Thursday, November 13, 2014

Unhelpful doctor, room arrangement, overwhelming and sadness.

I don't remember who did this picture but it's pretty, it's a kitty, and it makes me happy so that for me, that's all that matters.

Last night Amanda and I rearranged the bedroom. We have more room and it looks nice. We should be able to really move back into the bedroom to get more homework done now instead of having to wait for Amanda's mom to go to bed at night. Did I mention that Cathy changed her work hours to later in the day. So she can stay up later and only goes to bed when I am getting ready to. So any homework I want to get done absolutely has to be done when she is at work. And then I have to move into the bedroom if I have any hopes of doing it. Which means I don't really get to spend time with Amanda because she's still stuck out in the living room because Vizio still hasn't sent her her fucking computer! But that's another rant for a different time.  

I went to the doctor today for my ear. I have a bump inside and at first I thought because it hurt, it was a zit, but it's not red and doesn't have a head. It is also really strange because I am really good about cleaning my ears. Anyway, it's been causing me some pain and discomfort and even hampering my hearing. I've tried antibiotic ointment and finally decided to go to the doctor. I didn't get to see my usual doctor but another. She didn't have my chart and thought that I was a new patient. She was very nice but also not very helpful. Her advice was to try moist heat for the next couple of days to see if it will resolve itself. If not, then I need to fill and take the prescription of antibiotics. Oh and did I mention that I have gained weight again? That bit just about made me scream while I was standing on the doctor's office scale.

After the doctor's visit, a very short and disheartening conversation with my Dad, and some other things all piling up on me, had me kind of- no really sobbing on the phone to my mother while waiting for Bethy and her sister to bring their laundry down to my Jeep to bring it over for washing. I am so tried of Amanda's parents lying to me about food I make. They say they like it but really they don't like change, they don't like any spice what so ever, and that really is okay. But they also don't want us to eat food separately from them. I don't like Cathy's bland-ass cooking and what she cooks, is slowly killing me. Its so unhealthy! I just wish people wouldn't lie to me. Like when Cathy said she would help me figure out how to expand the coat pattern I bought to make me a coat that I actually liked and that actually fit me properly. She even called me today and asked me if I had tried some on at Lane Bryant. I have, they don't really fit right. But she doesn't want to be bothered to help me I guess.

Also my Dad hasn't been answering my text messages. Turns out he just didn't feel like replying to them, which is annoying and kind of hurtful. I don't really get to talk to him too much since I haven't been able to play Guild Wars or really game much at all. It's like he doesn't really have anything to say. I know he's really depressed but I'm really depressed too and still get up everyday and try to make the best of it. They have also had my cousin over a lot, which makes me happy because she needs all the breaks she can get from my insane and abusive aunt. But sometimes it feels like my family back home has just written me off and have started to replace me. I feel like I am being punished because I moved back to Northern Idaho with Amanda. I've spent the last three years miserable in my living situation, fighting with a body that will not cooperate, and being humiliated for all my health issues (by doctors and a judge). I've made the trip home twice, once for my Uncle's funeral, and again for a month long visit but none of my family can be bothered to come see me, even when they had the money to do so. My Mom said that they haven't written me off and aren't replacing me. It still hurts and I am upset that I even had thoughts like this.

Dad also said that he's only read some of the short stories I sent him last term but not all of them and hasn't sent me any feedback. If I can't get my own family to read my stuff, how am I supposed to expect the general public to?  

But we have Bethy here tonight, I am pushing my homework to Saturday night. We've got a little Angry Orchard's Hard Apple Cider, and are going to watch movies. I might even crochet. 


  1. I went to the doctor once for a weird growth on my neck, that also turned out to be a pimple. It wasn't infected, just a hard lump under the skin - exactly the ones you're supposed to get looked at. It was so embarrassing.

    I have never offered this to anyone before, and I don't mean to cause you any offense at all. I am only bringing it up since I've read many times now that you are trying to loose weight: My mother used to be a nurse, health consultant and dietitian. If you'd like some pointers on how to loose weight, give me a holler :)

    1. Even though it was embarrassing, it was a really good idea for you to go and have it looked at. You can never be too careful with those things. I have a skin tag on my neck that I need to get removed and haven't done it yet.

      Yes, I would love to have some pointers. I sent you an e-mail and no worries, I am not offended. :)