Losing home, are you kidding me, and almost hospital

Five months ago I asked my parents if me buying their plane tickets, taking care of them while they were at my house so they could attend my wedding, would be okay. My friend Rachel was fronting me the money and I was to work it off during the summer at her Kettle Corn stand. My parents said okay. Two weeks ago my Dad said he might be able to come because they would never dig themselves out of the hole from losing a weeks worth of his pay. Amanda said she'd give him money to supplement them coming up. We don't have it but we were going tom make it happen. That just pissed my Dad off.  There were somethings happening at his job that might have allowed him to come. Except they never happened. He never got the promotion, he never got the job with another correctional facility in another county.... it is a mess.  So he is not coming. My Dad is not coming to my wedding. It is official. And I am not okay with it. I understand why. But it still hurts. It still feels like I'm not worth the effort in a way. 

Worse, it sounds like my Mom wants to bail on me to. I was talking to her last night about another issue and she said "If I come up". I just about lost my shit. "I said, what do you mean 'if'. You're coming!" But you know at this point. Fuck it. Just fuck it. No I don't want her flying alone. Yes, the lay overs suck and the changing of planes is a hassle, but damn it, aren't I worth the fucking effort? Apparently not. 

On top of that, my fears of being kicked out of our apartment came true yesterday. They finally found something to give us the boot and they can get away with it. Amanda makes commission but it varies and is not a gaurnteed thing. But they basically did a 'projected' 'what she has the potential to make' estimate and used that to kick us out. It put us over the kick out line by $100 dollars. $100. We have 30 days to get out of our apartment. We still have to pay rent for October, the full amount, and if we move out before the 30 days is up, we don't get the money for the day not lived here back. When Amanda asked if we could have two months, they said no. I told them we are getting married next month, that my Mom is flying in from out of town, that we are going on our honeymoon. They didn't give a shit. It was pretty much "aww that sucks, get out".  They are giving us $1,800.00 for moving expenses. I am trying to look at that as a positive but it is very difficult. I don't actually trust that these people will hand us that money in the end. 

Last night was awful. I cycled through crying, wanting to break things, wanting to vomit, being furious, and then feeling like the ground under me was crumbling and I was scrambling to find something to hang on to before I was buried and suffocated by my own feelings. I tried to keep it all in and keep Amanda from texting my parents with offers to give them money we really don't have to they come to the wedding.  That just stressed me out more even though it was so kind and sweet of her. It's not her fault, its that my Dad won't take it. He's too proud. His pride is hurting me and I don't think he realizes it. 

I almost gave up last night. I was watching anime and talking to my friend Chris over facebook messenger. When things get really bad I have the urge to scratch and tear my skin. Last night I wanted to flay it off with a knife and it scared me. That's just not normal. I took half a xanax and sat on my hands. It was awful and I really considered asking Amanda to drive me to the hospital. I even mentioned it to her and she was going to take me. But I didn't go. She has to work today and couldn't afford to lose sleep. I didn't want to be away from my cats or away from my home. 

On top of that, Amanda broke out in hives all over her body. We don't know if she's got a latex allergy- she popped all the birthday balloons at her desk yesterday. Or if it was stress hives or both. She looks better this morning. 

Amanda and I are both trying really hard to be positive and look at this all positively. We want a house and this is a potential opportunity to make it happen sooner rather than later. We've already been looking and last night I found one that I really like in our price range. We've been making a plan of what to do. We have a friend who is going to come and stay and finish any packing we might need to do while we are on our honeymoon. We are going to put nonessential stuff in storage and out our bed in Amanda's parents dining room because that's where we can go with the cats. We'll probably do some couch surfing a little bit too. Then when we are able to get a house, Amanda's parents are moving with us and living with us for 6 months. We are trying to get them over here anyway and get her mother into a better doctor. 

So, today while it's 4:40 in the morning and I am awake and already trying to still the panic, anxiety, depression monster, and trying not to cry, I'm making plans to go to Sally's Beauty Supply to pick up some more bleach for my hair and maybe another box of hair dye. It's time to do my hair. And I think, today, I want to paint my toe nails and I don't know, just try to make it through the day. 

Background nostalgia, angry sass, and what the fuck was that?!

Lately, as in within the last week or so, Amanda and I have begun our mornings with coffee and watching NHK World. Generally we get half an hour of news and then half an hour of whatever program comes on before or after it- just kind of depends on when we turn on the TV. Then she heads off to work and I leave the channel on in the background while I either take a nap or begin puttering about the house doing whatever it is I need to do. Sometimes I just sit and watch it for a little bit. But I was trying to figure out why I like having it on so much, I mean other than the channel having news I can actually stand and some interesting programs about Japan and Japanese culture. While I was in the bathroom today, I could hear it and realized after I had an odd memory tug, that it is nostalgia. It is summer, the air conditioner is making the house pleasantly cold, and the sound of a news caster filling the house reminds me of summers growing up. My Mom used to watch the news at noon before her soap operas came on for the afternoon. Our house nearly always felt cold and it was nice because I could curl up with a blanket and pillow and just be. So, in this sense, I suppose its a comfort.

This weekend I let some of my normally restrained sass out. I was saying all manner of things. It happens when I get pissed. Aside from hurting my knee, my heel cracked, and the damned neighbor kids were driving me nuts. Now, instead of just ripping up the grass and throwing it and twigs at my patio door, they are banging on the glass. All day the other day they were doing it no matter how many times I asked them to stop. I told them they could look at the kitties but they had to stay off the patio. I was ignored. After about three times of asking them to go away, I snapped at them. It didn't help. The lady who watches them wasn't doing anything and at the advice of Chris, I will be filing a formal complaint. My agitation continued througout the day and into the next. I also had some weird ass dreams that unsettled me and I don't remember why. I know that the Queen of England and Benedict Cumberbatch was in one dream and there was something to do with WW2, and a table in a room with markers and construction paper. I am still bothered by it. 

Yesterday was better. Amanda and I had a bit of a lazy day. She did some laundry and made us breakfast and we both made dinner. I made some no bake cookies with sunflower butter and we watched a comedian on Netflix. I started an anime but ended up turning it off to go to bed early. By that, I mean I laid on the bed and played with Thorin for a little bit. That's where I got myself into some trouble. Amanda came in and wanted me to move so we could put the clean sheets on. I had been laying on my stomach and as I rolled, sat up and started to slide off the bed (our bed is up high) I had one of the most horrible pains throughout my middle that I have ever felt. I can't even really describe it except that it was so bad I wanted to vomit and got that cold clammy pass out feeling. It subsided a little after a few minutes, but I was so sore after that I could't get comfortable in bed. I ended up sleeping on the sofa, which sucked. I still don't know what the hell happened. I feel better today. My friend Chris thinks I pulled some muscles. Could be. 

The good news for today is that I did my hair and make up today. I haven't felt up to doing either in awhile. I also signed up for Fat Girl Yoga, the first class is free. I figure that will give me enough of an idea of whether or not I can do it to see if I want to continue on and register for more classes. I also figure it will give me an idea of how best to position myself so I don't hurt myself. Other than that, my friend Chris is coming over for dinner tonight and we may or may not paint. 

Camp Nanowrimo, I fucked up, black, purple, and green sparkles, What We Do in the Shadows

It is Camp National Novel Writer's month again and I signed up to participate. Then we went to stay the night at a friend's house for two nights and I am behind. I am sure I can and will catch up, but tonight, I've cried and haven't been able to really settle. Hence why I am trying to crank out a blog; to force myself to focus. 

The progress on my story is that I am up to 328 pages. I am hoping to finish it soon and start editing. 

I screwed up this weekend. While at my friend's house this weekend I was sitting out back while she and her boyfriend were doing yard work. I felt like a total tool just sitting there and after awhile couldn't take it anymore. So I got up and raked a little bit of the the yard. That was a really horrible, stupid decision. Not only couldn't I not do it for more than ten minutes, but I felt worse when I had to sit down. Then afterward, while I was trying to hide the fact that I had overdone it and was hurting, we watched a comedy routine and I laughed so freaking hard that I hurt myself even more. So I am really sore today and kicking myself. I'm a "get back and up and keep moving" kind of person so I get really angry with myself when I can't do what I need or want to do. 

While we were visiting our friend, she cut my hair for me. I like it. I need to bleach and dye it again. Oh and I found a really nice conditioner that made my hair feel normal again. It hasn't felt right since I had surgery. Amanda decided that we needed to do pedicures, so she did my feet (which are super sensitive and she teased me about it) and painted my toenails dark green with pretty blue-green sparkles. She also painted my fingernails alternating black and dark purple.  

We watched Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything and What we Do in the Shadows. I hadn't seen Too Wong Foo except in bits and pieces growing up. It was cute and a lot of fun. Bloody Hell Patrick Swayze is a gorgeous Drag Queen, and so elegant. I felt swept up by his performance, as if she could teach me so much. She's the kind of woman I want to have tea with. 

What we do in the Shadows was so much fun. It's a mocumentary about vampires who are flatting in New Zealand. Fun fact's: Freya of the youtube channel It's Black Friday has a part in it but is unaccredited. The alpha male werewolf in the film is also the voice or Coran on Netflix's reboot of Voltron. I heard him speak and said "Holy crap, is that Coran?" Sure enough it was. 

My Grandparents are home from the rehabilitation center and my Mom is over to help them. My Dad is working but suspects he might have strep throat. My Mom's twin (the evil aunt) is back in the hospital for the second time this week.

Aside from that, I am trying to take it easy. I spoke with my therapist this weekend and told her that I am worried that I am still a little bit manic. I'm still not eating or sleeping as I should be. She wants me to try some relaxation stuff and try to go to bed at the same time every night. We are happy I am writing, but she thinks that I am using writing to escape life now, especially with the panic from being away from it too long. However, when I talked to my Dad about it, he said I was using life to escape writing before so maybe turn about is fair play. He said said if I wasn't writing 6-8 hours a day then I wasn't working full time and probably not that serious about it, so since I am doing that now, and it is what I want to do, then he doesn't really see a problem with it. So I don't know. I think at the moment, I am just going to write when I can and am feeling up to it and worry about creating a schedule later.   

Happy Lunar Near Year, hospital is looking more and more appealing, yesterday was almost a complete disaster.

Happy Lunar New Year! Assuming Amanda and I can muster the energy, we are planning to make Chinese food for dinner. I am trying to keep going despite everything going on and this was something I really wanted to do. Okay, so my Chinese food will consist of Egg flower soup and sesame balls with a main dish of Katsudon (which is actually a Japanese dish, but Amanda wanted it), but they are easy, quick things I can make. 

On to yesterday's nightmare. I woke up early to go to the bathroom and to drink 16 ounces of water for my ultrasound an hour and a half before my appointment. Except that first thing in the morning, the first liquids I drink typically go straight through me. On top of that, having an ever pressing need to pee seemed to aggravate the cramps from this revenge period all the more. I had already awoken angry because I knew I had overfilled my pad and was going to have to do some exhausting clean up. On top of that, I was in pain, hungry, and knew the ultrasound was going to be painful because ever ultrasound technician I have ever had seems to delight in digging that damned thing into me. 

Well, I arrived at my appointment to have the receptionist on the phone. Okay, no big, I can wait. But when she was finally off the phone, I told her who I was and what I was there for. She looked at me confused and informed me that they don't do ultrasounds at that location. I lost it a little. I lost it because I had expressly asked the woman that I had made the appointment with, if both the appointments we were making were at the Liberty Lake location. She said yes, so I wrote them down and even got the street name from her. She fucking lied! Granted the extent of me losing with was in a raised voice exclaiming "WHAT?!" and then me quickly apologizing to the woman, telling her it wasn't her, and then asking if I could use the bathroom straight away. 

Now, what I was in the bathroom, Amanda was out in the waiting room for a few minutes and the receptionist didn't ask her anything, didn't tell her anything, didn't even offer to call the other location and tell them we were late. Nothing, she just sat there, completely unhelpful. I on the other hand was in the bathroom making a mess on the floor and had to have Amanda come in and help me clean blood off their toilet and floor. 

During the 15 minutes it took us to drive back to Spokane Valley and swing by McDonalds (because I was really hungry thanks to trying to do a fast for blood work and I said fuck it to due to number of people in the office and my horrible cramps) and finally get home. I had over filled my pad so much that it was literally dripping when I took it off. I also had a very large clot. I cleaned up as much as I could and just went into the living room, and lividly sat crying off and on. Getting up every so often to change my pads and clean up. I vented about it even on facebook and a couple of my friends want to have "Come to Jesus" talk with the doctor, to tell him that the behavior of his receptionists are unacceptable and so on. Other people are sympathetic. Others want me to go to the ER or the hospital. My resistance in going to the ER or the hospital is that I have been down that road before. All they will do is give me Advil, make me wait there for several hours, have a dozen or so people interrogate me and ignore me, and then send me home. Why go through all that when I can just take the Advil from the comfort of my own home?

In effort to distract myself from all of it, I watched an anime with Amanda. Our friend Rachel came over to dye her hair and I decided to do the same. I wasn't going anywhere, it really doesn't take that long, and it might make me feel a little better- at least mentally. Amanda did it for me, all I had to do was sit on a chair. It really was a nice distraction. 

Today however, the hospital idea is looking more and more appealing. I ate 4 Advil two hours after I woke up this morning, it did slow some of the bleeding down, but not by much. It has helped the cramps a tiny bit, but I have been a bit woozy and although I am eating as much protein and iron rich foods- tuna, red meat, and salad- as I can, I am still very weak and more often than naught cold. I talked myself out of going to the hospital twice today, telling myself that I can deal, I can handle this, I'm not going to waste my time or Amanda's in going. But now, despite trying to stay hydrated, I'm dehydrated and having all the problems that go along with that. So, it is a very real possibility that may end up there during the night, if only so they can help me get re-hydrated safely. We will see. 

Vid calls with Mom, Jeep problems, New friends, emotional flux and coming soon...

I made a meme with a meme generator. One of the first few nights we were in our apartment, Narcisa perched atop Amanda's hip, waiting for me to settle down so she could lick my neck (yes, she still tries to nurse). Anyway, the red light from the Halloween chain lights Amanda bought this year made a creepy picture, so I grabbed my phone and snapped a quickie before Narcisa could move. I think it turned out okay. Amanda likes it.

So, we have had a more eventful weekend than we wanted, but its actually a really good thing. My Jeep decided to pitch a fit which meant that we left it at the park and ride where Amanda catches the bus for work Friday night. Saturday we had a few errands to run and after talking with both our Dad's and Napa Auto, it was decided that the problem was either the fuel filter or fuel pump. so starting with the cheapest first, we bought a new filter and headed back to the Jeep. It was NOT as simple to remove the old one and install the new one. In fact we had to jack up the jeep and Amanda had to lay under the car to get to it. BUT, a very nice man, who turned out to be a mechanic, pulled in and asked us if we needed help. I had already called my friend Birdy and she was on her way, but hey, any help was welcome. Birdy arrived shortly there after.

As it turns out, it wasn't the fuel filter, it is the fuel pump. But we couldn't leave the Jeep at the park and ride because it could get broken into, stolen (although no one would really be able to move it), or towed by the city. We decided to try hooking my jeep up to Birdy's SUV and towing it home. Well, we got the mechanic man some coffee to repay him for helping us. While Birdy and I were gone, Amanda and he talked. We now have a mechanic who will help us with our cars if we get the parts- we will pay him of course- and he's a fellow Pagan. But this story gets better.

After he left, Birdy's step Dad showed up with a towing rope and we were getting that process started when the mechanic man returned with his wife. Apparently he liked us so much that he thought his wife should meet us. To make this long story shorter, we got to Jeep home, made friends with the Mechanic man and his wife, who are very sweet, and Sunday they came to our IEPG Imbolc. They really liked it!  It was so cool. I really, truly think that in a way the Universe or the Gods or both are working some magic of their own because it feels like they were there when we needed them and we are here when they need us. 

On to Video calls with my Mom. She called me last night shortly after I got home and wanted to do a google hangout chat with me. I had Birdy and Dram over but thought, why the hell not, she doesn't call and ask for video calls and it's nice to see her face when she's so far away. During the call, we talked about food recipes, she met Birdy and Dram, lectured Amanda about the importance of watching Sense 8 (which I agree with her on, sorry Amanda), and I showed my Mom my apartment. It was really nice. I would like to talk to my Dad via video chat soon too. I was supposed to have a video chat with my cousin but blew it by forgetting what day it was. I will say say in my defense that I had a horrible pain day that day and ended up sleeping most of it. So I am going to have to catch her again later. 

Okay, onto the emotional flux. I have been so emotional lately. I was incredibly upset and hypersensitive the other day over little tiny things. Amanda and I even had a mini spat. Today, I was following the Pagan Ministry Council chat on my phone and someone said something and I lost my shit. I was table flipping pissed! It was so fucking ridiculous and two seconds later, after being so angry, I started to cry. I felt like said person had finally broken my brain. Granted there has been some other things that have pushed me beyond my high levels of patience with this person, things that are never and will never be resolved much to my annoyance, but I am trying to let that go because there is nothing I can do about it. Seriously, there is a long laundry list of issues that I am trying to rush off. But it is easier said than done when that person repeatedly does or says- you know what, I don't care. I am done bitching about it today. 

I was talking to my friend Chris about how angry I have been and upset. she theorizes that while I am always on my period from the PCOS and my hormones are out of whack, I am still cycling through them and I might just be able to chalk it up to PMS. I don't know why I didn't think of that. I swear Chris has the patience of a saint. I hate venting and have told her so but she says that I have to get it out and she doesn't mind. She also said if I am being an ass, she will tell me. I cherish that honesty. Especially since I don't want to be an ass. 

Now, what's coming soon? Well, tomorrow a couple of my friends and I are getting together at my house to have a hair dying party! This is what I am planning, I don't know if it will turn out this way or not, but I am hoping. 

  

Birthday, New Term, Water Incident, and every time I look in the mirror, I freak myself out!

My break week between terms in school wasn't so much a break as it was a whirlwind of go go go! 

The first couple of days of the break I was sick from period crap. Then my friend Fiona came up. I honestly can't remember everything we did, I know there was shopping and much running around along with some Midsomer Murders watching.

 

Thursday, the day of my birthday and the Crow Moon, Amanda, Fiona, and Several of our IEPG friends threw me a surprise birthday party right after our full moon ritual. It really was a surprise and what's really weird, I got the feeling that there was something going on around me but didn't know what. Mostly I felt incredibly left out of something and as soon as everyone screamed surprise at me, I knew what it was and then ran from the room. Amanda made me go back in. It was a Monster High birthday party and I loved it! 

After the small party, we went out to eat with one of our friends and Fiona. Of course we giggled and laughed and talked about having a wine and painting party, pets, inappropriate things, ect... It was fun!

Friday night I had Fiona bleach my hair because I want a little more color than just the flat black that it's been for several years. Now, I freak myself out every time I look in the mirror. I am waiting a few days to put the teal and purple in because my hair needs a break and so do the few spots of my scalp that were chemically burned. The burns weren't too bad until I scratched them, which for me, if I scratch my head too hard at all, I get a little sore. 

The new term starts tomorrow. I will have critical thinking in philosophy and the English language or rather Grammar. I've already looked them over and I will have a lot of homework this term but I am hoping things go much smoother than the last couple of terms. 

Lastly, at around 6 this morning, Narcisa decided to knock a glass of water over on me. Amanda had moved her water glass on the ledge above our bed toward my side to keep Narcisa out of it. But Narcisa only followed it and knocked it off on me. Water soaked into my pillows, the bed, and all down the front of me. That cat had better be glad that I love her because I was not happy.   

Let's play catch up: A little behind and a little caught up.

Art by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

For one, this is me giving myself a few more minutes on the heating pad before I hit the shower. Last night, I don't know what I did but one of the times I got up from my desk I almost couldn't walk. I'm very sick of this herniated disk business. I'm also very sick of fibromyaglia and whatever is going on with my internal female bits. A friend suggested I look into PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and speak with a doctor, well a more specialized doctor. But these are just normal, everyday ailments and complaints about them and I am done, for this post.

Love Stephanie Pui-Mun Law's art work! We just recently and finally bought her Shadowscapes Tarot cards. I am in love with them! The art is simply lovely!

A lot has happened since I last posted. I dyed my hair black again and had a friend put blue streaks in it. That was an adventure in itself. I like it but now that my skin is less smurf- like (rinsed my hair out in the shower having forgotten that manic panic stains like a snarky bitch) some of the blue has faded. It's kind of a dusty teal color in places. If I decide to do this again, I think I will get a better quality bleach and go with Special Effects hair dye. I didn't seem to have as many problems with it when I did the tips of my hair red.

Skoora's parents decided that we needed to switch bedrooms. Part of me wonders "Why now? After all of this time and now that we are working on moving out?" The other part of me isn't going to fuss because now we have so much more room and can actually move. Did I mention that the door has a lock on it? More privacy! We also have an actual closet and because we have it, our clothing is not in the bath tub. We had to hang our clothes up in bath tub area of our old bathroom because we just didn't have closet space in our old room. So now we have two fully functional bathrooms, Skoora's parents have their own shower as do we.

My 30th birthday came and went. No, I'm not upset or ashamed to admit my age. I'm actually quite comfortable with it. I don't really see myself as an "older person". I don't view aging as a bad thing, it doesn't bother me. Besides, I've heard tale that 30 is the new 20. Did I mention that Skoora and her Mom threw me a surprise party? It was really nice!

I'm going back to school online much to annoyance of my parents. All my life both of them, including my Grandparents, harped on me the necessity of having a college degree. I remember telling my Dad as I was getting ready to graduate high school that I didn't want to go to college because I didn't want to be in debt but he made me go anyway. Now, now he and my Mom don't want me to go because I will be in even more debt than I am now. Well, so what. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't care, I do and very much so, but I still don't have my degree (my fault since I've tried to be and study things everyone else wanted and not entirely what I wanted and there were some life things that happened that made me quit going). So I am going back for the degree I want and since I have physical problems that caused me to quit last time I went to school, I'm doing it online. I've decided that I'm just going to do this whether or not my parents like it. It is my life after all and I have to deal with all outcomes positive or negative and I can't keep living it the way everyone else wants. I've felt tugged in so many different directions for so long, it's time to do some things for myself.

I've fallen a little behind with a lot of things since I had a friend visiting for my birthday and shortly after she left, we changed bedrooms. Our bedroom is almost 100% put back together. We have a tiny bit left to move back in (just a few boxes and bags of stuff). I'm behind on blog writing but I've managed to be on top of getting everything into the new college that they needed (for the moment). I know how much it's going to cost to get the cavities in my teeth filled. I have an eye exam today in which I will probably be ordering a new pair of glasses (it will be so nice to not have to squint to see stuff far away) and sun glasses. I was thinking about just getting contacts but I think they will cost more in the long run, especially since I have to have to torric lenses. I like the sun, but I have a love-hate relationship with it. It hurts my eyes and burns my skin within 15 minutes of being out in it. Sometimes I even break out in hives where I've burned. Not fun.

Other things have happened but they are for other posts and I need to get into the shower and dressed in a few minutes since Skoora's Mom just took her shower. Have to wait for the hot water. 

Making horns with my hair! And other hair topics.

That's right, I've been twisting my hair up and making little horn buns on the top of my head, sadly, because I don't have a hair band, they aren't staying and now I've managed to give myself some tangles. And I thought since I've had some pretty heavy blogs, it was time to do a fun one, especially since I'm in a much better mood today.

I have what most people deem long hair. I think it's short but that is because I am use to having my hair so long I can sit on it much like my friend Katwarrior. But after awhile and lack of funds or people I trust with my hair, it gets split ends and doesn't look as nice. So I've kept it between shoulder length and as long as the middle of my back. I've also dyed it just about every color except orange and yellow. I don't like those colors, for some reason they make me jittery. Don't ask why, they just do.

Recently I've wanted to go back to dying my hair black because everyone thinks it looks better than my natural medium brown or even red (as I had it in high school). But since I am currently unemployed and going to be for the next couple of months due to college and moving out of state, I've really wanted to dye it black with blue streaks. Sadly, I won't be adding the blue. I don't have the money for it but if I did, I would use Special Effects Hair Dye. I've used Manic Panic before but Special Effects is the better of the two. You can get it from several places online but I get it from www.goodgoth.com .

Now if you have dark hair and need to bleach your hair or if your hair is really dry, I suggest using a hydrating conditioner. Herbal Essence's Hello Hydration is good and more within a budget. Because people, it does matter what shampoo and conditioner you use. I really can't stress that enough. So it is best to try those out that are within your budget and find what works best for your hair. I'm not going to tell you to go out and buy salon products or anything expensive, just find something within your price range that works. Also if you have dandruff, use a dandruff shampoo until the problem is under control and switch back to your regular shampoo. I do this on occasion because for some reason I have a dry scalp but oily hair and I'm not afraid to tell anyone that.

On to hair styling. For myself, I don't typically use any products in my hair. I don't like the flakiness gel gets after awhile or the straw feel of hair spray. I'm not even sure I like moose or hair glue. But I do have those fly away hairs and I have a patch of baby bangs that never grew out. I hide those with bangs. However, there are times when I want to curl my hair for a special occasion. My hair is almost a nightmare to curl. I'm not talking about the layers, no. My hair doesn't like to hold curl and often times if I curl one side, it's fallen by the time I've gotten the other side finished. So in cases where I want my hair to curl, I have to use product. Moose doesn't do the trick so I have to use hair spray. So, I find that spraying my hair a little when it's strait, just before I put the curling iron on it helps and then of course I have to spray it again after I set the curling iron aside.  I'm sure there are other ways to do it, but this is what works for me.

Make up! Oh boy do I love make up! I even love watching make up tutorials on youtube done my professional make up artists to amateurs. But what I hate more than anything is seeing someone talk about using these high priced make up brushes and products. I simply do not have the budget to go out and buy a load of make up brushes let alone a lot of the make up they advertise. So I usually end up using my fingers, those cheap little make up applicators you can get from wal-mart for eyeshadow, and believe it or not, paint brushes from craft stores that I've collected over the years. But I don't use the brushes all the time and only when doing costume make up at Halloween for friends.

The point is, you don't have to go out and buy expensive stuff to get the looks you want. I get a lot of my make up from The Icing or Clare's, but most often I buy it from Wal-mart or Walgreen's. There is an online store I've been ogling that has some really nice deals on eyeshadow palates, http://www.bhcosmetics.com/ . I have also bought eyeshadow and lip gloss from Good Goth.com but unfortunately they don't have near the selection they use to.

Also, if you are going to buy make up and make it last, make sure to keep it clean. This was one of the main principals I learned in a theatre make up panel at a Thespian convention I went to in High school. The same applies for everyday make up. Don't leave it open for dust and dirt in the air to get into it. You'll also want to replace it once it starts separating and certainly after no more than 3 years. I think you're supposed to replace it sooner than that, but if you take really good care of it, you can make it last longer. If you have brushes or applicators make sure to clean those as well. You don't want any nasty bacteria building up in them and certainly don't want it on your face much less the dust and dirt everything seems to collect.

Lastly, perfume. Ladies and gentlemen in your perfume or cologne. A lot of people have allergies or sensitive noses. My Dad and I can't walk through a department store near the perfume section without getting a headache and my Grandpa is allergic to a lot of perfumes. Vanilla is a big pet peeve of mine, a lot of people love it, I use to until a friend we use to carpool with started spraying herself all over with it. Mornings and afternoons were spent with the windows down when she was in the car. So down play the scents. You can still smell good without the over kill. Oil perfumes you especially have to be careful with. I love patchouli oil but I don't use much if it when I have it. It's fast to overwhelm. I also use a variety of body splashes from Bath and Body works (when they have a deal going on in the store). One sprit in front and one in back and I'm ready to go and no one's nose gets offended.

Well, that's all for today.  

A better day and I donated...

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut. I've been thinking for awhile that I need a little bit of a change for a sort of pick me up. I've typically had really long hair for most of my life. At the longest point I could sit on it. In recent years I've kept it a little longer than my waist like the picture to the right only with bangs.

So, when I walked in to get my hair cut, I knew I wanted it shorter and with some texture and layers. I spoke with the hair stylist and she said with as much as I wanted to take off if I took off a few more inches I could donate it. Well, as scary for me as it was, I had her take what they would need. I had an Aunt who passed away from Breast Cancer and ever though she never chose to wear a wig, I thought it would be good to give a little to someone who wanted to wear a wig. I figure if I can deal with being weirded out for a few weeks with short hair so someone can have a little dignity, it's more than worth it. I take pretty good care of my hair so I hope they can use it to make an awesome wig for someone.

Now what I walked out with is the same length as Sophia Bush in this picture. It's not styled the same way, I wear my bangs differently but it looks okay. Although, my Dad says it makes my face look rounder.



After getting my hair cut, I went home and got ready to go out with the roomie/gf to see some friends. I did the hair curling, makeup, snazzy clothes, the whole bit. We stopped by Quik Trip for some cigarettes like I had planned on and our favorite cashier said to me, "OOO, who let you out of the house"?! That felt really really good.

We met up with some friends and hung out at a club here in town. I saw some people I haven't seen in so long. It was so nice to see them again and even better to talk and joke around. After the club the roomie/gf and I went to one of our friends house with another friend and stayed until 7am this morning. I actually ended up falling asleep on their sofa while we were talking and I felt really bad about it but they didn't mind.

All in all it was a fantastic night and I feel pretty good today. At the moment I'm at my parents house watching a movie with my Mom and helping her make Bierox. I wanted to order pizza but Mom doesn't like Pizza Hut and since I would be the one paying and that's what I wanted... Well, I just decided to cook. I'll get pizza some other night.