Friday, November 25, 2016

Death Parade, Pissed off Grandma a little bit, a world of anger, frustration, and hurt, can't stop crying.

I really want snow, even more than I did the last time I posted. 

Amanda and I have begun watching Death Parade. It;s an interesting anime about beings who judge where people go when they die. 

In other news I pissed off my Grandma by saying that my friend Felicia's eldest sister insisting that she take her Autistic and probably psychopathic daughter to church will basically be a cure all wasn't going to help anything or be worth it. I said that church can't and won't fix her. My reasoning is that the person going to church has to want to go, has to have a desire for it help. The child in question doesn't care about anything or anyone but herself. Its not her fault, mentally she just doesn't operate that way. What is important is getting her into extensive therapy so she doesn't end up hurting herself or those around her in the mean time and in the long term, doesn't end up dead or in jail.

Speaking of said child, I admit to hating her last night. I allowed myself to hate her for a few hours, let myself feel that emotion, and told myself that I could be irrational and selfish but that tomorrow- which is now today- I needed to let that go. So far so good. The reason for my hostile feelings spring from the fact that Felicia and her husband told us last night that they are moving back to Arizona. It all boils down to their eldest daughter. Felicia is the first person since I left Kansas that I could feel completely relaxed around, let my guard down around, and she didn't judge me for just being me. She's my soul sister and I got attached her and her family, and now they are leaving. So, I can't stop crying. I cried the whole way home from their house, I cried a couple of times last night, and I've cried off and on all morning. Felicia admitted to me last night that she is worried about me. Yeah, well, so is my therapist to be honest. 

I've seen some upsetting things on the internet- mostly facebook- the last couple of days. Someone shared a video of speech by some guy of a group called Alt-Right. I saw hitler salutes in the vid, I heard disturbing things said, and I was left a little scared and disgusted. I can't believe in this day and age, when this fucking planet has so much going for it, there is still so much racism. I've seen a story abut a little black boy getting attacked too. Hate crimes are on the rise, there was even a guy in South Africa who was kidnapped and two white men tried to stuff him in a coffin. Who does that to a person?! On top of it, there's all the crap happening in South Dakota with the stupid pipeline. Plice are spraying Native Americans with water cannons, shooting them with rubber bullets, and mace and just because they want to protect water. I am tried of racism, politics, stupid people, and I just want snow. 

On a more positive note, I now have a gynocologist. Amanda took the day off to go with me because I don't want to go alone. Still working on a new doctor. I have to wait until the office is open again and go fill out a medical records release form, have my doctor fax my records to the new doctor where he will look them over and let me know if he wants to take me on or not. 

Other than that, I did do a little black friday shopping today. I went to Joann's fabic and craft store and spent 35 dollars and apparently saved 106 dollars. I basically just got some supplies for xmas/yule presents, found a couple of Halloween clearance items, found 5 sewing patterns (they had a 5 for 5 dollars sale), and got the heck out of there.   

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