Upset and still not quite myself

There are days I really wish there were portal systems that would allow me to go from Idaho to Kansas. I would go see friends and spend time with family. More importantly, today I would have puddle jumped home to strangle my father's sister, my snotty-self-important Auntie M. My parents have been taking care of my Grandmother since she broke her leg and my mom has even been staying over to help. She's done laundry, cooked, done the dishes, cared for my Grandma in the bathroom and helped her get around. She's even helped my Grandpa with his shingles. Grandma was talking to my mom about getting out to see her friends and have some time to herself for a bit since my mom was there and could stay with my Grandpa, who has Alzheimer's.

Then here comes Auntie M, who has wanted to shove Grandpa into a nursing home ever since she knew he had Alzheimer's. In fact she treats my Grandpa so condescendingly, like a five year old. It's awful, never mind that she's always treated my parents and many times even me like we were nothing more than trailer trash putting a black mark on her because we aren't as trendy, wealthy, or Democratic as she and her family are. And aside from the way she and her husband have treated my parents and I, it's taken her 3 weeks to up to a couple of months to return a phone call to my Grandma. Not to mention that she only deigns to visit the rest of the family when it's a holiday and sometimes not even then.

So what did she do this time? She somehow coned or perhaps even bullied Grandma into moving into a nursing home not 12 hours after being at her house. Granted I know my Grandparents are probably set for the rest of their lives but nursing homes are so expensive. Now if this was something that Grandma really wanted to do, I would support her all the way. She is 84 after all and eventually she won't be able to take care of Grandpa on her own or do a lot of things that she likes too. She is very independent. But Grandma wasn't even talking about it until Auntie M came around.

It's like this. My Aunt can't be bothered to come down and help and when she does come down they down help out at all, and they can't be bothered to return phone calls. My parents and I, when I am living in Ks, go over and help out all the time, go over for weekly Sunday dinners, and go over to spend time with my Grandparents. I call my Grandma at least once a week if not more. Do you think either of Auntie M's kids do that? Nope. So it really pisses me off when Auntie M thinks she knows better than anyone else and starts pushing her agenda on people. She just wants Grandma and Grandpa in a nursing home and probably wants to sell their stuff and their house to be done with it so she can go back to her happy, perfect, more important little life in Nebraska ad not be bothered with them again until they die. It's sickening.

On the other side of the family, my mom's twin decided that she wasn't getting enough attention from my mom since my mom has been helping my Grandma out. So when my mom called her this afternoon to check up on one of my cousins she ripped my mom a new one for it. Disgusting. Could she be any more selfish?

I talked to the doctor's nurse yesterday or so, I don't remember what day it was. Apparently my back is fucked and will continue to become more fucked but it's not in need of surgery yet so I am screwed. Oh joy! Her recemndation is to A) lose weight (no shit, I've been working on that). B) pain block shots (As if I could afford those), and C) more physical therapy (They are only going to show me the same crap again, which I will do but grr!). Conclusion, you're screwed but not screwed enough. How maddening.

I spent a good hour this morning trying not to feel frustrated and focused on Yoda, who was sleeping beside me in bed. He certainly was a happy kitty.

I've read most of the books that I borrowed from the library and took them back and managed to pick up a few more. These were on drawing. I think I will end up taking two of them back tomorrow. They just aren't what I am looking for.

All in all I am feeling a little better, at least a little more grounded in myself and not so damned apathetic and listless as I was. But I still don't really feel like myself. I'm writing a little bit again, just some little blog posts, most are post dated for my craft blog. Today I started reading about Halloween/Samhain, the roots of it and customs all around. I have two books on it and wish the library had more. They might, I will check. I don't like to just look at one or two sources for information, I like to have three or more and see what the consensus is.

I need to start working on the Halloween party plans. I really wanted Skoora to look at some stuff with me but I think it would help if I have some ground work covered so she can just jump in from there.