One of the worst and hardest dilemmas I have to face...

This is my Yoda, my handsome prince, my blue-eyed baby. He is my best friend and has been with me for 16-17 years. He's braved moving from Kansas to Idaho, back to Kansas, and then to Idaho again. His favorite snack is Cheetos or Cheese if he thinks you have some- especially if you're at the refrigerator, and he used to love Hello Panda. This cat has lit his own tail afire dragging it over candles, posed for me to paint his picture, tolerated me when I've put a camera in his face, and slept with me almost every night of his life. He hates it when I leave- actually stops eating- for more than a day, and right now he is so sick.

It's been about 6-7 months since we learned he is diabetic. We've poked his little ears to test his blood, given him insulin daily, and put him a feeding schedule along with changed his food. He's really taken it all in stride and even reminded me when I'd forgotten his shots.

But lately, he's been really bloated. We've been watching him and everything Skoora  and I have read says he's in the early stages of renal failure. he is still eating, drinking, and using the litter box, so we thought why steal what precious time he has left if he isn't fussing. But yesterday Yoda started sneezing something awful! Spasm sneezes and he'd rub his poor little nose and face with his paw and then scoot closer to me. He is wheezing and sometimes looks like he's having trouble breathing. He looks miserable and just wants to be near me. He doesn't purr anymore, sometimes he whimpers. Like when he's on the floor and wants up on the bed, he'll cry a little to let me know and I'll pick him up and put him next to me. And sometimes, he looks better.

My problem is that I know he's not long for this world. Skoora's Mom's position is to keep him here at home, let him pass on his own unless he really starts fussing and gets worse. That's mostly because the vet costs so much money and we just don't have it. The vet will want to run blood work which will cost probably over $200 and she thinks they will tell us there is nothing they can do and we will have to put him to sleep.

I don't want my baby to suffer. I hate seeing him so miserable just as much as I hate the thought of being without him. For me, my pet are closer and almost mean more to me than some of the people in my life. They are my family, my furry kids, and I love them so much. I know some people won't understand that, some people don't get as attached and form close friendships and love with their pets. Silly me, I've always has deep attachment issues.

Anyway, I'm really at a crossroads in knowing what to do. Part of me is screaming to take him to the vet tomorrow. The part is saying no, we can't afford it and and he will be happier at home. But if he is suffering? I don't want to let him go, but I know I have to and I am prepared no matter how much it hurts. I can't have him hurting. I just can't.

I am going to call my Mom. It is too late to take him to the vet today anyway.