Territory, Warm Mochi, and Shit!

Don't fuck with my friends!

Mostly people, if they are paying attention, can pick up that I am territorial. I'm territorial of my space, sometimes my time, and most certainly of my family and loved ones. I can be territorial of my friends too, but mostly, I'm super protective and that's not something I share often, because as Fiona remarked once, I can get really intense. Of course, I don't think Fiona has ever had someone get really fucking angry over how certain people in her life treat her. 

So, while I have been helping Rachel with her kettle corn stand at the farmer's markets, I've done a lot of people watching. People are so fucking snooty and rude. Yesterday some woman gave Rachel a dirty look and she said something to me about it. I was in the middle of eating my lunch of mushroom, carrots, the apple cinnamon oatmeal cup thing I made, and one Mochi. Mochi is a Japanese sweet treat made of rice flower and sweet red bead curd in the middle. Since it was warm out, so too was the Mochi. Anyway, I asked Rachel if she wanted me to go throw my Mochi at the woman. I told her I couldn't guarantee that I'd actually hit her, but I'd give it my best shot. She thought that was funny. But I was hot, tired, aching, and had run through most of my "nice, pleasant, polite, sweetness" that I generally endeavor to operate on. Point of fact, put me out in summer heat, in mostly direct, bright sunlight, lots of noise, screaming/ whining children, and barking dogs, then add rude people into that, and I start getting cranky. Mostly it's the heat and sunlight. I hate being hot and I have a sensitivity to light plus the stupid sun allergy and no that's not me simply being Goth and Vampire centric. That's me being cranky and pissed that someone was giving my friend a dirty look.

I had another moment of that today while I was covering another farmer's market for Rachel. She had something she had to do today so she prepopped or me last night and dropped me and the stuff off today. Well, an old man was bitching and actually said he was going to have to get after Rachel for there being burnt kernels of kettle corn in every bag he picked up. Okay, no. The kernels weren't burnt. They were barely brown and if he really had a problem with it, I would have happily handed his money back to him. It wasn't really what he said, it was how he said it. But since this is Rachel's business, I plastered a smile on my face and mentally punched him. 

As the afternoon wore on, I ended up taking out the notebook in my purse and started working on scenarios in which I worked the snoots into a story idea in which they met a grisly end or unfavorable fate. It was a great way to vent my frustration and pass the time. The market was slow. Really slow. Slow enough that I was able to read 30 pages in novel, people watch, and write short bits.

The really shit parts of my day consisted of listening to my Dad vent about my Mom and knowing exactly how he feels and at the same time knowing that on some level my Mom can't help some of it. Still, when you are there, dealing with it, it gets very overwhelming.  Then I got a letter in the mail about my student loans informing me that I have to pay a portion or all of the interest by July 31st and I just got them deffered because I can't pay them at the moment. I haven't had a chance to read the letter in detail, I just skimmed through it. And I got a big packet from them too, which makes me nervous. I am still having pains in my stomach around the surgery incisions. Surely I should be completely healed up in that department by now.

On a happier note I got to cuddle with Thorin for quite a while this morning. He was by the door when I got home too.  Tomorrow I am going to do some stuff for me while I recuperate from the last two days. I was thinking about setting up on the sofa to watch anime and cuddle with the cats. I thought about keeping the curtains closed and turning the air conditioner down to about 65 so I could curl up with a soft blanket and pillows too. I have Green Tea ice cream and Sangria sorbet for treats if I want something sweet. Oh and I made bread the other night, so I can make grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch! 

A hard day, bad news-good news, and some apps (are they really necessary?)

One of my favorite artists, Nene Thomas

So my day was rough. It started out well. I took a shower without having a small freak out from the enclosed space and humidity and bonus I was able to do it while Amanda was at work. I've had some problems with my shower pretty much since we moved in but as long as I open the closet door between the bathroom and our bedroom and point my fan in and have the bathroom fan going, I have less issues. I've also managed to figure out a way to keep the shower curtain off me so I don't feel so boxed in. 

Continuing on from there, I went to a friend's new little Cottage to see all the progress they have made since moving in, have tea, and just visit. I was there for a couple of hours. And after I left there is where things kind of turned to shit. I went to one of our local grocery stores to get a money order but they only take cash. So I went to another store only to have my card declined which made no sense to me. Frustrated I tried to log into my account to figure out why, and because I had to pee, needed to eat something, and was starting to panic, I couldn't remember my login info. So I left the store and went to the car and tried to calm down. But then I tried to drive thinking I was okay. Lunch rush hour traffic was a mess, the sun was bright and burning my arm, and I got every red light. So the panic attack flared up again. But it was manageable enough that I was able to calm down long enough to pull in somewhere, sit for a few minutes, and then go get food. From there I just came home. 

I called my Dad after I ate. My Mom's jumping has been so bad that she dislocated her shoulder and had to pop it back in place by herself because my Dad wasn't home. Then she figured out that the new medication she was put on that had been working really well, hadn't been in her medicine box. So they are fixing that issue. My Dad on the other hand is not doing well. His depression is worse, meds suck, he thinks the staff infection on his ankle might be coming back, and the job prospect he had looks like it's not going to work out. I just want to parent-nap them! 

My doctor's office is making me drive into CDA to pick up my medical records instead of mailing them out to me like they did Amanda's. Apparently she didn't have a fee for her but I do, so I have to take at least an hour out of my day to go deal with that crap. The good news is, I was looking for a more holistic doctor's office and I found one that takes my insurance. I just have to call the see if they are taking new patients with my insurance, do a consultation and go from there. I really really hope that they take me. I really want to check this place out, especially after spending at least an hour reading over everything on the website. 

I had another panic attack this evening on the way home to Stitch & Witch. I think I got a little overwhelmed from the noise and how many people were crammed into the conference room at the coffee shop we went met at. I think everything from the day and being overwhelmed and then brooding a little bit kicked the panic attack off. I had to pull over. Which didn't make me happy because I thought I was doing better. I really truly hate this crap. But the good news here is at least I didn't have to take a xanax. 

Okay so good stuff. I had to look at some "wellness" apps for my wellness class. I found a chakra meditation app on google play. I found a water reminder app where you can set an alarm to remind you that you need to drink some water and it also keeps track of your intake. I found a mood tracker where I can list the activities I've done for the day and make notes. I don't know that I really need all these fancy apps. I don't like being so tied to my phone, computer, or even my kindle. I like to take breaks from electronics. However, I thought I would try these apps out for awhile and I remember to use them, I might keep them, if not, I will get rid of them. 

Well, I need to get back to doing homework. I have two final project drafts to write up this week. One is a power point presentation and the other is 20 more pages of a story. I can do both, I am just tired and kind of want to go to bed.