When Dad says, "Stop internalizing and flip your shit", you know it's time.

found on Google search...

This morning I woke to take Amanda to work- she is out of bus passes- but I felt very weak. My eyes were open, but I couldn't seem to completely wake myself up. I felt nauseated and eating breakfast wore me out so much I could not drive Amanda to work. It just wasn't safe. Amanda had to call her job and ask to come in at 1 pm. She set me up on the sofa, blanket and space heater, because I was cold, and I fell asleep before she could really sit down. 

Around 10 am, I woke because my phone rang. I remained awake, because I needed a shower and since I felt a little better, I went for it. However, I did not get a full shower. I almost didn't even get my body washed. Amanda had to help me a little. As it stands, I still have to wash my hair. After helping me into the bedroom and gathering clothes for me to wear, Amanda was laying on the bed in case I needed her. I told her my whole body, my muscles, were burning. It felt like I had pushed myself too far during an intense workout and was now had wet noodle/jelly limbs. The muscles in my legs keep trying to tighten into charlie horses as well. My jaw muscles tighten any time I breathe too hard. 

Well, I got dressed, I made it back to the sofa, and sat down to rest, because I was going to take Amanda to work and then I was going to keep my therapy appointment. Then my GYN's receptionist/ nurse thing called. She said that I didn't do my ultra sound or my blood work and so Dr. Meltzer couldn't see me tomorrow. I told her that I did do the blood work, I did it the day he ordered it. I told her the lab didn't run the right panel. Then I informed her that I tried to do the ultra sound and this is when Amanda stepped in. We told her that we went to Liberty Lake, that I double checked the location- turns out she was the one who I spoke to when making the appointment- and we told her what happened. She denied that she was at fault, that there was a miscommunication and implied in every way that it on my end. Then she said that my appointment tomorrow was the one we moved up from the 9th. 

At this point I wanted to scream. I told her that no, it was not. The appointment on the 9th is the biopsy appointment. The appointment for tomorrow is a follow up instructed by the ER doctor. She ignored me and went on to say that Dr. Meltzer can't see me without the ultra sound and blood work. Amanda got a little snippy with her and the nurse/receptionist thing (her name is April), said she would ask Dr. Meltzer what he wanted to do but that basically he can't seem me unless I get the other stuff done. 

When I got off the phone. I was in tears. Amanda was pissed! I called my Dad. He listed to me and then told me not to threaten to cut my uterus out, to show up at the appointment tomorrow and flip my shit on them. He said to make a scene and until something is done, to make them listen to me. He said that he knows it make me uncomfortable, that neither of us like confrontation, but this is not a time to internalize everything. I said, "but Dad when I flip my shit and really lose it, I throw things and break stuff". His response then was to have some attack dogs go with me, meaning the friends who have been wanting to take over and set these people straight.  

I told a few close friends about what was going on, because I am scared, I need help and am not good at these situations for myself. If a family member or a friend was getting treated like this, I would become an "attack dog", but for myself, I don't know why I can't seem to. (probably the old- I feel unworthy- crap I am trying to shake) Anyway, one of those friends came over right away and called the triage nurse at the OBGYN's office. Thanks to her help, not only is my appointment set in stone, but the doctor has a note in his files stating that he HAS to see me tomorrow. This friend is also going with me to raise hell if need be. Amanda is going, of course, and Amanda's Mom is going too. Cathy won't let anything stand if it isn't for my benefit. 

Because lets put this into perspective, Amanda looked up how dangerous it is to have a really low Hemoglobin level like mine is right now (mine is at 7.5).  If I get down to level 6 I can have flu like symptoms, have a heart attack because of lack of blood, need blood transfusions, you know DIE. I am 32 and I'm getting married in October. I don't want to die because a stupid doctor and his nurse wouldn't listen to me and remove my fucking uterus!