This has be quick! Bats!!!!

I grabbed this from my pictures folder on my computer. Unfortunately, because I saved it so long ago I can't credit the photographer. So, just enjoy the bat. I'm really feeling the bats this year. I mean, I have always loved them, but I keep picking things that have bats on them and so on... 

This post has to be quick because it's 7:31 am and I really need to get to work. I have less than two weeks left to get my stock rebuilt for my store, and as a one woman show... It's all on me. However, that said, my wife and I have talked about me teaching her how to use two of my machines so she can help. She doesn't know how much I appreciate it. Maybe we will do some of that tonight. 

Northwest Pagan Fest was a huge success. I am on the board for the festival as secretary but I was also a vendor at the festival. I sold a lot of stock! Which is why it's crunch time for me as I have another event- just as a vendor- coming up. I will talk more about NWPF in a later post. For now, just know it was AMANZING! 

Selene's birthday went well. We doubled up with Fiona, a friend, since we all might be out of town for her birthday. So we listened to David Bowie, played Cards Against Humanity, ate cake and pizza. It was chill and a lot of fun. 

We sort of got the house in order for this. We still need to remodel the kitchen, but that is going to have to wait, I think, a bit longer. We just have so much coming. Two weddings, our 5 year anniversary party, my event out of town, a few little fall things, and some stuff at the end of the month. Early November is starting to look like its going to be the time we do this. And, surprise, the oven door broke again! Selene said fuck it to trying to fix it AGAIN and we caved, went to Lowes, and bought another one. They will deliver and haul away the old one. 

I am having a bit of a fibro flare today. I am not happy about it. I was almost a week without any kind of fibro symptoms, which is very rare. I am sure it is going to make sitting at the sewing machine a real joy, but I am going to do as much as I can, listen to Youtube vids as a distraction- I found some fun LOTR vids from Nerd of the Rings-, and just really try to get this stuff done. I've been making a game plan for the winter season so I am not so crunched next year. Especially since I would really like to do more in person events, but also because I would like to add more items to my shop, do some crafts for myself, and work to give myself a little more time for reading, writings, and self care. I have been utter shit at taking care of some of the basic things like brushing my hair every day, lately. Part of that is depression and fibro, but part of it is that I just work until its time to do dinner and then I have a couple of hours with Selene and Kat and then I usually fall asleep watching TV. Then Selene has to wake me up and make me go to bed. I don't really enjoy that cycle, so I'm trying to break it. 

Anyway, I do have to get to work and at some point write very overdue letter. 

 

Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, working, sushi, power outtage, I'm so tired.

I can't get over how beautiful this piece is. Apparently it used to be on sale on Displate but is no longer but the artists name is Jesperish. I will be looking for them more thoroughly later. For now, enjoy!

I've done a thing. I am not usually a person who eats seafood. I'm allergic to shell fish and don't really like the taste and texture of most fish. I do like tuna and salmon though. But I got adventurous- it really was for the sauce and a bit of mild curiosity- and tried a caterpillar roll which has unagi (eel) in it. It was okay. I almost cried at one point, but it was good. I really do love the sauce. Apart from that, I pretty much will eat veggie and fruit sushi and sushi with cooked salmon or tuna in it. 

Saturday was the day of sushi exploration. Kat and Selene talked me into taking a break from work to go to the MAC (museum of arts and culture) which I will make a later post about. I have lots of pictures! Saturday was also the day that we came home and lost power, in fact, several sections of the city lost power thanks to the heat, dust, and a little rain- or so the power company said. And the power didn't come back on until 11:30 pm. Selene and I had already gone to bed, which was fine. What wasn't fine was the fact that some idiots decided to break in and vandalize the red house across the street from us. We couldn't see them and with the way things echo on our street, we couldn't really tell where the noise was coming from. It was kind of scary. Our neighbor's kid told us the next morning that they had come home and seen the perps in the act and called crime check and the police said they would come out only they didn't. So that's fun! 

I've been working pretty much all day, every day, for the last week or so, sometimes working 9-12 hours days with some breaks scattered throughout. I can't just sit all day, my body won't allow it. And it has been very exhausting.  I am so tired and don't feel like I am getting much accomplished. 

On to the more important bit. I have watched the first 2 episodes of the Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. I don't hate it and if I pretend that its something else (as in not Lord of the Rings) I am excited for it. It doesn't have the same feel or tone. Close but not quite. That may change the further the series progresses. Still, I am enjoying it and do want to see more.

Because ELVES DAMNIT! 

And I really like seeing the Elven Cityscapes. And I do want to see more of young Elrond. The social structure of the elves seems... odd? There was something that threw me a little and I need to go back and re-watch it to see if I missed something or if it really is odd. As a side note, Selene found a "which LOTR character are you based on your Zodiac" thing. Mine is Galadriel! Hers was Gimli. 

Well, back to work.

 

 

Despite everything, yesterday wasn't as good a day as it sounded.

I haven't really been feeling very well lately. Part of it is the physical pain, yes, that is half of it, but the other half is depression. Both really caught up to me and hit me pretty hard yesterday afternoon. 

As soon as Skoora's parents left to go to the store I finally had the tv to myself. Of course there really isn't anything worth watching around 5 pm and that includes the news so I just flipped through the channels until I found something I could stand being on in the background and even as tired and as much as I was hurting, I got on the exercise bike. I think I lasted about ten whole minutes, if that, before I broke down in tears. Of course the fact that I was crying upset me even more. 

I decided that since I had the house to myself and Skoora's Mom wasn't there to stick her nose into my business, I needed to call my Mom and just vent. But by the time I started talking to my Mom the panic attack started. I really hate calling my Mom when I'm panicking but it was what it was and after I'd taken a xanax and could get my head together, she and I talked about all of it. Of course, she and Dad aren't happy that I am going back to school (I'm doing it online), they are concerned about the debt. But since it's one of the first few things that I've been excited about in a long time, she kind of backed off a little and told me just to take what I need to take to graduate. That's what I'd planned on. 

Skoora and I are broke, which is another problem we are dealing with. Skoora is trying to find another job that will give her more hours in the very least, if not more pay. I need a job as well but my situation is a bit complicated. Call centers aren't a good fit for me, not that I can't do the work, in fact I'm actually pretty good at it, it's just so mentally exhausting. Actually since working in two call centers I have panic attacks when making doctor's appointments, when calling in prescriptions, and especially talking to anyone I do not know over the phone. Most people don't know because I've gotten very good at hiding it.

 As for everything else I am qualified for, I am unable to do it physically on a consistent basis. I've been trying to work on that on my own, especially since I'm apparently not going to get any kind of assistance outside the home. Why not? Oh that's costs money and when you don't have it, no one even wants to look at you. 

There are a couple of other things that contribute to my panic attacks ranging from food control, lack of privacy, lack of respect, other people pushing their agendas (without any consideration for how I feel much less what's going to be more economical for Skoora and I in the long run) on the matter of where we live so much that I just want to strangle them, to what we are going to do about our cars. Add all of that up you'd think that would be enough but this business of me not being able to sleep at night from pain and I just kind of fall apart at random and inconvenient times. It's not good and I don't know what else to do. I guess there's really nothing that I can do. 

I am perpetually stuck in a cycle and people have all sorts of 'advice', none of which is within our affordability or really helps, and most of the time it's just them advocating that Skoora and I do what they want us to do, and never really anything that will actually benefit us. And you know what, I still drag my ass out of bed every day and try to be as positive as I can and keep my complaints down a minimum. 

A weird day.

Well we ended up working 10 hours today at work and I basically put my foot down and said we weren't working 10 hours instead of our normal 8 on Sunday unless Amanda and I could have lunch together. As it turns out for those of us who stayed until 11 tonight, were fed yummy subway as a thank you.

Still 10 hours and then I had to go to my mom's to get the only decent skillet I own from her clutches. Luckily Daddy pointed it out to me and I made a safe get away with it. Actually Mom didn't care, she knew it was ours and was glad to have it out of her kitchen.

We ended up staying a little bit to watch Drag Me to Hell. Amanda hadn't seen it before and the last time I saw it my Aunt and Uncle yapped all the way through it so I didn't actually get to watch it.

But finally we made it home and I really didn't feel up to cooking and Amanda feels like she can't cook a thing. So I told her what to make. BBQ Hamburgers with cheese and those crispy onion things you put on green bean casserole. She didn't put BBQ sauce on her but she did mine and it was nummy!

Now are for cats, I have proof on my cell phone that Galen truly is a demon. But I can't get the stupid video I took to move to the card for the computer so I can upload it. Stupid, tricksey phone!