Cat Tales Zoological Park, still achy, music

Today we went to Cat Tales Zoological Park. 

I'm not sure what spurred Amanda into wanting to go or if it was a joint deciding venture between her and our friend Rachel. Either way, we went with Rachel and her boyfriend. 

Cat Tales is a  non-profit that takes in animals from side shows, animals that basically idiots decided it would be cool to have and then learned they were much more than they could handle and so on. They have Bengal and Siberian Tigers, a Lion, bobcats, a bear, some parrots, and at least one house cat that we decided was the most dangerous kitty at the park. No, really, we named him Skittles and he rules that joint. Okay, he probably doesn't but he's wild enough that there are signs advising people not to pet the house cats if they see them. There are also signs that state "do not run, you look like food", which I thought were appropriate.

It is not a big park and for my first real outing involving a good bit of walking, I think it went pretty well. One of the white tigers, Zeus, was pretty chatty. I didn't know if he was upset because he was limping and possibly hurting, or if he was just talking. He kept looking at me, so I spent some time at his enclosure while he walked up and down and rubbed his face on the chain link.   

I do not have pictures because my phone died during the night last night and I didn't have time to plug it in this morning before we left. My camera battery is also dead, so I didn't have that available. I linked the website above

After we left Cat Tales, we stopped by a cemetery so Rachel's boyfriend could get some pictures and then we went to get something to eat. Then we stopped at Party City and I knew after a few minutes in there that I was done for the day. It has only been four weeks since my surgery and I am still pretty sore. On top of that, I think the lackluster breakfast sandwiches I got us at 7-11 upset my stomach because I wasn't feeling well. It was bad enough that anything Amanda mentioned us getting from the store for the week made me want to vomit. 

I am still having trouble laying down to sleep. I tried this morning but it was just painful enough to keep me from getting any true sleep. So I gave up and sat up. I'm not happy about this, I would really like to sleep in bed with Amanda. I miss it and we are both feeling a little disconnect in that regard. Tonight she was having a bad night, so I made her come out to sleep on the sofa because I didn't want her to be alone. I mean, it's not like I'm likely to sleep anytime soon. Writing all night seems to be the best time for me. The rest of the world is sleeping.

A bit of good news is that my Grandmother is out of the hospital and back in the rehab center. She's keeping food down, but fora  little while her kidneys weren't functioning. She's better. 

Still writing and I did a really naughty thing. I ordered a couple of small note books from Evil Supply Co. They are relatively inexpensive and I find them to be the perfect size for story notes. Plus they are so me. This is one of the ones I purchased tonight.

On to music. I set up a L'Ame Immortelle station on pandora because I wanted more of that type of Gothic Music. Through some tweaking I am finally getting a mix of Gothic and Darkwave that is akin to what I was hearing on R1 Das Darkwave years ago. It was a streaming station I stumbled upon via Winamp over a decade ago that is no longer running. The station on pandora isn't perfect and I'm not getting everything I would like, but its close enough to make me happy. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell "Cry Little Sister" from the movie Lost Boys actually pertains to the damned movie. I know I saw it years ago, but I don't get it, lol.  I also heard a "new to me" song by VNV Nation called "Carbon" that I fell in love with. 

   

Inspiring pictures, pickle jars, Pinterest, and bad dreams

I can't remember which wall paper site I found this lovely picture on, but I love it, and more to the point, when I saw it, it screamed Miyuki. Miyuki is the name of a character in a story I have been writing, working on, tinkering with, and and so on for the last several years. I haven't been able to finish it and maybe that's just me being overly critical, or maybe it is that I don't really know where I am going with it, or maybe it just isn't ready to be written just yet. Either way, when I get ready to hunker down and actually work on it again, this will be my desktop background to help keep me inspired.  I typically have something that reminds me or inspires me to keep going when I am working on a specific project. Plus this fulfills a need to go look up pretty pictures every so often. 

Pickle jars. My friend Chris always has pickles available at her house and I like them enough- or rather got hooked on them- that I started buying them in bulk as she does. So now I have pickle jars sitting around. I thought to make them flour and rice containers but that's just a pain in the ass mostly because my hand won't fit in the jar with my measuring cups. I thought, well, I will just pour the stuff out but knowing me, I would just make more of mess and end up wasting stuff. So, I have decided to keep a couple jars to use for craft projects and the rest are going to be recycled. This also cuts down on the amount of glass available for me to break. What can I say, I am clumsy.

Last night I decided I needed some Pinterest time. Only my laptop battery was running out and I was too lazy to get out of bed to fetch the power cord. I was also very tired. So this morning I picked up where I had left off. I have some craft projects I would like to do and am compiling a visual picture list for myself. At the moment most of them are sewing projects. All of the quilts in my house were made by my 3 of my Grandmothers and most of which were hand sewn. They are old and most are older than I am, having been used for at least 2 generations.  Since I treasure them and want to keep them as long as possible, I decided that I need to start quilting myself. This is to carry on the family tradition but also to fill a need to have gothic and witchy quilts fill my house.  Anyway, back to Pinterest, I spent an hour looking at DIY gothic crafts, clothing, some crochet, and coloring pages. I started to doze off, so I decided it was time to move on. 

I had a rather bad dream last night. I dreamt had my boobs removed and reconstructed to prevent cancer. Since my Great Aunt died from breast cancer it's a pretty vivid and valid fear I have. I decided a long time ago to disconnect from my boobs in the event that I turn up with breast cancer and need to have them removed. But the truly upsetting part of my dream was me looking at Grad schools. I went into talk to an adviser about possible schools. Well, I was told that I had to take 20 more credit hours and all at the 200 (sophomore) level to not only graduate with my BA, but also to have any hope of getting into grad school. Okay, this has to be because my history class, the last class I have before I graduate, it a 200 level class and there is a ton of work already. Secondly, I am not happy that I am already starting to have bad dreams and panic attacks within the dreams about Grad school.  I'm not sure what to make of it just yet. I am kind of afraid to think about it. 

Lastly, I am pushing my homework off until this evening. Amanda rented two movies that I need to see before 9 pm tonight. One is Victor Frankenstein with Daniel Radcliffe and the other is Krampus. And given that all I want to do is take a nap, I figure if I watch the movies, take a short nap, and wake up in time to cook dinner before Amanda gets home, I will be doing good. Then I can devote my evening to the bit of homework I'm allocating for myself.   

Getting back on the wagon...

Wow, he's pretty!

Rocking out to a Gothic tag radio on LastFm. It;s really nice to hear bands I haven't heard for awhile. I have an app on my kindle fire that plays a German Gothic station but it doesn't tell me who the bands are, so unless I recognize one, I'm left wondering who is playing. And for some reason I can't seem to find which station it is on the internet-not that I have looked very hard. But given recent circumstances, I haven't done much of anything productive per se.

I've done some laundry, dyed my hair back to the usual black, and registered for my 4th term of school. I've ordered my textbooks, bought Skoora and I a much needed book shelf, and filled the car up with gas. I've also bought my meds and replaced some of the things we were out of. I haven't started any of the sewing stuff but I did attend a class done by my pagan group about essential oils.  

Saying that I miss my Yoda-Chan is an understatement. I bought a picture frame and ordered some prints of photos I had of him and made a sort of memorial for him. I've also removed his bed from under the bathroom sink because every time I went in there I kept wanting to open the door and check on him. It's habit. Most of the time I am okay but sometimes a bouts of hurt and sadness leak out. This is where I feel like I must be broken somewhere. I know, from far too much experience, that grief comes in waves. I've lost a lot of family members to various things: cancer, old age, sickness, stroke ect... I've known death wasn't far off for some and some were taken so suddenly it was a shock. I've even been in the room when the machines were turned off on a Grandmother and listened to her die. I could have left, but I wanted her to know I was there. Either way, you'd think I would be used to this. I know all the song and dance for funerals, cleaning out houses, dividing stuff, and dealing with bills and such. And I have lost kitties before too. I don't, maybe after the last couple of years I just don't handle things as well as I used to. But maybe I think I should have for an extension for this week instead of last week for my homework. Seems like I shut off until about a week after someone I care about dies. I shut down just enough to go through the motions of taking care of business.

Well, it's not going to do me any good now. I have a paper to write and far too much text book and article reading. Skoora thinks the amount of reading I have to do isn't necessary and when she gets home tomorrow (Yay, she'll be back from Boston!) she said she was going to help me break it down. Apparently I am doing more than I have to. I didn't think so. I was doing what I was assigned. Oh well, if there is a way to do less work and still get a fantastic grade, great. Honestly, though, I don't really care about this WW2 class anymore. I was really excited for it in the beginning. But we aren't learning about German propaganda, the Thule Society, or even much about the Third Reich. There's some really cool stuff, but mostly its all who attacked who when, battle lines, and what kind of technology/machinery/weapons being used. That's cool and all, but not what I was looking for. It also doesn't help that my cat died or that I have been completely bogged down and stressed out just about getting the weekly assignments done aside from the big thesis paper. For someone who reads slow and has some dyslexia issues... yeah. Well, I will suck it up and get on with my life. I just don't care if I get above a B... hell, at this point, I just want to pass the class and call it good. Which really isn't like me at all. I'm kind of one of those people who shoots for the A grade all the time. 

Skoora and I have been talking little bits here and there. I have decided that I want another kitty. It won't replace Yoda, no kitty ever could. Galen is kind of a jerk and he won't cuddle with me. Not saying he isn't good enough or that I don't love him because I really do, he's just a cat with a different temperament- that and I think he might be autistic, if cats can be autistic. I am being serious. Right now he's curled up on my bed sleeping. Anyway, the local humane society is running a summer adoption special and it's this month only. So we kind of have to get on it when Skoora gets back. I seem to connect better with male cats, not sure why that is, so I've kind of been looking at the boys on the site. Still I would never turn down a girl kitty if she called to me.  I even made a list of names I like. I mean, since I can't have human children, it's kind of fun to look at names for animal children. Skoora only likes a couple of the names and not the ones I am really feeling either.  She likes Konstantin and Narcisa and suggested Alistair be added to the list. Personally, I really like Cosmina, Drahomira and Sorina for girl names. For boy names, I like Radek, Radomir, Dragos, Fane, and Kostya. But that's just me. 

Anyway, since Skoora told me to relax and take the night off, I am going to do just that. I've been kind of panicking, restless, and weepy all day. I'll probably break out the coloring books and colored pencils or something, listen to music, maybe watch a movie and take a shower. I kind of want to do my nails. I haven't really done much of anything too girly for myself in awhile. Then again, I kind of want to write too. I've kind of been feeling the urge and I am not quite sure what's keeping me from actually doing it. I wonder if I am afraid of something? Honestly through some self reflection, emotionally or mentally or both, I've realized that I have a few blocks that I need to punch through. I know they are there, I'm just not sure what all of them are. *sigh*