Honeymoon adventures and moving

We are back from our honeymoon. We are moved out of our apartment. We are living out of suitcases and couch surfing because we are officially homeless. There's a numbness to it, on the surface and maybe even a little under. Or perhaps I've shut down again to keep myself from crying. I am not okay and yet there is plenty to be thankful for. Staying positive, trying to look at things positively, I admit is exhausting, but I'm putting in the effort. A new chapter in our lives is beginning and I am fighting tooth and tangled hair to see excitement and the silver lining. So I'll go in order. 

We went to Seattle for our honeymoon. Amanda;s cousin graciously paid for our entire hotel stay in a lovely hotel in Issaquah. The bed was amazing and for the first time in years, I awoke in the mornings with little or no back pain. I felt spoiled. 

We were both sick the entire honeymoon but we got did not let it stop us. We went to the Northwest Railroad Museum and I rode a real train for the first time in my life. I loved it. All of the cars were from different trains and different time periods. We also got to see Snoqualmie falls on the ride, drank fresh, warm hot apple cider, and the train had to make an emergency stop because some jack ass tried to race the train and nearly got hit. Afterward, Amanda and I ate a picnic lunch in the rain by a river. 

Uwajimaya, a huge Asian food and gift store, in Seattle, was our next stop. We splurged a little and I'm still a little shocked that I spent 20 dollars on a bottle of Sakura Sake, which I am saving to drink in our new house (when we get it and are moved in). We spent so much in the grocery part of the store that we opted out of going to the book/anime shop nestled inside. A travesty to be sure, but I was really tired, aching, and we had one more place to go. Thankfully, Daiso, another Asian store on our list, was across the street. It is a very neat shop with interesting things from Japan. I would love to share our haul from both places but most of it is packed and in storage. After we finished there, we went to dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory.

On another day, we took a ferry from Seattle to Bremerton. I stood on the front deck the whole hour long ride and enjoyed the breeze and water. I saw jellyfish, loons, seaguls, and seals. It was amazing! As we pulled into port, I noticed that there is a naval port there and saw the ship Kitty Hawk, which I thought was pretty cool. From there we drove down to Tacoma to a little shop called Crescent Moon Gifts. Largely a pagan store, they also had a tea room, and some fantasy stuff too. I was in pain when we arrived and there was so much to look at. The staff was so nice and I enjoyed talking with them. The store is also very peaceful and despite being in pain, I relaxed while we were there. 

We were supposed to catch dinner with Amanda's cousin and his family back in Issaquah but we didn't make it. One of our tires went flat and we discovered that we had forgotten to buy a tire iron. So, with a dying cell phone, we messaged Amanda's cousin and knocked on the doors of three houses for help. House two didnt have a tire iron but lent us a cell phone charger. House three had a tire iron and while we changed the tire, the man's daughter asked if she could help. Of course! We weren't in a hurry and it was a learning experience for her. After we put the doughnut tire on, we thanked everyone, returned the phone charger, and headed to Costco so see about getting a new tire or repairing ours. Our tire was toast! Apparently in losing air, it got hot and shredded from the inside, and sadly Costco didn't have one to replace it. So we drove from Tacoma to Issaquah at 45 mph because the doughnut tire couldn't go above 50 mph, on the I-5 and I-90. We were only honked at 3 three times. The next day we spent milling about a small shopping center while Firestone changed our tire. 

Coming home was hard. We had a good time but we missed the kitties. We also dreaded the thought of moving out of our apartment.

Two of our friend had packed the majority of our apartment while we were away. I can't even begin to express how much of a help that was. We still had a lot to pack and we were both still sick. We took a day to rest and visit with Amanda's cousin Kitty Kat before she flew back to Tulsa. She'd come up to visit family and see us. 

In the scant few days following we were a chaotic rush and mess of packing. We've made several trips back and forth between Spokane WA and Post Falls ID- where Amanda's parent's live. We are storing our stuff in a garage they are renting at their apartment complex and they are watching our cats. A couple of friends pitched in and helped up load and unload the u-haul and also helped me when Amanda was at work. Because Amanda needs to be in Spokane to work and because we are looking for houses and I have a few doctor's appointments, and because of rental agreements of the people we are staying with, we are couch surfing. We can stay with Rachel a couple nights a week and stay with Amanda's parents a couple nights a week, and to finish out the rest of the time, we are staying with another friend a few nights a week. We are taking our mail at one of our friend's houses in Spokane because that's where we will be a majority of the time and it is one of the places we are staying at. 

This is all very stressful. I feel so lost and displaced. Some other things have happened, good and bad but I haven't processed them all. When I do, I will share. However, we are house hunting and trying to get well, and just trying to enjoy time with our friends, family, and kitties.            

Death Parade, Pissed off Grandma a little bit, a world of anger, frustration, and hurt, can't stop crying.

I really want snow, even more than I did the last time I posted. 

Amanda and I have begun watching Death Parade. It;s an interesting anime about beings who judge where people go when they die. 

In other news I pissed off my Grandma by saying that my friend Felicia's eldest sister insisting that she take her Autistic and probably psychopathic daughter to church will basically be a cure all wasn't going to help anything or be worth it. I said that church can't and won't fix her. My reasoning is that the person going to church has to want to go, has to have a desire for it help. The child in question doesn't care about anything or anyone but herself. Its not her fault, mentally she just doesn't operate that way. What is important is getting her into extensive therapy so she doesn't end up hurting herself or those around her in the mean time and in the long term, doesn't end up dead or in jail.

Speaking of said child, I admit to hating her last night. I allowed myself to hate her for a few hours, let myself feel that emotion, and told myself that I could be irrational and selfish but that tomorrow- which is now today- I needed to let that go. So far so good. The reason for my hostile feelings spring from the fact that Felicia and her husband told us last night that they are moving back to Arizona. It all boils down to their eldest daughter. Felicia is the first person since I left Kansas that I could feel completely relaxed around, let my guard down around, and she didn't judge me for just being me. She's my soul sister and I got attached her and her family, and now they are leaving. So, I can't stop crying. I cried the whole way home from their house, I cried a couple of times last night, and I've cried off and on all morning. Felicia admitted to me last night that she is worried about me. Yeah, well, so is my therapist to be honest. 

I've seen some upsetting things on the internet- mostly facebook- the last couple of days. Someone shared a video of speech by some guy of a group called Alt-Right. I saw hitler salutes in the vid, I heard disturbing things said, and I was left a little scared and disgusted. I can't believe in this day and age, when this fucking planet has so much going for it, there is still so much racism. I've seen a story abut a little black boy getting attacked too. Hate crimes are on the rise, there was even a guy in South Africa who was kidnapped and two white men tried to stuff him in a coffin. Who does that to a person?! On top of it, there's all the crap happening in South Dakota with the stupid pipeline. Plice are spraying Native Americans with water cannons, shooting them with rubber bullets, and mace and just because they want to protect water. I am tried of racism, politics, stupid people, and I just want snow. 

On a more positive note, I now have a gynocologist. Amanda took the day off to go with me because I don't want to go alone. Still working on a new doctor. I have to wait until the office is open again and go fill out a medical records release form, have my doctor fax my records to the new doctor where he will look them over and let me know if he wants to take me on or not. 

Other than that, I did do a little black friday shopping today. I went to Joann's fabic and craft store and spent 35 dollars and apparently saved 106 dollars. I basically just got some supplies for xmas/yule presents, found a couple of Halloween clearance items, found 5 sewing patterns (they had a 5 for 5 dollars sale), and got the heck out of there.   

Halloween shopping, memory malfunction, and body fails.

I found this gem on pinterest when I searched for vampire art. It is beautiful, I adore that she's feeding a bat.

Today was the day that we planned to actually celebrate our anniversary and I woke up in pain, having a fibromyalgia flare up something awful. I wasn't going to let it ruin my day, so I got dressed and watched Amanda pay bills. We went to Taco Bell for brunch. After that, things went very wonky, at least for me. I am going to break this up in terms of places we went today.

Winco. We did the bulk of our grocery shopping at this store and I knew I was pushing it by the time we left the produce section- which is the first part of the store we hit. I hung in there for the meat section and the dairy section, but when we arrived in the middle isles, I was kind of foggy-brained and beginning to sweat, not because I was hot mind you, but because I was in pain. I told Amanda before we made it to the check out counter that I was going to need a scooter in Wal-Mart. I actually began to get a bit short and frustrated because she seemed a bit sluggish, I needed to get out to the car, and there was a woman behind us who just didn't seem to want to get out of my way at first so I could line the cart up next to Amanda while she bagged our groceries, and then she took bags and went up the line because she didn't want to have to wait on people with larger amounts of groceries. On one hand I get it, but on the other, she was driving me nuts.

The Post Office. I finally, finally had the money to send off a gift to someone. I got the box, got in line, was handed a shipping label, filled out the recipients address and when it came to mine I knew everything except the numbers of the street address. I panicked. I panicked so bad that I didn't realize that I could have just opened my wallet and looked at my driver's license. I panicked so bad that I just slapped the only numbers I could think of, hoped they were right, realized that I had forgotten Amanda's card, and had to run out to the car to get it. It got sent though.

Walmart. When we arrived at Walmart, I was still a little freaked from the post office and didn't know how much longer, physically I was going to make it for the day. To my dismay all the scooter carts were being used. So, I told myself that I WOULD make it no matter how much pain I was in. I tried to go as fast as I could through the store. We got a few Halloween goodies, picked up some allergy meds, stopped in the craft section so I could grab some felt, then went to the pet isles to get Narcisa some food. Then we hit the baby isles to get a few things for a baby shower gift for tomorrow. When we left that part of the store to finish up the food shopping we needed to do, I was trying not to panic from pain, scream, and cry. I told Amanda that I needed her to find a scooter. She was going to do it but I said never mind, I could do it and took a breath to push on. Thankfully we didn't need much and I sent her to the candy isle to grab some for us to have little treats here and there. I was shaking and I knew I was fast approaching pass out point. So, we booked it to stand in line.

Car ride. The ride home was awful. We don't live too far from any of the places we went today. It;s maybe a ten minute drive from our house to Wal-mart, depending on traffic, but it felt longer than that. On top of everything, my back seized up in the car, and it was so bad that I instantly began ugly crying and panicking. I had to sit just so or the pain grew worse. 

Home. When we got home, Amanda shouldered all the groceries while I came inside. I told her if she gave me a little bit, I would happily put the groceries away. I think she told me to take my time but, I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is that I sat and looked at some of our mail and then, in her rolling desk chair, scooted over to put groceries away. I didn't have the 'spoons' to do my usual food prep and honestly, tomorrow isn't looking that great either. I am thinking Sunday may have to be the day for it. I also have to make bread and our lunches for the week. 

This evening we had a study group call with some friends. A couple had to come over because of technical malfunctions and they stayed for a little bit afterward. We talked books, writing, SCA, and I think we might do a small NaNoWriMo write in together. I need to talk to Amanda about it. 

In summation, as much as today sucked for me pain and panic wise, as much as I wanted to scream and punch something, I still had good moments. I still had fun with friends and with Amanda. I think if not for those things, if not for Narcisa's antics, it would have been a no good, horrible, very bad day. 

We bought spaetzle, I've been catching up on some things, and I made a thing!

A couple of weekends ago, I was talking with a friend about house cleaning stuff. She mentioned a couple of blogs for me to go look at and while I didn't read them in depth, I did skim lightly over a few. I intend to go back and reread them now that I am officially out of school. However, I had heard about zone cleaning before in a vlog one of my favorite youtube vlogers did. So, I implemented that sort of thing "my way". I'm sure my mother would have a thing or two to say about this list in as far as adding several dozen more little nit picky things (her OCD and I had many a fight while I was growing up). My mother is the kind of person who will dust, wash, and polish the baseboards. I don't have that kind of energy or time, so a quick sweep (or a lick and a promise as my Grandma Evelyn sometimes says) is all they will get. 

But more to the point, I made a zoned cleaning list. Amanda was less than enthused because its a chore list, but she does like the creativity I put into it. Instead of calling it a chore list or cleaning list, she calls it a "caper list". I suppose that's her way of making herself like it and be on board with it. So, here it is. I know the font might be hard for some to read but the important thing is that I can read it.   

Castle Nacht (night) is what I am calling our house. I have different parts of the house broken up into zones. 

I themed everything! I also split the cleaning list up into daily, weekly and monthly chores.

Obviously some rooms have more chores than others but at different points.

I think if Amanda and I take turns with certain things, it will help break up the monotony of certain tasks. There are a couple of things I am primarily in charge of and some she is in charge of that I'm "not supposed" to do on account of my back, although sometimes I will do them and regret it afterwards. 

I added a seasonal section for taking down and setting up seasonal decor, de-cluttering per se, and doing certain chores that only need to be done every few months. This list will change as needed and will most certainly change when we get a house. 

So that was the thing I made. Aside from doing that on my first official day of personal vacation, I have done blissfully nothing! Well, I've watched a few things that I wanted to watch and sat on my sofa just relaxing in the otherwise quite, dark, and cool living room. I didn't brush my hair for two days or even really get dressed, certainly didn't put on a bra- until after my shower today- and just enjoyed some quiet time alone while Amanda was at work. We did meet a friend for dinner tonight and we were supposed to go to a library function out of town but missed that. I was a little sad, but it is something I can catch later. 

I am behind on my August break stuff again, but I'm not too worried about it. I planned to take some time tomorrow and do a little catching up with it and also maybe even do some catching up with my pagan blogs. 

Lastly, Amanda and I went to Fred Meyer on Sunday. We never shop there because its a bit more expensive than the grocery stores we usually frequent, but I wanted to look at their international section and see if they had some German stuff. They did! While I didn't find the Bavarian style mustard we'd fallen in love with, I did find spaetzle! I've pinned a few recipes on pinterest for it and will be making something soon. We also found a pesto spread and I bought a garlic sourdough bread for it. We don't typically buy bread, but every so often I want a sandwich or toast. We also picked up a few other things and I found a make up setting spray that I thought I was going to have to go to Ulta to get. Amanda and I also saw the new Monster High dolls and hate them. We decided that we will just get the ones we still want to get from before this hideous change and then ignore the new ones.  

Narcisa is staring at me. She's curled up on the desk behind my laptop, but I can feel her eyes. She's telling me to go to bed. If I wasn't tried and didn't have a couple of appointments tomorrow afternoon, I'd ignore her. 

Yesterday's Shopping Adventure Finds and Impromptu Craft Project.

Yesterday's adventure of shopping didn't turn out as expected. In fact, I didn't even make it to the Kiev Market. I actually got it mixed up with the European Delicacies market. I didn't buy anything there and I think that was party because I was on the phone, but I did pick up a few things from the Oriental Market along the same road. One of those things being the Green Tea Powder above. 

I also found this tea and am excited to try it out

I bought this bottle of pomegranate molasses for Amanda so she could try it out when she makes her molasses cookies. 

Lastly on the shopping goodies list, I am interested to see what I can do with this.

Yesterday was a really hot day and I was out in it for a couple of hours. By the time I got home I was ready for the dark, arctic haven that is my house. Of course I had to carry in my groceries first. After putting them away and deciding to rearrange three of my kitchen drawers, I wanted to do something crafty, because sitting down to do homework when I was going to have to leave in an hour didn't seem appealing. 

I think I caught a ghostly orb. Taking some of these pictures was bizarre today. 

I've had this metal container and used it in our various bathrooms for as long as Amanda and I have been together. I've been meaning to re-purpose it for my makeup. I've decided to take a page out of Bane's blog and Goth it myself.

This is the finished product and version 2. The first go-round I'd taken a plastic/ rubbery bat, covered it with silver glitter, and then hot glued it to the container. Trying to fix it wasn't working so I just pulled it off and moved on to this. It is a wine glass cover for Halloween, but it still works. I also used mod podge to help seal the decal in and give a textured look. It was a lot of fun and I am looking forward to setting it up. 

I'm flipping tables pissed! Aside from that, I got a couple of goodies today.

I have been having issues with my laptop, the very laptop Amanda bought me for my birthday less than 5 months ago. Between having to download the driver for the stupid web cam so I can google hangout or Skype with friends and family, the blue screen of death, today's little stunt of freezing up while in the midst of homework, on top of me not being able to run a chkdsk in the promt menu not even with right clicking to try and get around the admin issue, I want to shoot this computer. 

I have downloaded the driver and have to keep reinstalling it every time I want to use the web cam. Okay, I can deal with that. It is a minor annoyance. The blue screen of death issue and my repeated attempts to fix it is a larger problem and one that is really pissing me off. Amanda wants me to get into her amazon account and see about the warranty. Not a bad idea but I don't like the idea of sending off my lap top in the middle of a school term to be worked on, especially not with a good deal of my writing saved to the hard drive. Then she suggested that I ask a computer savvy friend to look at my computer. Again, not a bad idea, however, this computer savvy friend is very busy with work and has a lot of other things going on at the moment. Still, as much as I don't want to bother her, I might just have to ask her.

On to the goodies.

I picked up a calligraphy pen and nibbs from Michael's today so I can practice again. I began learning calligraphy years ago, when I first got into the SCA. I really liked it, but as with most things, it got pushed to the wayside while I attended college, worked, and did other things. After admiring the calligraphy of a friend, I decided it was time to get back to it. 

The other two- well three things I picked up were complete and total frivolous, guilty pleasures in home decor. It would seem that the American marketing schemes are trying to force the seasons to change far earlier than they should and in this once instance, I can't complain. What I mean is, they've already got Halloween decor hitting the shelves and while it irks me to no end that they force decorations in craft stores far too early, I won't complain in the Halloween department. I will reserve the right to fuss about Christmas decorations already being on shelves this early in the year.

But with that said, here are my finds from today.

We were talking at the Stitch and Witch tonight about witches and containers. At first I thought it didn't open, but I just checked and it does. I haven't the foggiest idea what I will put in it, but I'm sure I will come up with something.

I bought two of these for my mantle. I realized after I got them home that not only do the ravens face the same direction but the skulls do as well, meaning that I should have gotten the bat one instead of two ravens. Sigh, oh well, as much I adore bats, I liked the ravens better and so both will stay. 

Other than that, the last several days have been a bit draining. I talked to my Grandparents via Skype yesterday and Grandma never tells me everything that is going on with her Grandpa. She doesn't want to worry me. I must get that from her, because I do the same thing. then again sometimes I feel so transparent its sickening. Anyway, I am sure my Dad will fill me in more on the situation later. I get the sense that my family is kind of wavering in anticipation of my Grandpa dying. I try not to think about it and just enjoy Skype chats with him and the short telephone conversations.

I was recently hit with the realization that while I have little to no self confidence (and battle that demon every day) it seems that others don't have any confidence in me either.  That's so inspiring! I've got some things against me and I still get up every day and try, does that count for nothing? 

Some days are better than others, obviously, and it is late, I hurt all over, and just need to go to bed before I make a complete fool of myself on my own blog.

Hair, Halloween, shopping with friends and oh look, I got another Raccoon

BAM! There it is. I chopped a good 6 or 7 inches off my hair, and got it layered. Then I bleached it again and did three colors in big chunks. I chose Sky Blue, Aqua, and Fuchsia from Ion. I love the colors. The hair is a bit short but when its curled, its really cute. 

We had Halloween at our friend's house. They threw a Halloween/ Welcome to Spokane party. We ate junk food. I mean that's what it is. Pizza, chips, soda, candy. Okay, I had olives and grapes and carrots too, but most it was junk food and I loved every minute of it. I also got to talk to some people I hardly get the chance to talk to. Our hostess friend dyed Amanda's hair with Henna so now it's a really pretty copper-red. 

I didn't really have a lot of time to figure out what I was going to be for Halloween. So I pulled something out of my ass a few days before and decided that I was going to be a Galactic Cat. Yes, I made that up. I basically put on a nice black dress, found some really big cat ears and  did my make up like this...

I think it turned out pretty well and no, my camera isn't doing the colors justice. 

Today, November 1st, I picked up Amanda from work, picked up some friends, and we went shopping. First up was the Goodwill Outlet. Its basically a store where everything that can't get sold from the Goodwill stores is shipped and and put in bins. People go through it and can buy some things by the pound and some things super cheap. I found a couple of books, a Wok, and Amanda found a build a bear dog stuffed animal that was in amazing condition, and a panda wallet. What we learned is that the place is far too busy for us, that it is a place that's more suited for people who have ebay stores to get things to build their lots to sell, and that one of our friends who has that kind of business, is far more patient and able to deal with that than we are. I got overwhelmed pretty quickly. 

Second up on our little shopping trip was to find some place to eat lunch. We went to a hamburger joint called Zips. They had battered-deep fried mushrooms. OMG! I haven't had those in so long! There is a reason too, I would eat them every day if I could. Anyway, we spent some time talking, which was really great. 

After that, we went to the Barnes and Noble bookstore in the mall. Of course I found a ton of books that I wanted to read but what I left with was this little one...

Its a stuffed animal raccoon and it called to me. Did I need it? No. Should I have gotten it? Probably not, but it called to me. I have decided if its a boy or girl or really what the name is but when I looked at it, I thought "Matcha", like matcha green tea. Not sure why, but I don't care. It is cute, it is soft, and you'd better believe that I am cuddling it in bed tonight, which for me is in just a few minutes. My Mom would be so annoyed. Oh, speaking of raccoons and my Mom. I grabbed the ones of my collection that got left down in Kansas when we moved. I also snagged the Smokey the Bear that my Aunt Joan gave me when I was little and a couple of cat stuffed animals. Which, of course, forced me to check a bag. My Mom was pleased that I was taking home some things and loaded me up with some jewelry and semi-precious gem stones. She hasn't been able to make jewelry for money and physical reasons and she wanted to share with me since I do make some things from time to time. And no, I don't have cause for concern, my Mom often gives jewelry away, she's done that all my life. 

Anyway, I'm off to bed you've been caught up on things going on for me lately. The good, the bad, and the crazy. Besides, I'm exhausted, in pain, and Amanda's snores sound awful, so I need to get her to move.   

  

  

Bathroom adventures, blogging is better than homework, and other things.

My star lantern

I am blogging because I'm dreading my lit homework. Its not that its particularly hard, I just don't like it and think a good deal of it is a waste of time and a load of crap. More to the point, it is one of those classes where I feel I could have gotten the jest of the whole class from web article in brief rather than an 8 week course and an instructor who just might be as stressed as I am, if not a little nuts. That said, I don't particularly like the book I have to do my thesis paper on either. 

Still not having an easy time of it here at home but my friend Fiona came up for a few days. She and I got out of the house a couple of times. She's been a bit helpful too since my back has been acting up again and I am really weak from my period. I don't think she quite understands exactly how weak I do get and how hard it is for me to wake up in the morning. This morning was no exception, felt like I fought to stay awake after she first came in to wake us up for a good ten minutes. And then, once I was up, I had a hell of a time trying to get around. Seriously, my back hurt and I was having trouble moving my feet without wanting to vomit and pass out. I still got dressed and I still went with her and Amanda into CDA to take Fiona to St. Vinnie's thrift store so she could look around and meet her mother. Fiona doesn't drive so she Mom brings her into town. Anyway, it was rough but we did stop long enough to have lunch with another friend before coming home. Which was kind of nice. I broke down and took a pain pill, which did help, a little. 

Fiona told me about a place to go in CDA for mental health where I can get in to see a councilor and its on a sliding fee scale. I think that is a good idea and I am at the point where I think I really do need to see a therapist again. But this time I am going to make sure that I see one that doesn't have a problem treating a gay pagan with a debilitating back injury and who won't fat shame me and chalk everything up to my weight. I will impress upon who ever this person is, that I was struggling with depression and anxiety long before I got fat. Of course I will do this politely. There's no reason to upset anyone and I am simply seeking fair care. I've given up on my medical doctor. Its great what she's been able to do thus far, but at this point she can't do any more for me, except prescribe pills that I can't afford. So, I'm not going to see her again unless I am horribly sick.

I've done a little shopping recently and I wouldn't have except that Amanda and I are looking to move out of her parents house soon and there are a few things that we need.  We found some decent cookware, a hand mixer, and a really good blender on clearance at Wal-Mart. We also picked up some silverware, it's not the best or anything fantastic, but it will do us just fine. I was going to make pot holders but ended up getting a few and some kitchen towels along with them. I can make more pot holders later. We got a few towels and wash cloths and I went to the Dollar Tree yesterday and picked up measuring cups, measuring spoons, a pitcher for tea, and a veggie peeler. For some reason, getting that stuff, made me feel better, made me feel like there was some hope. 

Yesterday, while Fiona and I were out, we had to make a run to Wal-Mart for a few things. We were on our way out and I had to use the bathroom. So I told Fiona to meet me at the door while I went. On my way into the bathroom I noticed a football poster on the wall and thought to myself that the employees must really like football. Then I noticed that were were only two stalls. The larger stall had pee all over the floor so I back out of it and used the smaller one. When I was finished and walking out of it, I noticed that there were two urinals and thought that I must have gone into the family bathroom. Only when I was washing my hands did I realize that that no, I wasn't in the family bathroom, I was in the Men's bathroom and hoped that no one came in until I was finished. Well on my way out, a man was walking in and I said, "Yeah, I thought as much." He laughed at me and I hurried along to meet up with Fiona. You know, if we'd just gone to the Wal-Mart I usually go to, this wouldn't have been an issue. But, because we went to another Wal-Mart, I didn't think to check the signs before walking into the bathroom and therefore didn't know that they were in the opposite places from my Wal-Mart. 

Other than that, I haven't really been up to too much. Amanda and I have started planning our wedding/handfasting. That's kind of brought on whole extra round of depression in that I don't know that my family, namely my parents and Cousin Shi-Chan, will be able to come unless we pay for them to come. I talked to my Mom about it tonight and she said she would rather I spent the money on my honeymoon. She doesn't understand that I would be devastated if she and my Dad didn't make it and that my honeymoon would be ruined by it. It really would. I can do a honeymoon with Amanda anytime after we are married. Besides, even as low budget and simple as we are keeping it all, I wasn't planning on doing a honeymoon until later anyway. But that's another matter for another day. Tonight, I have to get some homework done and then get to bed. My back is still hurting and I am exhausted. 

Cats, Skoora, homework, and its back again, frack!

So much has happened since I last blogged. If it weren't for the fact that I missed the feeling of typing and that I desperately need a break, I wouldn't be blogging now. But I will start from the beginning...

We put Skoora on her plane to Boston last Wednesday, early in the morning. She arrived safely and seemed to be having a pretty good time with her friend, who she is sharing a room with at the residency.  As for myself, I don't think I did much on Wednesday except homework and that took all day. The reading is drier than burnt toast and I find that more often than naught, my mind wanders away from what I am reading. Quite frankly, I had over 80 pages in the text book to read, two articles both well over 10 pages in length, and two websites to look at. I manged to get my discussion board post written and reply to one person before I crashed.

Thursday, I was planning to do some more homework and I did. I didn't get very much accomplished though. I don't think I actually managed to get much of anything done Thursday except go over my final project for the class and look at some sources for my paper.

Friday, oh Friday. I'd planned to really make a dent in final project paper but my new friend Jennifer sent me a text asking if I wanted to hang out all day before going to the full moon ritual later that evening. I pretty much told my homework to go to hell, got dress, slapped on some make up- pausing only long enough to talk to my cousin Shi-Chan and my Mom-, then hopped in the car and drove over to Spokane to pick up Jennifer.

It really was a fun day. Jennifer and I had lunch and talked for awhile. I got to know her a little more. We dropped off an application to a place she's applied at. Then we went to a store called Wonders of the World. Wonders of the World is perhaps my new favorite store second only to Hastings and Starbucks.  They sell statuary, crystals, books, cards, jewelry, and are generally more pagan themed without looking like a tie dyed Rastafarian pot head place. It's actually quite classy. I wanted to explore more shops in the building but we didn't really have time, at least we didn't think we would. The Internet system went down in the building and we had to go get cash and come back to purchase what we wanted.

After we finished at Wonders of the World, we went over to Value Village. Now, it's supposed to e a second hand store, but is sure is pricey! Actually, it's pretty much like shopping at Wal-mart for clothes and some things only that the merchandise is used. Not, my favorite place to go, and it was busy and every time I turned around there was someone or a store clerk about to run me over with either themselves or a cart. It was also kind of close quarters too, so too many people, too close was kind of upsetting. Oh did I mention that it was 90+ degrees outside and the store was little better?

When we finished there, we went to Wal-Mart where Jennifer found a fan for her bedroom window and a pair of Capri's for work. After that, we grabbed a drink and headed over to the UU Church to wait until everyone else arrived to let us in for the Ritual that night. We were about  hours early.

The ritual was nice and we made herb sachets afterward. I really wanted to stay longer, to visit with everyone but Jennifer needed to get home. That's the only downside to taking her to Rituals and classes, she never wanted to stay long enough to actually visit with people. I love to talk with these people. I don't feel apprehensive around them. Shit, Scott and Robin already think of Skoora and I as family (and they really want us to go ghost hunting with them).

But I took her to get something to eat, took her home, and them headed home myself. Since I didn't want her paying for my dinner- she'd already bought my lunch- I stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home to get something. I was too exhausted to do too much Friday night, so I watched a movie, took a shower, and went to bed.

Yesterday, oh boy yesterday! My period started again, I've only had a two week break from the last one. I am really not happy about this. So I spent all day yesterday upset over that upset about this stupid paper, and then proceeded to have a small panic attack. I called my Dad after that and talked to him for awhile. After which I found some more sources for the paper, and spent the rest of the day reading yet another drier than burnt toast text. It was awful!

Today, felt like shit when I awoke. My jaw hurt, but that's because I've been clenching my jaw a great deal lately, and I had a migraine. While I was still worrying over my homework, I went to see where Yoda had wondered off to. He was in his spot under the sink so I pulled hi out to cuddle with him. He is so sick. He's been wheezing and sneezing so much. If he doesn't get better I am going to have to take him to the vet, for certain. My poor baby has been having a tough time trying to breathe through all the ick in his nose all day. And he just looks miserable.

I am still reading through sources for my paper. It really is taking far too long to read through this stuff and I am sitting here, muddling through it. I have taken two breaks, one for dinner, and one to talk to Skoora via facebook because her cell reception is crap at the college. I've printed out all the web articles and will be reading and highlighting them tonight. I'll write the damned annotated bibliography and turn it in as well, and start the rough draft of the paper. I really want to get this stupid paper finished before Tuesday because my friend Christine B. is supposed to come for a visit, well, I'm supposed to go get her. But that all depends on whether or not her mother decides whether or not she's going to go visit her friend. Look, I get that the woman wants to go visit her friend, but she and Christine's Dad leave every fucking weekend to go to their boat and leave Christine, alone, with the dogs, unable to leave the house until they get back. Christine can't drive and there aren't any buses in the Sliver Valley. Anyway, I really want Christine to come for a visit to give me a break from the homework, so I can take her to Wonders of the World, and also because there is a class on essential oils on Thursday night.

And my back has decided to start acting up again.

So, yeah, lots of crap and with a little bit of fun. And no I am back to working on this stupid paper. Of by the way, I will be happy if I manage to get a C, ecstatic if I get a B, and if I somehow, by some miracle, get an A, I might just faint. Sorry I am just so entirely frustrated with the entire project that I want to scream.      

Express to slow the hell down.

Fairy Kitty by Maria Lucia

Everything has been go go go since Skoora returned from er residency in Boston. We've gone shopping (which was really hard on me and sometimes I really didn't think I was going to be able to take another step from the pain). We've run various errands, made doctor's appointments, and I have been to the library a lot. We have also been to Hasting's several times. I have also been trying to keep everything picked up as far as our bedroom is concerned, which is kind of difficult since we have so many pillows. But I've also managed to tackle the laundry. Of course, I need to do some grocery shopping today but I'm not getting very much and I doubt I will be at the store for very long. Also, I spent a day watching Downton Abbey, which I've mentioned before. But I haven't really taken any time to rest much less relax. With everything that is going on, I'm geared up and tense. My back feels awful, the fibromyalgia has flared up something terrible, and I'm starting to have panic attacks every day, sometimes more than once a day. This is not a good thing.

Today, after I go to the store, make supper, pick Skoora up from work, and play a little Guild Wars with my Dad, I am going to settle down for an hour or two and just read. I have several books that won't read themselves and I really think I need some time to escape for a little bit. I know Yoda-Chan will be extremely thrilled to have me in one place for more than a few minutes. He always likes to be petted.

With the way things are going, I doubt I will be able to do anything for Lammas this year. I just don't think that I will have the energy but I will see.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with the headshrinker. I have mixed feelings about going to see her again but I don't want to start over with a different therapist, the thought of that is exhausting. A highlight, I am going to visit a friend after that.

Honestly, I have a lot more I could/ need to blog about, but I am so tired and if the library hasn't gotten my books in yet, probably won't today. So, I should pack up and head to the store, and then home. But I might stop for coffee and read for half an hour in a park. There's a park a couple of block away from my house and it would be really nice to go sit by the river.  

Thanksgiving and Christmas...

Thanksgiving, I've noticed, has been getting looked over more and more over the years. It's like all the meaning has been sucked out and replaced with nothing more than a day to gorge ourselves with food. There are hardly any decorations in the stores anymore.

My family always gets together at Grandma's house for Thanksgiving. Grandma makes mashed potatoes, turkey, grave, cranberries, stuffing, mandarin orange jello, stuffing, apple and pumpkin pie, a relish tray, and homemade bread. We also like to bring cookies or other odds and ends to help complete the dinner.

We also sit around the table and visit, catch up on each other's lives (on half of the family lives in another state). After dinner we sit around and talk until we decide it's time to go home and that's the end of Thanksgiving for us. It's not much and we don't sit around talking about what we are thankful for because we do that throughout the year on our own, in our own way. Thanksgiving for my family is about just that, family.

Now on to Christmas. I know that for a lot of people Christmas is their favorite time of year. That's fine but damn it, could we keep the decorations out of the store until after Halloween? It's like Christmas is trying to take over everything. Christmas is nice and another family oriented holiday for my family, but it seems that for a lot of people its not exactly a holiday of giving but rather of sales, shopping, and receiving. It's also a pissing contest for some to see who got who a better, more expensive or expensive looking gift. Now that's just silly, it's not about how much you spend, it's the thought. And it's certainly not about proving to your friends and family that you have more money than they do in an attempt to show them up or make them feel like shit. (This is something that also occurs in my family, which is why I hate it so much.)

For my part, I try to find things for friends and family that are useful, practical, and still fun and very much 'them'. But it's kind of hard when you don't have a lot of money. So my solution to that is to make people gifts using the skills I've learned over the years. I can paint someone a nice picture, sew a quilt for someone and customize it with embroidery, or make something yummy for them to eat, and all of it I can do at home and save some money. Sure I have to go out and get the things I need but I avoid the Christmas rush, avoid all the stress from shopping, and most of my friends and family really appreciate what I make for them. Besides, sometimes gifts are better homemade.

I am also going to make some decorations for the house instead of buying a bunch of stuff. 

Happy October!!!

Finally! October is here, one of my favorite months of the year! All the leaves up here in the Northwest are turning, Halloween decorations and candy are filling the store shelves, and we have been loading up on apples and pumpkin!

I've been reading a bit about the history of Halloween/Samhain and I've found it really interesting. But I will be saving that for a later blog post because this one is just a short update and I need to get to bed shortly.

So much will be going on this month. Two of my cousins have birthdays this month, a friend has a birthday, my parents' 30th wedding anniversary, and Skoora's cousin's 25th anniversary as well as our 5th. Of course this is Halloween itself. I think we will be having a small party after all!

At some point, when I feel up to it, I need to get out to take some pictures because there are some really beautiful tress and bushes turning.

Can you believe that I bought 4 big cans of pumpkin today?! We'll be having pumpkin bread out the wazoo! I also found a pumpkin spice coco and a pumpkin spice coffee creamer. What I didn't find was more of the sweet harvest pumpkin tea that we picked up last time we went grocery shopping. I will be looking for that online.

Hello again, hello, just called to say hello... *facepalm* Had a very strange day.

Yes, the beginning of the title of this post are lyrics from a Neil Diamond song, why it's stuck in my head, I haven't the foggiest clue. I don't particularly like Neil Diamond but maybe that's just one more to add to the list of annoyances for the day. The reason for the explosion comes later.

Today I awoke like any other day and poked and prodded to wake up the GF. We had to go to the store for a little food and some cleaning supplies. As it turns out if I don't eat a little something in the mornings I'm rather cranky until I do. Also for some reason drinking water before I've had food in my stomach makes me nauseous. Don't know why but it does.

So, I managed to get the GF up and dressed. We had to check her bank account but our internet was down. Annoyance number one but easily worked around. We hit up a nearby ATM and found out that her check had finally posted and went to... where else Wal-Mart. Now I know a lot of people don't like Wal-Mart but I do, I can afford what they sell and come out with more than if I went anywhere else in town.

As per usual on a Saturday afternoon, there were a ton of people. Crowds generally tend to make me a little nervous and lots of people getting in my personal bubble bother me. Most annoyingly are those awkward moments when someone in front of you won't get the hell out of the way or make up their mind on what they want when all I want to do is get what I want and get out. So that was a little annoying. However, I saw I happened to see a local TV Station Journalist in the juice isle. I didn't say anything to her or acknowledge her, but it was cool seeing her in person.

Finally after getting out of the hellish store and fighting afternoon traffic in and around New Market Square, we got home, put away the groceries, and I finally got a load going in the dish washer. Then I made some snack food, something fast and simple, and conned the GF to participate in my problem solving homework. Basically I had to watch half a movie with a friend and use certain problem solving techniques to generate solutions/ideas or rather use ideas for several different endings. We watched the movie Black Swan. It is well worth the watch! I've followed Natalie Portman's movies for a couple of years now, she's one of my favorite actress's to watch, and this role was pretty awesome. She certainly took me for a ride. This movie will certainly be added to the list of movies for me to buy and add to my collection.

However, as good as the movie was and me getting my assignment done was, I got a call from my mother. Mom had a really annoying demand and I had to tell her no for today. There just wasn't any way that I could do it. I can take her another day but today was just bad timing.

So with the trip store, a growing head ache from new medication, being hassled by my mother, and knowing that I still had a house to clean, laundry to do, and more homework to be done, I got frustrated and did the one thing I hate doing, I cried. Ever just get to the point where you just need to? Well, that was me today and it annoyed me because I already had a head ache.

But my day was far from over and won't be for a good four or five hours. The best part is yet to come. As usual I go to my parent's house when the GF goes to work so I can do homework or play Guild Wars with Dad and not be home alone. My parent's set me to the store and on some errands for them. *head desk* And there were tons of people at the grocery store in their neighborhood!

I got the errands ran, ate dinner with my parent's, and talked with them for a little bit before my back started to hurt. Dad has a migraine so I doubt we will be playing Guild Wars tonight. So I came downstairs to get into a writing mood and reply to some e-mails. Mom wanted some green beans and here is where the explosion comes in. Mom and Dad's stove burner knobs are different from mine. Dad had dishes stacked up on the stove and me, just doing what I was asked, wasn't paying attention. I started cooking to green beans with a little butter and salt like Mom likes them and came in to wake up my lap top and then not one minute later... boom! Only it more like the sound of a plate hitting the floor. I thought maybe Mom's cat Felan had knocked something over. I went to investigate and found part of a plate on the floor. I looked at the stove and low and behold, I'd turned on the wrong burner, the beans weren't cooking, and there was a shattered plate all over the stove. I basically blew it up! Then my dumb-ass self went to pick up the piece on the floor and burned my fingers. Changed my mind about that quick.

Got everything cleaned up and taken care of, cooked the beans for mom, apologized to Dad for the plate, and now, I'm pretty worn out. I think I may end up watching something.