Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Taking Responsibility

I never really was too terribly enchanted with most people and as I get older (sounds strange saying 'as I get older' when I am only 28) I think I become further disenchanted. In fact, a lot of the time I find myself deeply disgusted and even furious even with the people around me, family, friends, associates ect... It's not that I think or view myself as being better than this person or that person, I don't. I'm actually very fucking self-abasing and not because I think I need sympathy or even want it, it's because I truly believe that I really don't have anything worthy to give the grand scheme of things and feel like a general waste of space. No, really, I have these thoughts on a daily basis and me actually saying it is in no way an effort to garner sympathy, trust me I don't want your pity it just pisses me off.

But how I view and what I think of myself and what others think/view me isn't really the issue of this particular post. The issue is that I am exceedingly tired of hearing and seeing people not take responsibility for their actions. We have some asshole who wants to go shoot/ stab/ beat a bunch of people and the first thing the media and lawyers want to do is say it's because the bad person has some mental malfunction. Okay, so maybe 25%, 50%, or even 75% of those cases that's true, but not every single one. At some point people are fucking evil and enjoy hurting others because that's what makes them happy and no amount of 'well that's not normal they must be insane' is going to fix, alter, or change that. Blaming the bad person's personality, wants, or kicks off on mental instability instead of looking at the blatant fact that they have no moral compass is down right myopic.

Most criminals are a good example of the not wanting to take responsibility  There's a million reasons why they had to commit their crimes, even text book examples. 'It's societies fault', 'Mommy and Daddy didn't love me enough', 'I was bullied', 'My dad was a dead beat', 'I never learned right from wrong', 'someone made me', really the list goes on and it's all whiney-bullshit which brings me to the next example. 

Drug addicts and alcoholics are just as bad if not worse. A druggy and an alcoholic will use any excuse. They blame their actions on the drug(s) and alcohol and they blame the reason for the abuse of these substances on everything and anything they can. In the case of my cousin Tony, who has been an alcoholic since he was 17 or 18, he started drinking because he wanted to be like his adoptive father. Then he started driving drunk and nearly killed himself when he rolled his van. His reason for drinking that night was that his girlfriend broke up with him. Then he had to drink because he was in a lot of pain. Now it's because his adoptive father has passed away and he can't handle the pain of that. He recently attacked his sisters because one of them didn't want him drinking in her house. He got angry, why was he angry? Because he was drinking and then he attacked his sisters. The next day not only did he not want to own up to it but he didn't even care and he was drinking again.  

In the case of drug addicts they will use the same excuses and I've even seen first hand what drug addicts can and will do to the people they claim to love.They will lie, cheat, steal, beat, abuse, and destroy everything around them. And they will try and push the blame off themselves and on to someone or something or some situation. Either way it's not their fault. 
One of the last things that I absolutely loathe is when parents refuse to take responsibility for their children. No, I am not a parent and perhaps someday I will get the chance to have kids of my own and you can be damned sure I am not going to blame my child's lack of decency, respect, manners, and notions of right and wrong on the fact that they have ADHD or other mental impairments if they have them or not. I see a lot of parents not disciplining their kids. I see a lot of parents not grown up themselves pushing their kids on other people or telling their kids to go play. I see a lot of parents ignoring their kids. Guess what, your kid is your responsiblity and when your kid gets to be 16 and gets expelled from school because he beat the shit out too many people and you didn't do a damned thing to correct that behavior, then it's not just your child's fault, it's yours too. 

Now before you think I am an advocate for 'let's blame the parents' knock that thought out of your head right now. At some point there is only so much a parent can do. You can have model parents and one really shitty child who grows into a shitty adult. the parents could have done everything right and tried their hardest. That doesn't make them the ones to blame because at some point the responsibility for a persons actions has to begin to fall on them. In the end you as an individual person did this or did that, said this or said that, took this drug or that drug, drank this drink or that drink, hurt someone, killed someone, set that fire, broke into that house, stole, lied, cheated, whatever. You decided to do those things, you made that conscious decision to do what you did or didn't do and it's you who needs/should own up to it and take responsibility for it. Because when you don't, you look like a piece of shit and less of a person.


  1. I think the saddest (and most dangerous) part of labeling people like the Sandy Hook kid who shot all those people, with this or that mental disorder (I think it was Asperger's in this case), is that it sure doesn't do anything to help other people who have those disorders but don't go around shooting places and people up.

    I also wish our mainstream media would be more responsible in how they report incidents. The tendency is to cast a whole, "How did we fail this person so that this incident happened?" We who? Speak for yourself, I never pulled the trigger! American Society does seem to be this way more and more: Blame others for things you should be accountable for yourself, and blame yourself for things you have no business blaming yourself for. What a catch-22.

    1. Agreed *nods* This country (mainly the social media) is very fond of the blame game and all that accomplishes is placing stigmas on groups of people who don't deserve it. And it's exactly as you said: throwing around labels doesn't help. :(

  2. I typed you a nice long reply and GOOGLE ATE IT. Grr.

    Anyway, in summary I was agreeing with you. This has been a problem since the beginning of history and it just grows worse and worse. Nowadays we can't risk hurting people's feelings even to admit that they're just plain evil and there's no excuse for their crap. If the authorities have to admit that someone is evil then they have to admit that they don't have all the answers and they might even be a little screwed up too. Can't have that.

    I also mentioned a German play that I can't remember the name of (if I ever knew it). It's basically about the trials of the Nazi officers after WWII. They all try to escape blame by pinning it on someone higher until the only person they can put on trial is God Himself. As punishment they make him walk the Earth as a poor man until He is executed.

  3. No, this kind of thing doesn't help those with which ever said mental disorder. And for as much as the media and people want to scream for equality and fairness, they can't really get what they want when they want to be unfair and not face reality and condemn a whole group of people when only a few apples are bad. It;s disgusting.

    @ Kat, you know I saw a movie slightly similar not too long ago. It didn't have the same theme per se but I was reminded of it in your 'they all try to escape blame'. It was called 'The Reader'. You really should check it out.