nope. 

But, I suppose it works in our favor because now that the trees are down, we're going to deal with the stumps, rake all of the pine needles and mulch out, and next year, plant some roses and or ferns, and Selene (aka Amanda), wants two weeping cedars to frame the house. We're looking at non-grass options that don't have to be watered all the time as well. But not gravel or concrete. we have enough concrete that heats up and makes the house hotter in summer. And we are replacing that bullshit of an excuse hand rail the previous owners installed to pass the FHA inspection. Of course I want to set up a couple more bird feeders so the cats have 'tv'. I am a bit sad they can't bitch at the squirrels in the mean time. We had two that would chase each other up and down one of the trees and the cats lots their shit over it. 

On to doctors and weight. I've heard so many things about weight and weight loss over the years and I've had so many 'helpful' people try to push diet schemes on me or 'advice', enough to make my head spin. I've read 'scientific evidence' articles- usually associated with diet plans to make them sell and some real science, heard speculation on phycological factors, genetic factors, ect... But what my ex-doctor and Selene's current doctor told her makes me ACTUALLY want to drive over to his office and just punch him. 

When I had him as a doctor, he was on me from day one about my weight and seeing the nutritionist. And it was basically his mantra for every visit regardless of what I was actually seeing him for. He is from Vietnam, hates the American diet, and is a little twig of a man. I always tried to remember that every time I saw him, and just let shit roll off, especially when he'd do the doctor/mansplain thing over EVERYTHING. Eventually, I got sick of it because he wasn't actually doing anything to truly help me. I guess that's what you get when you go to them more affordable 'community health' clinic. Still, he was refilling my blood pressure medicine- of which I am on the lowest dose and am working to be off of. Oh and he stopped prescribing my heartburn meds, which really aggravated me in that I have GERD and literally water gives me heartburn and without those meds I am sick all the time and can't eat. But long term use of that medication is really not good for your stomach and has caused some big problems. But he wouldn't give me anything else as a measure to deal with the GERD. 

Anyway, I asked for a female doctor, because I wasn't getting anywhere with that guy, and I wanted to talk to someone who actually had 'female' issues. I was never given hormone replacements after my hysterectomy because "you're fat and fat stores estrogen, you'll be fine". But am I? Have I been? Is that really the right thing to do? Anyone I've talked too is surprised. New female doctor was too when she heard that and said she was going to investigate it. That was several months ago and I haven't heard anything from her. So, I'm guessing she got busy and forgot, which is fine, the way people are funneled in and out of the clinic, its a wonder they remember their own names. Oh and she too, wanted me to see the nutritionist.

So, when looing to set up nutritionist visits not just for myself but Selene as well, we ran into a problem. There is 1, for all the clinics in the city. He only works 2 days of the week and both those days and the time bracket he works in is when Selene works. That's really stupid. And more than that, we already know that he's going to tell us, and it's stuff I've been frighting with her to implement for YEARS! Last night she was lashing out at me because of what her doctor said- which I will get to in a minute- and the fact that she didn't think there were enough carbs in dinner. There were plenty. I cut up 6 fingerling potatoes to toss roast with carrots, bell peppers, and chicken. Even the seasoning packet had a few carbs in that it had a little sugar in it. I kept the eggplant and mushrooms on the side for me. But she thought we needed rice or more potatoes. We really didn't and I wouldn't budge. Besides, she got fresh fruit after dinner.

So when I asked about why she was lashing out, keep in mind her last doctor's visit was 2 months ago, she told me. (You'd think, after 15 years together her communication would be better, ha ha, think again). She said he told her people are fat because of sexual trauma. Excuse me?! While that might be the case for some people, it is certainly NOT the case for her and many others. He is completely ignoring any and all other factors, just threw out a blanket assumption- which was WRONG- without doing any proper investigating. That makes me want to scream! 

I know why she's fat. Her parents both have eating disorders that stem from scarcity of food growing up. Her mother doesn't want to cook anything unless it is easy and or generally comes from a box. Her Dad doesn't really cook much of anything but is a goat. Her general diet growing up consisted mainly of carb loaded foods that were bland and she, like her parents, has a monster sweet tooth. When we got together, she thought mashed potatoes came from a box. She didn't know you could cut the potatoes, boil them, and then mash them. She could eat a whole package of cookies, by herself, in one sitting. By the time I came into the picture both her parents were diabetic and chugging down diet sodas like they were lost in the desert and any water was toxic. AND she's been on various depression medications since she was in her early teens. She's been 'warned' by her mother that she'd going to be prediabetic and diabetic for YEARS if she doesn't eat better. Kettle black. And more than that, thanks for putting that out in the universe. THAT is why she is fat. Not sexual trauma. 

As a doctor he should know better. And as a doctor, he should know that a vast number of the medications he prescribes all have, among many other not so stellar side effects, the side effect of weight gain- especially if it is one of the more common depression medications. But, because I do a little of my own research and look at side effects of medications when prescribed so I know the positives and negatives of taking the medication and also know that doctors are trained to 'treat fat first' instead of the actual problems, and have had nothing but a string of doctors who refuse to actually listen to me for over the last decade about my fucking period until I started taking picture of my crime scene bathroom and ended up in the ER and having that doctor mansplain me but take a blood test and come back to eat his fucking words and tell me- uh yeah, you're actually bleeding to death, you might want to get that hysterectomy fast tracked and then learned that I had precancer... *Silent rage scream in head* Here we are. And don't even get me started on the lack of care my mother is paying NOT to have for her health problems. 

I don't like doctors anymore. I don't really trust them. They make assumptions. They don't listen. And they also don't work with you to find proper solutions. they just want to throw a band aid on the problem and shoo you out of the office so they can do the same for the next patient and so on and so forth. It is disgusting. but our health care system isn't health care, it is health profit and keeping people miserable and fat, keeps them dependent on that system. We are all cash cows for them. 

I haven't ranted/vented like this on a blog for a long time. Kind of feels good to get frustrations out, but it doesn't really change anything. Selene needs a new doctor and we're going to try and get her one soon. I also want to see about getting a different one, not at the clinic. I am thankful the cost of visits at the community health clinic have been more affordable- we are private pay because it is actually cheaper for us to just pay out of pocket than pay for health insurance- but we really do just need to suck it up and go to regular doctor's office again. We both got better care that way. Besides, we don't need to go to the doctor that often. We've been fortunate in that regard. Mostly we go once or twice a year for check ins. Again, I am grateful for that. And it's not like we don't put forth any effort toward our weight loss goals. We do actually. We could do better, but, like all people, we could do better with everything in life.    

Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, working, sushi, power outtage, I'm so tired.

I can't get over how beautiful this piece is. Apparently it used to be on sale on Displate but is no longer but the artists name is Jesperish. I will be looking for them more thoroughly later. For now, enjoy!

I've done a thing. I am not usually a person who eats seafood. I'm allergic to shell fish and don't really like the taste and texture of most fish. I do like tuna and salmon though. But I got adventurous- it really was for the sauce and a bit of mild curiosity- and tried a caterpillar roll which has unagi (eel) in it. It was okay. I almost cried at one point, but it was good. I really do love the sauce. Apart from that, I pretty much will eat veggie and fruit sushi and sushi with cooked salmon or tuna in it. 

Saturday was the day of sushi exploration. Kat and Selene talked me into taking a break from work to go to the MAC (museum of arts and culture) which I will make a later post about. I have lots of pictures! Saturday was also the day that we came home and lost power, in fact, several sections of the city lost power thanks to the heat, dust, and a little rain- or so the power company said. And the power didn't come back on until 11:30 pm. Selene and I had already gone to bed, which was fine. What wasn't fine was the fact that some idiots decided to break in and vandalize the red house across the street from us. We couldn't see them and with the way things echo on our street, we couldn't really tell where the noise was coming from. It was kind of scary. Our neighbor's kid told us the next morning that they had come home and seen the perps in the act and called crime check and the police said they would come out only they didn't. So that's fun! 

I've been working pretty much all day, every day, for the last week or so, sometimes working 9-12 hours days with some breaks scattered throughout. I can't just sit all day, my body won't allow it. And it has been very exhausting.  I am so tired and don't feel like I am getting much accomplished. 

On to the more important bit. I have watched the first 2 episodes of the Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. I don't hate it and if I pretend that its something else (as in not Lord of the Rings) I am excited for it. It doesn't have the same feel or tone. Close but not quite. That may change the further the series progresses. Still, I am enjoying it and do want to see more.

Because ELVES DAMNIT! 

And I really like seeing the Elven Cityscapes. And I do want to see more of young Elrond. The social structure of the elves seems... odd? There was something that threw me a little and I need to go back and re-watch it to see if I missed something or if it really is odd. As a side note, Selene found a "which LOTR character are you based on your Zodiac" thing. Mine is Galadriel! Hers was Gimli. 

Well, back to work.

 

 

Vending with the Fae and Moving from Dragons to Elves.

 

Not sure who did this art, I will look more in depth later, because, damn, it's good! 

Blogging became a distant notion last week as I worked to make more items for my store. I was gearing up for the 1st annual Fairy Festa, which was amazing. Had I not been a Vendor, I still would have gone. That said, even as a Vendor, I had a lot of fun seeing people's costumes, mushroom hats, fairy wings, dragon face paintings, ect... My vendor spot was actually right next to an old friend's and we squealed like girls when we realized we would be next to each other. That's not something I usually do, but it was really awesome. So I got to catch up with her and while she did tarot readings, I sold my wares.  I actually had a bit of panic when I surveyed my tables at the end of the event. I'm down a lot of merch and that is great! But I'm a one woman show and there are only so many hours in the day before the next event. And then only so many before the one after that. Still, I couldn't start work this week until new bobbin thread came in the mail. Yes, I did that on purpose, instead of going to Joann's, to give myself a little break. 

I am still invested in the new Game of Throne's show. I watched the new episode tonight and was not disappointed. A bit grossed out on two occasions, but I got to see Dragons so I was appeased. Speaking of, I had a really weird dream featuring Matt Smith, who plays a Targaryen in the show. He looked like his roll but he was not that character. It got really weird and when I was recalling it this morning, it got me to thinking about one of the stories I have been 'on again off again' working on for the last couple of years. It's an elf story and it was so much in the forefront of the thoughts today, that I had a little trouble focusing on other things. And now, I just want to spend all night writing but am much too tired. I took some notes and decided to do this blog post that way I get a little writing done but am less likely to lose it if I fall asleep at the computer.

And apparently, I have elves on the brain bad lately. 

Side note, I did one of those DNA kits and have been working on building my family tree- one section has already been done for me, but there is much more that needs to be done. Anyway, spent a hour or so searching through the Dawes Rolls looking for ancestor names of mine that might be listed as part of the Cherokee tribe. Haven't found anyone yet but there are 911-915 pages of lists, so it will take some time, especially because I am looking for different surnames and am not even sure these are the right people. I really do need to contact some of my Mom's family to see if I am following the right lines, but I hear they are crazy and that makes me a bit nervous. 

Anyway, I am going to be very busy for the next several weeks with work for my store and with more Northwest Pagan Fest planning and coordination. I'm not sure when I will get any writing done, or reading, but I'm going to make it part of my self care, I think. 

For now, I am going to bed. 

So many Dragons and attempting to blog again after almost 3 years

 

A lot has happened in the last couple of years and I'm not sure where to begin. So, maybe I'll start with dragons. I'm reading, at a snail's pace, The Hobbit. A friend lent it to me because the last time I had seen the actual text, I was pretty little and my Dad was reading it to me before bed every night. Of course, I enjoy the movies, the music and Smaug is one sexy beast! But, reading it as an adult is a fun adventure- when I remember to pick up the book. Normally, reading isn't a problem for me. Okay, I'll admit that I have had some struggles with some books in that they have actually put me to sleep- there were two in college and one in high school (I am looking at you My Antonia). Some of the books on Kindle have had pacing issues or maybe the story wasn't holding me- which I feel it is important to note that I have a high tolerance for a great deal and more so for the tedious and slow moving story, depending, more so than most people I know. 

Anyway, my struggle is not any of those things with the Hobbit, Tolkien is the kind of word porn that I enjoy. It is simply that I have been busy and set the book down and it got moved into the office/craft room, and just recently discovered where it had been tucked away to. The Hobbit is now out where I can see it and the sooner I get to read about one of my favorite arrogant dragons, the happier I will be- especially given events as of late. 

The second dragon item is that I started the Game of Thrones: House of the Dragon series tonight. I was not happy with how Game of Thrones ended. I could rant about that forever and a day, but I think that is best saved for another time. I am tired and its getting close to my bed time. Yes, I know how the story is going to go and like Rogue One of Star Wars, we get the gist. However, I do enjoy the court/political intrigue and well, DRAGONS! 

My third dragon item is that Selene- aka Amanda, aka my wife, and I, along with two cousins and a couple of friends, have been playing D&D A LOT! I'm finally getting to have characters that start at level 1 and actually level up, not just one level, but several. I'm finally getting to see what higher level characters are like, actually enjoy a story, learn more about and how to play the game. I understand some games fizzle out, but damn, it was disheartening. I tend to get excited and invested. If the character dies during session, fine, I will get over it, and that's one thing, but the whole campaign? That's shit. Unless the people who are playing are shit, but there are horror stories about that kind of thing on the internet. 

On a slightly shifted dragonesque topic, I've made some D&D and dragon centric things for my Etsy store. If anyone remembers, I kept talking about wanting to start a store. I finally did it! It is called Shadow Fox Witchery. I will most likely talk about the store more in depth later. Anyway, I embroidered two dragon designs on tote bags today. And I spent half my day ironing. Which leads me to the next topics. 

We've been busy. I didn't think the pandemic was going to take much toll on me, not like it did for a lot people. I'm introverted so staying home wasn't too out of the norm for me. Selene's work moved to remote- work from home- during the pandemic and that has now become permanent. We did get Covid and it was awful. I had had a fever so high I probably should have gone to the hospital, but we managed it. Our sleep schedules were sufficiently screwed up for a long time, and the Covid really took a toll on both our depression and anxiety. Then, trying to go back out into the world when things began to open up was a struggle. I am still ordering groceries online and picking them up. 

What's helped with that is that we have done some updates on our home. We redid the bathroom and are very shortly going to be redoing the kitchen. That has been a kind of a cluster fuck. We tried to do the online design thing with Lowes and the guy we were working with was okay, but he didn't stay within our budget and nothing was really going to change with the kitchen. Worse, everything is on back order and the wait time and how long we were going to be out of a serviceable kitchen was getting longer and longer. We can't not have a functioning kitchen for several months.  So, we went into our local store and just asked some questions of the kitchen designer there. We're doing this shit ourselves. She not only answered every question, talked us through how to do stuff we weren't sure about- because she's actually done it all herself, gave us resources, ect... And it was all significantly less than our max budget! We will be doing everything except the plumbing, that we need a plumber for, but we need one anyway to hook up the dishwasher and take a look at a leak in the basement. 

But we are having other issues with the house aside from a leak. Our oven door broke. Selene fixed it, twice. We are finally getting the pine trees removed in September and we were damn lucky that one a very windy day the one that fell miss both our car and Kat, our cousin's car, by mere inches. The fireplace was looked at and cleaned and has a great bill of health. However, when we tried to get two extra electrical outlets installed in the house, the electricians who came out to look into doing it, said we really shouldn't. And they were pissed for us. We have that great old knob and tube wiring. It hasn't really been too much of an issue until recently. The fuse for the main level blew four times tonight in the space of an hour. Apparently we can't have the ac running while the dishwasher is going and watch tv. Which is troubling, because we've done so just fine before. Odd combinations of stuff seem to trip it. Selene wanted to do solar panels on the roof not only to save on electric but to give us more of a buffer against the sun beating down on the roof. Because there's a good lack of insulation. I'm starting to think we are going to have to rewire the whole damn house sooner rather than later and am dreading that, especially if walls have to be torn into.

And if we get into more of the mundane problems, we spent a nice chunk of change on getting our car worked on. They were supposed to have fixed the ac in the mix of things we needed done. The front blows just fine, but the back is still blowing hot air, so they will be fixing that. And we have to take it back in, after this weekend, so they can replace the motor mounts and I forget what else they needed to do. 

Aside from dealing with all of those things. We have been to the Seattle area for vacation, albeit short and kind of packed full with places to go, it was so nice to get away. I forgot what a vacation actually felt like. Don't get me wrong, driving down to visit my family is a kind of vacation too, but it is stressful in that I'm the only viable driver out of Selene and I- we suspect she has narcolepsy but to be tested for it is so freaking expensive we can't afford it so she'll be getting no help for that anytime soon- and then there is the stress of family. I can't tell my Grandmother half of the things I do or am involved in, we don't discuss that Selene and I are married. My mother's health is worse than it has ever been, I'm certain she'd had a stroke, her episodes are so bad and she's afraid she will have one and won't wake up. My Dad is exhausted. Everyone is sure they can get some kind of help be it disability or medical help but every time my Dad does the paperwork, he makes too much on paper. I want to help, they won't really let me. Dad always has to work every time I am down there so I hardly get to spend time with him. My cousin Shi-chan is almost a shut in, her anxiety is through the roof. I don't even want to get into the drama of the rest of her family. I always leave a little more heartbroken and frustrated, defeated than when I arrived. But I still find my time with the people I love a treasure. 

As for the rest of it. We've been planning public community Sabbats with some friends, we joined a coven, are on the board and organizing Northwest Pagan Fest. Selene is still doing her Magickal Moot. I started doing my Pagans with disabilities support group again. I'm making stuff for my shop and vending every so often at public events. I will be at the Fairy Fiesta this coming weekend, Northwest Pagan Fest, and Witch's Night Out. Somehow we have managed to do some 'for the house' shopping to help us get better organized upstairs. The main level is next. Kat is working on the basement. We've watched some anime, tried some new places in town to eat at, played some D&D, and I have had a whole bunch of bad days intermixed from fibro flares, depression and anxiety, and being heat sick or exhausted. 

And I am not done. I've been looking at doing a podcast as well as a twitch channel. I thought about being a Vtuber, because it looks like a lot of fun and learning the set up to do looks fun too. Plus I really miss gaming.  The podcast is mostly just for fun, but hey, if it turns out to be even marginally successful, that's a bonus. 

AND I must be a masochist because I'm gearing up to really start writing again. I haven't been, not really. But last night I took 14 little notepad pages of notes for a short story I've wanted to turn into a book. Other stories I have let sit are flaring up again, and I'm just tired of wanting a thing and being too scared to do it. I'm sure, like with everything with me, it will be a slow crawl. But baby steps are better than no steps. 

Oh and lastly, I joined the Conqueror Challenges- The Lord of the Rings Shire one. I even ditched my old knock off fitbit for a real one. the old one wasn't actually counting my steps accurately, but the fitbit does and it is actually correctly logging my sleep- at least, it's getting the hours right. I don't know what crack my old one was on. Anyway, I am half way to Bree in the Challenge and when I get there, I will sign up for the next part of the journey. I'd probably be closer to the end if I'd had a real fitbit, but meh, it's fine, just means I will get more walking steps in. 

Well, I have written a small novel, probably riddled with grammatical and spelling errors aplenty that I won't bother editing- because I am lazy and actually trying to stay awake. I need to go to bed. 

So, see you later. 

Maybe. 

Hopefully.