I’ve quite literally been up a mere hour and half today and for the first time in very long time, I am bored. Typically I have a book(s) to read, housework to do, dinner to make, job search engines to peruse, and a story to work on. However, I just don’t feel like doing any of that today or much of anything else. I don’t know whether or not it’s a combination of crappy Thanksgiving at Grandma’s (due to certain family members, that’s a whole other blog post) and the aftermath of NaNoWriMo or if I just feel inexplicably lazy today.
I’m sure some of it is partly the waning excitement of winning NaNoWriMo this year. It is one of the first big writing accomplishments I’ve had in a long time and I wrote pretty much nonstop the whole month. Of course after the 50,000 was reached I kept writing but not as hardcore and opted to focus on a few other things like Castiel in Supernatural. And, story wise, I’m at the ‘big scene’ or climax as technical people call it, so it should be super easy right? I’ve only been gearing up for this scene the whole story and here I am and I don’t feel like writing it or maybe I’m too scared to see how it ends…
Recently my Dad started reading the Drizzt books of the Forgotten Realms series. I told him I really enjoyed the first book and most of the second but I can’t finish the second book because one of my favorite characters will die. (Thank you Lucas for spoiling it for me) I told him I just couldn’t read beyond that point because I didn’t want the character to die and we decided that if I didn’t read beyond that point then the character, for me at least, is still living. I think that’s partly what’s going on with the end of my NaNoWriMo novel. I don’t want it to end.
But I don’t think that’s the only reason either. I think I’m also not happy with this book. I wrote it fast, it’s not even 200 pages and I’m already at the big showdown, I haven’t done any real editing, and the story seems… well, like a lot of what’s out on the market, which equals mediocre. I really really hate that.
On one hand picking up a novel and reading the work of someone I can’t believe even got published is a little comforting and I’m not saying that to be mean or elevate my own writing as something grandiose or spectacular, I’m just saying that some of what is out on the market is not good writing at all. So with that said I feel like I might have a snowball’s chance at actually getting published. Of course I could pay someone to publish my work but that’s Vanity publishing and I feel like that’s cheating.
Am I a good writer? Spelling and grammar aside, I’d like to think I’m at least decent and getting better. And I’m not looking to write some Nobel Peace Prize winning book or some ground breaking piece that takes the world by storm. I’m only writing Paranormal Romance but I would at least like to reach a best seller status amidst that realm.
But the day before yesterday, yesterday, and even today, I just can’t seem to get the mojo flowing. It’s not that it’s not there. I’ve got dialogue running through my head for this novel and plot ideas dancing this way and that for another story in the midst of creation all the while I’m still flip flopping ideas on how to fix some things in another story, but nothing’s doing what it’s supposed to. Except that now it sort of is. Weird, I had to write a blog post to get my brain working and make me remember that I have research to do. *head desk*
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