It is 3:30 in the morning and I'm tired, sure, but also very much awake. I tried to go to bed with Amanda, but I'm in enough pain that lying in bed is too much. Worse, I no matter how hard I tried to ignore it and lie still, I had a headache that wouldn't quit. Of course now that I am up, the headache had subsided and while I still hurt, it isn't as bad. It is so frustrating. Chronic pain sucks ass. I hate it. How the hell am I supposed to love my body when said body won't work with me and when I try to push through stuff, it only hurts more?
Whatever. Since I am awake, I decided to catch up on some blog reading or in my case, my general lurking. I read peoples blogs but don't always comment. Now that I have done that, I'm going to read a web comic Amanda read and loved so I can fangirl with her about it.
I've felt very out of touch for a long time. Out of touch from the spiritual aspect of my life. Out of touch with friends. Out of touch with family, and so on. A very large part of it is that I had surgery. But it is also that my depression monster is working overtime. And then there's the writing. Lastly, by the end of all of it, I've just been so apathetic that I'm like, fuck it all. I don't want to see anyone, deal with anyone, and those that I do want to see and have dealings with, I barely see anyway. Hello hermit life, it's been a long time.
I have spoken with my Mom recently. Apparently someone gave my aunt a lift chair, apparently they donated it to hospice. Well, that lift chair, when my Mom went to vacuum it, had quite a few surprises in the form of fleas, cockroaches, and spiders. Who the fuck donates a bug ridden chair to people on hospice?! I mean really, how disgusting and mean do you have to be to do something like that? Needless to say, my Dad put it in the back of his truck to take it to the dump.