2017 beginning with no illusions.

2016 is over and we are 3 days into 2017. I can honestly say that I have no expectations for this year to be any better or any worse than the last. I have hopes that it will be better; Amanda and I are getting married this October. But then again the wedding, at this point in time, is a source of heart break for me. When I think about what should be one of the happiest days of my life, I'm filled with dread and feel the urge to vomit. It's not pre-wedding jitters or even the ceremony or dresses or normal things, its that my parents aren't planning to be there. This isn't because they don't want to be. It isn't because they are morally opposed to my religious/ spiritual choices or even that they are opposed to be marrying a woman. In fact, my parents want me to get married and be happy. No, it's that they don't have the money to come up and I'm not sure Amanda and I will have the money to help them get up. Friends have helped me search for alternative modes of transportation and my Dad even suggested we Skype the damned ceremony. I could do that, I could spend all my time worrying about whether or not cell reception is working, if the connection will hold, if my Parents can see and hear it. But I wanted my Mom to fuss over my hair and I want my Dad to walk me down the isle. But like Great Grandma Ireland always said, "It doesn't hurt you to want". Except in this case, it really does. So, fuck it all. I'm taking a friend's suggestion and I am going to start a "Go Fund Me" page dedicated toward air fair or gas to get my parents from Kansas to Washington. 

Narcisa has been sick lately. We thought it was just a cold that would clear up on its own, but her voice sounds awful. I made her an appointment today with the vet and will be taking her Thursday. Hopefully we can figure out what's wrong with her and help her feel better. She and Thorin are getting along. She even let him cuddle her last night. It was quite cute. 

On to the picture above. I think I mentioned that I was beginning to play EVEOnline- the free version of course- and if I didn't, well, now you know. There is a lot to this game, no really, there is. You can basically do anything in it and its really neat. So far, for a hour or so that I have played, I like the graphics, the music, and while there's a lot to learn, I think I will get the hang of it. 

Back to the new year. I did not make resolutions and haven't really since middle school. So instead I made a list of things I want to work on. They don't have to be complete, since any are on going works, have been, and will be for many years to come. I made a list of seven, just because I thought that was a reasonable and feesable number, and I like odd numbers.

1. Health

2. Writing

3. Wedding

4. Crafts- sewing to painting and so on

5. Heathen and Witch study and practices

6. Reading my usual 20 books a year and hopefully more

7. Quiet time for myself as well as time for just Amanda and I. 

Lastly, Amanda and I went to the Garland Theatre here in town to see Princess Mononoke on the big screen. I really love this theatre because they show old movies and Anime and they aren't horribly expensive. In fact, we only paid 5.00 dollars to get in tonight. We might go to the Labyrinth next week.  

Gothic/fantasy or Asian?

Some of my Asian Decor. The medicine cabinet was given to me by Aunt Pat when she came back from living in  Indonesia. 

For as long as I can remember I've been told "It doesn't hurt you to want". Most of the time it doesn't bother me and I really can live without most of the things I would like to have. I've become used to not asking for anything unless it's really important or imperative like medical/ basic hygiene/and food, you know crap to survive by. Should someone be so kind as to get me something extra or special, well that's a bonus! Anything else I happen to want I put on a 'someday' list on Amazon or Etsy. Every couple of months I go in and clean out those lists to minimize them and get rid of the really silly stuff. 

Masks three were made by us.

But there are somethings that I really need and am a long time from getting. One of those is a place of permanency. I need a place to settle and be for more than a few years. I need a place to make my own. We would like to get a house, isn't that every one's dream? House, Townhouse, condo, whatever. Neither of those options are within reach and won't be for a long time. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes I've even wanted it so bad and along with a spike in depression I've cried for it. I know that seems so ridiculous.

Some of our Asian decor

Like I said, that particular need/want isn't likely to happen anytime soon. In the mean time, while I wait, I like to look at things on the Internet and kind of design a room in house. Having moved several times, some of our stuff gets broken or we've downsized. At the moment we don't have any dishes, a sofa, and half of our things are back at my parents house. A couple of our bookshelves have broken as well. 

My girlfriend and I have been talking about what we would like our prospective living room to look like in our 'someday' house. We have a basic idea of paint, wainscoting, and crown molding. I'm not sure what I would like for window treatments and she wants gunmetal gray furniture. I know I want a writing desk and a side table. My biggest problem is that I can't decide if I want to do Asian decor like I've done for years or Gothic decor that I've thought about. So I've been looking again and looking at stuff I have saved over the last few years.      

A sconce I am in love with

Ideally we want to be able to easily decorate with the seasons, especially Autumn and Winter. Of course that's never been too much of a problem with me. My issue is that I don't want things to clash, I want balance. Of course I could mix the two themes but some part of me doesn't want to do that. I feel that it would be too much or excessive. 

There are a couple of pieces of art that I would love to buy, that are reasonably priced. The above for instance would be beautiful and finding other room decor and statuary would work really well but my great conundrum is what do I do with all of the Asian pieces I own? I want to showcase them because I am proud of them. 

But there are other things that I want to bring out or get that illuminate my other interests. So, I am a bit torn. I think in the end I may have to switch out themes from time to time. A change in the feel of a room is good from time to time and is a fin project. For now, I think I will keep looking and wait to play with some ideas when the 'someday' house/home is more of a reality than a dream.