KuroNekoCon 2018

For the last ten years Spokane has put on KuroNekoCon. I haven't lived in the area as long as that, but since I learned about it, I've wanted to go. It is one of the less expensive anime conventions I've been too as well as one of the smaller ones. I've been to bigger and while those cons are a blast, they are packed with people and have long lines. I tend to prefer the smaller cons so I can get to and from places, see the panels I want easier, and well, there are less people. 

Side note: you may or may not recognize this park- which is across the river from the convention center, as the one that hosted a World's fair in the 70s and it was also where they shot some scenes for Benny and June. And no, I still haven't seen that movie. 

I  also haven't been to explore the park proper. I've been to sections on the south side of the river and enjoyed those, but never managed to cross over the bridge or park on the north side to explore there. I am hoping that this spring, I will be in better shape physically, won't have had any surgeries, and can go play there. But for now, on to the con...

First I'm going to say that we had a full house. Our friend, the Twins and their two brothers came up from Moscow, Id for the con and Amanda's  friend from her MFA program in Boston, Marilyn came for the con and to see us as well. 

Here is the KuroNekoCon program. I really liked the cover art for this year it was really cute.  I think one of the reasons I like anime so much is because the art styles appeal to me. 

A picture of the some of the programming available for the first day. Amanda and I both noticed they had a bit of a problem, there were errors all over it. Which meant they either rushed to get the programs printed or whoever put it together, didn't proof it and edit well enough. It bothered Amanda so much she decided we HAVE to join the committee for the con to fix this for next year. I would love to help with that too. 2019 spoiler alert, we are going to see about joining the KuroNekoCon planing committee or board to and see if we can't bring some of our ideas in to help the con run smoother, because its something we enjoy and want to see flourish.  

One of the things I like is Moe Maid Culture (its half fashion, half cute stuff), so I went to a panel about just that. This adorable lady came all the way from New York to talk about a Maid Cafe there. She was super cute and she said the anime Maid Sama was probably the best, most accurate representation of a real Maid Cafe, although not totally like it. Still, that is helpful in knowing what to expect when going. The Maids want their customers to feel like they have come home and to relax and have fun.

One band was present at the con this year and it was Kazha. I didn't know much about them, so I thought I would check them out since I like hearing new music. My friend Tomi was at the Con too and she said she really liked them. Since Tomi and I have a lot of the same tastes in music, I definitely wanted to see them. 

It didn't seem to matter where I stood, I could not get a good picture of Kazha herself. But you can take a listen to her and the band here.

BB-8 was there, rolling around and paused for a photo op!

One of the panels Amanda, her friend Marilyn, and I went to was on Taiko Drumming. We've seen this group preform at the Perry Street Fair a couple of years ago and really liked them. As it turns out, not only were they letting people try it out, but they let people come and learn how to drum and join their group. I got way too shy to go up on stage, so Amanda (in the pink dress) went up. Even Marilyn went up. We'd like to go try it out in 2019.

The must see panel for me was the one on Kendo. I've always been fascinated by it since I learned of it through anime, but didn't figure I would ever get the chance to learn something like that. Guess again, there is a club right here in town and they have classes. I won't be able to go to them for awhile, we don't have the money for it, but I am hoping that I can soon, even if it is just a beginners class. 

One of our Twin friends and her younger brother. We were waiting outside the gaming hall, trying to decide what we were all going to do next.

Someone cosplayed as the Goddess in Moana, her cosplay was beautiful!

An Aggretusko cosplayer. 

This girl dressed as prisoner Shiro from Voltron and since it was just after the Voltron people had confirmed that Shiro is gay, she wore a gay flag too. I loved it, so I asked if I could take her picture. Apparently, I was the first person to do so and seemed to know who she was playing.

Had some girls cosplaying Voltron cheerleaders.

My other must see panel was a Voltron Monsters and Mana (Voltron's version of D&D) game. It was so much fun and this group did an amazing job. The cosplayer playing Lotor was hilarious!

there were three of the T-rexes running about  the con. They were pretty fun too.

A better look at the Voltron cosplayer panel I enjoyed so much.

We took the bus one of the days we went to the con. In sunlight, I really do look pale. 

The beautiful Marilyn

Amanda being silly and going to the con Goth style.

I didn't have a costume for the con but I did decide to make myself a stencil of the Fairy Tail guild's tattoo (from the anime Fairy Tail) and used eye liner, eye shadow, and a setting spray. It came out pretty good and lasted all day! 

One afternoon we went to Sushi Sakai for lunch. Because I can't have any shell fish and don't like fish in general, I was pleased to find vegetarian sushi on the menu.

We also shared a bottle of sake.

This artist, Charamath, has some beautiful work. The blue, yellow, and orange elf picture in the bottom left corner came home with me. When I saw it, I knew it was mine. Here's a link to her shop on etsy if you want to see more Charamath's Art Corner.

I can't recall the artist who did this print, but I made Amanda get it. It was the best Keith print at the whole con.

Two key chains Amanda and I bought. Mine is Shiro and her's is Keith. 

When I walked into the Vendor hall I saw this Dakimakura and had to know what the character was from. I love his design and as it turns out, he's from the web comic Phantom Paradise. Its in the fantasy genre. As soon as we came home from the con, I looked it up and so far, I am really enjoying the comic, which you can find here if interested.

We bought more art and a few trinkets from the vendor hall and went to the gaming hall a few times to either sit and relax or play games. We also sat out in the convention center's 'cafe' area and watched people come and go. It was a lot of fun and reminded me how much I miss doing things like that. 

Time for something different. Half a year in pictures starting in summer: Mad Tea Party, Home, Tanabata

Since I have all these pictures and can't remember what I have or haven't posted this year. Yes, I am too lazy to go check but after fighting with my phone and computer and them not getting along and having to pic dump Amanda on messenger then save pics to my computer then separate them accordingly... Well, just enjoy.

First up is a Mad Tea Party moon rit we had at a friends house this Summer. It happened just a few days prior to receiving news that my Grandpa passed.  

Amanda getting a beautiful selfie!

Amanda and our friend Tomi. Tomi and I fan-girled over Otome Games while Amanda made her Cthulhu plushie wear my horns.

***

These are a few of pictures from my visit home when my Grandpa died. I decided I wanted to show a few pieces of my art to friends so I got a little of that too. But mostly, I just wanted to spend time with family. 

A raccoon black scratch board project I did in 8th grade. My parents still have it hanging in the Kitchen. 

One of my Great Great (possibly Great) Grandmothers Richardson. Her eyes follow you no matter where you are in the living room. Maybe she's who I get resting bitch face from, lol. Said with love, of course. But she is very severe looking.

A cup from the resturant my Grandma's cousin owned. 

My Dad adjusting one of Grandma's bird feeders in her back yard. I loved playing in that yard and have lots of really good memories. 

A picture I was trying to take of my cousin Shi-chan (who looks possessed), Amanda, and me. It looks like Amanda is holding my decapitated head though.

I think this is the last picture I got of Kali, my sister-dog. She wasn't doing so well, but she was a good and sweet girl. I miss her a lot. In the background is my Aunt Laura, my Mom's identical twin.

This is a mask I sculpted, fired, and glazed in my freshman pottery class. My teacher loved it and my parents do too. It is hanging in their downstairs bathroom

My parents living room with- oh look, my parents. Dad was talking to Amanda about something and I was sneaking a picture of my Mom and got her smiling. Really smiling. She kind of fake smiles for pictures because she hates them. 

Another mask I sculpted, glazed, and fired in my freshman pottery class. This one is more tribal feeling. Again, my parents really liked it and hung it in the bathroom. 

Finally got a picture of Shi-Chan, Amanda, and I where I have a body and Shi-chan doesn't look possessed.

My Mom's best friend, Pat, or Aunt Pat as I grew up calling her, lived in Indonesia for a little over a year. Her husband was working there for some company I forget. Anyway, she was deaf, and didn't have much to do but shop, so she bought and brought us a lot of really beautiful things from their travels and time there.

This is one of my favorite pieces she brought back. Above it is a project from a high school art class. Ignore it, its weird, but my Mom keeps it up there.

Got a picture of my Dad squinting from the flash.

There is the picture of my however many Greats Grandpa Richardson. You're going to see him again in a later post about something else.  

***

Tanabata. 

Tanabata is a Japanese Star Festival in July. It is the seventh day of the seventh month. the story is about two lovers (the stars Altair and Vega) who, after falling in love, are separated because they spent more time with each other than doing the work they were supposed to be doing. On the seventh day of the seventh month, they get to cross the river separating them (the milky way) to be together for one night and on that night they will grant wishes. I am totally not doing this beautiful story justice. You can learn more about it here. 

Amanda and I wanted to put on our own Tanabata festival for our friends. We'd done a tiny celebration a year prior and before that we'd celebrated with Cousin Kat. But this year, it was going to be a festival and Amanda really wants to try to work with some people around town to make it an event for the city! Not sure when that's going to happen but when it does, I will certainly share information.

Meet Trixie, our friend Malissa's therapy dog. She's super chill and adorable.

Friends sitting around a table in Rachel's backyard waiting for the celebration to begin.

Amanda, Jeremy, Malissa, and I think Rachel getting ready to head outside.

Tsuki and Tomi eating dinner before the festivities begin.

Our Wishing well. Amanda's Mom made it for us while we were visiting my family and attending my Grandpa's funeral. She did a lot for our little festival which helped me out since shortly after we came home, I had to have gall bladder surgery.

My favorite sushi ever! 

Cathy made sushi like cupcakes.

Our Tanabata alter.

Amanda, Jeremy, and Rachel's adorable dog Bladen.

Bladen looking for dropped goodies.

some of the activities we prepared. We had origami, coloring pages, and games.

I made Star cookies and tried out an edible spray mist to make the milky way. I suppose it looks okay. 

view of our altar and lanterns

Amanda made a beautiful program and check list for everyone and Rachel's neighbors turned their sprinkler on. Some of our stuff got soaked, but thankfully it was hot enough to dry things quickly.

Update: Why I haven't been blogging much, if at all this year, and some review.

This year has been one of change, grief, suffocation, adjustment and recuperation, and pain with little moments of quiet and dots of happiness. A lot has happened and I've wanted to share or blog about many things, even saved the pictures from, but I couldn't and barely managed the few posts I did. I'm going to try and break it down in smaller sections so I'm not all over the place. 

House: We came into the year, thankfully, with a home of our own. Being evicted from our apartment when we hadn't done anything wrong and the way in which it was was done, really messed me up. We were blessed enough to have been approved for a home loan and a couple months of couch surfing later, find our house. Since moving in, we've had little hiccups with the house itself. We had to get a new stove, we have only one bathroom, I've had trouble establishing boundaries, and the summer was especially hard since we were living in the living room. We don't have central air conditioning or a unit for our room yet.  Some friends offered to get us one to help me keep my sanity, but feeling so low I just couldn't take them up on it. It also didn't feel right for them to fix problems we needed to fix on our own. Recently, now that it is much cooler and winter, we have moved back into our bedroom upstairs and have finally gotten the house just about in order. We've begun the downsizing we hadn't been able to do before moving in. 

Family: I've been struggling with forgiving my parents. I think I have forgiven and understand all the reasons why they didn't come to my wedding, but the fact of the matter is, what they did hurt me in such a way I don't know if I will ever truly heal from. Sometimes I am furious, sometimes I can't fathom why what they did hurts so much, or how to even explain it to friends. But how do you explain growing up idolizing your parents and grandparents no matter what? How do you impart that your parents were and still are two of your best friends? Or even that your Grandparents are too? Or that family means more to you than you can explain?

Then of course, my Grandpa died during the summer and I go up and down with that all the time and will for awhile. 

My Aunt Laura, my mom's twin, is- hell I don't know what she is trying to do, but she's taking us all on an up and down ride. 

My cousin Tony found my Mom's lost older sister, Debra. That was exciting and she is so nice and sane. But her husband has cancer and so does she, which is upsetting. 

I did get to reconnect with my cousin Crystal this year, which has been good. My cousin Dashiel is still a shit head.

Friends: My in-person friends have kind of let me down and frustrated me a lot this year. Some have made me feel pretty awful. I'm sure I've done the same. I kind of became even more of a hermit this year, but some of that is health related. In the last few months, I've kind of reached a soft breaking point and had a bit too much. I've had to be much firmer than I would have liked with some friends and told one that the way she was treating me was not okay. And, it has become vividly clear that I simply do not think in the same manner as everyone else. Twice, when things have been so utterly horrible, I've let people know I was drowning in my depression and that I didn't know what to do. 

1. It is extremely difficult for me to put that out there and if I am telling someone that, it is because I'm in so deep I don't know if I am going to be able to climb out on my own. That is a call for help. It is not that I am too proud to ask for help. It is that I've spent years believing that I didn't deserve it and had to fix things on my own. 

2. Telling me you love me and you're there if I need you, tell you what I need, doesn't actually help. It was a struggle for me to tell you how bad its gotten, chances are I can't put into words or even know what I need, other than for someone to keep me talking or come sit with me. And this is where I think I think differently, because if one of my friends told me they were in this position, I wouldn't have to ask them what they needed, I would talk to them or go to them. But, that's just me. 

3. The last thing I need is the brush off or a lecture about everything I am doing wrong or to be told what you think I should be doing, especially when you won't do these things for yourself. 

Body/health: At the end of the day, I find myself sometimes quoting Leto Atreties II from the movie Children of Dune, "my skin is not my own". Of course I'm not about to turn into some giant sand worm that produces the spice the universe runs on, but the feeling of feeling like my body belongs to me or feels like its right, is the same concept. In fact, I feel like mine has betrayed me in major ways. I described to my therapist that it feel like I'm stuck or trapped in something I can't tear off. It feels like I'm under or surrounded by something foreign and if I could get rid of it, things would feel more like me. I know part of that is the weight. Which has been a struggle in and of itself. The rest is depression, fibro, the hysterectomy, and my back. As much as I desperately needed that hysterectomy and was begging to have it done, that was still a big part of me and suddenly I don't quite feel right any more. I don't feel so much like a girl and I actually really wanted kids of my own, even though I knew I couldn't. Having that finalized, IS VERY hard. I feel like I somehow failed even though no one blames me. And I go up and down with that too. And in the last year the fibro and my back have gotten worse, which doesn't help. And my level of energy has dropped dramatically. Some days I truly struggle to get even the simplest things accomplished.   

Therapist: I really like my therapist and I think she is a good fit for me, but she's kind of screwed me over a couple of ways. First was with the insurance. I could have had health insurance this whole year had she told me she was going to stop taking what I had and that I should find another insurance provider. True the company I had seemed to be doing some shady things. So I switched, but in doing so, we had to update some financial information and that made it so instead of free insurance, we had to come up with deductable and copays and pay for insurance every month. Which wouldn't be a big deal except that we don't have that money and were trying to figure out how to pay her bill since I had lost the free insurance. She put me on a sliding fee scale based on Amanda's income, which helped. But we had already been behind and have yet to catch up because she didn't charge me a couple of visits like she was supposed to and we didn't catch it. To make matters worse, she's been fussing at me to get health insurance just about every time I see her. What part of we can't afford it, do you not understand?! And the best part of this is, she's now going to take the insurance I was originally on! I could strangle her.
On the matter of health insurance itself, I am hoping that after a month or two, Amanda and I will be caught up on everything and can wipe some things out. I am hoping then, we can readdress the health insurance issue for the both of us. If not, that's just how it is. We are in the weird middle ground of just enough income to not qualify for free health insurance but not enough to actually afford it. But, no matter what, I know that things will work out some how- or at least enough to keep up on the most important medicines we need. Certainly dropping therapy and getting her paid off would free up more of our income for other medical needs.

The second part, is on the topic of my writing. I know she is a therapist, but I don't think she understands the writing process. She's said some things about it that made me feel like I shouldn't write. That I was spending too much time writing (which, for me is actually kind of limited since I can only sit at my desk for so long before my back starts cramping and seizing up and I have to go do something else for a while). She worried that I was escaping too much instead of being present in the real world. I can go through phases where I am a workaholic and need to see the end of something like a chapter or section of story- but that's not limited to writing, that goes for house cleaning or cooking, or craft stuff. I have used writing as a way to cope with things that are too painful in the 'real world' before. Its how I made through high school and the few years I lived at home before I moved out. I can also get a bit involved and obsessive and I know that not everyone gets it or wants to hear about what is thrilling or exciting to me or wants to be a sounding board. I recognize and understand these things and can usually catch myself in the process of them and back up. But the way in which she's addressed them made me feel so guilty and like there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't actually stay on the momentum I had last year when I rewrote and finished the novel length fanficion I had been working on. So the triumph and self proof that I could do this was so utterly dashed and stamped out that I was afraid to try. And with friends fussing about me being a little over excited or obsessive and talking about me needing to find balance between this and that, I was really scared.

It finally came to head the other night, when after months of agonizing over all this I was finally able to put it into words to Amanda. Thank the Gods she is a writer and actually understands. I am truly blessed to have her, because despite submitting two pieces of writing this year, I hadn't written anything other than fanfic and rps. But after finally being able to get all of that out and talking to her about it, I actually feel like it is okay to be this part of me again. And I don't know when or where or why there's this part of me that needs permission to do things sometimes, if it is part of my trying to please people or be considerate of what other people feel and think, what they want- or really when I started being so accommodating, or if its part of a lack of self esteem, guilt for paying more attention to what makes me happy instead of what makes other people happy, or even a combination of all of the above. All I do know is that I have enough trouble fighting with fibro fog, fibro pain, exhaustion, and back pain, and lack of confidence, that I don't need anything else piled on. Further if my therapist and my friends can't accept or put up with my excitement and joy and be supportive, then maybe its not me, it's them who are in the wrong and maybe they don't get the privilege of taking that ride with me or celebrating any accomplishments with me along the way. Thanks for making me feel less than or crazier than I already do.

Finally: I really have been just exhausted. I've been too tired to keep up with much of anything and have had to tell Amanda that the rate of comapny- the one that come all the time- needs to slow the hell down because I never get a weekend along with her when she is off work, and I almost never see the people who don't constantly ask or just show up with little or no notice. Her parents are taxing and with all my stuff going on on top it, I'm crankier, have less patience, and just can't. Which of course affects her in that she wants to go out and do things but I don't have the energy. In fact if I even settle down on the sofa 9 times out of 10, I fall asleep within five minutes of sitting down and faster if I have to the heating pad for my back. I feel as though I am running on borrowed fumes most of the time. It both frustrates me and makes me cry. I'm only 34. If  things are this bad now, whats it going to be like when I'm 40 or 50?

So there you have it. Some of it is broken record but I've said it many times, this is my venting ground. People don't just get over things and move on. It takes time to process things properly and when dealing with grief or loss, it can take even longer- especially if you stuff shit.