Death Parade, Pissed off Grandma a little bit, a world of anger, frustration, and hurt, can't stop crying.

I really want snow, even more than I did the last time I posted. 

Amanda and I have begun watching Death Parade. It;s an interesting anime about beings who judge where people go when they die. 

In other news I pissed off my Grandma by saying that my friend Felicia's eldest sister insisting that she take her Autistic and probably psychopathic daughter to church will basically be a cure all wasn't going to help anything or be worth it. I said that church can't and won't fix her. My reasoning is that the person going to church has to want to go, has to have a desire for it help. The child in question doesn't care about anything or anyone but herself. Its not her fault, mentally she just doesn't operate that way. What is important is getting her into extensive therapy so she doesn't end up hurting herself or those around her in the mean time and in the long term, doesn't end up dead or in jail.

Speaking of said child, I admit to hating her last night. I allowed myself to hate her for a few hours, let myself feel that emotion, and told myself that I could be irrational and selfish but that tomorrow- which is now today- I needed to let that go. So far so good. The reason for my hostile feelings spring from the fact that Felicia and her husband told us last night that they are moving back to Arizona. It all boils down to their eldest daughter. Felicia is the first person since I left Kansas that I could feel completely relaxed around, let my guard down around, and she didn't judge me for just being me. She's my soul sister and I got attached her and her family, and now they are leaving. So, I can't stop crying. I cried the whole way home from their house, I cried a couple of times last night, and I've cried off and on all morning. Felicia admitted to me last night that she is worried about me. Yeah, well, so is my therapist to be honest. 

I've seen some upsetting things on the internet- mostly facebook- the last couple of days. Someone shared a video of speech by some guy of a group called Alt-Right. I saw hitler salutes in the vid, I heard disturbing things said, and I was left a little scared and disgusted. I can't believe in this day and age, when this fucking planet has so much going for it, there is still so much racism. I've seen a story abut a little black boy getting attacked too. Hate crimes are on the rise, there was even a guy in South Africa who was kidnapped and two white men tried to stuff him in a coffin. Who does that to a person?! On top of it, there's all the crap happening in South Dakota with the stupid pipeline. Plice are spraying Native Americans with water cannons, shooting them with rubber bullets, and mace and just because they want to protect water. I am tried of racism, politics, stupid people, and I just want snow. 

On a more positive note, I now have a gynocologist. Amanda took the day off to go with me because I don't want to go alone. Still working on a new doctor. I have to wait until the office is open again and go fill out a medical records release form, have my doctor fax my records to the new doctor where he will look them over and let me know if he wants to take me on or not. 

Other than that, I did do a little black friday shopping today. I went to Joann's fabic and craft store and spent 35 dollars and apparently saved 106 dollars. I basically just got some supplies for xmas/yule presents, found a couple of Halloween clearance items, found 5 sewing patterns (they had a 5 for 5 dollars sale), and got the heck out of there.   

31 days until Halloween/ Samhain

It's 31 days until Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year. I love to decorate, to make costumes, do crafts, and to cook up treats and try to plan some sort of party or little get-together.

Last year we had Skoora's cousins come over. We carved pumpkins, played slender man via a computer hooked up to the TV, and we drove them out to the little patch of woods near our house to tell ghost stories. It was a lot of fun. I haven't a clue as to what we are doing this year but we will figure it out. Either way none of what we have done, dressed up as, or will do let alone make to eat is evil or demonic. Yes, I am a Neo-pagan Kitchen Witch, but that doesn't mean I am cooking up  'time-release' curses in the food I make. Frankly, I don't 'pray' over any food I make. I also don't howl at the moon or feast on blood. I don't participate or conduct orgies. And I don't know any Neo-Pagans who do any of aforementioned.

What the hell am I talking about? One of my friends on facebook came across an article written by an extremely narrow-minded and zealous Christian woman. Do not mistake me, I respect Christians, I used to be one and I have several Christian friends. My own Grandparents are members of Gideons. Grandpa used to be an Elder in the church. Christianity just wasn't for me. But this woman, this woman I can't respect. I won't respect. If she wants to stop celebrating Halloween that's fine, that's her right. The article itself is her right to free speech, but frankly, she's so entirely wrong on so many points and what bothers me the most is that she wrote it blindly. There's no way she even bothered to do any research. She just took her fanatical belief system and made up some bullshit and posted it.

Here is the article "Should Christians Celebrate Halloween?"       

*sigh* 

Early with an ounce of cat puke and other things.

Last night was a terrible night. I had trouble getting to sleep and then I awoke with awful heartburn and my hips, legs, and back were so bad I had to take a pain pill just to get some relief. Lately, I've been able to tolerate the pain better.  (of course now I am so tired I'm not sure I will be able to finish this, figures)

Well, it's morning now and I awoke feeling pretty good and much earlier than usual. I spent about twenty minutes getting harassed by both cats until I gave in and fed them. Not ten minutes later one of them puked in the hallway. I don't know what it is, not matter how little I put in their bowl, one of them over eats and we have a mess. Also, I'm about ready to kennel Galen. He keeps pooping in the dining room and there is no reason for it whatsoever.

In other news I've seen, heard, and read some really stupid things. Algae for fuel being one of them. Don't get me wrong, I would like happy polar bears and cleaner air as much as the next person, but Algae? Sounds like someone was smoking some when they came up with that idea. It sounds like another craptastic idea to throw money at, thus wasting it, only to see it fail. Look at all the wind farms that are dotting the landscape not doing  their job and thus just hanging out.

Even better, apparently carbon dioxide makes you fat, so saith Scientists. And not only does it make you fat but you help that along by all human activity, yes that includes exercising. Really?

Here's the thing that pisses me off about all this bullshit. Cigarettes are bad for you, okay, that I will buy. But it doesn't stop me from enjoying one now and then and I did love to smoke and write with a little cup of sake or plum wine. However, cigarette prices got to be so bad I just couldn't afford to keep up the habit and I got too much bullshit from others about my smoking. So now I smoke one every couple of days and it's a hurried affair, hardly enjoyed like it should be.

Now soda is bad for you. The price of soda is going up and has been for awhile. I love Coke a Cola, not Coke Zero, Coke. Apparently Pepsi and Coke are being forced to change their formulas as well. WTF?!

Gas prices are going up. Obama and his cohorts want to tell you and I that they can't help it and there is no quick fix to the problem. Um, yes there is, lower the fucking prices. You have the power to regulate every other aspect of our lives, (i.e birth control) why not fix the problem you are responsible for?  Gas prices effect food prices. Trying to feed a family of four is quickly becoming a nightmare.

All politics and other stupidity aside, things are not going well in our house. My girlfriend's mother has a gambling addiction. She calls gambling her 'therapy' instead of admitting that she has a problem and doesn't want to fix it. I get that she lost a lot due to her son and his monster-bitch of a wife, but gambling isn't going to make anything better. Therapy is supposed to be positive and make you feel better and encourage positive behaviors. Gambling, especially when she pulls $100 out of savings each time, is destructive and not only that it makes everyone else in the house really freaking nervous. Sometimes she wins it back and then some, but she also loses it too.

With that, while she was gone this week with her sister, my girlfriend and I were home with her father. I made dinner and we played contract rummy. My girlfriend mentioned to her father that she was really concerned, thinking that since he has vented to her several times about the gambling issue, he would understand. She also talked to him about how it was really unfair that she takes money out of savings for gambling but they won't take it out for groceries. I agreed with her on all points. Guess what that asshole did? He turned right around and told my girlfriend's mother about it and not only did he tell her but he said that I was the one to say it. So when the gf's mom got home, she cornered me and told me it wasn't any of my business.

Bullshit it's not my business. We pay rent, we pay the cable bill, and we buy groceries for this house. They even dictate how we spend some of our money. We don't have that much income to begin with and we sure as hell aren't able to save any. We aren't the ones with the gambling problem. And the gf's mother doesn't want us to go back to college for our educations, she wants us to go back so we can get grant and loan money and can pay more on the bills so she can have more play money. I've got some nasty, rude news for her. She won't see a dime of that money. I don't mind helping out and I don't mind paying some bills, but I will pay them myself and I am going to tell her that she is not to use one cent of my money for gambling.

"God forgive you, but I never can" A quote from Elizabeth the 1st fits pretty well for how I feel about my girlfriend's dad. He seriously betrayed our trust, especially mine. How would he like it if we told his wife that he wanted us up here so we would do things with his wife so he could stay at home and watch news all day? How would he like it if we told her all the things he's said to us about her that he's too chicken shit to say to her? He wouldn't and he's lucky that I'm not that kind of person.

Instead, I've decided that I'm not going to speak to them unless spoken too. And I told my girlfriend that as soon as we are able, we will be moving out of here. Neither of us can watch anything on TV even though we pay the cable bill. We can't get any peace and quite or be left alone to do anything. I can't even cook with out someone butting in and trying to change shit on me. I'm done. I'm so sick and tired of having to come into my bedroom and to have to sit on the bed, which hurts my back, to even post for my damned blog or update a status on facebook. So now it's a matter of finding which college the gf is going to for her masters, be it in Moscow or online, me enrolling, us saving up some money for some furniture, and getting the fuck out of here.