Trying a new schedule, really bad day, and looking for doctors

I am trying out a new schedule to help myself stay focused, on task, and get my ass in gear as far as writing is concerned. Also, to help me do things that I want to do without feeling guilty for doing them when I should be doing something else. With that said, also to set a limit on how long I do certain things so I can still have time to do others. It's been a slow start. 

Monday, Amanda had a job interview and we had coffee after with a friend, then we went to another friend's house for dinner. Dinner and Chris's on Mondays has sort of become a tradition now. Yesterday, we woke up really late and while Amanda was working on something, I started the process f trying to find a primary care physician. I may have found one but aside from having to go into the fill out medical release paperwork, I need to ask some questions. For instance, why do they only want the last three visits with my previous doctor instead of my whole file? Shouldn't they know that I have a gazillion allergies, have had concussions, a surgery when I was little, and so on? You'd think right? But apart from my questions it seems that I won't even know if I will be approved for this doctor's office until they get my last three visits and take a look. Which kind of sucks when you are out of ALL of your medication.

So while I was contemplating that and the fact that I don't have two essential textbooks for a class (I don't even want to go into the why), my brain broke. I've been sick lately. Amanda and I both have been. It was a stomach bug of some kind and it wasn't fun. I also believe it was stress related. I've said it many times, we have been going and going and going for several months with very little decompression time in between. We've gone to people's houses, had people over, gone to events, had car issues, run errands, made new friends, and for some one who is an introvert, its all very draining. Especially, when I'm not running on all cylinders to begin with. I've also been exposed to people and situations I don't ever want to be exposed to again. All of that, all of the stress from it exploded in my head yesterday and I had a panic attack so bad that I wanted to hit myself. I haven't had panic attacks like that in a long time and quite frankly it scares the shit out of me. That's not progress.

Things have to change.

The first step for that is me putting my foot down and saying "No". The second step is not letting shit fester. There are a lot of things that I put up with, that I am too polite or too considerate of other people's feelings- putting theirs over my own- that in the end only does me a disservice. I am going to be putting up boundaries. A lot of people are going to be pissed at me, they are going pitch fits, and be upset. I have to stay strong and be firm. Especially when a couple of them pout, whine, do a pity party, and guilt trip me. I cannot and will not put up with that shit any more. It's not fair and it's not right. More so, what kind of friend does that make that person when they feel like they have to or they like manipulating other people into doing what they want? That means that they don't really value their friends, it means that they don't really trust their friends, and in the end, that comes back to them not being a good friend themselves.  

I love my friends, even the ones who frustrate the shit out of me, even the ones who are clueless sometimes and think that I don't want to spend time with them when really that's not the case, the case is that I need time and space to recuperate so I can spend time with them again, later. They wouldn't be my friends if I didn't.