I have ascended!!! Paimon, Food, and a Productive day.

 

So, I have been playing Genshin Impact for a little while now. I think I started it at the beginning of this year? Might have been last year, anyway, I took the plunge because cute/hawt/smexy anime characters, amazing graphics, and beautiful sound tracks really appeal to me and I missed PC gaming... like... A LOT!  I'm still playing D&D, of course. Any way, meet Paimon, if you haven't already. She is adorable. I think a lot of people find her annoying, but I find her precious, especially when she is throwing a tantrum. She gets to angry! I just want to hug her. She is not emergency food and anyone who says so is in for it!

Paimon isn't the only character I adore. Zhongli is my husbando and Xiao is my son. Diluc and Kaeya are my other husbandos and Althaiham is my boyfriend. There are others... of course and Tighnari- purrr!  I really do love this game for more than just pretty anime men and ladies. I enjoy the character arcs and story line too. I have cried a couple of times because of this game and even today, I just finished a compelling quest that made me a little teary-eyed. But...
I have ascended!!! I can level my character up to 80 now. I'm gonna do it a little slow because I need to level up a couple of other characters- of course I have to go grind and beat some bosses to get components to do that, but meh. All in good time.  

Apart from all that silliness, I have had a rather productive day considering. The last several months have been a struggle and maybe, just maybe, I am coming out of it? I hope. I have a lot of work to do. Anyway, I made a meal plan, grocery list, and did the big grocery shop today. The weather up here is hot, too hot for this time of year, or at least hotter than it has been the last several years. 

After that, Selene (a.k.a. Amanda) helped me with some of the meat food prep so we could get it into the freezer. I made a trail mix I can eat and portioned it out for snacking. Then I made dinner. 

I mixed taco seasoning in with really lean ground beef and a southwest frozen veggie mix, then stuffed some bell peppers full, added cheese, and a little water to the pan and baked them. We had salad to go with them. Because I didn't eat lunch today and hadn't been keeping up with my water intake, I ate two stuffed peppers. Tomorrow will be better on the remembering to drink water and eat. 

And, today, I managed to get a little basic selfcare in too. That's been a struggle for me lately as well. But, teeth are brushed, face is washed and moisturized, and meds have been taken. Oh and I brushed my hair and braided it! At this rate I might even do make up tomorrow. 

Well, time for bed. Mr. Thorin needs some cuddles and I really need to sleep if I am going to get up and get a painting done tomorrow.   

I am late!

Last week I plumb forgot about this and this week I am late in the writing and posting. Sorry about that. 

My meager offerings for this week, is this practice run with Fire Alpaca and 'new to me' tablet from a good friend. I really like the airbrush tool as it turns out and I should probably not be so in love with it. It's hard, dusting off my novice drawing skills. There's a frustration in wanting to be better, to know how to draw hair and faces, trying to figure out what my style is, hoping I can pull off Moe and Bishi manga art eventually (both are so pretty). But I will get there and it takes time and practice.

I have been working on the world building of my novel and I thought I had finished my character bios. But I was watching a Brandon Sanderson fiction writing lecture on character this week and I have a few more questions to ask myself and make notes for a couple of characters. Shouldn't take me too long and should help me in the long run of writing process. 

Still doing Taiko, although I missed last week due to a nasty fibro flare. I've been studying some of the videos the leader of the group sent me so I could practice at home. I don't know if it is helping. But I can't get too annoyed with myself, I've only been twice. 

Lastly I thought I would share a vegetarian recipe I made up for Amanda, Enchilada casserole. It;s super simple and pretty quick to make.

What you need is one large can of red or green enchilada sauce (prefer red but Amanda likes green better), six yellow or white corn tortillas, 1 small bag of mozzarella cheese, and 1 small bag of a frozen southwest medley veggies (ours has mix of corn, onions, red bell peppers, and black beans). Oh and a small baking dish. I used a glass bread loaf dish but in hind sight probably should have used something a little larger.

Preheat the oven at 350 degrees f. 

Tear the corn tortillas however big or small you prefer.

Ladle a thin layer of enchilada sauce on the bottom of the dish. Next put down the majority of the torn tortillas to make in a good layer. After that add the frozen southwest medley veggies and a light layer of mozzerella cheese. Nexxt layer the rest of the tortillas and ladle sauce over it. You might need to gently shift the dish on your counter to get the sauce to seep all the way through. Lastly, layer a thicker layer of cheese on the top and when the oven is preheated, put the dish in for 30-40 minutes. And that's it. Take it out when the cheese has melted and its warm all the way through. 

That's it. 

And that's it for me this week.   

  

I made stuff, migraine, fatigue, bad sleep, and cuddly cats

Remember that picture I posted of myself the other day. Well, this one is a better one in my opinion. 

I have been pretty busy these last several days. We went shopping at Fred Meyer for groceries and then we checked out a new store called My Fresh Basket. It opened up in Kendall Yards. My Fresh Basket a bit pretentious but they do have some specialty things that we haven't found elsewhere. I bought a bar of Sandalwood soap as a treat.  Anyway, because we have adopted a new food diet, I made sure we had plenty of fruits and veggies, which meant that I was in the kitchen cutting, slicing, and chopping- doing food prep- pretty much most of the weekend. When I wasn't doing that, I was cooking or baking. I made a peach pie and a Strawberry pie- both of which have been eaten. Last night I made eggplant parm without the parm. I also decided to make my own Popsicles. The above was supposed to be strawberry pomegranate but I forgot the pomegranate.   

This one is lavender lemonade with real lavender. I also used some of my lavender syrup, not a lot. 

Here is peach pineapple.

And this is vanilla matcha. I have a vanilla coffee syrup and I used just a little to sweeten the matcha.

I have been very exhausted the last several days. I have trouble focusing and staying awake sometimes and others I feel sick. At night I've had some trouble sleeping in bed again and end up on the sofa. Today, I woke with a migraine and it only grew worse as the day progressed. Thankfully, after some coffee, alieve, and laying down for a bit, its disappeared. However, I tried to make vegan apple cinnamon breakfast cups and misread the recipe for lack of being able to focus, and put in too much vanilla. Amanda had to take over for me and double the recipe. That did the trick. I decided to make bread today. It has been rising a little longer than usual, but I need it to double in size and with the air conditioner going, it's been a slow process. 

I am a bit annoyed with my Mom. I called to talk yesterday and during our conversation she informed me that I wasn't going to lose weight just because I decided to go vegetarian. Um, thanks. What the fuck?! I don't get it. We were vegetarian for a whole year when I was a kid. They still cook stuff from the vegetarian cookbooks they have, granted it's not much, but still. Plus me being vegetarian affects her in no way except for the the week or so she and Dad will be visiting in October. If she's worried that I am going to become one of those self important, high horse, condemn you for eating meat vegetarians, she's mistaken AND she should know me better than that. More importantly, I should have to feel that I have to justify myself for trying to see if this will be better for me health wise and reduce my physical pain.

On a much happier note, my cats have been very cuddly lately. Even Narcisa. She actually let me lay my head lightly on her last night. She even purred! 

Bad decisions, kitty, won't be doing that again, and gave it an honest try.

I am going to apologize in advance if this blog seems or feels a bit scattered. It probably will be because I am a bit scattered today. I'd considered skipping the blog today altogether but decided that no, I did want to blog. Then, a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog someone write about blogging without obligation . I thought it was neat but it got me thinking about whether or not I really did want to blog today, or if I really should and while my body is screaming  for me to leave the kitchen table and go lay down on the sofa, I'm telling it to fuck off, because I want to blog and can lay down later. My body and I have these conversations a lot. 

Anyway, I can't remember if I mentioned the kitty pictured above or not, but it's becoming a regular visitor this week. The frist day I saw it, I looked up and though, huh, that's an interesting kitty shaped shadow- wait a minute, that's a cat! She or he is so pretty. Today, I happened to look up and see it stalking something and later, I saw it perched on a rock. I thought, it will never stay put long enough for me to grab the good camera, but I grabbed it anyway. I did not go outside, but took the photo from my dining room, through the window, so it's really not the best quality. What can I say, I didn't want to disturb the kitty, but wanted to practice some cat photography. I love cats in nature! 

A couple of days ago I took the salmon out of the freezer to have for dinner with some friends. Something came up and they couldn't make it, so I put the salmon in the fridge. Typically I buy salmon in a can to make salmon croquettes- which is how I am used to eating salmon. Said friends made salmon fillets once and they were pretty good, I had some trouble with the texture, but not so much that I couldn't handle it or find the experience unpleasant. So, I wanted to try making salmon on my own and try a couple of recipies. Well, I did last night. You know, the honey garlic flavor was really good, but the texture really got to me. I just don't think I can really do salmon fillets. Which is fine, I can't really do it in sushi either. I'm just not a fish person. I like tuna for tuna sandwhiches and patties, and I am allergic to shell fish, so it really all just works out. The point is, I tried something new, learned something, and while I couldn't eat any more, Amanda- who really wasn't doing too well with it, promised to take some to work so it wouldn't go to waste. 

Aside from not cooking salmon fillets again, I don't think I will be taking a friend for a post midnight run to the store again. My friend doesn't drive and we'd planned to do an errand day followed by hanging out and a late night jaunt to the store after she got paid. She put some gas in my car and bought us lunch, so I wasn't going to complain and it was a lot of fun. Except I had been up since 7:30 yesterday morning and was running on fumes and in increasing pain.  With that combination, I tend to make not so great decisions and bought a bag of cheese puffs. I had just enough left in my student account from college. Other than that the trip was successful. 

When I got home, I had that second wind, was a little hungry, and needed to let some advil kick in before I could even attempt sleeping. I ended up parking on the sofa, nibbling cheese puffs, and watching Vampire Diaries on Netflix. I am in the middle of the 5th season. Anyway, I watched three episodes, discovered that my cheese puffs are far more salty than I remember and actually a bit gross- haven't had them in awhile- and advil didn't do me much good. I finally hobbled off to bed after 5 am. 

I vaguely remember Amanda being upset with me about something and asking about the car. I also vaguely remember being annoyed that she was upset with me when I hadn't done anything wrong. I awoke around 11 and have been sitting at the kitchen table, in pain, ready to cry since. I don't know whether or not it's the pain or that Amanda was upset with me, or even the frustration that I can't seem to focus on anything for more than a few minutes without wanting to throw something because I am in pain, or a combination of all three or what, but that's what's going on today. My house is a wreck, I need to figure out dinner, and I have a whole list of things I would love to be doing other than what I am going to end up doing. Which is to lay down on the sofa, rest, and hope that when it is time to make dinner, I have enough energy to do so. But whatever happens, I want today to end on a positive note. I know it doesn't hurt me to want, but in this case, it actually does. I want and need to have some form of accomplishment today so it doesn't just get shuffled into all the dark days of fail and anger and feeling like I am running out of time and wasting the time that I have. Depression and anxiety are whore bitches. 

Happy last thought, I have coffee and pumpkin spice creamer.

Becoming an Aunt, new noises, getting ready for Yule and Christmas

Narcisa and I are getting used to new noises in our new home, specifically the washer and dryer. It's becoming apparent that I need to put in a work order for the washer. It squeaks and rattles something awful when it hits any kind of spin cycle. 

To go with the laundry sounds, the maintenance men have been stomping and banging around upstairs for the last couple of days. Either the people above us were evicted or they abandoned their apartment because maintenance were throwing beds and chairs over the balcony and moving furniture out the other day. Yesterday I don't know what they were doing in the kitchen but they dropped something heavy and big, right above my head when I was cooking. It scared the crap out of me and out of my friend Birdy, who was visiting. 

On the subject of cooking, I screwed up my bierocks dough yesterday. I was trying to make two meals at once and didn't catch all the directions. Typically I make the dough out of Bisquick and just add a little sugar but I wanted to see if I could find something "authentic" per se. Rather, I wanted my Grandmother's recipe but she can't find it and is heading for Texas. Needless to say, my dough didn't rise. The filling is done and tastes good, might need an extra onion though. 

The other meal I made was a chicken stir fry with lots of veggies. I told Amanda last night that I'm not really worrying about any kind of weight loss at the moment, I'm getting though the holidays and then we need to take advantage of the little gym and indoor swimming pool here at our apartment complex. She suggested that we take the bus into downtown Spokane and walk around the park. There are plenty of benches for when I need to sit for a moment. I just have to be really careful with that because I tend to push myself and a lot of times overdo it, which is kind of counter productive. 

My previous next door neighbor Felicia deemed Amanda and I designated Aunts to children (which is awesome because I totally love those kids). So, we were invited to her eldest boy's Christmas concert. He was such a goofball and so adorable.

He's the one on the left in overalls and a red shirt. He did the actions to the songs they sang and kind of stood apart from his class mates. 

Things in the apartment are coming together more and more every day. I get a week off from school work so I will have more time to do things around the house. I might just take a day to sleep. I have been so exhausted lately. We put Christmas lights up in the kitchen last night. The blue ones over the cabinets are staying all year round because I love the blue glow. Amanda is going to saw up some wood we collected last week end and I am going to see if she will help me put up some decorations outside this weekend... when we have a moment. We are doing our Yule celebration with the IEPG this weekend. Friday, I will probably be cooking treats all day. Amanda will be making hers on Saturday morning. We've sort of become really busy people, it's nice in a way but I think things will calm down when we get everything unpacked and put away. 

Well, it's off to homework land for me.

Unhelpful doctor, room arrangement, overwhelming and sadness.

I don't remember who did this picture but it's pretty, it's a kitty, and it makes me happy so that for me, that's all that matters.

Last night Amanda and I rearranged the bedroom. We have more room and it looks nice. We should be able to really move back into the bedroom to get more homework done now instead of having to wait for Amanda's mom to go to bed at night. Did I mention that Cathy changed her work hours to later in the day. So she can stay up later and only goes to bed when I am getting ready to. So any homework I want to get done absolutely has to be done when she is at work. And then I have to move into the bedroom if I have any hopes of doing it. Which means I don't really get to spend time with Amanda because she's still stuck out in the living room because Vizio still hasn't sent her her fucking computer! But that's another rant for a different time.  

I went to the doctor today for my ear. I have a bump inside and at first I thought because it hurt, it was a zit, but it's not red and doesn't have a head. It is also really strange because I am really good about cleaning my ears. Anyway, it's been causing me some pain and discomfort and even hampering my hearing. I've tried antibiotic ointment and finally decided to go to the doctor. I didn't get to see my usual doctor but another. She didn't have my chart and thought that I was a new patient. She was very nice but also not very helpful. Her advice was to try moist heat for the next couple of days to see if it will resolve itself. If not, then I need to fill and take the prescription of antibiotics. Oh and did I mention that I have gained weight again? That bit just about made me scream while I was standing on the doctor's office scale.

After the doctor's visit, a very short and disheartening conversation with my Dad, and some other things all piling up on me, had me kind of- no really sobbing on the phone to my mother while waiting for Bethy and her sister to bring their laundry down to my Jeep to bring it over for washing. I am so tried of Amanda's parents lying to me about food I make. They say they like it but really they don't like change, they don't like any spice what so ever, and that really is okay. But they also don't want us to eat food separately from them. I don't like Cathy's bland-ass cooking and what she cooks, is slowly killing me. Its so unhealthy! I just wish people wouldn't lie to me. Like when Cathy said she would help me figure out how to expand the coat pattern I bought to make me a coat that I actually liked and that actually fit me properly. She even called me today and asked me if I had tried some on at Lane Bryant. I have, they don't really fit right. But she doesn't want to be bothered to help me I guess.

Also my Dad hasn't been answering my text messages. Turns out he just didn't feel like replying to them, which is annoying and kind of hurtful. I don't really get to talk to him too much since I haven't been able to play Guild Wars or really game much at all. It's like he doesn't really have anything to say. I know he's really depressed but I'm really depressed too and still get up everyday and try to make the best of it. They have also had my cousin over a lot, which makes me happy because she needs all the breaks she can get from my insane and abusive aunt. But sometimes it feels like my family back home has just written me off and have started to replace me. I feel like I am being punished because I moved back to Northern Idaho with Amanda. I've spent the last three years miserable in my living situation, fighting with a body that will not cooperate, and being humiliated for all my health issues (by doctors and a judge). I've made the trip home twice, once for my Uncle's funeral, and again for a month long visit but none of my family can be bothered to come see me, even when they had the money to do so. My Mom said that they haven't written me off and aren't replacing me. It still hurts and I am upset that I even had thoughts like this.

Dad also said that he's only read some of the short stories I sent him last term but not all of them and hasn't sent me any feedback. If I can't get my own family to read my stuff, how am I supposed to expect the general public to?  

But we have Bethy here tonight, I am pushing my homework to Saturday night. We've got a little Angry Orchard's Hard Apple Cider, and are going to watch movies. I might even crochet. 

Egg Rolls, little scratches, OCD, Lana Del Rey, and books...

 Some time ago I heard "Dark Paradise" by Lana Del Rey, in a Hasting's in Spokane Valley. I fell in love with it and when Skoora and I got home, we looked it up. Since then I've heard "Summertime Sadness" and loved it too. So, I went to Youtube to see if I liked some of Lana Del Rey's other songs. I think my favorites aside from the two aforementioned are "Ride" and "Blue Jeans".  Poor Skoora has had to listen to Lana Del Rey for the last couple of days intermittently. I am very eclectic in my musical tastes but I tend to gravitate toward Darkwave, Gothic, Folkmetal, ect... Skoora is more of Rock and Punk or Glam Rock person. David Bowie is her favorite! But sometimes, we just hear stuff that's different and really strikes a chord.

Narcisa is fitting in quite well. Galen and Ellie are both playing with her and there had even been some tentative grooming between them. However, Narcisa, no matter how cute and lovable she is, is kind of a little bitch. She's managed to push Galen off the kitty tower, is kind of a brat to him every time he's on it, and loves to go for his tail. She also bitches if we pick her up and hold her when she wants to play and make a mess. She's managed to repeatedly knock over two different stacks of Skoora's books. She's also scratched us both up (we will be trimming her little claws tomorrow). Her favorite thing to do is attack our legs and feet when we are in bed. Did I mention that she's pretty much ruined the sheer curtains in the living room? But in doing that she also gets excited and runs head first into the patio door. I'd say it's Karma for my legs and curtains if I wasn't worried about kitten brain damage.

I've been reading a lot lately. It's about the only thing that really distracts me from everything that's bothering me, things I can do nothing about and have to continue to deal with, ect... I am in love with Vlad Tepesh in Jeanine Frost's Night Huntress and Night Prince Series. He's just a fun character.

I am having trouble donating plasma lately and we really need the money from it. Skoora hasn't been getting a lot of hours at work so we are hurting pretty bad again. It seems like every time I have gone to donate the last 3 or 4, maybe even 5 times, there has always bee something they use to turn me away. It's not their fault or even really my fault. I'm anemic, my heart rate is sometimes up too high, or my blood pressure. I think the latter two go hand in hand with the stress in our lives at the moment, but the anemia is really worrying me. I'm even taking Iron supplements.  The nurse on duty told me how to kind of get around the anemia issue, but I don't know if that will work, and if it does, will I get turned away for being too stressed over worrying about that and everything else? And when I go with Skoora and get turned away, I always have to sit in the waiting room to wait on Skoora to finish. The staff always watch me and I can here them talk about me and why I am sitting there. It's quite uncomfortable.

Lastly, because Skoora is making all the motions of getting into bed, I made a huge dinner tonight. I made cream cheese and onion won tons, egg rolls, and chicken chow mein. I used the left over won ton wrappers to make a strawberry tart thing with a yogurt rum sauce (that was surprisingly good). Sometimes I get in the kitchen and just throw shit together and bam, surprisingly delightful food. Skoora calls me her Macguiver chef.

Anyway after we'd eaten far too much, I had an ocd moment and decided I was going to clean the kitchen. Really clean it. Skoora's Dad usually does the after dinner clean up and he doesn't always do what I would do if I didn't feel like crap by the time dinner is finished. I still have to clean the top of the refrigerator, wash down a couple of cabinets, clean the bar, and mop the floor, but everything else has been done. And, subsequently, I feel shit, my back is screaming obscenities at me, and I just don't have the wherewithal to even look at my homework. So, I am going to bed and will deal with the rest of it tomorrow... or rather later today since it's after 1 am now. Oh and one more thing, my Mom's birthday was yesterday. I called her but I really wish she could have been here or that I could have been there to celebrate with her, even though she doesn't really like to celebrate anything...ever... My Mom can be a stick in the mud that was sometimes. So, I make her.

Lots of things, getting caught up, and something new

So much has happened since I last posted, tests, medical stuff, a camping trip, and I'm not sure where to begin. 

School, that's a good start. I finished lat term with a high B in both classes. Yay! Not A's but considering some of the crap I was dealing with, I am just so happy that I almost had A's. This new term seems like its going to be a good one. I've already had a week of it and really like both instructors.

Yoda is sick. He is bloated and at first we thought he was constipated. We took him to the vet but the vet said he wasn't and looked him over for a few more minutes. Basically if the bloating doesn't go down in the next week or so, we have to run some blood tests on him and see if he's having kidney or liver failure. So far he's been eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom the same, but he is sure sleeping a lot. I think he looks sad or uncomfortable and I am really worried about him, especially since he's losing more teeth. Yes, he is an old kitty. I have head him for 16-17 years and I love him dearly, but if he is suffering, I've made my peace with myself for when he needs to go. Jeeze, just thinking about it makes me cry. 

The weather has been nice. We went to the IEPG Frolicking with the Faeries pagan camp out last weekend. It was really great! I had a lot of fun and it was a nice way to end my first school term. I'll write more on that over in my pagan blog (which I have sorely neglected).

If anyone remembers, Skoora and I applied for a driving job. We thought it was going to be perfect! I wouldn't have to lift anything or stand for long hours, just drive. We told the people in charge of training and hiring that we could only work two days a week. We told them that several times and they seemed okay with it. They even scheduled us for more training and told us to expect a call in two weeks for when and where. That call never came. In fact we had to call them on said training day then wait two hours for a call back. The woman Skoora talked to, was huffy and said that we weren't a good fit because we could only work two days a week instead of full time 5-6 days a week. Um, no we didn't and she knows we didn't. And if they are hurting SO terribly for drivers as they say they are, they would have never gone through all the process of training and background checks and so forth. They just wasted company money and our time, not to mention our gas for when we had to drive into Spokane. Did I mention how utterly disorganized these people are and that I am going to have to get my bank account number changed because of it? One of the women who was training me, still had a voided personal check of mine I used to set up direct deposit. She never gave it to her boss.

Skoora actually thinks what really happened was that they decided they didn't want two lesbians working for them. She mentioned once in her interview when talking about me, that I was her girlfriend. I made the mistake in one of my training sessions, while trying to fill out paperwork for taxes of asking what I should put down because Skoora claimed me last year as a dependent. Yeah... But in the end, after most of our friends telling us they had bad feelings about this job, we simply told them, to forget it. I think I will be writing the company to tell them at least about the utter disorganization of their management here, what happened, how they handled things and so forth.  

I got a call Sunday or maybe it was Monday, I don't remember which, from my Mom. My Grandma had passed out and was in the hospital again. Of course no one has been very clear about the matter, only that Grandma is going to get something checked with her heart. My parents stayed over at my Grandparent's house with my Grandpa. Apparently Grandpa told my Mom that I am his favorite Grandkid (I'm the only one they had a great deal of contact with. I was at their house as much as I was at my own growing up) and wanted to know if he ad Grandma gave me the money to come home, if I would. Of course, I will come home. Skoora and I have made the plans and we are working on paying off debt and saving up enough to live on while she looks for work after we get there. It is just going to take us a little while. 

As for myself, health wise, I had to have an internal sonogram, which was really uncomfortable. The results showed nothing out of the ordinary. I look healthy. So my doctor's solution to the whole excessive bleeding- never ending period (which I'm back on again now that the birth control has faded from my system) is to continue to lose weight and take more birth control. REALLY?! Are you fucking kidding me?! My mother, who has always been thin, had this problem. My cousin, who is thin, had this problem, weight really isn't an issue at this point! Ugh! I'm so pissed about it that I asked my Dad if I started a go fund me page and essentially begged people for money for a hysterectomy (assuming I ever got enough) if I could just take it to a surgeon and ask them to do it. People get body modifications and sex changes, why can't I ask to have my internal girly bits removed?  Dad didn't know if that would work. 

So, since Skoora and I are trying to pay things off and save money, I have decided to stop taking my pain meds and all birth control. If I bleed all the time, fine. I don't want to pay over $20 a month for a migraine and nausea. My pain tolerance is higher now that I can manage the herniated disk pain with Advil or Ibuprofen (until I throw my back out that is). I know it's stupid but that give us $40 extra a month to put toward bills.

I have also decided that I am not actually ready to return to the work force. Not quite physically, and certainly not mentally. The last two-three years really hurt me emotionally and mentally. It was much worse than I ever let on and I am still trying to come out of that. It really shows when we are out in public, at least for me, because I am constantly trying to stave off panic attacks. So, my semi-solution to that is to put my sewing skills to use. Skoora is completely supportive and behind this, she's excited and even throwing out ideas for me. I am thinking about opening an Etsy shop wherein I'll sell tote bags, aprons, and whatever else I decide to make. I can embroider things as well, by hand of course. Eventually I would like to add things like jewelry, candles, soaps, and essential oils. 

I've really thought about this endeavor for awhile and it's a big risk. Fabric isn't cheap and there is a chance that I may not sell anything or much of anything at the beginning. In which case, friends and family will benefit at Christmas. But it is something and I will even look into doing craft fairs and such. I also have a lot of research ahead of me in looking for fabric on deals, getting started, getting stock made, ect...

It;s such a nice day out today. I would go out but I am really tired and needed to get some things indoors done. I opened the bedroom window and took a nice nap with Yoda today after I made Skoora's parent's anniversary cake. It is a kind of lopsided three tiered mint chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing. I'm going to go make dinner shortly. They wanted chicken and mashed potatoes. I wanted to do something more extravagant, but comfort food it is. 

I don't have many plans for this evening, just going to play it by ear. I do want to at least get a couple of my pagan blog posts written even post date them if I have too. And I want to plot out one of my stories so I can start writing it next month for Camp Nanowrimo!

   

Scatterbrained

My head is in chaos today. There are so many things swirling round and round, so many thoughts, bits of information, all mixed up with tangled emotions, and I can't seem to focus and settle on one particular thing. I had plans for the day, things I wanted to get accomplished such as making dinner, getting dressed, writing a blog for this weeks pagan blog project. I've been switching back and forth between different types of music, trying to find one that gets me in the mood per se to write. I've written down information in an attempt to gather it in a way that it easy for me to look at the notes and compile a cohesive article and yet, looking at my notes and the way I have written them, it just looks like chaos of ink scribbles on paper. 

I took a break and left the house even though I fought against it and bought a pack of cigarettes, my dirty little habit and one that I have been trying and struggling to release and not go back to. For me it is a very big hassle to smoke these days. I have to do it outside or in the car. I don't really like the smell or the dangers that come with it. But like a true addict, I enjoy it. There is something about sitting in my room, in front of the computer with a story open in Microsoft word, and a cigarette in my hand that I love. I used to sit like that in my room at my parents house, sometimes with a bottle of Sake on the shelf beside me, imbibing in and just enjoying the guilty pleasures while I worked words and characters and worlds on the document, listening to all kinds of music. It was peace. It was a weird sort of comfort. It was solace.

And now, that I have that out of my system, it's time for me to start dinner. Perhaps after I cook and everyone gets home and chatters away for a bit, I will settle down enough to write that blog and look at next weeks topic. 

  

What can I say about today? Where the hell is all the snow?!

Dimitri Belikov played by Danila Kozlovsky

1. He's hot!
2. I am really excited for Vampire Academy to come out next month!
3. I really wish some of his other movies were available for viewing here in the United States with English Subtitles.

Where is all the snow I ask you? Huh? Where is it?! It's not outside on the ground. I live in Northern Idaho, a couple of hours away from the Canadian border. It's winter and there isn't any snow. One of the perks and my favorite things about living up here is the snow. But it's not here. No, in fact it's in Kansas, where my family lives. My Dad said earlier (as in it's after midnight and I haven't gone to bed yet so it's still tonight rather than tomorrow, never mind) that it was snowing in Wichita. It snowed there a few days ago too. The north eastern United States just had a big winter storm and got lots of snow. Parts of airports were even closed. But did we get any snow here? Nope. I am not happy. I'd shake my fist at the sky and bitch at it too if I thought I could get snow, but I doubt it will help.

Sigh.

Today I slept far too late because again last night I couldn't sleep. But I got up and tried to go to Spokane and when I got on the highway I promptly got off at the nearest exit. I need to replace the tires on my car but can't do that until Skoora gets back from her residency. I can still drive the car, just not on the highway and I have to keep an eye on it.

When I got home, I had to babysit cousin Amber while Skoora's parents went to mass. Not a big deal, I let her pick a movie and we chatted a little bit while I started dinner and made my snack cups and some breakfast croissants. no, I haven't learned how to make croissants from scratch yet, I bought some mini ones from the supermarket a couple of days ago and cut up some turkey to put on them along with some cheese and threw the in the oven. Right now, they are in the freezer to be taken out at later dates to be consumed. I also sauteed some onions and mushrooms in balsamic vinegar and butter. When all was said and done, I retreated back into my bedroom and played Guild Wars with my Dad.

I have managed to hurt my back more today, just in leaning back in my chair. My desk chair rocks back a little and I was tired of sitting up straight (well as straight as I could for as long as I was able). I sat back and when I tried to move forward (enter many explicatives and color phrases). And to make matters worse, when I tried to get up, more pain. I kind of stayed locked, unable to really move for a bit until I could breathe and then very very slowly ease into a position that didn't hurt so bad.

Oh and I talked on the phone with my cousin Sheena tonight. She feels kind of bad for trying to help her brother out yesterday. He took the 20 dollars she gave him and spent it on alcohol. His girlfriend called up and said he was missing today and the saddest thing, Sheena checked the recent arrests for the county they live in. Yep, he's in jail and it looks like he might have even gotten violent as well. Personally, I hope he stays in jail for really long time. It's the only time he's ever sober.

Upside, tomorrow my friend is coming for a visit. 

HAPPY YULE!

Happy Yuletide Greetings!

Skoora and I wish everyone a happy and healthy Yule! We hope that this holiday and the coming holidays and year are wonderful for you! 

We started our Yule festivities with a 4 am wake up hair ball from Yoda-Chan. Poor kitty got sick but he was on my pillow. I was able to move him from there but couldn't quite get him off the bed so we had a mess. Because of the disruption, and a small icky mess on my pillow, I had to do some quick changing of the bed and pillows. For some reason if I don't get my pillows just right or if I don't have the right ones fluffed the right way, I get the worst head ache the next morning. I think I am becoming the Princess from The Princess and the Pea. 

So, I awoke with a headache this morning, had to toss down some headache meds along with my morning meds and hurry out the door for a trip into the neighboring town to take care of some business and pick up a gift from a toy store for a friend. I love the toy store, it's like Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium without the store actually being alive. After that we stopped for lunch at our favorite Chinese buffet and came back to our town. We went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things and most importantly, a pillow for me. I am going to get rid of my oldest pillow with this replacement and see how that works for me. 

When we got home we decided to take a little food out to the a park not far from where we live and have a Yule cook out. I made a tater-tot casserole and put it in foil as well as some bacon and grabbed two toaster strudel. We had some wood in the back of the jeep and we took off.

When we arrived Skoora started working on the fire and I set up my camera to take some pictures. However, it was getting dark so not a lot of them turned out. This one did, it's of the river down the hill.  

We did manage to get the food half way cooked before packing it in. Like I said it was getting dark and the sign at the entrance of the park said that the park closed at sunset and we were there until after sunset. When we heard a fire truck, we pulled our food off the grill, killed the fire, and pack our things up. We didn't want to get into trouble for being there after hours. But while we were there we listened to nice music and just enjoyed the park. There was a squirrel above us on the roof of the pavilion and when we left, we saw two deer. I really wished we could have stayed longer. I would really have liked that. 

We are home, have finished cooking dinner in the oven and eaten it and now we are watching TV for a little bit. Well, we are listening to the TV. The Wizard of Oz is on. It was my Uncle's favorite movie, my Uncle who passed on last year. We will probably play games in a little bit but first, we have to do some laundry else we won't have a bed to lay down in in the morning.  

  

In lieu of... and a picture

Picture © Hannah Richardson

The picture above is one I took of my little Yule display in my room. I was fiddling with my camera and I still haven't gotten the hang of ISO settings and taking candle pictures with the lights off. I played with the picture in pixlr express, hoping to take some of the graininess away. But there it is and for what it is, it's pretty.

As I said in my last post, a friend had the idea of me writing a short Christmas story in lieu of writing the dreaded 'what I've been up to this past year' portion of our Christmas/Yule letter this year. Well, I did it. I wrote a short, four page story, and in doing so I remembered why I really don't like writing short stories. There's never enough time to go into as much detail as I would like, I have to move things along faster, and it feels weird after I've been used to writing novel length stories. Even the fan fiction I wrote several years ago, and the collaborative written role plays were and have been as long as novels.

But, I can't afford to mail a novel length Christmas/Yule card to everyone so four pages will have to do.The story might not even remain four pages because I only just finished the 1st rough draft. Skoora and I need to go over it together tomorrow after she gets home from work and edit it. I'll need to fix the errors and make the necessary changes. I also might end up writing a little bit for those we don't send the story portion of the letter to. Just a short little blurb, nothing too detailed or personal.

Honestly, when we get all the mailing done, I will feel a little relieved. We have so much to do and I realized today that there are only 10 days until Christmas and 7 days until Yule. Oh boy! Not all of the ordered Christmas/ Yule presents have arrived and I am afraid that some won't come until after both holidays. I haven't really decided what I am going to cook for Christmas dinner. If I left that up to Skoora's mom, we'd have ham and cheese buns. They are okay, but I am used to a big Christmas dinner so I'm going to cook one. I know I am making home-made mac'n cheese. Skoora's mom requested it and I definitely want mashed potatoes and gravy. I'll bake some pies and make my little snacks, but as for a veggie dish and the meat portion, well, I still need to sit down with Pinterest! I'll do that tomorrow though.

Oh and I still have to make/finish a few presents too. I had to wait for some supplies to come in the mail since my local craft store didn't have what I needed.

In other news, Yoda has managed to sucker a nibble of cheese out of Skoora's mom and I this evening. He's not even supposed to have it anymore, but he doesn't get treats and he won't eat canned cat food, so we try to give him a little bit of a treat now and then, especially since the other cats get them.

Yesterday a package came in the mail. It contained four mini Funko vinyl My Little Ponies. Since Skoora and I weren't having the best of days, in fact it was kind of bad, we decided to open them. We got the Dj, Spitfire, Bon Bon, and Lyra. I thought perhaps the tails moved and was remarking so and at the same time Skoora and I both twisted them a little. Guess what? The tails don't move and if you twist them, you twist them off. Or well, we managed not to pull them completely off. But, we were able to fix them with the soldering iron. I know that's not what it's supposed to be used for but it worked and that's all that matters and the tails are snugly back in place and don't even look like they were bothered in the first place.

Also, while we were playing the card version of monopoly, I grabbed a round, plastic Christmas ornament from one of the center pieces that were on the tables at the family Christmas party. I dusted it off and put it in my mouth. Skoora  and her mom both watched me do this and neither one of them made the connection of what I was about to do. I popped that ornament out of my mouth and it flew across the table and smacked Skoora right in the glasses. She was so startled and confused, it was priceless! I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard. Better yet, I did it to her again when she came into the bedroom for bed.

Speaking of bed, it's time for me to crawl in it.

  

Today is a cooking and fight with the cat's day.

This is a Bitstrip picture I made for Skoora and I today.

Today is cooking day. No we really aren't going to add dog farts, cat hair or pickled fairy dust to our food or are we? Anyway, I'm taking a break for the moment. I've got sausage cooking on low and we have a double batch of Kaiser rolls in the first 'let rise' stage. We'll punch them down and let them rise again in a little while. Skoora is helping me out because my back and head both hurt pretty bad today. She's cutting up two green bell peppers and a large onion for the breakfast burritos. I've taken my pain meds but they never really take all the pain away and I am okay with that, so long as they take the edge off enough for me to focus and do other things.

We've been fighting with the cats today. They want whatever we are eating when we are eating it no matter what. But they aren't allowed to have our food anymore. We've got one diabetic kitty we don't need three. Oh and I've had to fight Ellie for my chair several times. She's such a punk and jumps right back up the minute I get up.

I hooked my laptop up to the TV via the HDMI cable so we wouldn't have to have my computer in the kitchen to read the Kaiser and Bierock's dough recipes. I know I should just print them off, but I don't have any ink in my printer... But I have Pandora running in the background and decided I wanted to hear a little Abney Park while we cook today. So far so good, I've liked most of what has played on this station.

I think part of the reason I have a headache is because of lack of sleep. I didn't sleep so well last night but hey, at least I was able to see the snow fall for a little while. I love snow but no one else seems to like it very much. Sadly it melted before I woke up this morning, it's still a little too warm during the day for it to stay. I might have said something about this before but I've been keeping track of my sleeping patterns and it seems that I have the most trouble sleeping during the New Moon. I also sleep like the dead during the full moon.

Yoda is yowling for me to come find him and pet him. *sigh* He's so bossy!

Last night was a really good night. I finally got to have Skoora all to myself. Sure, I live with her and she's been my girlfriend for the last six years. We spend time together but most of that time is taken up with each of us reading or writing (in the same room yes), or out running errands. Typically one of us is on the phone with a friend or relative, Skoora often gets lots of texts, and I don't really fuss or demand time with her 'completely alone' because she works and is in the middle of an MFA program. We also live with her parents for the time being so that makes it hard.

So last night, when we were in bed and the phone didn't buzz with a text, or ring, and the computers and TV were shut off (we didn't even have music playing), I was actually able to enjoy her company and converse on a lot of things. We talked about politics and national news station and how ridiculous we find them and the people who get all bent out of shape about what news station is saying what and how. We talked about our friend's politics and how they compared or were different from our own, we talked about our friends (nothing bad just how people are doing), and we talked about writing. We discussed hers and mine, certain ideas and so forth. Like I said it was really nice and I would like more of that more often but it will happen when it happens.

Well, it's time for me to get back to cooking.

A Sunday well spent

Unlike a good majority of my fellow Americans, I do not like foot ball, in fact I detest it. I won't go into the reason why just be satisfied that I hate it. So, I decided that I would find something constructive to do this past Sunday. Of course I had some writing that I could have been doing, library books that need to be read, but I just kind of wanted to play in the kitchen for a bit, move around for as long as my back could stand it. There were also some vegetables and some fruit that needed to be used up. I will be sure to share pictures of all the food I made on my Crafts and Culinary blog after this.

I started out making a beef stew and pumpkin bread. Then I began the work for Kaiser rolls and decided, after all that I did want to try out a recipe I found for pumpkin butter. However, we don't have apple juice but we still have lots of apples. So I decided to make mulled apple cider from scratch since apple cider is supposed to go into the pumpkin butter. So after I got the mulled apple cider done I made the pumpkin butter and since I had the apples from the cider left over and I didn't want to waste them, I just put them in the blender and made apple sauce.

So we now have Kaiser rolls (most of which have been eaten , pumpkin bread, apple sauce, pumpkin butter, mulled apple cider, and a little of the vegetable beef stew (what's left over anyway).

After all was said and done I cleaned up the kitchen and was hurting pretty bad. So I sat down on the sofa, watched Once Upon a Time and 666 Park Avenue. I really like Once Upon a Time and I'm semi-hooked on 666 Park Avenue. I want to see what's going to happen next week and probably give it a couple more episodes before I decide if I really like it or not.

And Vampire Diaries fans, remember this Thursday the 11th is the start of the new season on the CW.

Hello September, it's nice to see you again and what a month you will be!

It's finally September! Which means it's almost Autumn, my favorite season of the year. I love Winter, don't get me wrong, but Autumn and all it's color is the best. The weather is cooler but not cold. Mabon and Samhain (Halloween) come along with pumpkins and apples.

This year September is going to be very busy. At some point I am going to have an MRI and we are going to see what exactly is wrong with my Jeep. We have to get car tags for said car as well but other than those things, I think the beginning of the month will be pretty relaxed. I have some library books I need to finish but I will get to those in a minute.  (It's 12:40pm and I feel like it's 3pm)

The second half of the month will be a whirlwind of 'How the hell are we going to work around all of this?' My girlfriend's birthday is the 21st and we are have two parties for her. One out of town with her friends and one here at home with family simply because it is impossible for her friends to come to our house. The reasons why pisses me off to no end (it's not the friend's fault) but it just can't be helped. And somehow we have schedule between weird family events.

Also that weekend is Mabon, a pagan holiday. I don't know if I will be able to celebrate it or not with so much going on. And finally the Apple Festival at Greenbluff starts that weekend. I probably won't get to go to the Apple Festival that weekend, but I will be going shortly there after.

I've already started cooking for Fall. I made pumpkin bread yesterday morning and plan to make more within the next couple of days. And I am looking at new Fall recipes to try.

Last night we had a small craft night with Kat. It was fun and I started working on some decorations for Halloween! So far they look pretty good. I just have a coffin left to paint and some Witch's boots to make. I don't know what else I am going to make, but I'll figure it out. I still want to have a craft day with my friend out in the Silver Valley but for some reason getting her up here for an afternoon is harder than hell. I am trying to see if I can get her to come sometime when she is already going to be up in the area.

On to my library books...  Corsets & Clockwork looks like it would be a really neat Steampunk book. However, I've only enjoyed the 1st story.  The second and third just weren't holding me and I really tried to give them a go. Now, I am wondering if I should just take the book back to the library or try to read the rest. There is no point in wasting time on a book I am not going to enjoy and really the 1st story was the only one to really give me what I wanted as far as Steampunk is concerned. I'll look at the rest of the stories and try them out, otherwise, I'm not too thrilled with this book.

The Alchemist's Kitchen. It's interesting, a little complicated, and dry, textbook like but that's what it's supposed to be like. I wish this book was a little slower in that they didn't only have a paragraph or two on each concept and could go a little more in depth.

I have another Steampunk book to read and a book on Soap Making but I haven't gotten to those just yet and I think I might be renewing those.  

Honey Mustard Mushrooms and Ice Cold Showers!

Well, I've been here in the Pacific Northwest for a few days and I don't feel any closer to settling in than I did the night I arrived. I am transferred and enrolled in ITT Tech up here and know where the school is and such. My bedroom is starting to look like one, we've got the bed up and everything else is well, everywhere. As it turns out we will have to get a new bed frame but we are going to tough it out on the one we have for the time being and just be very careful.

Aside from missing family and friends terribly, I'm getting the general teasing from my girlfriend's father about being a native Kansan. Most of the time it doesn't bother me but when I am emotional I tend to be upset by it in the most irrational ways. I never say anything, I just keep quite because I know I'm just having a bad moment. LOL! I'm not even having bad days now, I'm having bad moments and that's because I am on an up and down emotional roller coaster. It certainly doesn't help when my girlfriend's father keeps the house colder than shit on a stick in Antarctica nor when the shower in this apartment is working against me. I swear every time I have taken a shower I only get five minutes of warm water and then it's raining icicles. So, I haven't had the best of luck in the shower department. And the toilets are terrible. You practically have to plunge them every time you use them! I don't have the best regards for this apartment and I don't think it has the best for me either.

Last night I finally got to make dinner and feel a little bit useful and normal again. I made a chicken and rice casserole, green beans, and salad. Yesterday at the store I decided to try Honey Mustard salad dressing and lo and behold I love it! I've had honey mustard before for chicken strips but not for anything else. As it turns out I love it on mushrooms. I kind of want to know what it would taste like on deep friend mushrooms but I'm not sure I want to go to the trouble to make them. More like I don't want to clean up the mess.

Well, I'm soon to be off to help a friend and her lab partner with a social experiment in the mall. They need a lesbo couple to walk around and hold hands so they can get the public's reactions of it. Since my girlfriend and I are the only lesbo couple they know of who would agree to this, we are up. My girlfriend thinks their experiment will be a little messed up because my girlfriend and I are fat and for some reason the world doesn't believe that fat people deserve love and worse they think it's disgusting when fat people touch. You know what, I've never had a problem with fat people, even when I was skinny, so who ever put that idea in my girlfriend's head is narrow minded or I am incredibly naive.