I can't decide if I just don't like it or down right hate it.

I've always wondered what a live action Fullmetal Alchemist film would be like and was pretty beside myself with excitement when I heard there was going to be one. I mean aside from this world, there are only two other places I would rather be, Amestris (where Fullmetal Alchemist takes place) and Middle Earth. So, it was a pretty big deal. The trailers and ad posters looked good and so did the scant few blips I saw about the costumes. Still, this was a film that could encompass one or both of the anime series that were made, either of the animated films, or the games, the manga, and that's a lot of material. I didn't know what all was going to be in this live action rendition and I knew that whatever it was, there was going to have to be some room for error. I mean you can't really take 50+ episodes of an anime or volumes of manga and crunch it down into a 2 hour movie without having to cut some things. That's okay, it happens, and it is understandable. However...

I waited all day for Amanda to get home as soon as I knew it was on Netflix, which was hard because I was brimming with so much excitement I could hardly contain myself (this was internal, I had to play it cool on the outside). Then, I waited some more because we had some stuff to do that evening before we could finally sit down to watch it. We watched about an hour before having to turn it off, one because I was so tired that I had actually fallen asleep, and two because Amanda wasn't enjoying it and had to go to bed anyway because of work the next day.  

My first impressions were, "okay, they switched up some things in the timeline, it's fine I guess. Let's see what they do with it," and "wait, this is... this is... WTF?! This isn't right." And I went to bed a little disturbed and disappointed.

The next day I wrestled with whether or not I wanted to finish the film. But I finally broke down, watched the rest of it, and I just can't decide if I don't like or if I just hate it. Don't get me wrong, the costuming is beautiful and the graphics are amazing. Alphonse's design, Edward's Automail, Nina, and the details done on them and the alchemical processes are really stellar. However, the soundtrack falls short of that in the anime and other films. And I'm actually not happy with how they rearranged the timeline. I hate how they washed out Hawkeye's character, she's so much more bad ass and intimidating in the anime, manga, and animated films. They didn't play up her strengths at all. They created this weird, awkward tension between Roy and Hughes. The shit with Tucker and the drones was just that, shit. They tried to pull too much from different arcs that I didn't feel quite worked well enough, or perhaps they just didn't quite pull it off decently enough. It was a jumbled mess that if you haven't read the manga, or seen the anime, you wouldn't really get what the hell was going in, plus it was all rushed. And don't even get me started on the relationships. 

One of the things I loved most about Fullmetal Alchemist were the relationships between characters. You don't get that Colonel Roy Mustang actually truly loves the Elrics like sons or even little brothers and is in their corner, helping them, pushing them along toward their goal. All you see is an asshole being kind of hard on a couple of kids. You don't even get to see how bad ass Roy is or even how bad ass Edward is or the depth of his emotions and the pull of his relationships with others. You get the subtle moments of fondness between Roy and Hawkeye nor the deep loyalty she has toward him. You never see her dog, you never see other members of Roy's staff. Other important and pivitol characters are missing. You don't get to fall in love with Nina or even Hughes like you do in the anime and Manga and feel how utterly tragic their losses are, and even the Homunculi are shoddy. Worse, they pulled a theme from the first anime series about Lust into the film that seemed to be trying to follow stuff from the second series. Then, they left it open for second, which I seriously hope they don't make. 

In short, this movie dropped the ball on everything but graphics and costuming. The action wasn't even that great. I was left feeling that if I hadn't watched the anime, read some of the manga, and seen the animated movies, I wouldn't give a shit about seeking them out after watching this film, which is a true sadness and disservice to the creator of the FMA Universe, Hiromu Arakawa. 

I shouldn't have to beg for this.

The clock is ticking downward day by day toward Amanda's and my wedding. The dresses are bought- although not completely finished- the guest list has been made, wedding party and duties designated, and the mock up of the wedding invitations finalized. It's going to be a very small affair and despite the lack of funds to do a dream wedding, we've got amazing friends who are helping us make it as lovely and perfect as possible. Not that either of us really want for much. Which brings me to the thing I wanted the most, my parents to be there.

My friend Rachel made that possible by buying my parents plane tickets. The stipulation was that I help her when she needed it at farmer's markets, which to be honest, I would have done for free any way if asked. That aside, to make sure this was going to work, I called ahead and asked my parents if this was okay, if they would come, and was given a green light. The tickets were bought and for the last month I have been helping Rachel out and have almost paid off the tickets.

So what's wrong? I spent more than a year, more like two agonizing- which seems like a strong word, but it depicts exactly how upset I have been over whether or not my parents would be there- over this issue. I've talked about paying for half their way, paying for all of it. I've politely asked. I've told them it's all I want. I've even basically, in as nice as way as possible, put my foot down and read my Dad the riot act to which he said he might be able to come up with a miracle to make it happen. Well, a miracle happened and things were really looking up. I was finally giving myself over to all the silly excitement and then my Mom mentioned something in yesterday's phone conversation about Grandma.

My parents are not doing well financially. They spend over 800 dollars in medication every month. My Dad doesn't always make enough money to pay rent and sometimes they have to ask my Grandparents for help. I know it kills my Dad to ask. I know he had ideas and principals in him where he feels like a failure and him not being able to provide completely twists him up. Both my parents have depression and pride issues. That's where I get. They will do what they can to help others before helping themselves. Which is why they are staying in Kansas instead of moving up here where there the job market is better and where they can live with us- rent free- for as long as they need. They won't leave Grandma and Grandpa. Which I wholeheartedly understand, especially since my Dad's sister wants to just throw them in a nursing home and leave it at that. Anyway, apparently Grandma has been getting after my Dad to find a different job since this one just isn't working out the way it was supposed it. Dad was promised certain things that just don't seem to be happening. Not his fault. Shit happens. Well, Mom said Dad can't get a new job now because he's coming to the wedding and they can't tell Grandma that because I don't want Grandma to know I am getting married. It is a religious issue- it would kill her if she knew it wasn't a Christian wedding. Then she said that she and my Dad feel like assholes that I'm running myself ragged so they can be here for my wedding. I told them not to, but my mom said they just do.

I kind of brushed that off and puttered along. Then Mom called today to ask me if something were to happen, if Dad got a new job and couldn't come, or if after her biopsy she couldn't travel, could she give the extra ticket to my Cousin Shi-Chan. I agreed, of course, I love my Shi-chan and it would be fantastic to have her here. But there is a problem with this. 1st, I'm scared about this black spot in my mom's mouth that she needs a biopsy on. 2nd, I'm really worried that's she's already decided that its going to be horrible, life threatening news and is planning to not be able to come to the wedding because- and she didn't say it but it was implied- undergoing chemo therapy. 3rd, I am a bit pissed that it is implied that I have trapped my Dad into the job he's currently working for the next three months and not able to do what he needs to find another one. 4th, I'm pissed that these seem like excuses to not to come.

You know, I should not have to beg my parents, who say they want to come, to come to my wedding. They do not have a problem with my being pagan. They do not have a problem with me being in a lesbian relationship. They don't even have a problem with me getting married. So why the fuck can't they just swallow their fucking pride and come up? That's the best gift they could ever give me. But I have beg? I have tried not to be pushy or selfish. I have let it go when they actually HAD money to come visit and didn't come see me up here. I've never ever been upset about having to drop everything and fly down to look after my Mom so Dad could work. I didn't even think twice about it, I just went, because they asked and because I was worried and wanted to help.

Fuck! At this point, my wedding has lost all of its excitement, all of its joy. I just want to get the paperwork from the city, have my officiant do a quick private ceremony, sign the paperwork, and then go on my honeymoon. If its not important enough for my parents, then it must not be that big of a deal period. So why put all this fuss and effort into it when I'm just going to be miserable all day that they aren't going to be there or that only one of them is. That's not fair to my friends who are putting time and energy into it. It's not fair to Amanda. And its not fucking fair to me. So fuck it.