Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Trying a new schedule, really bad day, and looking for doctors

I am trying out a new schedule to help myself stay focused, on task, and get my ass in gear as far as writing is concerned. Also, to help me do things that I want to do without feeling guilty for doing them when I should be doing something else. With that said, also to set a limit on how long I do certain things so I can still have time to do others. It's been a slow start. 

Monday, Amanda had a job interview and we had coffee after with a friend, then we went to another friend's house for dinner. Dinner and Chris's on Mondays has sort of become a tradition now. Yesterday, we woke up really late and while Amanda was working on something, I started the process f trying to find a primary care physician. I may have found one but aside from having to go into the fill out medical release paperwork, I need to ask some questions. For instance, why do they only want the last three visits with my previous doctor instead of my whole file? Shouldn't they know that I have a gazillion allergies, have had concussions, a surgery when I was little, and so on? You'd think right? But apart from my questions it seems that I won't even know if I will be approved for this doctor's office until they get my last three visits and take a look. Which kind of sucks when you are out of ALL of your medication.

So while I was contemplating that and the fact that I don't have two essential textbooks for a class (I don't even want to go into the why), my brain broke. I've been sick lately. Amanda and I both have been. It was a stomach bug of some kind and it wasn't fun. I also believe it was stress related. I've said it many times, we have been going and going and going for several months with very little decompression time in between. We've gone to people's houses, had people over, gone to events, had car issues, run errands, made new friends, and for some one who is an introvert, its all very draining. Especially, when I'm not running on all cylinders to begin with. I've also been exposed to people and situations I don't ever want to be exposed to again. All of that, all of the stress from it exploded in my head yesterday and I had a panic attack so bad that I wanted to hit myself. I haven't had panic attacks like that in a long time and quite frankly it scares the shit out of me. That's not progress.

Things have to change.

The first step for that is me putting my foot down and saying "No". The second step is not letting shit fester. There are a lot of things that I put up with, that I am too polite or too considerate of other people's feelings- putting theirs over my own- that in the end only does me a disservice. I am going to be putting up boundaries. A lot of people are going to be pissed at me, they are going pitch fits, and be upset. I have to stay strong and be firm. Especially when a couple of them pout, whine, do a pity party, and guilt trip me. I cannot and will not put up with that shit any more. It's not fair and it's not right. More so, what kind of friend does that make that person when they feel like they have to or they like manipulating other people into doing what they want? That means that they don't really value their friends, it means that they don't really trust their friends, and in the end, that comes back to them not being a good friend themselves.  

I love my friends, even the ones who frustrate the shit out of me, even the ones who are clueless sometimes and think that I don't want to spend time with them when really that's not the case, the case is that I need time and space to recuperate so I can spend time with them again, later. They wouldn't be my friends if I didn't.    

Thursday, February 4, 2016

The hair thing happened, so did the tummy plague, and I made a thing.

Here it is, my hair. My phone camera is terrible and seriously dulled the colors.

This shot is a little better. I will be taking one outside, in natural light as soon as I feel up to it. 

At the moment I have a tummy plague. I don't know if it is a stomach flu or bug or just a terrible manifestation of all the running, go go go, and stress and this is my body's way of saying "You dumb bitch, you can't do all of this shit anymore, slow the hell down" or what, but it sucks! Amanda is sick too.

I made a thing for a friend's birthday today. I painted a feather and I am sure it could have looked much better had I actually been able to find my paint brushes, but for what it is, all the finger dabbing, Q-tip dabbing, and cuticle pusher (yes you read that right) dabbing, I got it done. I even finished it off with sharpie to add some more details and a clear glitter to help give the galaxy effect. I also made her a bracelet. Amanda made her cookies. However, if we aren't feeling better she might not get it until after her birthday. Which makes me sad. 
Its a fat owl. 

Oh and Narcisa had to have one of the turkey feathers I bought for this project. 

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Vid calls with Mom, Jeep problems, New friends, emotional flux and coming soon...

I made a meme with a meme generator. One of the first few nights we were in our apartment, Narcisa perched atop Amanda's hip, waiting for me to settle down so she could lick my neck (yes, she still tries to nurse). Anyway, the red light from the Halloween chain lights Amanda bought this year made a creepy picture, so I grabbed my phone and snapped a quickie before Narcisa could move. I think it turned out okay. Amanda likes it.

So, we have had a more eventful weekend than we wanted, but its actually a really good thing. My Jeep decided to pitch a fit which meant that we left it at the park and ride where Amanda catches the bus for work Friday night. Saturday we had a few errands to run and after talking with both our Dad's and Napa Auto, it was decided that the problem was either the fuel filter or fuel pump. so starting with the cheapest first, we bought a new filter and headed back to the Jeep. It was NOT as simple to remove the old one and install the new one. In fact we had to jack up the jeep and Amanda had to lay under the car to get to it. BUT, a very nice man, who turned out to be a mechanic, pulled in and asked us if we needed help. I had already called my friend Birdy and she was on her way, but hey, any help was welcome. Birdy arrived shortly there after.

As it turns out, it wasn't the fuel filter, it is the fuel pump. But we couldn't leave the Jeep at the park and ride because it could get broken into, stolen (although no one would really be able to move it), or towed by the city. We decided to try hooking my jeep up to Birdy's SUV and towing it home. Well, we got the mechanic man some coffee to repay him for helping us. While Birdy and I were gone, Amanda and he talked. We now have a mechanic who will help us with our cars if we get the parts- we will pay him of course- and he's a fellow Pagan. But this story gets better.

After he left, Birdy's step Dad showed up with a towing rope and we were getting that process started when the mechanic man returned with his wife. Apparently he liked us so much that he thought his wife should meet us. To make this long story shorter, we got to Jeep home, made friends with the Mechanic man and his wife, who are very sweet, and Sunday they came to our IEPG Imbolc. They really liked it!  It was so cool. I really, truly think that in a way the Universe or the Gods or both are working some magic of their own because it feels like they were there when we needed them and we are here when they need us. 

On to Video calls with my Mom. She called me last night shortly after I got home and wanted to do a google hangout chat with me. I had Birdy and Dram over but thought, why the hell not, she doesn't call and ask for video calls and it's nice to see her face when she's so far away. During the call, we talked about food recipes, she met Birdy and Dram, lectured Amanda about the importance of watching Sense 8 (which I agree with her on, sorry Amanda), and I showed my Mom my apartment. It was really nice. I would like to talk to my Dad via video chat soon too. I was supposed to have a video chat with my cousin but blew it by forgetting what day it was. I will say say in my defense that I had a horrible pain day that day and ended up sleeping most of it. So I am going to have to catch her again later. 

Okay, onto the emotional flux. I have been so emotional lately. I was incredibly upset and hypersensitive the other day over little tiny things. Amanda and I even had a mini spat. Today, I was following the Pagan Ministry Council chat on my phone and someone said something and I lost my shit. I was table flipping pissed! It was so fucking ridiculous and two seconds later, after being so angry, I started to cry. I felt like said person had finally broken my brain. Granted there has been some other things that have pushed me beyond my high levels of patience with this person, things that are never and will never be resolved much to my annoyance, but I am trying to let that go because there is nothing I can do about it. Seriously, there is a long laundry list of issues that I am trying to rush off. But it is easier said than done when that person repeatedly does or says- you know what, I don't care. I am done bitching about it today. 

I was talking to my friend Chris about how angry I have been and upset. she theorizes that while I am always on my period from the PCOS and my hormones are out of whack, I am still cycling through them and I might just be able to chalk it up to PMS. I don't know why I didn't think of that. I swear Chris has the patience of a saint. I hate venting and have told her so but she says that I have to get it out and she doesn't mind. She also said if I am being an ass, she will tell me. I cherish that honesty. Especially since I don't want to be an ass. 

Now, what's coming soon? Well, tomorrow a couple of my friends and I are getting together at my house to have a hair dying party! This is what I am planning, I don't know if it will turn out this way or not, but I am hoping.