Thursday, August 3, 2017

Doctor's appointment, needing Tomoe, panic and talking to parental units, and thrifting!

Tomoe from Kamisama Kiss
Had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and it went fairly well. I've lost 8 pounds, however, my blood pressure was higher than the time before. I'm sure the screaming headache, stress over the wedding and other things going on, in addition to feeling like I'd run full speed into a brick wall didn't help any of that. We talked at length about the vegetarian diet. The verdict: my doctor isn't sure she wants me eating a vegetarian diet because I was so anemic before. However, she's ordered up a full blood panel to check thyroid, A1C- well everything to be sure. She also said that on the off chance that everything looks normal, she will send me back over to OBGYN to make them do a hormonal check just to make sure that we're not missing something. On top of that, she said as I lose weight and my blood pressure lowers, the mottling in my legs should go away. To help that, she's giving me a water pill for a little while. So, at this point, I just need to do my fasting blood work tomorrow morning and wait to see the results. Oh and she doesn't want me doing any more exercise than I am comfortable with- as in don't exhaust myself- and to eat more than three times a day. Which I have been doing pretty good with on my own anyway, especially lately.

Still Tomoe
During my doctor's appointment, I started not feeling good and just figured that I needed to get home and get some lunch. However, as I was driving home, I wasn't so sure. I wasn't hungry but I felt awful and realized that I was starting to panic.  I thought if I can just get home, I can deal with this, but if I have to, I will pull over. No sense in endangering myself and others for no good reason. Well, I made it and as soon as I got inside my apartment, I grabbed a bottle of juice and sat at my desk. I thought I was going to be okay but I was mistaken and all hell broke lose in my head. 

Amanda had taken a sick day because she wasn't feeling good and I am so glad she did. It was like the Gods and universe was telling us we needed to be together that day. I had one of my really bad panic attacks, the kind where Amanda starts talking about taking me to the hospital but I freak out more because I can't handle being away from home at that moment, but at the same time she's scared and trying to get me to breathe and drink water, and keep me from clawing the skin off my chest because I can't breathe. I don't remember a lot of what was said or how long I was panicking, but of what I do remember was  that Amanda didn't deserve to see it or have to deal with it. I remember telling her that I was sorry. 

Somehow, don't remember how or when, Amanda got me on the bed, turned on the fan, and got me a cold wash cloth and water. She also found my xanax and for a little while I might have napped. Not too long though, she made us lunch. I ended up calling my Mom because during the panic attack I had been asking for my Mom and Amanda tried calling her. The last thing my parents need to hear is me having a horrible panic attack via voice mail so I wanted to tell my Mom not to listen to it and just delete it right away. I told her what had happened and I was much better and things were okay. Of course she wanted to know what was going on. 

Xanax is nice sometimes because it is very numbing and I don't tend to care so much or rather worry about being so blunt. So first I asked my Mom point blank if she and Dad actually wanted to come to the wedding. Mom was a bit shocked. She said they really do want to come but they feel awful because they don't have money to help or even really a gift. I don't care about that stuff. My Mom doesn't have a dress- I told her we would start looking for what she wanted and even take her dress shopping when she got here. She's also worried about putting us out as far as food goes because she needs soft food. No problems there, I can make her soup, mashed potatoes, soft casseroles, ect. Both of my parents loathe flying, but they will do it. And Dad might actually have a shot at a full time job which is amazing, but he's worried they either won't hire him or not let him have time off to come up. So, as usual, they didn't want to make a promise they couldn't keep. But they don't really understand that in doing that, it's almost, if not, more hurtful than disappointing me. 

We moved on to other issues like my stupid shoes, my doctor's appointment, Amanda sticking up for me with a friend, some other friend troubles I've been having and so on. It was a good call. 

Amanda's parents were coming for dinner that night and also to talk to us about something you just don't talk about over the phone. We ended up going to Torrid to pick up an order we'd placed and introduced Amanda's Mom to the store. She got a couple of really cute dresses. Then we went to the thrift store wherein Amanda found an Octopus cup for herself and a fox cup for me. I found this:

It is a creamer cup from a red glass Avon collection from ages ago. I've been collecting red glass drink ware and have been wanting to collect this particular series of Cape Cod dishes. However, it is expensive and so I'm getting it piecemeal at thrift stores where it is vastly cheaper. I think I paid a $1.50 for this piece. But if I am honest, I had started collecting the Johnson Brothers Willow Blue dishes as well. 

 I also found a Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit, movie edition game. I can't wait to play it!

The news Amanda's parents needed to tell us was about Amanda's older trans (was male) sister. I told Amanda as much as I loathe what her sister and now ex-sister-in-law did to her parents, we really do need to just put all of that aside and get in contact with her. Part of that is to give comfort and to heal a relationship between Amanda and her sister that Amanda has mourned for a long time. The other part is to make sure that said sister doesn't fuck over their parents again. 


I've been posting pictures of Tomoe from Kamisama Kiss in this this blog post because for the last couple of days, when I am upset, I've turned on Kamisama Kiss, just to see him. He makes me happy. He's a cute, pissy, Kitsune. Kamisama Kiss is also lighter anime, Shoujo meaning that it is geared toward a female audience with a focus on personal and romantic relationships. As much as I love my intense, dark, and even cerebral anime, every once in awhile I just want fluff. Anyway, I adore watching him with Nanami and the other characters. They are a lot of fun and helped me feel better.
For those wondering, Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist is still my all time favorite! 


  1. I hope your feeling beter soon. Good luck with your with your wedding

    1. I am starting to feel better, thank you, and thank you for the wedding luck!

  2. I hope your feeling beter soon. Good luck with your with your wedding

  3. I have Xanax too, but at this point I've been needing to take it daily as prescribed to keep the wolf at the door. Mornings are really unpleasant. I wake up with this fearful needles and pins feeling-really hyper aware.

    I really wish I could afford better internet. So many things I want to see, including Attack on Titan and any Marvel movies on Netflix I might have missed.

    I really do hope your parents make the leap and make it to your wedding. It's important that they be there. It's one of the most important days of your life, if not THE most important.

    1. I sometimes wake with that feeling too or sometimes I shift into it during the day. It's so unsettling and awful. My Mom has to take xanax several times a day now because she is in so much pain it will cause her to panic, but she also has to take it because it it helps to curb the "jerks". Her limbs jump uncontrollably, painfully, and half of the time when it's doing that her brain is trying to say "nope, too much, time to shut off now" and she won't be with it. It's the most bizarre thing I have ever seen and somewhat terrifying. But Xanax helps take the panic out of that so she can stay a little calmer. The more upset she gets the worse the jumping can be.

      I'm sorry you can't get more affordable internet. I think the only Marvel movies on netflix are Dr. Strange and Avengers: Civil War. There are some Marvel shows like Jessica Jones. I'm not sure the second season of Attack on Titian is up on Netflix yet. I know it is on Hulu.

      I hope they do too. At the moment it sounds like they are coming so fingers crossed. With everything else going on I just need to take a breath and prepare for the worst and hope for the best on that topic. I've been so stressed and panicky over so many things lately that I've got to put my own foot down and tell myself to worry about it later, fix or deal with what I can now, and just get on with things.

  4. Great thrift finds, I also find quirky mugs there. I'm sending positive energy and well wishes to have your parents be at the wedding. A belated Lammas celebration sounds divine and centering.

    1. I love going to thrift stores, especially when looking for stuff for craft projects. But I always peruse the dishes.
      Thank you so much for the positive energy and well wishes! *hugs*
      I'm going to make bread this week. I haven't yet, but it is on my to do list.