Good grief!

My sweet Yoda-Chan

It is safe to say that it's been a really hard week. I've had some new things come up, received some really depressing news, and thought over some of the things that have happened recently.

First up, we finally were able to get Yoda-Chan to the vet. We had to take out a loan to do so but as it turned out the loan wasn't even going to begin to cover the bill. So we had to apply for a Care Credit card. We were declined and had to have Skoora's mother apply. She was approved and because she applied for us she managed to finagle more money out of Skoora. That's a topic for a later time and as angry as I am about it, I don't really get to complain since if she hadn't we wouldn't have been able to pay the bill for my cat.

The diagnosis for my sweet old baby is that he's diabetic. Thankfully, we got him in early enough and the diabetic can be managed with an extremely strict diet and insulin. We were even lucky enough that the vet gave us a bottle of insulin that someone had donated. We are putting the other cats on Yoda's feeding scheduled much to their chagrin but they can get over it.

Speaking of medicine, after a long time of negotiating which meds I could get when due to finances, I was finally able to get all of them! I don't take that many but we have been so broke. So I took them this morning and after we picked Yoda up from the vet, I took a nap. I slept longer than I wanted to and haven't really accomplished much. I did manage to get dinner cooked a few minutes ago. Other than that I've been searching for crochet patterns so I can make some Christmas Gifts. Well, that and some paper crafts. Oh and I'm drinking Cranberry Pomegranate juice in the hopes that I can fix a potential bladder infection. I don't know if it's going to work because of the pomegranate, but I thought it was worth a shot. When I was checking the sugar on the juice bottles, I was surprised to see how many grams are in one serving size. One glass of juice is the equivalent of a whole meal.

Some of the bad news I received, on the same day that I learned that Yoda is diabetic, was that my cousin's diabetes is now affecting her kidneys. So far she doesn't need dialysis but if she doesn't get her act together she will. It was really hard to hear, we are only seven months apart in age, she's like a sister and for someone who doesn't have any living siblings (Mom had trouble carrying babies to term and even I was a month early), that's a big deal. Anyway, my cousin can only do so much, at least food wise, because she's even more financially strapped than we are. Food stamps aren't an option for her. But that's not the only problem, her mother, my aunt, has gone off the deep end and is a monster. But again, that's a topic for another post. In the end, my cousin will either have a heart attack, or stop taking her insulin, or just out right commit suicide.

Another piece of bad news I've received this week was that I have borderline personality disorder. I don't want to talk about who or how I received this news, and will only say that it wasn't from my therapist. I felt kind of blindsided actually. No one has ever told me. I've only ever known the social phobia, anxiety, and severe depression, which I've been trying to manage through therapy and medication for the last ten years. No, I haven't been completely successful, especially in the last couple of years since I've had chronic pain, but I've done my best. I'm certainly bouncing back and forth between accepting it and denying it.

My family plays a big part in that process. Grandma, though I love her dearly, likes to sweep all the ugly stuff under the rug for no one to see. My Dad's sister, looks down on my parents, on me, on my Mom's side of the family, she and her husband have been vicious to my parents and caused fights at Grandma's house. They don't like us for a variety of reasons, one of which is different political views (by the way my parent never talk about politics at Grandma's house out of respect for her). My Dad's sister's family sees themselves as the perfect middle class american family with no problems what so ever. Trust me they aren't perfect. Hell, my Aunt can't understand how I can sit for several hours and read a book instead of going shopping. Reading is more fun than shopping, it makes me happy, shopping depresses me and people get to close to me. It's not that hard to figure out.

So at the end of the day, I'm not sure what to think or how to feel. Either way, I know I've been avoiding it most of the time.

On the subject of Guild Wars, I'm just not happy with playing anymore. I enjoy playing with my Dad and playing by myself, that much I know for sure. But some 'in game' drama has really turned me off. I've had several instances where I have been annoyed with the alliance leader, Paul. Not long ago he asked one of his guild mates to leave and we took her into our guild so she could still be part of the alliance. She was only with us for a week and left with no notice to me or my Dad and is somehow back in Paul's guild. At first I just didn't care. Dad was sick and I'd had company over for several days and it would have been rude of me to get on and play with guests in the house. I told her that. But after thinking about it and seeing how a lot of other people have been playing, I wonder if maybe Paul sent her over to spy on us. There's nothing to spy on though. We don't gossip, we don't talk shit on others, and if we are on, we are on and if we are off, we are off. I haven't asked Paul if that was what was going on or not.

Then Paul decided that he was going to disband the alliance. Not only did he not tell me this, and there is no reason for him not to have since I am my guild's leader and he and I are friends on facebook, but he tried to recruit my Dad from my guild. Oh he said my Dad could come with his other account so he could use his main account with me, but still. That's really shitty. But what really pisses me off is that for all of his schpeals about loyalty and honor and my guild and his guild sticking together forever, I think if I hadn't been on, he wouldn't have invited my guild to go with his to a new alliance. I don't think he really wanted me around at all. I'm not a hard core player. I don't get on every night and weekend to play. And frankly I shouldn't have too. I have other things going on and when he was alliance leader, most of what we did was faction farm. Also, I didn't like the way he'd taunt some of the other players in the game, players he didn't like.

But I do like the new alliance for the most part. A lot of people are really nice and and this is where the blog ends for me tonight. Skoora's parents just came home and will want dinner and on top of that, they won't stop talking. *sigh*