I made stuff, migraine, fatigue, bad sleep, and cuddly cats

Remember that picture I posted of myself the other day. Well, this one is a better one in my opinion. 

I have been pretty busy these last several days. We went shopping at Fred Meyer for groceries and then we checked out a new store called My Fresh Basket. It opened up in Kendall Yards. My Fresh Basket a bit pretentious but they do have some specialty things that we haven't found elsewhere. I bought a bar of Sandalwood soap as a treat.  Anyway, because we have adopted a new food diet, I made sure we had plenty of fruits and veggies, which meant that I was in the kitchen cutting, slicing, and chopping- doing food prep- pretty much most of the weekend. When I wasn't doing that, I was cooking or baking. I made a peach pie and a Strawberry pie- both of which have been eaten. Last night I made eggplant parm without the parm. I also decided to make my own Popsicles. The above was supposed to be strawberry pomegranate but I forgot the pomegranate.   

This one is lavender lemonade with real lavender. I also used some of my lavender syrup, not a lot. 

Here is peach pineapple.

And this is vanilla matcha. I have a vanilla coffee syrup and I used just a little to sweeten the matcha.

I have been very exhausted the last several days. I have trouble focusing and staying awake sometimes and others I feel sick. At night I've had some trouble sleeping in bed again and end up on the sofa. Today, I woke with a migraine and it only grew worse as the day progressed. Thankfully, after some coffee, alieve, and laying down for a bit, its disappeared. However, I tried to make vegan apple cinnamon breakfast cups and misread the recipe for lack of being able to focus, and put in too much vanilla. Amanda had to take over for me and double the recipe. That did the trick. I decided to make bread today. It has been rising a little longer than usual, but I need it to double in size and with the air conditioner going, it's been a slow process. 

I am a bit annoyed with my Mom. I called to talk yesterday and during our conversation she informed me that I wasn't going to lose weight just because I decided to go vegetarian. Um, thanks. What the fuck?! I don't get it. We were vegetarian for a whole year when I was a kid. They still cook stuff from the vegetarian cookbooks they have, granted it's not much, but still. Plus me being vegetarian affects her in no way except for the the week or so she and Dad will be visiting in October. If she's worried that I am going to become one of those self important, high horse, condemn you for eating meat vegetarians, she's mistaken AND she should know me better than that. More importantly, I should have to feel that I have to justify myself for trying to see if this will be better for me health wise and reduce my physical pain.

On a much happier note, my cats have been very cuddly lately. Even Narcisa. She actually let me lay my head lightly on her last night. She even purred! 

Migraine, free time, looking ahead

I wanted to start off on a positive note. Autumn is beginning to announce her appearance in my part of the world. The weather has been cooler- I actually got cold sitting outside last night, even had to wear a sweater. A few leaves, just a few, have already begun changing color. I, for one, am excited! I love Autumn! Of course not long after the change in season comes my favorite holiday, Halloween! Those things alone are more than enough to look forward to and everything else is just a bonus. Well, and my 8 year anniversary with Amanda. 

Moving on. Today I woke up with a migraine and it grew progressively worse throughout the morning. I finally had to take some advil and lay down in front of the fan. After a nap, I felt better but we have another round of company arriving today. I have plans to hide in my room and get some of the things I never seem to get done while school is going on, done. 

Yes, that's right. I have some free time coming my way and I plan to fill it with things I  want and need to do or get done. I plan to relax, to be sure and have fun too. Of course anything seems fun after that nightmare of a photography class I had. Excuse me, correction, the teacher was the nightmare- not so much the class.

The class is over and I am waiting to see what my final grade will be. I learned from another classmate that it's not just her or me that were having trouble from the instructor. Apparently, it appears that anyone not familiar and proficient with Photoshop had issues with her and everyone else was fine. She detailed how she was having a problem with an assignment and had to call the help desk and the help desk ended up contacting our instructor's supervisor. My classmate told me that after that, her grade plummeted. Which is utter bull shit. I included that in course eval of the instructor today along with my grievances and I have a record of everything for myself just in case. 

Anyway, that's over. I am looking forward to the next term. I am looking forward to getting some writing done too. I need to write a witch story for a magazine, edit, polish, and submit it. I have a lot of work still to do for my novels but I am going to focus on just one at the moment. Oh and Amanda, trying to help me out and get my back into writing, not just for school, suggested we do a written role place. I could start it, choose the setting, and so on. So I came up with an Elf, because I haven't really written elves in a long time. He is a magic user and that's all I am going to say for now because if I say any more it might spoil it for Amanda. We are only four posts in. I will leave you with what he looks like. Yes, I am designing his appearance off an art piece. 

Sad Gothic Piano, October, I didn't pull that story off, feeling Vampy today.

I'm supposed to be deeply engrossed in homework today. I've made it as far as the library, into black board (the school platform website thingy) and pulled two stories from other classmates to critique. I've even put my headphones on despite the migraine and am listening to "Sad Gothic Piano" music on youtube. It just sounds like sad piano music but it's soft and not jarring, which is what I need right now. 

Last week's short story assignment was a major bust, in my opinion. Amanda said she liked it but I don't know, it doesn't feel right to me. Of course I only had a 1,000 word count to work with and I think that story might need a tad more. I don't know, I will look at it again when I'm not so pissed at it. Amanda also said it could be the start of a book. Which it really could be and that's probably the problem. Hey, at least I recognize that. However, it kind of sucks because I really wanted to have it polished and ready for Haunted Humpday. So, what I might do is rework it after I write this weeks assignment up, and see how I feel about it then. I don't necessarily have a word count here or for myself, so I can tweak it and make it just a bit longer if I need too.

As far as me feeling Vampy today, that has to do with the subject of the next short story assignment. I want to write about a vampire. I haven't written about one for this class and I think in writing one it will help to inspire me to get back to work on one or both of my books. I'm not going to be a published author if I don't have a damn book finished. (there are lots of reasons why I haven't been writing, but I am going to force myself to do it, that way when we finally get out and away from the reasons why, I can just fall right into it easily). 

October is going to be one of the busiest months of my life! Aside from ending one term of school and starting the next, we have a pumpkin potluck, birthdays, a going away party for a friend, pagan classes, pagan meetups, a Samhain celebration, maybe a Halloween party- possibly two, our 7 year anniversary, and actual Halloween. We also have to pay off some bills and get the cars looked at. Amanda is still looking at other jobs to get us out of her parents house and over to Spokane. I also want to get into the doctor and get some blood work done. But that's all next month. For now, I just need to focus on what's in front of me. 

Back to homework it is.  

Oh boy, here we go again.

I saw my doctor yesterday. She's very nice and to be honest, she's the only doctor who has actually done anything to try and help me. But I left her office pretty upset yesterday. She put me back on that horrible birth control that gives me migraines, this time for 5 days instead of 7. But as soon as the 5 days are up, I have to start taking another 'high dose hormone' birth control every day. On top of that, she's sending me to get a sonogram and then to an obgyn. Since I can't afford specialty doctors or tests like this, she's sent me on vouchers. I don't know how much those vouchers actually cover. I just hope it's everything because other wise, I can't afford to go. And none of which I am looking forward to. I am however, thankful for her persistence in trying to help me.

So, today hasn't been a good day. I woke up with upset, hot, and nauseated around 4:30 am. I got up, had some tea, drank some water, and sat in the living room with the air conditioner on for a bit before going to bed, where I tossed and turned for awhile. I did manage to get back to sleep. However, when I awoke again it was with a migraine. The only bonus was that I finally had an idea of what my thesis statement would be and how I would write my Humanities paper. I will start on it as soon as I am finished writing this blog. I really have to get that paper done today because tomorrow I know I will feel worse. 

To go along with the migraine, I'm already having roller-coaster mood swings, and I've already cried once. Part of me just wants to shut the world out and return to bed. I feel like it's a live inside my own head kind of day- not the wallow in my physical and emotional pain sort of way- but a different kind of way. Sometimes, when things get to be too much or I just need some time to myself, I tell myself a story and I spend all day doing it. It is not always happy and not always sad, but something that just lets me be and relax, and get lost for a little bit. No one can hurt me, no one can bother me, it is just me disconnected from everything else (except the cats), living somewhere else. And it's really nice. The control that affords is liberating. Of course, I let my imagination run away with itself, but there is still a semblance of control.

Of course this is no way to live and I would miss out on the people, things, and opportunities of my real life if I did this sort of thing everyday. I don't do it very often but usually when I do I get some story ideas out of it. Better yet, I always feel a little better. Which is strange, because I hate wasting the day or wasting time, especially when I need to get some things done. Unfortunately, I can go play in my own head until after this paper is finished. One page is already written, yay!    

Therapists, boundaries, books, and food.

Is the way to be! Well, perhaps for me, for a little while. I've had trouble with my weight for the last decade. I have chronic pain and a mild wheat allergy. I always thought that the wheat allergy wasn't all that important since I don't really eat a lot of bread and mostly stay away from bread like treats. I haven't had a full blown allergic reaction or anything like that and I can still eat wheat, but my girlfriend and I have decided to taper it out of our diets. Reasons: the wheat allergy, gluten doesn't help inflammation, and weight. But oh boy does it make going to the super market a drawn out experience. Some of the things that have gluten in them are astounding. It's a good thing that I like cooking things from scratch. and supposedly King Arthur has a gluten free flour.

My therapist doesn't think I should go gluten free. She doesn't seem to think that it will do any good and spent the bulk of our session discussing food and eating habits with me. One, I don't think she realizes that I eat less than anyone else in the house at meal times and eat healthier. But as usual she did most of the talking and mostly about food. She also couldn't understand why I was there yesterday. when I tried to explain to her what was going on she just kind of glossed over it. At this point, I think it's time to part ways. She is a nice, well-intended person, but I have left her office feeling worse than when I went in the last couple of times that I have seen her. If I wanted to feel horrible about myself, I'd go spend some time with some of my family. They'll make me feel like shit for free. However, I do agree with her on setting firm boundaries, it's just taken me almost two years to finally get a little of my old confidence back to put my foot down.

I'm making a schedule board for Skoora and I and there will be times listed where neither of us will be available or in a position to be bothered. Her parents are just going to have to accept that. We also have some events coming up this fall that need to be visibly listed so everyone knows what's going on. Really, the indecisiveness and lack routine have been really bad for me. I don't need to have a routine set in concrete, I am flexible and can put something off for later if need be. Skoora and I just need time together but also to ourselves. We both write, me, not nearly as much as I would like and she has homework. We just can't entertain peopl 24/7. Also, we both need time just to read and I just don't think it's fair for me to have alter my sleep routine just to have some quiet time.  

I've got a couple new books in the mail and there are a few more coming. We picked up a couple more on Norse mythology from the library yesterday and I can't wait to read them but I need to wait until I've read some of the ones that need to go back soon. I kind of overloaded myself with books again.

Speaking of Norse mythology, I suppose I should mention why I am reading it. Other than just for curiosity and research for stories, I am reading it because I am a neo-pagan. But because I kind of want to keep things a little separate, I was thinking of doing a blog dedicated to just my spiritual/religious journey. That way if someone wanted to read about that, they could go to that blog and bypass all my ranting and whining here. Yes, I rant and whine, I admit it, I am human after all. I just haven't completely decided if I want to make the blog as of yet.

At the moment, I'm hiding in the dark, in my room, with the cats and a migraine. I've had to let my hair down out of the pony tail I had it in. I also had to close my door because Mama Cathy had a candle going in her bathroom and it was making me so sick. Of course that means that I don't get any of the air conditioning in here, but it's better than puking. I did go blow the candle out and have since taken some migraine medicine. I feel a little better but not much. I shouldn't even be sitting at the computer but I just didn't want to lay in bed for a headache when I have to lay in bed for chronic pain on other days.

Hiccups, Migraines, Alliance Battles, and Dresses

I have had a terrible migraine today and it was bad enough that I actually went to lay down for a bit earlier today. I accidently took a nap and when I awoke, I had two cats sleeping next to me in the bed and my migraine was even worse. So, I decided that it was time to take some medicine.

It helped for a little while, long enough for me to get a dress I have been meaning to get sewn, sewn. But before too long, while I was eating dinner and trying to make up some an invitation for a friend's graduation party, my migraine started to kick my ass again. This is not good. I am supposed to be on Guild Wars tonight to participate in Alliance Battles.

To make matters that much more annoying, I also have the hiccups!

I suppose I am just going to have to take some more medicine, go lay down for a little while, and hope that I can play Guild wars a little later. 

Migraine and a not so helpful kitty

Meet Yoda. He's my best friend, confidant, and for lack of a better term, my familiar. He waits for me to come home, has to sleep on me or my pillow at night, and insists on sitting next to me or on the minute I sit down. In fact, the fluffy fur ball is sitting beside me this very minute.

Earlier while blogging I felt the on set of a migraine coming and but wasn't fast enough to the medicine before it kicked into full bloom. So I had to take two and Amanda tucked me in on the sofa, put in a movie for me, and there Yoda was, waiting to jump up and plop right on my hip. He was nice enough to wait until I was comfortable and then jump and plop! Now this cat weighs about 20-25 pounds and he likes to put most of his weight on one paw so there was a moment or two of groaning.
But as per usual when I have to take two of my migraine meds I conked out pretty quick.

When I awoke, I had a cat hat. Yoda loves to curl around my head, laying half on, half off. But there's only so much room on the sofa and so he was kind of wiggled his way and now I have a crick in my neck. *sigh* Even in my sleep I spoil the bastard.