Saturday, September 28, 2013

A cold, American Horror Story, and Pissed off Kitty.

This morning Skoora and I finished watching the first season of American Horror Story. We both should have been doing other things but we're both sick thanks to her father. Not that it's really his fault, he didn't go out and get sick on purpose.

Anyway, it was an okay season. I didn't like Vivian. I felt bad for her but I didn't like her. I liked Adelaide and Violet and they were pretty much the only two redeemable characters in the entire show. The show was just sad, full of tragedy, and was pretty intense in some places.

Yoda-chan is really pissed at me again. At least this time it's not about me cutting the mats from his fur or washing the icky cat littler from his feet. Oh no, today he is pissed at me because we bought him some chew-able senior cat vitamins. He wouldn't eat them from my hand or off the floor and since he won't eat wet food, I decided to break out the medicine dropper. I ground his vitamin into powder, added a little water to make it liquid and then shot it down his throat. I gave him treats afterward, of course. But he's not happy with me. We are trying the vitamins to see if he will get to feeling better because he's eating and drinking and going to the bathroom just fine. If these don't work then it's off to the vet with him to see if they can figure out what's wrong.

Remember that blog post I wrote about having no hope? Well, I am still having little moments where I feel that down. Last night I wasn't feeling good and Skoora's Mom would not shut up. She kept talking through the show we were watching and didn't want to get up and get anything for herself. When she kept repeating 'I need a soda and the TV turner' over and over it grated on my nerves so bad that I just wanted to poke my head around the corner and scream at her to get of her lazy ass and get it herself. But I didn't. And when I was getting set up to play Guild Wars with my Dad, Skoora's dad tripped over my computer cord and ripped it out of the wall and both of them were talking and so I got my stuff and left the room. I just couldn't handle it. And I was upset about some other things that had happened earlier in the day, things like Skoora's mom zoning in on something Skoora bought for her friends and wanting to use it for her own devices. Really, this woman can only think of two things in life now that he grand kids are away from her and that is gambling/money and Christmas. It's disgusting. So disgusting I just want to have a black Christmas and make it as dark and depressing as she makes me feel all the time.

On to the point, I made the mistake of venting to my Dad last night, of telling him how bad it's gotten. I didn't want to tell him anything, he has so much that he's dealing with already that he doesn't need my problems on top of it. He did tell me that at any point that I can't stand it anymore, he'd get me and Skoora home, that there is always an out and he'd rather find the money to get us home rather than pay for my funeral. And of course he told my Mom so she called to talk to me this morning and now I feel like the worst child ever for saying anything at all. Skoora thinks I was right to tell them, that it's better that they know how I feel rather than hear about it later. I think it was a horrible mistake. Now both my parents are scared and upset and they were already worried to begin with.

But you know what the worst thing is? I thought I could talk to Skoora's Mom about these things so my parents would never have to know. I was so wrong. She doesn't give a shit. She and her husband just want me to clean and cook (which I've been doing to the best of my abilities since Skoora and I came to live with them two years ago) and they want me to go back to bio life and donate plasma and buy stuff for the house. I would do it if they would ask me, but I was told to.

I'm almost 30 years old. I can accept and let go of what I envisioned my life would be like when I was growing up. But this is not what I wanted. My Great Grandma Ireland used to say that it doesn't hurt you to want. I always tell people that sometimes you have to eat shit before you get to what you really want. Well, I've eaten enough shit, it's damned time I get to start eating cake.  

1 comment:

  1. Honey :( My mother does care - she just has no attention span at all these days. And they don't want you to go back to Bio Life - Dad is just sick and he turns into a super bear when he's worried about mom and when he's sick. *hugs* Please don't let them make you feel so bad. I'm here for you and I'll do what I can. I am glad you told your dad even though you feel like you are worrying them.